Incoherent Ramblings of a Punk in Suburbia

Dethroning Midas

2011-07-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

In the '80s, I was an MTV addict. I loved that they played music videos non-stop, had special feature shows about music such as Headbanger's Ball and 120 Minutes, and had VJs who seemed to live to eat, sleep and breathe music. I adored MTV News, because it reported on what music was being made in a given scene. One of the main reasons I loved MTV was, because its mission in life was to reflect what was happening in music.

This all changed after about a decade in existence when MTV's focus shifted from reflecting the culture to dictating it. Perhaps at some point they realized they had real power. I saw an interview not too long ago with a member of Duran Duran, who remembered that the moment they realized MTV was a defining force was at Live Aid, a benefit concert on two continents that brought together anyone who was anyone in music. The Duranie was on stage during the final act when the number of stars could rival the universe, and he looked over and saw two of MTV's top producers standing next to him. Two production guys onstage with mega rockstars. MTV was very good to Duran Duran, so the band member didn't want to state the obvious, which was that the two producers didn't belong there.

This is how I've felt for nearly the past two decades watching Fox News and the entire News Corp. organization in their rises to power. The media in the United States has always been hailed as the beloved and respected Fourth Institution. There is the Executive branch controlled by the president, the Legislative branch controlled by Congress and the Senate, and the Judicial ruled by the Supreme Court. Until the rise of Fox News, the media had been the fourth branch that kept a watch over the other three. The media was an added layer of protection to the people of this country. They were the quality checkers who inspected the toys before the stores put them on the shelves for your kids. They were the brave journalists who made politicians up to no good shutter when they walked through the door. All that changed when Rupert Murdoch and Fox News broke into the U.S. market and picked their team.

Traditionally, there has always been a bit of a bias one way or another depending on the source of the information. Even the networks weren't exempt from a story that leaned more to the right than to the left, but they made an honest effort to keep themselves in check. Not Fox News. They came out of the gate as unapologetic, right-wing, Republican slanted news, and to add insult to injury, left their slogan, "Fair and Balanced" hanging like a smirk on the face of a date rapist. To anyone who was a true fan of the institution of media, and its history, Fox News was and still is absolutely infuriating.

At the heart of their sick world is Rupert Murdoch, himself. A tireless opportunist who seats himself at the throne of News Corp. like a golden king. He dictates talking points to further his own political and financial agenda without a care in the world of what that agenda will look like in the real world, because plain and simply, he doesn't live in the real world.

Murdoch can have his stations advocate for a candidate in the U.S. who he happens to like without a care in the world for how the candidate will effect policy if he is elected. How many people has Murdoch sent to Washington D.C. via his barrage of highly questionable information and agenda-driven spin delivered by Fox News, who have voted against the best interests of the American people? I am, by no means, putting all of the blame on Fox News and its management, the folks who think that all they have to do is wave a flag and love Jesus, and the economy will be magically cured by capitalists are just as much to blame. However, consistent and deliberate studies from thousands of universities throughout the world have proven media's extensive impact on people and their decision-making processes.

This information in the right hands results in people wearing their seatbelts to be safe, sneezing into their elbows to prevent the spread of colds, and washing their hands to stem the tide of communicable diseases and illnesses. In the wrong hands, it results in fraudulent elections, poor people advocating for the wealthy guy who will make their living situation worse, and the blind hatred and persecution of country music trios who exercise their First Amendment right of free speech.

The fortunate thing is that Murdoch has finally been called to the table to answer for his crimes against journalism, albeit long overdue. I find it incredibly ironic that he is called out by a country with state-run media rather than the country with "freedom of the press", but at least someone has the chutzpah to take him on. I have always valued my motto that "when you sail a paper ship, it has to sink eventually", and I hope it reigns true in this case. There is nothing more in the world that I would love than to wake up in the morning and watch a real 1960s-style newscast. No cute banter, no supermodel-like newscasters, no punditry, no opinion, just real, honest to goodness, fair and balanced news.

As Time Goes By

2011-07-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have returned to my old stomping ground to attend my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. Although, with urban growth and development, the prairies and fields I used to ride past on my way to school have been replaced by clusters of replica single family homes and business parks with Starbucks-like coffee shops.

It's hard for me to believe it has been 20 years. It seems like only last week I was sitting in Mr. Estell's health class on one of those sunny warm days close to the end of the school year, looking out at the lawn space in between buildings and figured out that I would be 27 years old when the new millennium came around, and 38 years old at the 20 year high school reunion. To my 18 year old self, it was a lifetime away.

In some ways, the past 20 years have been a lifetime. I got married twice (fortunately the second has turned out much better than the first), I've traveled the world, earned two educational degrees, gave birth to two amazing daughters, buried two of my three parents, moved residences more times than I can count, and have managed to fit into nearly every pant size on the retail spectrum.

I always dreamed that I would go back to my 20 year reunion as the picture of health and success, that I would be that enviable person who made it out and came back with fabulous stories to tell. Those thoughts were the musings of a woman much younger. Now I see that we are all coming back, successful in our own right with our own variety of stories to tell. Although some people have done more than others, at this age, envy is few and far between.

Through the magic of Facebook I have reconnected with the wonderful people I knew in high school and some who I didn't know as well, but have since become more familiar, because our views and experiences are more clearly aligned. The bright side of Facebook is that you are able to reconnect with wonderful people you knew from your past, the dark side is that some of those people are now Teabaggers.

There are many things I would have done differently in the past 20 years, but for the most part, I don't regret the life that I've lived or the experiences that I've had. However, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would have definitely made more of a concerted effort to lay off the carbs.

I'm Getting Off My Ass & Writing

2011-06-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it was due to recently finishing the amazing Patti Smith autobiography, "Just Kids" that drew me back to my very neglected blog.

I used this blog for years to vent about everything from diapers to gender politics, then I moved, went to work at a very busy company, and suffered a severe degree of writers block. I haven't been able to write for the past few years. Whenever I would click over to my blog, I would feel like the words just wouldn't come out in a presentable form. This has never happened to me. All my life, I've been able to write. Writing was one of those talents that came easy to me. I never had to practice to be good at it. I just put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, and out came something fabulous.

I'm not sure what caused my writer's block, and I'm not sure that forcing myself to write regularly again will cure it, but I have to try. I used to be an avid bike rider. I loved getting on a bike and going for miles. It was such a joy to feel my legs powering my mobility while the wind whipped through my hair. Then I moved to Seattle, where the rain is rivaled only by the steepness of the hills, and I gave up riding. Upon relocating to Southern California, I vowed to get back on the bike, it took me three years, and now, I barely know how to ride. I've always heard; if you don't use it, you lose it, so I'm back to writing, because I don't want to lose it.

I plan to carve out at least 15 minutes per day to put my thoughts down, and we'll see what happens. My hope is to re-gain my love and ease for writing. I have two books that I started, but haven't come close to finishing. I could care less if they ever get published, but I would like to finish them. So here I go...wish me luck.

Cost of War to Date

2010-12-15T12:05:00.001-08:00

Since we are coming to the end of 2010, and I've heard a lot of people bagging on the healthcare legislation, while championing the tax cuts for the wealthy, I thought I would take it upon myself to post a current tally of our biggest national expense (spoiler alert: It isn't education or infrastructure...though it should be).

$4-$6 trillion for the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that include some of the following expenses that we are paying for instead repairing aging bridges, improving our education system, investing in development that will result in a better future for our kids:

$547 million P.R. money to sell us on the war

$100 million security contract in Afghanistan to XE (a subsidiary of Blackwater)

$840 billion per year on inefficient military spending (i.e. manufacturing parts for weaponry that is out of date or no longer needed)

$27 billion to citizen mercenary groups in Iraq and Afghanistan

$51 billion to military for no-bid contracts

$6 billion to Blackwater to train cops in Iraq

$7.5 billion in aid to Pakistan

$500 million dollar planes that cannot fly in the rain

$9 billion in cash sent to Iraq that cannot be accounted for

$1.5 billion for a new embassy in Iraq

$1.2 billion over five years to boost Yemen's security forces

$60 billion training and supporting Afghan troops

$375 million for arms for citizen mercenaries in Iraq and Afghanistan

$4.2 million New York City penthouse for the Afghani Ambassador

A navy eleven times the size of the next most militarized nation

We spend 15 times more on our military than the next most militarized 26 nations combined, and 24 of those nations are our allies. We cannot afford our empire, and at this point, the upkeep of our empire will likely be the undoing of our country. By my guestimate, we are in the same place the U.K. was in the '70s; high unemployment, a waning empire, and a country so mired in red tape that the politicians couldn't get anything done. Let's hope we aren't making the U.S. last year's beauty queen.

The Great Palin Fraud

2010-12-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

Newsweek magazine has given Sarah Palin, yet another, cover story to add to her plethora of coverage. She is teetering on over-exposure, but, to my great misfortune, hasn't become the social pariah she should be.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hold fame against anyone. Let the idiots from Jersey Shore have their moment in the sun. Give Spencer and Heidi their book deal. If a random, somewhat straight bachelor can find on-air love, more power to him. The deal is that these people all have to go away when their 15 minutes is done.

Unfortunately, Sarah Palin, the greatest no-talent, reality show star of them all is still here. My question at this point is 'Why?'.

Sarah got her big break when John McCain chose her as his running mate in 2008. One would think that would be a nod to her experience, intellect, and political savviness, but in this case, it wasn't. The timing of this choosing happened to coincide with Hillary Clinton's rise in popularity. She had become such an extraordinary candidate that there was no ignoring the fact that the ladies on both the right and left were pulling for Ms. Hillary. Although she was losing the party's nomination, the idea that she and Obama would join forces would have certainly sunk the McCain campaign, so in desperation, the Republicans went on a vagina hunt.

Although there were many great Republican women with incredible talent to choose from, they needed a vagina with a little pep, one that wouldn't upstage McCain, and one that would fit into his 'women belong in the kitchen obeying their men' persona. Hence, Palin was pulled from Mooseland and into the spotlight, along with her opinionated husband, non-college bound children, one of which was pregnant at 17, and her terrible record as a mayor, which at the time, was the longest public office she had held.

She was great at reading from a teleprompter, which is what she went to several colleges to learn how to do, and she looked really fantastic in expensive business suits. She used ignorant, folksy language to claim that she related to people even though most of us would have likely turned around and walked away in disgust had she said the same thing to us in real life. In the end, McCain lost, and Sarah was supposed to go back to Alaska only to be seen again during a CNN 'where are they now' show in 2012, but Sarah had other plans.

The limelight is intoxicating, and no one is exempt from it, not even Princess Palin, and here is where the fraud comes in. While television shows still regard her as governor, the fact is that she didn't really govern. She was in office a short time before she started campaigning for Vice President, which took her out of the state for nearly a year, and then came back for a few brief moments to resign. What did she really do for the people of Alaska aside from walking out on them when something bigger and better came along?

Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected to govern California, and he served his full term. If we compare the experiences side-by-side, governing Alaska is like governing an upper middle class preschool where the building is new, you have an assistant and healthy classroom budget, and all of the parents bend over backwards to help you. California, on the other hand, is like running an inner city middle school in a 100-year-old building with leaky pipes and no heat, where you have to beg a local dollar store for chalk so you can write the day's lesson on the blackboard, and most of the students you are teaching are becoming parents at the end of the semester.

California is in a huge financial crisis, whereas Alaska has their budget padded by oil revenues, something no other state has. The California legislature is corrupt, whereas Sarah's legislature was from the same party. California has one of the largest populations, severe border problems, and has yearly wildfires that create a constant strain on state resources. Alaska has none of these issues, yet Sarah didn't want to stick around. Arnold didn't have to, but he did.

Now Sarah is everywhere, and people talk about her running for president. Why? What will this person bring to the highest office in the land? She doesn't have a background in Constitutional education, neither learning it nor practicing it. She doesn't have much foreign policy knowledge, and given that we are in a huge trade debacle with one of our largest debt holders, we might need someone with a clue to figure that out. She doesn't have much of a record when it comes to leadership. She can talk folksy, and spew rhetoric about loving the U.S. of A and believing in Jesus, unfortunately, that doesn't translate into jobs, debt reduction, and dealing with two expensive and on-going wars.

It would be one thing if Sarah made it clear that all she wanted to be was a Fox News correspondent who was paid a healthy sum of money to give speeches. She could write books, have a half-hour show, and follow the Glenn Beck playbook on fame and wealth. I wouldn't hold it against her. However, her constant teasing at a presidential run constitutes fraud, because she isn't qualified for the office. She doesn't know how to deal with complex issues of state, and she doesn't have the intellectual capacity to review and decide on policy that will set America on the path of prosperity, yet she will go on television and pretend she does.

It's sad to think that I have more respect for Snookie from Jersey Shore than I do for a fellow suburb mom like Sarah, because Snookie would never attempt to do brain surgery. Brain surgery takes a lot of skill, intricate knowledge and years of experience, and Snookie would be the first one to tell you that she doesn't have any of that, because unlike Sarah, she isn't a fraud.

How About 'Team Bella'

2010-07-17T10:40:00.001-07:00

I'm not a fan of the Twilight series, let me just get that our right now. I tried to make it through the first movie, and suffered a 45-minute assault of a melodramatic, self-loathing vampire and the dullest teenage girl in fiction. However, despite a complete lack in interest in high school vampire adventures, I have been consistently assaulted by a media obsessed with the three lead characters.

What has bugged me, aside from the excessive media coverage, is the idea that this teenage girl, Bella, is faced with choosing her 'swept me off my feet' vampire guy, Edward, or the 'hot best friend next door' werewolf guy, Jacob, in order to be happy.

Now I'm not such an old, married fossil that I don't remember how thrilling and exciting it was to have two guys interested in me at the same time. It's wonderful to feel wanted and pursued. For the teen and tween Twilight crowd, I can see the appeal, but I think the whole premise that her happiness is hinged on choosing one guy or the other is a bit backward and damaging.

In this day and age, we have more women than ever attending college, outranking men in the workforce, setting standards in art, literature, and independent film, yet I'm not sure why we, as a gender, remain tied to the ideals of the 1950s. Bella is 17 years old, why does she need to choose a guy to love? She should be more focused on choosing a college than choosing a mate.

In the next film, or part of the series, I think there is something about Bella focusing on college, but it takes a backseat to her relationship with her vampire guy. In an age where women can no longer rely on men to take care of them, is this the message we want to give to young girls? Many have justified Twilight's positive message, because Bella and Edward don't do the nasty until they are married. Big freakin' deal. Bella is still so emotionally dependent on Edward that she focuses more on him than on herself, which is wrong. Teenagers should be self-absorbed to an extent, because it gives them the ability to focus on their dreams, ambitions, and what they want to do with their lives.

Author Stephanie Meyer has to continue the series, but she should have ended with Bella choosing neither. Bella could have given both guys a kind let-down as she headed off to college to pursue a degree in psychology. Audiences could have been left wondering what Bella's life would have been like with Jacob or Edward, and in a day and age when technology has wreaked havoc on imagination time, it would have been a much healthier Team Jacob vs. Team Edward discussion.

Wife, Mother & The One Without Identity

2010-06-27T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'm nearly 40 and it is still amazing to me how much women are expected to give up in their lives.

I spent 18 years looking out a window. My childhood was bleak and controlled. I lived in a small town with little opportunity. I looked forward to the day when I could break out on my own, and get on with my life, so figuratively, I spent 18 years looking out a window.

When I did finally make it into the real world, via college, I raged. I didn't want to be in school, tied down with studies, I wanted to be out there making action happen, pursuing a career in the music business. I was so very restless. If I would have had more insight, and bravery, I would have run screaming from my family, who always made a point to hold me back, and from that school. To this day, this is still my biggest regret; that I wanted to please unhappy, miserable parents, more than I wanted to go after my future.

I used my first marriage as an escape route, and began to get on with my life. I went to art school, began working in the music biz, and all was well, except my marriage, which consequently took a backseat to my ambition. Of course, it always takes two to create dysfunction, so I can't take total blame for the marital demise, but you live and learn.

It seems like all at once, I left the music industry, got married for a second time, entered into a new career path, and for a short time, (too short now that I'm looking back on it) I was a wife in an egalitarian marriage, the career woman better known as an 'up and comer', and felt like a completely independent being in control of my life.

Then I became a mother. Don't get me wrong, I have two amazing little girls who light up my life, but no one ever told me how much I would have to give up when I became a mother. I knew the body would take a beating, but physically I've never been fabulous, so it was no big deal. I knew that my sleep pattern would suffer, but I just put a fist in the air with the mantra, 'I'll sleep when I die'. I was willing to stay home for awhile, but I can't say I enjoyed it.

I like going into an office, dressing professionally, being respected and appreciated. You don't get that by having a clean house, well behaved children, or dinner on the table at night. I made the fatal error of believing that my husband would pitch in on an equal level. Again, no one ever tells women that men will only come to the table so much when it comes to keeping a home and rearing a child. Even when I was working full-time, I was still the primary care giver for the child, and expected to keep the house a home.

I once heard a young woman criticize the second wave feminists for encouraging women to be in the work force, because now we have to do it all. The response by Gloria Steinem was priceless. She explained to this woman that the original game plan was that women would be given choices to determine their own destiny, and men would step up and assume equal responsibility when it came to keeping a home and child rearing. Unfortunately the fatal flaw was that when women stepped up, men stepped back, and we didn't call them on it. We let them get away with making us do everything, and now the result is a younger generation of women who have very little interest in marriage or children. I can't say I blame them.

I find myself at home once again with a baby, a home business that remains quite neglected, and not much left to be excited about. As much as I love the baby, I can't stand feeling like I'm back staring out a window. I know this is temporary, the baby will grow up quickly, but it is hard for me to stand still.

Perhaps, during this dour time, the right thing to do is Google that old poster I used to see in my Junior High gym coach's office; the tabby kitten hanging from a bar that reads, "Hang in there", and make it my screen saver. This too shall pass, but in the meantime, I will learn not to expect too much from those I used to rely on, and I'll try to stay away from windows.

Guilt Becomes Her

2010-05-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

I started this blog years ago to deal with the fact that I found myself in a life I never wanted. As a young girl growing up in an abusive home in a Podunk town, I dreamed of working in the music industry in all its excitement and glamour, and escaping to something sophisticated and urban.

I lived that dream for awhile, but still remained attached to the Podunk town. When I left the industry, ironically, I broke away from the Podunk town and all its baggage forever. However, I found myself in a dream of a romance with someone who I always told myself I'd never be with; a normal guy with a steady job who wanted a family, a house in the suburbs, family barbecues, Disneyland vacations with the kids, and a loving wife to grow old with.

I loved him and I chose to be with him. I claim complete responsibility for that decision. It seemed so great when we bought our first house, fixed it up, and sold it to upgrade to the dream house in the 'burbs. It seemed so great when we decided to have a child. It seemed so great when I made the choice to be a stay-at-home mom and give up my career. Then the reality hit. I was at home with a baby, in a house in the 'burbs, with a husband who worked 9:00am-5:00pm. I was living the "American Dream", but it wasn't my dream. I felt it was more the dream of my mother, a manipulative woman who raised me with half-truths, a huge amount of guilt, and a constant boot on my throat.

I started this blog to work through all that, because I knew in order to be happy, I would have to, reluctantly, get this all off my chest. A blog was more preferable to me than therapy. When you are told throughout your childhood not to talk about family matters, then at 30 years old find yourself on the therapist's couch, despite the safety of the environment, and the fact that you have been an adult for awhile, you still don't give anything up.

I used this blog for therapy, for a political platform, and as a sounding board for whatever my brain could come up with. It must have worked, because I don't find myself blogging much anymore. I find myself in a happy place in my life. I live in a beautiful house in the SoCal 'burbs with my normal husband, two children, and I've found that my, once dreaded, normal life is now a source of pride.

I was a poor kid from a one-horse town with a crazy mother, an abusive stepdad, and no hope for a future. I was supposed to wind up as a drug addict or pregnant at 17. I was supposed to be poor, white trash with a wage slave job, but I didn't let that happen. I educated myself, was smart enough to eventually land a wonderful man, worked my ass off to have a good career with a salary to match, and became the mother I wish I would have had. I am proud of this.

These days my guilt comes from the fact that I don't have much desire to write. For some reason I've lost a bit of confidence in my writing. Maybe I just need to quit bitching, quit feeling guilty, and just write. So, that's the plan. Many apologies in advance if it sucks, sounds incoherent, or doesn't really say anything original. My goal is to get back to creating quality content, so bare with me, and eventually, I'll get there. In the meantime, make sure you have a drink before reading my posts, everything will sound much better that way.

Fitting the Profile

2010-01-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

Ever since some Nigerian kid tried to ignite his underwear, a discussion has been ignited about the issue of profiling. There are those on the extreme right that believe we shouldn't let anyone from an Arab country with a Muslim sounding name into the U.S., and the polar opposite view on the extreme left that says any type of profiling is morally wrong and shouldn't be done.

Perhaps the discussion shouldn't be focused on how much profiling we should or shouldn't be doing, until we come up with a finite definition for profiling. Profiling is wrong when its a bigoted cop who pulls over a Mercedes driven by a black guy, because he inherently believes that black guys can't afford to drive a Mercedes, therefore it must be stolen. This is usually the type of profiling that hits the news, and it has given profiling its bad name.

However, profiling is not the root of all evil when it is made up of concrete evidence supported by facts and used to ensure the safety of a civilian population. The fact is that every hijacking and/or serious threat to an airliner for the past 30 years has been committed by a Muslim male with ties to or from the Middle East between the ages of 20-35. Therefore, the question becomes, why are we frisking old ladies at Chicago O'Hare?

By not profiling persons of interest, we are wasting an incredible amount of time and energy all in an effort to look like we aren't profiling, and that's just stupid. After 9/11 I was selected for security screening nearly every time I flew, because Jeff worked for an airline and we bought our tickets as non-revenue, one-way legs. During one particular time, I did the usual discarding of metal into the little tray, and tried to pass through the detector three times unsuccessfully. As the TSA agent wanded me, I heard a beeping go off right over my chest. The agent would give me a critical look, and wand my chest again. After the fourth time, I finally lifted up my shirt, and exclaimed, "It's an underwire!" She let me go shortly thereafter.

Due to this exploding underwear incident, the Department of Homeland Security should immediately implement a policy of selecting the men who meet the watch list criteria. I know there will be a lot of innocent men who will be completely put out by this policy, but we can't take that risk. I don't say this lightly, and I will be more than happy to do my part. If I have to do the in-depth x-ray screening coming back from an international flight, I will express my condolences to the screening agent, step inside the x-ray tube with my arms raised and show the TSA what two children and age does to a once fabulous pair of breasts. It's a small price to pay to make sure I get from overseas to the U.S. without going 'boom'.

If this opinion seems a bit harsh and racist, then so be it, but until Brad Johnson, the 6' tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Protestant from Kansas decides to fly a 747 into the Sears Tower, we have to be right 100% of the time.

The Real Tragedy of the Tiger Woods Drama

2009-12-21T11:25:00.000-08:00

Unless you've been living under a rock, or in a country that actually has real news, you've heard about championship golfer, Tiger Woods' adulterous romps. The quick 411 is that this golf prodigy who sold the world on his clean, family guy image was banging porn stars, wannabe actresses, reality show contestants, and yes, even the waitress at the pancake house.

The news keeps assigning tragedy to the loss of his sponsorship endorsements, and somewhat to the pending demise of his marriage, but mostly to the possible percentage of fortune he will have to fork over when his wife finally does file papers. As mistress after mistress comes forward for her 15 minutes of fame, everyone seems to be missing the real tragedy of this situation.

For starters, I have seen a few interviews with these co-adulterers, not that I wanted to, but that is all the American news will carry. Not one of these women has expressed remorse about their part in aiding the destruction of a marriage and assisting a husband in committing the ultimate betrayal of his wife. They are plenty mad that they weren't his exclusive mistress, but none seemed to be phased in the least by the fact that they committed adultery. They seem to be justifying their part by claiming that the soon-to-be, former Mrs. Woods, "must have known what was going on."

My theory is that they also felt fine about participating in this betrayal, because Elin had the gonzo diamond ring, and Elin had the multiple mansions, and Elin had all the spending money a girl could ever want, so therefore, the expectation of fidelity in her marriage shouldn't have been Elin's priority.

This leads to the second tragedy in this situation; the idea that our society has about adultery being perfectly acceptable if you can afford it. I've heard all of the excuses from several people; Tiger is an athlete, Tiger has tons of money, Tiger is famous, Tiger gave his wife everything (well, except his word), but, did I mention that Tiger was a famous athlete who has tons of money.

Why should a man who makes $50,000 per year be required to be faithful to his wife and family, while a man who makes $50 million+ per year is exempt? What is the exact dollar amount that one has to make before he is relieved of his duty of trust that he vowed to give his wife? Also, if our society prides itself on morality, then why is it nearly expected that a wealthy man will have a mistress?

One of the arguments I've heard is that Americans are prudish, and that people in Europe are accepting of this sort of behavior. The assumption is that European society is so much more advanced and they don't have a problem with a man having someone in his bed other than his wife. However, this attitude perplexes me. Unless I'm missing something really obvious, wouldn't a European wife feel just as betrayed and heartbroken if her husband was cheating? The idea that European women are wired differently is ridiculous, but this has come up more than once, because Elin is Swedish. Apparently she didn't get the memo that her Swedish self should be okay with adultery.

The biggest tragedy of them all, is that Tiger, in fulfilling his carnal desires outside of his marriage, didn't just betray Elin, he betrayed his children. When a wife can no longer trust her husband to be an honorable person, then the family falls apart. Even if she decides to stay together for the kids, her lack of trust will not go unnoticed by the children, and will have a negative, long lasting impact.

This story isn't over yet. The "news" will be salivating over every illicit detail for at least the next few months. More women are likely to come forward for their ill-gotten fame, and Tiger will probably end up having to do an Oprah appearance before returning to professional golf. When all is said and done, I've heard people say that he will regain his status due to his talent. Right now, anyone will tell you that Tiger Woods is an amazing golfer, but as a person, he's an absolute scumbag, and no amount of green jackets or Oprah confessions will ever make that go away.

You're Not that Freakin' Important

2009-12-01T00:17:00.001-08:00

If I could get my hands on Mark Burnett, I would beat the man with my shoes. He didn't start the whole reality television phenomenon, but his show, "Survivor", was the vehicle that made this ridiculous format populate like a pack of rabbits on Viagra.

Lately, there have been an obnoxious group of asshats who think they deserve their own shows. Here's a great barometer for whether or not you should be the "star" of a reality tv show; do you think you're important and special enough to have every moment of your life taped and broadcast? If so, then you don't deserve a reality show, you deserve a reality check, because you aren't that freakin' interesting or important.

Six years ago, it was hard for me to believe that someone would want to be dropped in a god forsaken remote location to survive on very little food, no shower facilities, and left with a group of people whose sole purpose was to betray you. However, I understood the draw, despite the fact that I have never followed "Survivor."

While Jeff was in business school getting his MBA, we watched "The Apprentice", because the business challenges were interesting (although we both wondered why anyone in their right mind would want to work for Donald Trump). We lost interest around Season 3 when the show became more about the arguments and in-fighting rather than the business contests.

Little did I know that in tuning out of one reality show meant I would have my prime time hijacked with a plethora of reality. There is a show for losing weight (The Biggest Loser) and praising those who gorge themselves (Man vs. Food), there is a show for people who want to make you look beautiful (Project Runway) and those who want to use Frankenstein techniques to make you look beautiful (Dr. 90210), there is a show for junkies (Intervention), dipshits (The Hills), whores (Rock of Love), more whores (For the Love of Ray Jay), pathetic whores (Flavor of Love), and assholes (Tool Academy).

The saddest part in all of this reality television is the shear lack of talent on the part of the "stars". What has Kim Kardashian done aside from a trashy sex tape and posing naked or half naked? More importantly, why the hell should we care about her narcissistic family. The same goes for the Lamas clan, Tori Spelling and her loser husband, that uterus with a bad 80s haircut and her 20 kids, and don't even get me started on Jon and Kate.

Normally, this cultural fad would be eye-rolling at best, but two adults disrupted air traffic in Denver, claiming that their son was in a weather balloon. Once it was discovered that the boy was okay, they made the child lie to the nation without a care in the world for their son's well being. They carried on the hoax despite the physical toll it took on their own kid. Their ultimate goal: to get their own reality show.

If these attention whores weren't bad enough, along comes the Salahis. Wanting to get a spot on "The Real Housewives of D.C.", this couple crashed the first state dinner held by the most threatened U.S. president in history. The failure was enormously the fault of the Secret Service, no question about that. However, the drive to gain fame at all costs has gone to ridiculous heights.

I remember the good ol' days when you had to have talent, ambition, and likability to be famous. It took years of practicing a craft of some sorts, and you had to pay your dues. A "star" is Meryl Streep, Johnny Depp, Madonna, Howard Stern, and the guys in Metallica, it isn't the latest young chick from Hicksville who thinks she can dance.

Now that fame mongers have committed a series of felonies in order to get their own shows, perhaps the American public should collectively start tuning in to sitcoms. Remember sitcoms; those great tv shows that we grew up with that had writers, actors, and sets. Remember gems such as "Night Court", "Family Ties", "The Jeffersons", even "Married with Children". Sitcoms were something to look forward to on a week night, and they won Emmys.

I've actually got nothing against legitimate talent shows such as "American Idol" and "America's Got Talent", it's just not my cup of tea. However, the winners and runner ups for these shows do not deserve an iota of the status and press that a seasoned performer has earned.

This scourge of television that represents the dumbing down of America isn't likely to disappear, because actors want to be paid, and reality show attention seekers are desperate to be famous for being famous, so they will make asses of themselves for free. Reality tv is the equivalent of digital meth; destructive, cliche, and a drain on all of us.

Five Years Ago and Forever

2009-11-21T00:37:00.000-08:00

My mother always used to ask the same rhetorical question, "Why did I have children so young." She told us that she never regretted having us, she just wished she would have had me ten years later at 27 rather than 17. She also told me that everything happens for a reason, even though, at the time, we may not understand why. If my mother knew that she was only going to live to 49 years old, I wonder if she still would have asked that question.

She has been gone for five years now, and I've had five years come to grips with the beautiful memories of the woman I knew in childhood and the reality of who my mother really was.

My mother moved my sister and me out to Idaho before I started kindergarten. She said she did it, because she didn't think there was much of a future for us in our small Connecticut town. She was probably right about that. The family she took me away from who still reside in Connecticut don't have very nice things to say about my birthplace.

What I always took for a truth, and a wise decision was the first lie I learned about after she died. On a chilly night at my former home in the Northwest, my stepfather and I had a conversation, because I was dealing with a severe identity crisis. This is when he told me about my mother's motivation for moving West. She had gone to work at a local watering hole that happened to be owned by a guy who was connected, and I don't mean he was good at social networking. My mother always had a natural business acumen, so despite her community college education she ended up managing the club's finances. She told my stepfather that there was a raid on the club one night, she was arrested along with all of the other employees, and later released. At that moment she knew she had to pick up and leave.

From the age of five to age 12, we moved at least twice a year. We would have "sleep away nights" where we would go to some out-of-the-way motel in the middle of nowhere, get a bag of Cheetos and some Hershey's Kisses, and watch movies late into the night. When you're young, you take everything your parents say as law, and you don't question it at the time. Once my stepfather revealed that my mother spent several years on the run, all of the little nuances of abnormality surfaced, and I didn't know what about my past I could trust.

For the first year after my mother's death, I grieved her. For the next two years that followed, I would come to nearly hate her. I was angry at her, not for going on the run, but for separating me from my father with a web of lies. She spent most of my life telling me that my father didn't want me. This was the reason why he never sent birthday or holiday presents on time, and didn't call me on a regular basis. Once she was gone, and I had the conversation with my stepdad, I had a strong urge to reconnect with my father.

During one of our visits, we had a chance to talk about the past, and I asked him why he was never more involved in my life. He told me that during that stretch of my life where we moved twice a year, my mother would never tell him when we were moving or give him our new address. He used a local connection that he had at a state agency to find me, and would track me down every time. My mother would write to him, and tell him to go away, but he never would.

It is strange how this infuriating piece of news that my mother let me suffer emotionally in order to push my father away from me was also one of the happiest moments, because I found out that someone who I thought had abandoned me, had never given up on me.

During my teenage years and through my early 20s, my mother fought me on my ambitions to travel and work in the music industry. She said she didn't want me to turn out like my father who was unstable and shirked his responsibilities. What she really didn't want was for me to follow in her footsteps. She had a crazy wild streak, and had alienated herself from her family and friends through her thoughtless, selfish actions and behavior. Once she realized the consequences of her actions, she focused the rest of her life on creating the "perfect" family, having the "perfect" house, and constructing the "perfect" life. All the while forgetting, that there is no such thing as perfect, and even when you create the world in which everything is "perfect" it may be more prison than paradise.

Anger and hate settled into resentment. I took the picture of her down, and didn't speak of her. I wanted my mother to be nothing more than a memory that I was better off forgetting. I lit the candle of remembrance four years after her death more out of obligation than affection.

Forgiveness finally came to me through a dream. I was as I am today, but was back in the tiny house in my home town in Idaho. I came out of the bedroom that I shared with my sister, and walked into the country-themed living room decorated with the wallpaper Mom and I spent hours putting up late into a summer's night. I turned to walk into the kitchen and there she was, sitting at the table wearing her long, blue jean skirt, pink shirt, with her black hair hanging long in the hippie style she never abandoned. She was drinking bland, taupe-colored coffee out of a blue, gingham checkered mug featuring a cartoon duck wearing a bonnet. It was her favorite cup.

She asked me if I had my homework done, and I was speechless. I just walked up to her as fast as I could, wrapped my arms around her, and started crying, because I knew it was a dream and she was dead.

After that night I chose to remember my mother as the person I grew up with who was fun and loved to laugh. She never hesitated to help others, and was always someone that I could talk to about anything. I was glad she was by my side holding my hand when Rachael was born, and my heart ached terribly months later when I spent a lonely night in the hospital with my newborn, because she wasn't there.

Ultimately I chose to honor my mother's memory in Shayna's middle name, Michal. My mother might have told some devastating lies that had long term effects, but whether her demons were real or imagined, I hold on to the belief that my mother spent the better part of her life doing exactly what most mothers strive to do; their best.

My Bizarre Collection

2009-11-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

My stepdad had a stamp and coin collection, my mother filled her shelves with English-style teapots, one of my sisters collects adorable frog figurines, the other has a wide assortment of Harry Potter t-shirts, my husband collects Hilton honors points (which I really love and benefit from), and as for me, I collect interesting human experiences.

It was no surprise that I gravitated to Mass Communications with an emphasis in Cultural Studies as my major of choice in college. Cultural Studies is a field which combines political economy, communication, sociology, social theory, literary theory, media studies, film/video studies, cultural anthropology, philosophy, and art history/criticism to study cultural phenomena in various societies. Basically, Cultural Studies helps explain why we do things the way we do, and how it fits into our society. Hence, my lifelong interest in collecting human experiences.

Some of my experiences have included sitting through a Mary Kay cosmetics sales and recruiting meeting, which seemed to put a lot of emphasis on socializing strictly for the purpose of selling makeup to supposedly "new friends", participating in a Native American sweat near Vancouver, British Columbia, where I sat around a very hot fire in a traditional tee-pee discussing my innermost thoughts to a group of strangers, while sweating like a pig. The upside came at the end of the two-hour sweat when I stepped out of the tee-pee and was doused by the tribal medicine carrier with a large bucket of cold water.

I've been a card-carrying member of both major political parties, and have attended their meetings. On the local and state level, both parties have good ideas and stand for something, unfortunately, as they start rising up to the national level the goodness evaporates and the void is filled by power hunger and monied lobbyists. I have encountered lesser known political parties during coffee with an ardent LaRouche Youth Movement activist, email correspondence with the head of the Democratic Socialists of America, and a shopping trip to the Revolutionary Communist bookstore in Seattle. Just as an FYI, the Communist bookstore doesn't take credit cards or checks.

After Rachael was born, I worried that submitting to a suburban "normal" lifestyle would lead to the end of my bizarre collection. After all, my belief was that you don't find anything interesting in the suburbs. Fortunately, I've discovered that one doesn't have to stop enjoying the peculiar just because the fates have chosen to put you in a life situation that June Cleaver would envy.

Since submitting to the suburb mom life, I have attended an Orthodox Jewish bris (ritual circumcision), which was an interesting pairing of an uncomfortable surgical procedure and fantastic buffet. I was a guest at a traditional Hindi housewarming celebration, which seemed a little uncomfortable at first, because both the man and woman of the house greeted us wearing silk sashes decorated with swastikas. Fortunately, my friend caught the look of concern in my eye and took the time to explain that Hitler totally jacked a beautiful, peaceful symbol of Indian culture and turned it into something evil. It's nice to know that Hindus hate him, too.

I have encountered a homophobic waitress at a Mongolian grill, hung out with two fabulous drag queens in hot pink, beehive wigs, met a famous Olympian at an enormous estate in Beverly Hills, and traveled to the much raved about Hamptons (for the record, I still don't see what's so great about that place).

Despite becoming a minivan-driving, soccer mom, I have no intention of ridding my life of my collection of interesting human experiences. In fact, I strive on a regular basis to continue collecting. The world is filled with bizarre humans, peculiar fringe groups, and situations that a truly normal person would find uncomfortable. I'll dive in with both feet, welcoming anything, except a Mac user group, because next to Scientologists, people who are militant Mac users make up the largest, nutjob cult in America, hands down.

Two Year Drought

2009-10-24T23:23:00.000-07:00

Since I can remember, I've had this negative voice in the back of my head. If this voice had a human embodiment, it would look something like Faye Dunaway circa 'Mommy Dearest' without the extreme physical violence. She is pacing around an elegant, but claustrophobic room filled with gaudy, velvet-covered furniture and 1920s style lamps, smoking a cigarette in a long holder. Her voice is raspy, bitter, and constantly critical.

My Madame Negative usually only comes out in force when I'm looking at myself in a mirror or shopping for clothes. I go out determined to buy something to nice to wear. I have money in my pocket, and prep myself with positive reinforcements, yet come back with gifts for my husband and daughter, because Madame Negative reared her ugly voice and pointed out every physical inadequacy I have.

Fortunately, having lived with Madame Negative's criticism of my body since the age of 12, I've learned to turn her down. Perhaps in turning her down, I empowered her to regroup in a more damaging and vicious way.

There are two things in this world that I know how to do; one is produce non-profit auctions and the other is write. The auctions became an expertise gained after several years of practice, but writing was always second nature. I've never had to work at writing. I could whip out a flowing beautiful paper in no time flat. I used to fake rough drafts in school, because I never needed them. Writing was the one thing I could do well, and without effort.

Three years ago I began writing a book. For me, writing a book was a way to fill an unwritten expectation. In the 5th grade, at age 11, I had pledged to my class and my teacher, Mr. Gerhauser that I would write a book someday. My mother had always pleaded with me to write a book. I wrote 200 pages of a story about a very green entertainment journalist that enters into a toxic relationship with a rock star, and then it happened; Madame Negative read those 200 pages and told me that the story was cliche, and unreadable. She asked me how I could be a fan of George Orwell and Margaret Atwood and churn out such garbage. I abandoned my book.

For a short time I regrouped by writing essays, and blogging, but after doing draft upon draft of an article for a feminist magazine, I realized that for the first time in my life I was suffering severely from writer's block. This happened two years ago. I tried everything to break it, but the lack of confidence and the element of doubt haunted me in everything I wrote.

Despite my writer's block, everyone encouraged me to soldier on. My stepfather, on his deathbed, pleaded with me to continue writing the book. An old friend from high school, after hearing my dilemma, told me to basically 'get over it, stop wasting endless hours on computer games, and finish the damned book'. She now regularly brings it up, so I won't have any excuses.

I finally regained my confidence this week. A work-related project required that I write a tribute to a doctor we were honoring at our event. I was also asked to write a detailed script of the entire program. Since there was no one else to do it, I sat down at my computer and spent two days hammering out, what was to be, an amazing tribute and a detailed, spotless program script. Once again, I found a way to turn Madame Negative's voice down.

I don't know how long it will be before I revisit my book, but I think I've figured out a way to re-tool it. I've thought about making the characters a bit older, and far more interesting by making them equals. I can't say for sure how the book will turn out, but at least I'm writing again.

For those who have followed this blog, many apologies for the absence, especially in the past two years that had a monied and powerful American administration leaving office in shame, the election of the first black president (it's about time), and watching American society virtually collapse. Have no fear, I will address all of it with the candor and whit I thought I had lost to the angry, old crone and her death rattle voice.

Torture For Torture's Sake

2009-05-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd see a time in my country when reasonable people would be asking if it was okay to torture. When torture is mentioned, most people think the worst like pulling fingernails out with pliers or hooking electrodes up to testicles. In the U.S. we have been able, up to this point, to hold our heads high and proclaim to the rest of the barbaric world that we don't torture. However, in light of recent discoveries, we did torture, and now are in the midst of deciding whether to continue torturing, which is something I find deeply disturbing.

Torture doesn't work. It is just that simple. While the thought of getting one of those al Qaeda bastards under water and having him cry for his mommy might bring a smile to many people's faces, the info that guy will spew while believing he is drowning is totally useless. Over 60 years of research has proven that when human beings are in imminent fear of losing their lives or facing severe pain, they will say anything to make it stop. In other words, torture doesn't work.

Torture also becomes a slippery slope. It's kind of like an abusive relationship. The guy doesn't start out punching you in the face, instead he starts by slowly telling you what you can and can't do to see if he can get away with it. You begin justifying it in your mind, kind of like the people in this country are doing with waterboarding; 'sure they think they are drowning, but they really aren't, it's just like that bad pool experience you had in the 7th grade'.

Next thing you know the abusive boyfriend slaps you, and you're going to leave, but he begs you to stay, and you justify with the typical 'he really didn't mean to do it.' Like we are doing right now with not prosecuting the people who okayed the torture and are evaluating torture techniques to figure out if they are really torture.

Finally, the abusive boyfriend is beating the shit out of you on a nightly basis, and you feel pathetic and stupid for staying, but will still look at your black eye, swollen lip, and mess of a nose, and say 'he loves me, I know he does'. This is the point where waterboarding gives way to testicle electrodes and pliers to the fingernails, or that magical moment where every country operates like a South American junta or Iran. In other words, human beings can justify anything if they are given enough time to think about it, so torture becomes a slippery slope.

The fact is right now people in my country are acting like children. We know torture is wrong, and it's bad, but we want to do it, so we are trying to use logic and morality to justify our desires to string someone up by their neck, strip them naked, and beat them with an electrical cord, but in the end, there is no justifying that behavior.

During the Bush years, it was anything goes, but now that reason and sanity have returned, we have to grow up and realize that letting banking institutions sell crap loans to working people is wrong, allowing politicians to be bought by wealthy corporations to act in the corporate interest is wrong, invading and occupying another country that poses no real threat to us just to gain oil interests is wrong, and using torture to aid that war for oil is very wrong.

We are the United States and we don't torture, because we are better than that. End of story.

Are My Concert Going Days Over?

2009-04-11T18:36:00.001-07:00

I love live music. From my first concert, which was Def Leppard at the BSU Pavilion, 20 years ago I loved the entire live experience. I spent two years working in live music where I took part promoting nearly 250 shows per year. I reveled in the energy of the performers and the crowds, and purely enjoyed the sound of the music in its more spontaneous, less studio produced form, which is why it pains me to say that I haven't been to a show in nearly two years.

I could blame the grueling job that consumed my life until I left it in October. I could blame the lack of a concert going buddy, but I'm sure if I asked around I could find at least one person in my social circle who might take in a show with me. I could also blame the fact that I'm 36 now, and I have a kid and another on the way, but a live music fan never stops loving the experience. No, the reason I haven't been to a show in two years is simple, it's Ticketmaster.

Ticketmaster is one of the entities that has ruined the live music experience. They hold a 98% monopoly on concert and event ticket sales in the United States. During the early '90s, the grunge band, Pearl Jam took on Ticketmaster and called them out for their practices. Unfortunately, Pearl Jam paved the way for another company or companies to come in and compete with Ticketmaster, but no one picked up that ball.

Back then people were just annoyed by the Ticketmaster surcharges little did we all know that under Ticketmaster's reign the issue ten years later wouldn't be the fees, it would be access. I didn't even think about the issue of access, mostly due to the fact that a lot of the shows I had been to around that time were smaller bands brought in by independent promoters, but upon waiting for tickets to go on sale to the, then new, musical "Wicked" I realized that Ticketmaster's brave new world was disastrous for live music lovers.

I had heard a rumor that "Wicked" was coming to the Paramount Theatre in Seattle in September 2006. I began checking Ticketmaster's website religiously at the beginning of 2006. I signed up for their weekly emails, and visited their site twice a week for nine months. I'll never forget the day that I went to the Ticketmaster site and found out all of the performances for "Wicked" were sold out. There wasn't one newspaper ad, no notice on their site, no radio ads, no mention anywhere, but between the Monday on-sale and Wednesday when I checked back every performance for the six week run was gone.

However, there were plenty of tickets to be had for extremely inflated prices from online ticket brokers. It occurred to me then that Ticketmaster had created a brilliant business. They would lock up every venue and promoter in the country, have an on-sale, and straight out of the gate sell all their tickets that included their inflated service fees to online ticket brokers. By doing this, they sell out the show immediately, therefore they can reduce the staff that they used to need to employ to continue selling tickets up until the date of the performance. They could basically collect a quick buck if they didn't mind screwing the concert going public, and obviously they didn't.

Metallica went on sale this morning, just eight hours earlier, for a show at the Honda Center in December. The Honda Center is huge and holds at least 10,000-15,000 people. The only seats left on Ticketmaster are in the nose bleed 400-level, but upon Googling 'Metallica - Honda Center - Tickets' I found several online brokers willing to sell me a mediocre-at-best seat for double the face value.

I ended up getting to see "Wicked" when my very persistent husband went to the theatre box office and demanded to speak with a manager. They sold him great seats, one behind the other, way to the left, but at least we saw it. I can't say the same for the upcoming Metallica show. I've got a good job, so money isn't the issue anymore, it's the fact that Ticketmaster is selling to scalpers. Scalpers who have a website and "legitimate" business offices, and call themselves "brokers", but are still just the same shady, piece of shit scalpers who used to stand outside of the arena and gouge you for double. Until that practice ends, I, like several of my fellow live music fans, will either find a way to get comp tickets or enjoy the music, as much as possible, from my satellite radio.

How We Got From There to Here

2009-02-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

I've spent weeks listening to the corporate media talking heads blaming everything short of pets on this financial chaos that has taken over my country and extended its dour situation to the rest of the world. The conservatives blame liberal spending, the liberals blame conservative protection programs that favor the rich, but they're all wrong. This landslide to financial ruin began 30 years ago.

My stepfather, the consummate capitalist, is fond of the '80s. He was a Reganite, and believed that capitalism was the best way to run an economy. He hated regulation, paying taxes, and anything that held businessmen back from making money. His favorite quote was from the movie, "Wall Street" in which capitalist hero Gordon Gekko recites the mantra, 'Greed is good.'

This is the point where my country lost its way, and how we got to our current state. Prior to the 1980s, the U.S. had been a community-oriented society. Neighborhoods were safer, people were into spending time with their families, and national priorities were set more towards people rather than industry. Things weren't perfect; there was inequality amongst the sexes and racism to deal with. For the most part, however, no matter the place you live or the economic class you were in, you could find a community.

All of that changed in the 1980s. With the Gekko mantra, and Reganomics in place, we moved from a society of community to a society of self. We no longer cared about getting to know our neighbor, our new goal was to out-do them. If they had a 2,000 square foot house, ours needed to be 2,500 square feet. If they had a sedan, we needed an SUV. If they vacationed in Mexico, we had to take a holiday in Spain. If they had big, we needed to have bigger and better.

The problem with our new self-centered focus in terms of finances was that wages have been relatively stagnant over the years, so in order to afford our new, keeping up with the Joneses lifestyle, we began charging our faux success. To hell with volunteering on the weekends, we were in Valley Girl mode at the mall. Clothing and accessories labels became a new religion, and our tithe was millions upon millions to Visa, Mastercard, and American Express.

This new self-centered society generated consequences such as a rise in crime, drug use, and broken families. 30 years of having to accommodate an increasing prison population, fighting the losing War on Drugs, and providing emergency safety nets for broken families led to the nearly bankrupt state of counties, states and municipalities.

30 years, that is how long our self-centered focused society has lasted. Now, time's up. We are in economic ruin brought on by intense, selfish greed. A greed that comes from negating the value of community in favor of materialism.

We now have to finance our own rescue, but it comes at a tremendous cost. We are no longer able to focus on the self, and are forced to go back to the days where we were in it altogether. This re-focus has tremendous opposition. Capitalists have enjoyed 30 years of huge profits and they won't go down easily. They circulate the word "socialism" through their media outlets claiming that giving people healthcare and financial relief will take us from the freedom we've enjoyed to a Hitler-like fascism. Socialism is the boogie man that the wealthy and powerful have always used to keep the working and middle class voting against their own best interests.

Fortunately, a lot of people aren't buying the mainstream, corporate media's doom scenario. The citizens of this country have looked at other first-world countries, and we realize on some level that we've been jipped. While media outlets constantly show us the Canadian healthcare program's shortfalls, we can't help noticing that several European countries, and some of the second-world countries have gotten it really right.

We could let this situation pull us down, but we are Americans, and we have the type of grit that was earned by a melting pot of survivors and staunch individualists that left their homelands to make a life in this country. We have been side-tracked for 30 years by greed and materialism, but we are back on track now, focused on creating an America based on community where we all take care of each other, because we are, once again, all in this together.

Casualties of Bride Wars

2009-01-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

If I went to Hollywood and made a movie about two uneducated black thugs living in a ghetto where every woman in the film was a pregnant teenager addicted to crack, and all they did each day was sit on their porch, listen to rap, shoot guns at passersby while eating watermelon and fried chicken my ass would be nailed to a cross on the cover of Ebony magazine.

However, Hollywood can shit out something as pathetic and degrading as Bride Wars, and entertainment media can't get enough of it. This movie is meant to show women at their worst while doing something that is supposedly strictly female centric (i.e. the wedding). Every negative female stereotype is on display in this film.

This movie is the story of two lifelong friends whose number one dream is to have a big wedding. Funny, in this day and age most women I know have a wedding as just one of their many dreams, and the wedding is rarely their biggest dream. The best friends end up having their weddings booked on the same day, which is weird considering that they are in New York City and we are supposed to believe that there is only one capable wedding planner for 25 million people.

The childhood friends engage in a brutal catfight to sabotage each other's special day. I've been in many a friendship and out of basic respect, no matter how disappointed, I would never even consider ruining something that meant so much to my friend. Also, in any friendship or relationship in general, there is a dominant and a submissive. We are supposed to believe in this film that the friend who has been the lifelong submissive suddenly becomes the Alpha female, which is also highly unlikely.

In the end the aggressive friend who is also a successful attorney has her wedding cancelled and loses her would be husband as punishment for her warlike behavior. While the traditionally submissive friend has the perfect wedding. This is yet another example of Hollywood telling women that you can be a little catty for fun, but winning any kind of war through aggression is strictly male territory.

Most would say that this is just a romantic comedy and it shouldn't be taken seriously, but how can I not be pissed when films like this that show women at their worst are a blatant slap in the face to women everywhere. It's bad enough that Hollywood rarely has a movie that portrays women as interesting and diverse, but it has taken the romantic comedy genre down to its most superficial basic.

I'll be skipping Bride Wars, Bridezilla, and any other form of "entertainment" that depicts women as selfish, catty shrews who are out to destroy each other for a man or an idealized ceremony. I like to live in a world where women have strength, depth, and ambition that isn't punished through abandonment or an over sprayed tan.

Here We Go Again!

2009-01-10T00:46:00.000-08:00

I've been on the fence about expanding the family for quite awhile. Rachael is incredibly smart, very strong-willed, and has the energy of a gerbil on crack, so the idea of adding another child was an exhaustion I didn't want to experience.

I went back to work when Rachael was 18 months. The job was low-key and in my field. I wasn't in love with it, but I was content. We moved to California a year and a half later, and that is when I started with a company that consumed my life. I diluted myself into thinking that if I worked hard enough I could reach a point where I could put my family first again, but that never happened. The result was my near absence for 16 months, my daughter's increasing neediness, and my husband's extreme frustration at a schedule that didn't adequately reward me for all of the hours that I took away from them.

The good news is that I woke up and got my priorities straight before I lost everything that ever meant anything to me. In no time I was able to repair the damage done to my marriage, and guarantee Rachael that she would never take a backseat again. The only thing remaining from a year and a half of hell is the guilt I feel for having made a real dumbass decision, but life goes on.

I started a new job instantaneously that resembles the job I had in Seattle, less the dysfunction. I wanted to wait a bit more before we decided to have another child, once again, out of loyalty for my job, but this time Jeff was adamant. He had waited long enough, so here I am expecting our last child, because I agreed to two and only two.

There are vast differences between #1 and #2. I freaked out at six weeks along, because I was as large in my second month with Baby Two as I was in my fourth month with Rachael. I was convinced that my sudden girth meant I had more than one little sprout swimming around in there. Thankfully, my sister-in-law who has been a midwife for 20 years assured me it was just a second baby, and that your body basically has something called "muscle memory". This means that the moment you get pregnant with your second child your body says, "hey I remember this" and inflates like a damn blimp.

The nice thing about my sudden expansion is that it is basically all in my stomach and boobs. I can get into my jeans and pull them up my thighs and over my butt, I just can't zip or button them.

I'm tired as hell, and usually ready to pass out by 7:00pm, which puts the kibosh on exercise. Aside from that I've had very little morning sickness just like the first time. The only other difference is my cravings. With Rachael I hungered for spicy Thai food, large amounts of chocolate, root beer and KFC original recipe chicken. I gained 70 lbs. during my Rachael pregnancy, but that's not going to happen this time.

So far, chocolate gives me heartburn, and all I want is tart. No, not the yummy, cream filled fruit tarts, caper, olives, berries, and an assload of Craisins! Root beer is too sugary, so my drink of choice is ice water-lakes and rivers of ice water-which means between the kid sitting on my bladder and the insane amount of water I'm up peeing at least five times a night. I just see it as nature's way of getting me ready for the every two hours feedings, and also very annoying.

I am excited about having a new little one to cuddle. Rachael has no trace of baby left in her, in fact she has already informed me that she will be changing all of the pee pee diapers and I can change the poopy ones (her dad made the same deal with me when she was the baby). So I guess I welcome 2009 with enthusiasm for a new president, a new place of employment, and a new little punk to unleash on the world. Here we go again!

Waaahhh Fucking Waaaahhh!

2009-01-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

Imagine that you are standing in the checkout line with a basket full of groceries. There is a guy behind you who keeps pushing his basket into your back. There is only one checkout line, so moving isn't an option. After several minutes of rudeness you turn to him and ask him politely to quit poking you in the back. He stops for a few minutes, but then continues to poke you. Now you are getting pissed, so you turn to him again asking him to stop. He refuses and tells you that he wants to you leave the line, but you need your groceries, so you're not leaving. After several minutes of poking, and demanding that you leave, you finally lose it and turn around, punch the asshole dead in the face, and dump the contents of his basket over the top of his bleeding head. Did you overact? Maybe, but how much bullshit and abuse is one supposed to take before they finally lose it?

This is the one question that no one seems to be asking over the past two weeks during Israel's latest move to fulfill its obligations to its citizens and defend them against a terrorist organization. This, and why the U.N. didn't bother issuing a ceasefire against Hamas' attacks prior to this whole situation.

If this seems harsh let me make it clear that I'm not heartless. Once upon a time I felt bad for the Palestinians. I thought that Israel's actions were too heavy handed and that if given the chance Palestinians would reject the terrorist organizations dragging them down and opt for moderates who would engage in honest negotiations for peace and a two state solution. Then they elected Hamas into leadership, and all my respect for them went straight out the window.

Now I'm just annoyed with their constant fucking whining, and the way they paint themselves as victims. Like I said I could feel sorry for them if they were making an effort, but they don't. Instead of spending money on rockets, can't they use the money to set up an infrastructure or an education system? The answer is "no", because it's much easier to blame Israel for all of your problems. Setting up an infrastructure is difficult and requires educated minds who are willing to negotiate with others to achieve a goal. Rousing hate in ignorants is way simpler.

The truth is that everyone can fall back on bad shit that happened in their lives and be victims, but most people I know who have been through life's worst (i.e. violent rape, the loss of a child, cancer, etc.), they spend some time in a dark place, then rebound into survivors. In fact, I know so many survivors that I just don't have time and patience for victims, and constant victims are just assholes who don't want to better their lives.

I know the situation in the Middle East is a tough one, but until the Palestinians are willing to see themselves as more than the small kid who is always picked on they will continue taking cheap shots, electing self-serving terrorists to represent them, and will never have a good quality of life, until of course, civil war ensues. When that day comes and they are spending every moment killing each other, it will be interesting to see how they blame Israel for that, too.

Sweetie, Santa Isn't Real

2008-12-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

I never really knew how challenging this time of year would be for my Jewish child.

I grew up in an agnostic house where a tree was put up around the first week of December, decorated with little interest from me who always looked for any opportunity to escape into my bedroom and watch television, then depending on whether or not my mom was trying to impress my stepdad that particular year, we would exchange gifts and have some sort of meal on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. It was never a pleasant time, because my mom would have the "ideal" family holiday experience in mind, and we were not even close to the "ideal" family, so at some point in the preparations she would completely wig out and tell all of us that the holidays were canceled and we weren't getting presents.

I've never liked holiday music, ungodly huge amounts of decorations, and I've already mentioned my disinterest in the tree experience. Celebrating Hanukkah is great. All you have to do is throw a dreidel and menorah on the table, say a prayer and light some candles. On December 25th I have a very Merry Christmas, because I get a paid day off, and a chance to practice the yearly ritual of gathering with other Jews at my favorite Chinese food restaurant.

Although we've accumulated Hanukkah decorations such as lights, a throw pillow, a table runner, and a cute, dreidel shaped candy tray, its been our discretion as to whether or not to put them out.

This year has turned out to be quite different. Our daughter is 5 years old, and wants our yard to be as flashy as our Christmas celebrating neighbors. No problem, Jeff bought blue and white house lights, and I ordered an inflatable, light up, 6' dreidel for the yard. We put up several menorahs in the house, and strung a 'Happy Hanukkah' sign we once used for a party across the fireplace mantle. It seemed as though we had our daughter's holiday spirit under control, and nurtured in a healthy way until the fateful night I got the question.

It's the question that I'm sure every non-Christian, non-Christmas celebrating parent dreads; "Mommy is Santa going to come to our house?"

I responded quickly with a comeback that I believed would be sufficient, "No, honey, we don't celebrate Christmas. We celebrate Hanukkah."

She started crying, and I admit it; I panicked.

"Honey, there's no such thing as Santa Clause." replied the flustered mommy.

"Huh?"

I explained that Santa was a fictional being, and that it was the parents who placed the toys under the tree.

"But why would the parents tell their kids that there is a Santa Clause when there really isn't?" replied the freakin' smart kid.

I had to choose my explanation carefully lest I ruin such childhood joys such as the Tooth Fairy, Elijah and the mysterious disappearing cup of wine on Passover, or the idea that the government works for the best interest of the people. I explained to the ever curious Rachael that it was kind of like telling their children a nice fairy tale, and that in no way, shape or form should she ever, ever reveal the non-existence of Santa Clause to any other child, especially her young, Christmas celebrating cousin, Savanna.

She seemed happy with this, and I'm still not sure if I committed a grave faux pas, only time will tell on that front. I think the idea that Santa isn't real is a bit comforting to my little Jewish child especially when she goes down aisle after aisle of Christmas decor at Target searching for the lone Hanukkah item that was not to be found, until finally settling on a big plastic Santa in which she pointed, laughed out loud, and whispered, "Mommy, he isn't real."

Sorry, My Ass!

2008-12-05T16:47:00.000-08:00

I hate George W. Bush, that's been obvious for nearly his whole presidency, but lately I have been more pissed off than ever at the schmuck. His latest say nothing/do nothing was his pathetic excuse for an apology about the economy.

Let me break it down for you Georgie. While you and your war profiteer friends raped the treasury of the country you were placed as the leader of, millions of Americans lost their jobs, houses, savings, health care, and opportunity for a college education. Now, after all of this, you get to trot off into the sunset, live in an exclusive 8,000+ residence in Dallas, and continue to be completely removed from the mess your administration created.

Last week you said "Sorry about the economy", and this week you finally admitted that we were in an economic recession, but refused to admit any fault. Thankfully, enough people saw through you and your party's bullshit, and elected a politician who doesn't have his head shoved up his ass 24/7.

The part that irks me the most about the destruction of my country is that the people who helped destroy the economy, create the mortgage crises, and profited from the war got away with it. They are millions, even billions, of dollars richer, while good, hardworking people who spent their lives saving money for retirement are now in the poor house doing the countdown to homelessness.

We got the change of government that we needed, but now I want some justice...in a big way. I know Georgie Boy can't be tried for his crimes, but I want all of the other bastards responsible for this to pay dearly. Don't let Alan Greenspan go quietly into the night, it was his recommendations that cheered on the deregulation. How about Phil Gramm; he carried the deregulation flag, and championed a lot of the economic policies that brought us to our current economic and housing crises. Don't get me started on the greedy banking industry, the manufacturing companies that have sent our jobs to China and India, and those in our culture who have constantly promoted the lie of linking capitalism to freedom and happiness.

Electing Barack Obama was the first step, but along with the new administration I want congressional hearings and trials. I want the war profiteers tried, jailed, and fined. Let's take just a portion of the money they "lost" in Iraq and put it into a fund for all of the veterans returning from the Iraq War with traumatic brain injuries. Instead of letting Henry Paulson hand the rest of the bailout to the corporations who got us into this mess, why not give every American citizen their own large stimulus package. If you want the economy stimulated, cutting every man, woman and child a check for $100K would do the trick.

I agree that our country has been like a spoiled child for quite sometime. We have lived off of credit, went overboard on how much house we could own, and forgot to invest in our futures, but as with everything, I take it back to the leadership. After September 11th, had we been told to be more fiscally responsible and spend at least 10 hours per week volunteering for a community organization instead of being told to go out and shop, it might be a completely different world right now.

Kid Birthday Parties -- WTF!?!

2008-11-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

I just have one question that I hope some parental historian can answer for me: When did a kid's birthday party, or parties, become the focus of so much of the average parent's schedule and disposable income?

I used to laugh at the idea of a parent spending $300 on their four-year-old's birthday party when I read about it in a magazine several years ago. I scoffed at the thought of these pretentious, 'keeping up with the Jones' suburb dwellers wasting money that could otherwise be put into the child's college savings account. After all, how could reasonable people justify hundreds of dollars for a kid's birthday party.

The cash register rang in at $66 and change today at Party City when I went to purchase some of the items for Rachael's upcoming 5th birthday party. I looked at the two bags (that's right, $33 per bag) of items. I didn't buy anything outrageous; Tinkerbell plates, Tinkerbell cups, Tinkerbell napkins, Tinkerbell streamers, Tinkerbell curling blower thingies, and some generic goodie bags (because I'm about ready to boycott the fucking Disney machine), and it came to $66 and change.

Her birthday isn't for another three weeks, but she was amped to go shopping for her party after spending the better part of the afternoon at her classmate's birthday party. The classmate had his party at the local kosher bakery, which was a cute and different idea. For those of us who have spent way too much time at My Gym and Chuck E. Cheese, cookie decorating at the kosher bakery was a welcomed departure.

The best part of the party was when the Israeli bakery owner took the kids and their parents on a tour of the back of the bakery. She let the kids take a spin in the big mixing vats telling them they were all cookie dough. Then with her heavy accent showed them the table where they would be shaped into cookies, and finally said to the kids, "Okay, now who wants to go into the big oven!" I'm not kidding, she really said that to a group of Jewish kids with their Jewish parents present. I'll be laughing about that for at least the next two weeks.

For Rachael's party I thought we'd be a bit more humble and have the party at home. Jeff and I thought it would be cheaper, but the $66 and change I spent today is only the beginning. Since she's still in preschool, we had to invite all of the kids in her class, who are accompanied by one or two parents and siblings, because I'm not going to say "no" to another kid who wants to come and have fun. Then there are the kids she knows from the neighborhood, our friends with kids, relatives, and anyone else we can think of who will assist us in getting rid of that monster-sized cake from Costco. We are clocking in at 33 people right now, and still have another 15 RSVPs that haven't come in yet.

We scheduled it for 1:00 in the afternoon, so that means lunch food. As expert party planners, we have a couple of games with prizes, my husband is renting a blowup jumphouse with a slide, and we have an enormous pinata that Jeff got for $10 in Tijuana. He was so happy about scoring the supersized pinata in the shape of a giant five for such a low price, until I reminded him that we have to fill it with candy, which will probably cost around $50. In the end, it won't be any cheaper to have the party at our house, and I'll be stuck with a big mess when it's over, but what can you do.

We all strive to give our kids what we didn't have growing up if we came from nothing, and if we had a great childhood, then we have the desire to give them the same happiness. I don't remember many of my birthday parties, but the few I do remember were big and fun, and all of my friends were there, and we played games and ate a big cake, and they were really wonderful memories. However, I can guarantee one thing, my mother never spent anything close to $300 on them.

Protecting Marriage?

2008-10-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

Here in California there is a proposition on the ballot known as "Prop 8". The State of California made a bold and progressive move to recognize the rights of gays and lesbians to marry, and Prop 8 wants to repeal this progress. I'm always pissed when someone tries to tell another person, especially a complete stranger how to live their life, but the argument as to why Californians should vote "yes" on Prop 8 is completely asinine. According to the "Yes on 8" bigots, voting in favor of Prop 8 is protecting marriage.

Marriage is an age-old ritual practiced in nearly every culture. Some cultures allow for more than one spouse (most often more than one wife, because women aren't stupid enough to opt for more than one husband), there are also cultures where marriage is a set length of time, where a mandatory separation happens once a year, and where the marrying parties never meet until their wedding night. In this country, marriage has been defined as the union of a man and woman, but that concept has failed miserably.

The United States has a 53% divorce rate, and the sad part is that 2007 was the year with the lowest rate of divorce since 1970. Let's face it, we Americans suck at commitment. The hypocrisy is that most of the gay couples I know have been together longer than most of the straight couples I know, yet some of us heteros feel there is nothing wrong with telling the homos they can't enter into a commitment despite our distorted history with the marital institution.

The other big argument that the "Yes on 8" homophobes use is that gay marriage will be taught in the schools, which is another steaming pile of bullshit. Schools barely have time to teach math, reading, English, and other essentials, yet alone the ins and outs of marriage. The haters keep flashing the children's book, "King and King" in everyone's face claiming that kids will be exposed to gay marriage via this children's book. I got news for you parents, your kids will be exposed to a lot more harmful shit than some fiction book, like hardcore gangster rap delivered by wannabe homeboys who live in the upper middle class 'burbs, slutty clothing from their friends (especially preacher's daughters), weird demon-summoning rituals where you splash water at a mirror and turn around three times taught by that creepy, older, goth chick whose parents ignore her, and the average, run of the mill, drugs and alcohol. In fact, when you look at the roster of scary shit that your kid will be exposed to, two girls kissing doesn't seem so bad.

The key, as a parent, is to know how to respond. Instead of freaking out over the "King and King" book, simply tell your kid that this is how some families are, but our family is like this. It's just that simple. The other, lesser stated, yet obvious, point is that most kids won't get the whole homosexuality thing until they are well into puberty. When I first moved to Idaho at age 5 with my mom and sister, we were all but destitute. The three of us lived in a 300 sq ft. studio apartment, and lived on $25 per week. I don't think we would have made it had it not been for Jessie and Bobbie.

Jessie and Bobbie were a lesbian couple in their early 60s who lived downstairs from us. They saw the situation my mom was in, and helped us out. They did everything from drive my mom to doctor's appointments and the store when we didn't have a car, to babysitting my sister and I, and cooking us meals. Bobbie was an old school dyke who spent her career in the military, and had an anchor tattooed on her chest. Jessie did the traditional marriage and family after high school, and spent several years as a punching bag for her abusive, alcoholic husband. I remember visiting both of them for years after we left the apartment, and watched as they called next of kin family members to sign papers and give "okays" for each other, because these ladies weren't allowed to be married. The funny thing was that despite knowing them for years, I didn't figure out that they were a gay couple until I was 14. In my child mind, I thought Jessie slept in the bedroom, and Bobbie slept on the couch, and they were just best friends.

The last thing about this Prop 8 that should tell you voting "yes" isn't kosher is the fact that the whole "Yes on 8" movement has been funded by the Mormons. They are the secret "protect marriage" folks. Mormons, you know, the people who believe that when they die, they get to be gods of their own planet, and that all of the women in the world (Mormon or not) get to marry the Mormon men, and will be pregnant for eternity having spirit babies to populate their planet. Mormons, you know, the folks that believed it was perfectly fine to have as many wives as you could get, until the United States government refused to recognize Utah as a state, then suddenly someone in the church had a "vision".

The other group aiding in the "protection of marriage" are the Knights of Columbus, which is a Catholic organization. Given that the Catholic church has made hiding child molestation a practice for the past 25 years, I don't think they should have much of a say on the definition of morality.

In the end, the only people who can protect, nurture, or destroy a marriage are the two people who are married, so why not give gay people the equal opportunity to make someone else completely bonkers without the convenience of being able to walk out the door any minute. Instead when their spouse screws up their life, makes them dreadfully unhappy or straight up crazy, they should have to go through the same gut-retching legal drama that the rest of us have to deal with, which would make even the homophobes happy, because it would mean those homosexual married couples would be a little less gay.

Sarah Palin: Pretty Vacant

2008-10-05T20:38:00.001-07:00

Men in power never cease to amaze me, not because they do great or mighty things. No, they amaze me by doing such stupid shit, I can't believe they are in the power positions they are in. The latest dipshit move by a powerful man is Sarah Palin.

Fresh on the heels of watching Hillary Clinton lose the primaries, Republicans recognized a void. There were a lot of pissed off ladies who were Hillary fans, and they wanted to capitalize on this anger to win votes; enter Sarah Palin. She was a woman, a governor, a right-wing lunatic conservative, and completely unknown meaning she was unlikely to be linked to scandal. In the mind of a Republican male, especially an old, Republican male like John McCain, she was the perfect pick. She would enable him to get all of the Hillary gals on board the "straight talk express".

The only problem is that John McCain is a man, and again, an old, traditional man who hasn't a clue about the mental workings of the younger generation of gals he was marketing Sarah to. He also made simplistic assumptions: Sarah is a working mom, therefore working moms would be able to relate to her. Unfortunately, she is a working mom who has the hypocritical view of touting her family as her first priority, but went back to work three days after giving birth to a Down's Syndrome child. Most women I've talked to, both conservative and liberal, couldn't believe that.

Sarah is all for traditional family values, and women who are into family values will like that, which would make sense if her daughter wasn't knocked up at 17. Traditional family values, again, dictates that your family comes first, and if you're daughter is banging a hockey-lovin', self-proclaimed redneck, where the hell are you to knock some sense into her head?

The final blow to the whole 'chicks will dig Sarah, just because she's a woman' theory was the fact that she was anti-choice even in the case of rape and incest. A woman who believes women aren't smart enough to make their own choices, and don't believe they should be relieved of a burden after an act of sexual violence?!? Nice going dipshits!

Despite all the above, the simplistic, powerful males in the Republican party still believed Sarah was a winner, and they put her out there to read a great speech from one of Resident Bush's speech writers at the convention. They raved about how well she did reading the speech, which really shouldn't be surprising since she worked as a news anchor before running the thriving metropolis that is Wasilla, Alaska.

There was a lot of attention paid to Sarah, which was exciting to a campaign that was damn near dead. However, as time has wore on, the audience that Sarah was brought on board to secure is getting sick of her, and here's why: she's cute.

Again, the powerful men made a dipshit decision by choosing beauty over brains. Sarah's a lovely looking gal, we know that, but most of us are getting really fucking sick of looking at her face. She botched the Katie Couric interviews, and used way too many "ya sure, you betchas" during the debate with Joe Biden. In her effort to be Miss Cutesy Tootsie, she is pissing off the average American woman. There is nothing we hate more than watching a bitch with no brains advance in the world, because she's pretty.

Now, all of the men are raving over Sarah, not because of her opinions on policy or her revolutionary ideas, no, they like her sunshine smile, and her laugh. This might be cool if we were talking about the star of the latest Disney movie, but we are talking about the potential second in charge of a country that is failing miserably. Women don't relate to smiles and shtick, they relate to a strong woman with a brain who faces adversity and does her best with what she has, and if she happens to be less than a beauty queen, all the better.

I smiled when I first saw Sarah, because I knew what those men had done and what they were thinking. I knew they would fail miserably, like they always do when they underestimate the fairer sex. For next time, gentlemen, just remember, if there's one thing a woman hates, it's another woman who gets four times further in life by doing half the work, which is Miss Sarah in a nutshell.

Patronize Me Not

2008-08-30T00:21:00.000-07:00

I was excited when Hillary Clinton was running for president. I had that same excitement when Ruth Bader Ginsberg was placed on the Supreme Court, and when Indra Nooyi became the CEO of PepsiCo. Women have arrived in a major way, and as a feminist since birth I'm incredibly pleased. However, tonight I find myself completely pissed off at John McCain's choice for Vice President.

Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska is probably being Googled by millions as I write this, because although the Republican mouthpieces are proclaiming her vast popularity status, nobody except Alaskans know who the hell she is. Those who are familiar and quickly becoming familiar are perplexed. Why would McCain, who if elected would be the oldest sitting president, select an unknown, relatively inexperienced woman as his Vice President? The answer is simple: he needs a vagina-owner.

When Hillary wasn't voted in as the Democratic nominee, there were a lot of hurt feelings on the part of her supporters. A few of the more wingnut supporters claimed they would rather vote for McCain. I guess McCain must have taken this idea and run with it by figuring that a woman was the only thing that could counter a black guy.

Not only is this extremely patronizing on McCain's part, but horribly sexist on the part of the Republican party. In politics, why is it that men still choose to use women as a way to smooth over publicity-related situations rather than draw from their natural talent and abilities. Bill Clinton was a pro at using women to rectify his publicity nightmares. Every time he got caught with his pants down (literally), you could count on the fact that a woman would be appointed to some sort of high profile office whether they were qualified or not (i.e. Janet Reno). Now John McCain has gotten in on the act with Sarah Palin, a person he's only met face-to-face once prior to this appointment. Most jobs I've ever interviewed for had at least three face-to-faces before the offers came.

There are so many other accomplished women in the Republican party, and given McCain's age and health status I would feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with a Vice President Christine Todd Whitman or Vice President Kay Bailey Hutchison, even Vice President Elizabeth Dole, rather than the former mayor of Wasilla.

The saddest part of this political game of patronization is that the person who deserves the most credit for placing women in top posts based solely on their accomplishments and talents is George W. Bush. Yes, that's right, I said it. George W. didn't appoint Condoleezza Rice, because she was a woman (and a black one at that) and would be good for his image, he appointed her, because he truly believed, as he still does today, that she is the best person for the job. He did the same with Harriet Miers. However misguided his appointments have been, he looked at Condi and Harriet as people, not as vagina-owners. Now if that numbnuts can see past vagina-ownership, how the hell come no one else in either party seems to be able to?

FYI Senator McCain - just because you put a vagina-owner right next to you as you "so-called" second in charge, doesn't mean those of us other vagina-owners aren't going to see past the ploy.

And to those Hillary supporters who claim they will be voting for McCain, fuck you. If you miserable, pathetic group of pussies are willing to put this great country through four more years of hell just because your candidate didn't win then you can all just go fuck yourselves.

Black (and Minority) Women in America Should Be Pissed!

2008-08-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

The family went bowling last night at one of these new places that does "cosmic" bowling. They have funky lights on all the lanes, music and big, flat screen televisions. For the first 30 minutes of our bowling session they showed the Olympics, which for me was the best of both worlds: family time + Olympic viewing. Once the Olympics were over, they switched to music videos, and that's where the trouble started.

I'll admit, I haven't seen a music video in a long time. The moment MTV started banning hard rock after the Grunge era, I was out. In the time that I haven't been video watching something terrible has happened; black and minority women have been turned into video whores.

I know this has been an issue amongst black women in the U.S. for quite awhile. I recently saw a panel on BET hosted by MC Lyte where prominent black women were discussing the problems regarding negative stereotypes and exploitation of their sisters in popular culture, but I really hadn't realized the extent until this eye-opening bowling session.

When I was still watching videos, there were regular appearances by amazing lady MCs who could bust out some kickin' beats. You couldn't argue with the talent of women like Queen Latifah, Salt 'n' Pepa with Spinderella, YoYo, TLC, and Sista Soulja. Now I'm wondering where all of the lady MCs have gone, or for that matter, positive minority female role models.

I grew up watching "The Jeffersons", "Good Times", "227", and "The Cosby Show", and in my young adult years, I really liked "Living Single" and the short-lived "All American Girl". All featured black and minority women in more than just the "standard" roles. Unfortunately, aside from Sandra Oh on "Grey's Anatomy", S. Epatha Merkerson on "Law & Order", Oprah, and precious few others, most of the minority women featured in television, and especially music videos are disposable eye candy.

No wonder minority women have come out so strongly for Barack Obama! At this point, I think they want Michelle Obama in the White House as much as her husband, so women of color can actually have an accomplished, intelligent role model to show their daughters. There are so many great women of all ethnicities with interesting stories to tell that it's just a crying shame only one negative image of them is prominent in our culture.

At this point, I think that women, particularly in the black community, should give a collective smack upside the head to the black men making the degrading videos. It would be one thing if the vast majority of minority women on television were portrayed positively (as in the Caucasian community), with just a little bit of skank (i.e. Girls Gone Wild), but when the only images are negative, further exploiting that image is irresponsible.

I would encourage both women and men to help combat these images by limiting your child's exposure to negative stereotypes. Even if you're a white person with white kids, having them see minority women portrayed as whores will give them subconscious ideas of superiority that permiates the notion of a power structure based on skin color. Also, the next time you want to watch something interesting and entertaining, search the internet for a list of independent movies or books written by minority women. "Mi Vida Loca" was a very good movie about two young Mexican women growing up in Los Angeles, and "The Color Purple" is one of my favorite films of all times. Trust me, these flicks are better than the run-of-the-mill, blow 'em bullshit, no plot crap that Hollywood has been spewing out lately.

For those who want deeper involvement in changing the culture, organizations like The Women's Media Center [www.womensmediacenter.com], are working to make women of all backgrounds and ethnicities, and their stories heard.

Although I look forward to my family's next bowling adventure, I think I will opt for an ally that is a little more Rockabilly, because I'd rather have my daughter listen to a crooning and fabulous Pasty Cline than ask me why those half naked ladies are considered "bootylicious".

Olympics Redux

2008-08-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

I'm looking forward to many things; a change in perspective, the upcoming election, our first family vacation to Hawaii, and fitting into my smaller size jeans after nearly two months of this hellish diet (the wretched inability to have a drink after a long day either signals a pending drinking problem, or extreme willpower, I haven't figured out which one I have yet). However, the main thing I'm not looking forward to is the end of the Olympics.

I'm an Olympics junkie. Unlike a potential drinking problem, I'll admit my Olympics addiction. The games served as quite a lifesaver four years ago when I was a stay-at-home mom. I watched hours and hours of sports I never knew existed; hand ball - why not, badmidden - bring it on, table tennis - a bit of a stretch, but I'm game, speed walking - holy shit, that's an Olympic sport. It was all good.

I've had the same enthusiasm watching this year's Olympics. The opening ceremonies were unbelievable, and the story of that little boy who survived the earthquake and pulled two classmates to safety was so perfect I wondered if it was real (this is China after all, and they have some image issues). The games have been amazing, who wasn't ready to pee their pants when Phelps became the most medaled champion in Olympics history, or when Usain Bolt lived up to his name and won the title of the fastest man in the world!

The best and saddest part about the Olympics is that it is the one time we actually come together as a world, drop the politics, and create something unbelievable. I wish we did that more often. Alone, a group of people are strong, but when they work with another group of people towards a common goal, they are unstoppable (and I don't mean in a 'hey, let's gang up and invade that country' kind of way).

I'll watch the closing ceremonies from my vacation, which seems fitting as I watched the opening ceremony while on a business trip. Then I'll wait the agonizing four years until the next Olympics of 2012 in London. Who knows, maybe I'll get crazy, book a plane ticket, and take the trip over the pond to be there in person, at least it would be something to cross off the old bucket list.

Evangelicals: Still Fucking it up for the Rest of Us

2008-08-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

I've got nothing against Jesus; he seems like a great guy, but as of late, I've had a huge issue with his followers. Today both presidential candidates went to a local Orange County mega-church to answer questions. I don't have a problem with that either. If 22,000 people want answers from two people who are vying to represent them, they should be able to hear where the candidates stand.

My issue has been with the constant blurring and subsequent erosion of the separation of church and state. Since 2000, Evangelical Christians have been on a quest to show their might via the vote. Their modern-day crusade has led to one hell of a strong-arming of government, and the introduction of a litmus test that should never be an issue in this country: the candidate's faith.

Our fore fathers were so worried about the legacy left by the Puritans that they made sure to include a separation of church and state in the Constitution. Remember the Puritans, you know, the assholes who burned hundreds of young women at the stake, because they misconstrued hormonal reactions for witchcraft. Yep, our fore fathers knew, and they had enough sense to head radicals off at the pass by including a separation of church and state in the document that our system of government was founded on.

Yet here we are in the new millennium with a group of people, who today, rallied in Washington D.C. to have abortion and same sex marriage pushed to the forefront of the national political agenda. Gas is $4 per gallon, unemployment is the highest its been in decades, millions of people are losing their homes, our government is pissing away billions of tax dollars in an unwinable war, but the Jesus folk think that two guys kissing is the greatest threat to our nation.

At this point, not only should the Evangelicals not have an audience with the candidates, they shouldn't be allowed to vote. They all came to the polls and voted for George W. (twice), because a vote for George was a vote for Jesus, and look at the sorry state our country is in today. You would think that after eight years of misery, they would have learned their lesson, but nope, they still don't want educated women making choices about their bodies.

I was brought up to be a tolerant person, to respect everyone's personal life choices, and to fight and defend a person's right to do their own thing. I've done that on the stipulation that anyone can be or do anything as long as they don't force it on others. Now, I don't think I can be so ready to go to bat, because I've personally suffered from the last eight years of Evangelical strong-arming, and I'm sick of it.

Judging by the panderfest that happened when McCain had his Q&A hour at the OC mega-church, the Evangelicals will likely stand behind the pro-war, anti-energy efficiency, anti-choice candidate, because that hour contained more ass-kissing than Happy Hour at Fire Island, which is a damn shame. Who would have thought that you had to sell your soul to the devil before speaking at a Christian church, but I guess some people who want to be elected bad enough will say anything to anyone.

Either way, I'm pissed off that a group of people who have a track record for making bad decisions have been given such power, and that they didn't wise up and learn their lesson the first time (or two). What would Jesus do? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that he would see through the bullshit, and he sure as heck wouldn't be a member of a mega-church.

Celebrity Spawn

2008-08-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Viable energy policy be damned, have you seen how much People Magazine paid Brad and Angelina for pictures of their newborn twins! In America's race to be the most celeb-obsessed country, I think we've actually hit number one, which is good because we haven't been number one in the world for anything in a long time, except Greenhouse gas emissions.

People paid $14 million to the Jolie-Pitts for their kiddie pics, and I'm not going to lay one iota of blame on the uber-beautiful, megastar couple. Why not take the money. If People can sell a minimum of 3.5 million copies of that issue in order to recoup kiddie pic payoff money, why not let snoopy folks get their fill of baby pics. This is, after all, a couple who has their own charitable foundation, and used the money from pics of their last baby to fund it.

If someone (aside from sickos and child molesters) wanted to pay me a ridiculous sum of money for pics of my kid, my first instinct would be to look at my beloved little girl and say, "give Mommy a big smile, Sweetie, you're going to Harvard".

I've heard commentary claiming that the Jolie-Pitts are terrible, because they are selling pictures of their kids, but the truth is that stalker photographers would have hounded them mercilessly anyways, so why not cash in. As for the safety of the two newest and weirdly named Jolie-Pitt kids, they are newborns. Within two months they will look nothing like the overpriced photos People shelled out bank for.

The most pathetic aspect I can see from this whole situation is that Americans have become so obsessed with celebrity that $14 million isn't unreasonable for celebrity spawn photos. When it comes down to it, do you really care what someone's kid (aside from relatives and friends) looks like?

The only thing that would remotely motivate me to purchase the Jolie-Pitt spawn issue of People is if the twins were conjoined. Now that would be something to shell out $4 for.

Back from the Dead

2008-07-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

I know. I've been gone awhile. I could give you a long and drawn out sob story about work being a scary, time consuming, pain in the ass, but most people say that about their jobs. I could do a lot of boo-hooing about personal life drama, but again, most people have that as well, and they are only interested in personal lives of celebrities, not suburb punk mamas. Anyways, many apologies for stupidly choosing to play computer games at night and grump at my family, rather than taking my frustrations out in witty, angst-ridden ramblings...especially in an election year.

While I was gone a few interesting things seemed to have happened. People are selling their souls for gas money. My Prius now costs $45 to fill, and no one in Europe has an iota of sympathy for our whining American asses. The worst part of all is that the Amish are now laughing at us, and one of the presidential candidates (I'll give you a hint: the old, white, out of touch guy) wants to drill in beautiful Alaska. The only joy that has come out of this aside from watching rednecks choke while trying to syphon gas from their neighbor's pickup trucks, is that it proves my anti-capitalist theories. Capitalism gone amok is very bad...very, very bad.

Speaking of whores who would sell their souls for a buck, the election battle seems to be in full swing. I'm already so sick of the corporate news media that I want to puke. I think I'm in favor of France's system of calling a moratorium on all media coverage two weeks prior to the election. The most scary thing I've seen from the news is watching people try to justify John McCain. He is so out of touch, and doesn't have a clue about a lot of things, but people just scramble to defend the guy. Maybe he was the right candidate 8 years ago (and G-d knows would have done a far better job than the numbnuts that got elected), but his policies don't seem to address big issues of concern right now. He has no plan to enact an alternative energy policy, his drilling in Alaska won't yield results until 2020 at the earliest, his healthcare solution is non-existent, and he's all for staying in Iraq. I think I'll vote for the secret Muslim, black guy who wants to raise taxes and hates Israel (according to those fucking propaganda emails that people keep sending me...seriously, stop it).

I experienced my first California earthquake the other day, and was halfway through it before I figured out that it was an earthquake and not a semi-truck backing up too close to the office. I didn't have much of a reaction, which surprised my native Californian co-workers. I guess I would have been a little more jumpy had pictures began falling off the walls, but it was only a 5.4 and it was centered closer to my house rather than my office, so no big deal. The most annoying part came right after when I had a hundred people asking me, "so what did you think of your first earthquake." Not much. I guess I need something in the 6.0-6.5 neighborhood to get me rattled and panicky.

I'm smiling from ear to ear that Alberto Gonzales' corrupt crew of uber-Christian lawyers are all being indicted right now for politicizing the Justice Department. Monica Goodling, that miserable piece of garbage of a woman (and traitor, in my humble opinion), will definitely be dis-barred and likely be doing jail time. It is such a breath of fresh air to finally see some semblance of the democracy we claim we have poking its head back into the light after eight long years of living under a repressive regime. For awhile it seemed like Bush & Co. could wipe their butts with the Constitution, and no one was willing to call them on it. This should be a lesson to all, if someone says they love Jesus just to get elected into anything, then turn and run away.

For what it's worth, I don't believe for a second that Alberto had no knowledge of what his aides were doing, and if he didn't he's a bigger numbnuts than George W., and that's a title that makes suicide look like the better option.

7 People Who Annoy the Crap Out of Me

2008-07-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

1. People Who Talk on Their Cellphones at the Gym - I realize you are in your 20s, and finding out where the weekend party is happening while doing heavy cardio is a great way to keep connected and multi-task, but you are annoying the shit out of me. I'm in my mid-30s, and during the one hour I'm able to eek out at the end of a day that consists of dealing with a wild ass toddler, a more than full-time job, and the million other things, I would like to sweat my guts out in peace. I don't want to know what 'like the dealio is', and mostly, I want you to be struggling as hard as I am while doing this damn machine, so get off the phone and sweat.

2. Obama is a Muslim Emailers - Stop forwarding me your asinine , right-wing, propaganda emails. Much like most of the U.S., Barack's baby boomer parents got divorced, and he was mainly raised by his mother, the white woman from Kansas (America's heartland). If he was truly a Muslim, even that crapfest at Fox News would have uncovered it by now. All you are doing by sending these emails is (a). pissing me off, (b). advancing my theory that you are a mindless idiot who will believe anything, and (c). making me believe that the U.S. is doomed because of dip shits like you. Do you want four more years of this economy? Neither do I, so lay off the Forward key.

3. Celebrity Wannabes - What happened to the good ol' days when celebrity was reserved for people who were talented? Thanks to the reality show genre, any asshole with an interesting face can be famous for 15 minutes. Andy Warhol predicted it years ago, but that lucky bastard died before he had to see this devastation come to fruition. This blog is about as famous as I'll ever get, and that's fine with me. Why can't this young generation of attention whores wake up and realize that being on stage might seem fun, but controlling everything from behind the scenes is so where it's at.

4. Jogging Suited Stay-at-Home Moms - I was a stay-at-home mom for awhile, and I have mad amounts of respect for any lady that decides that raising decent human beings is more important than making money, if they have the luxury of that choice. However, the jogging-suited, busy-body mom really pisses me off. It's not their designer jogging suit, or the fact that they like to stand up all perky in the parents meeting and volunteer to deliver the kosher pizza to the classroom every Wednesday, it's that they give you 'the look' every time you tell them you have a work obligation, so you aren't available to go over the school curriculum with a fine toothed-comb. It's not that I don't care about my kid's education, I do, that's why I send her to a good, private preschool. I pay the teachers to know their shit, and since they all have degrees in early childhood education, and I don't, I'll give them credit for knowing what they know, so get off my ass and stop making mindless small talk with me, so I can get to work 15 minutes late instead of 30 minutes late.

5. SUV Drivers Who Complain About Gas Prices - You annoy me, but you also make me laugh my ass off. You had to be the big man and get yourself an over-priced Hummer, now you are suffering, and it serves you right. Hummers are military vehicles, and you bought one thinking you could impress everyone. You made fun of us tree-huggers with our Prius' and now you are taking a second on your nearly foreclosed house to pay for your tiny penis syndrome vehicle. You made your oil dependent bed, now lie in it (while you still have your house).

6. People Who Hang Out in Triple-Digit Weather, but Still Deny Global Warming - Thank goodness these morons do their denial banter on television, because if they were within a yard of me, I'd shove my heat-stroked foot squarely up their ass. I grew up in the desert part of Idaho, and yet I've seen weather that I would have never thought possible. Super floods, super fires, storms of the century, drowning polar bears, yet you still believe there is no global warming. Yep, it's best if you stay away from me, or they'll have to send a spelunker to find my Vince Camuto wedge.

7. Crabby People Who Go to Shows for Kids, Then Get Mad that Kids are Talking - Last night we went to see Bugs Bunny on Broadway at the Hollywood Bowl. We had a great time until some old bag told my daughter that she was being too loud and was very rude. Rachael is 4 1/2, and for those of you who have been around kids ever, they ask a lot of questions, which Rachael was doing. What do you expect at a show that features cartoons. I know it's the Hollywood Bowl, and people go there for culture, and under normal circumstances, I wouldn't take Rachael, because of her motor-mouth habits, but this was a Bugs Bunny thing for kids as advertised by the promoters at the Hollywood Bowl. It's like going to see Kung Fu Panda and getting angry that the kid noise is disruptive. If you want to experience culture, and bitch out some kid for talking, don't go to things that feature cartoons, you grumpy asshole.

As a note, I went to confront the lady at the end of the show, but she hauled ass halfway through the encore. I guess it's easier to gripe at a small child then it is to deal with a mad mama.

Annie Where Art Thou...and Whilst You Shut Up Please!

2008-06-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

I've never had a good relationship with the redheads I've come across. For some reason that particular hair color always belonged to personalities that conflicted with mine. Whether it was Lenny Bisby, the neighborhood bully who threw hot sauce in my face when I was in the second grade, or that chick named Kim who I locked horns with in the 8th grade, truth be told, the only ginger I've ever dealt with on a civil basis was a sweetheart named Michelle who I knew in art school.

Now I find myself loathing all things red-topped once again. This time the subject of my disdain isn't even real, she's an orphan from the depression era 1920's and her name is Annie.

Its a sad and sorted tale, the relationship Annie and I shared. It started back when I was 10. Annie was the tough girl that everyone was quite fond of. She had crazy, red hair and a stinky mutt, but Annie was a talented survivor who made good in the end. I loved her story, and her music, and the cool costumes. I watched Annie over and over again imitating her every move.

Annie and I were inseparable for close to a year, but as with all things in time, she and I grew apart. There were other things coming into the picture; Fraggles, Inspector Gadget, and John Taylor of Duran Duran. My love and affection soon turned towards John, and Annie was all but forgotten; cast aside as an adorable childhood memory.

However, Annie and I weren't through, not by a long shot. Two months ago, Annie re-entered my life, this time befriending my daughter, Rachael. I knew from the moment Rachael saw Annie, she was under the same spell that had captured me 25 years ago. Rachael loves everything Annie does, and all she ever wants to do is talk about Annie. She imitates Annie's tough talk and catch phrases, copies her dance moves, and sings the songs of her beloved Annie, much to my chagrin.

I find myself loathing Annie more and more with each passing day. How could it be that in 25 years my feeling towards Annie could have changed so dramatically? After all, Annie wasn't the one who changed, I was.

Oh, I know...it's the five millionth time I've heard "It's a Hard Knock Life" or perhaps it's the fact that I can't watch anything on TV, because the movie of the day is always Annie. The little redhead is adorable in small does, but 24/7 is more than any mere mortal should have to endure. Sorry Annie, but you grow old with age, same as the rest of us, only we don't get to keep our 'the sun will come out tomorrow' smiles as bright and wrinkle-free.

Best Election Ever

2008-06-10T20:50:00.000-07:00

I've already espoused my affection for Barack Obama, so no need to go on further. This will be the best election ever, not because my beloved, yet dysfunctional country, will finally be forced into the new millennium by electing the candidate who is right for the job, not the one they could see themselves having a beer with, it will be the best election ever due to the Cletus factor.

Gas prices have gone through the roof driving people into such desperate means that ignorant-ass, rednecks will be forced to vote for a black guy rather than watch their family starve. This is sad and pathetic, but I choose instead to see the humor in it. I can just see Cletus right now, lumbering up to the votin' booth in his finest Van Halen circa 1980s t-shirt (the one he used to wear to work until one of them illegal Mexicans took his job), looking at the ballot and wantin' like hell to vote for that McCain fella, but Cletus stops, grits his remaining teeth, and punches the card for Obama.

Cletus now knows, what those of us with an education past 8th grade have known for awhile; the Republicans are ineffective corporate whores who don't give a fuck about the working class, and never will, and that by voting for McCain, Cletus won't be able to afford the gas to drive his Chevy to church or the unemployment office. Therefore, as much as he hates blacks (and believe me, Cletus does), he will vote for the black guy, because he can barely afford the payments on his trailer.

If it seems like I'm being elitist and bagging on rednecks a bit too much that is because they deserve it. White, ignorant, Midwestern, Christian, rednecks were the ones who got Bush into office twice. For the far-reaching pain their stupidity has caused my beloved country, they are just going to have to bend over and take my abuse. I just hope like hell they've learned their lesson, then again, for those remaining Cletus-like hold-outs, there will always be a gallon of gas at $5 to push them to, finally, do the right thing.

Highs, Lows & Everything After

2008-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

It was one of those weeks. The kind that shake you to the core. I envy the life I had before last Sunday, even the life I had Sunday afternoon. I was solid in knowing where everything stood; who was who; and what was what.

I apologize for my vagueness, but what was revealed Sunday night was the kind of thing one takes to their grave, and now all I'm left with is the angst, sadness, and insecurity brought on by the revelation. I cried like I never have before in my life, not even when my mother died in my arms.

Parents die before their children, if they're lucky. It's normal, the proper place in the life cycle. I attended the funeral of a dear friend of the family, who was like family, last Friday, and I shed a few tears, but she had been sick for quite sometime and the writing was on the wall. I left with a certain amount of sadness, knowing that I would miss her, but when she passed, it didn't feel wrong.

This was not the case with the revelation. It was so very wrong. I cried until my chest ached and my eyes were nearly swollen shut. Then I spent an uncomfortable night tossing and turning. All I wanted to do on Monday was curl up in bed, in a dark bedroom, and cry, but I had a work deadline that forced me from my heartbreak. I have never been so grateful for work in my life. I could walk through the door of the business and feel that at least one aspect of my existence was normal.

The next few days after were shaky, and each night I cried myself to sleep, but as the week wore on life began to feel a bit normal again. Now here I am a week later. I can't think about the revelation too hard, or I end up in tears. It sneaks up on me from time to time, but I can, once again, envision life returning to a relative state of normalcy.

The hardest part will be the fact that I will carry the revelation in the back of mind for the rest of my life, and I will take it to my grave, but it is necessary in order to ensure that that which is most precious to me remains whole, happy, and continues to thrive.

Again, many apologies for such awkward vagueness, but writing has always been my way of working things out and finding comfort even when it doesn't make sense to others.

All For Naught

2008-05-26T23:43:00.000-07:00

Every time I turned around today I saw photo after photo of young faces. They were smiling, handsome, proud, some in uniform, others posed with their spouse. I watched 30 second tributes to them from a variety of news anchors, and was left with great remorse and seething anger.

Memorial Day was established to honor the fallen who gave their lives serving in the military, but were never able to enjoy a hero's welcome. On this Memorial Day I can't feel pride as an American citizen, because the faces on the news are lives that were wasted on an illegal and immoral war that was sold to us, in part, by the very media that was voicing the 30 second tributes.

Where was that mainstream media when the Bush Administration took our military resources from Afghanistan and directed them into the death pit that is Iraq? How come this same media continues to ignore the outcries from U.S. soldiers back from Iraq to four-star generals who criticize the plan for "winning" the war to the families who have to deal with the burden of non-stop deployment and the daily threat of a pending coffin. I know the mainstream media doesn't give much of a damn about the anti-war movement, because the same company that owns the news probably owns a share of another company that manufactures the weapons, but to watch tribute after tribute from the very source that could have gone after the failed policy from the beginning left me with such a feeling of disgust.

As long as this immoral war continues we are disrespecting our servicemen and women. Our government is failing to give them proper leaves, much needed health care, adequate support for their families, and we are all part of this disrespect. Many leaders say that there can be victory in Iraq, but they fail to look at the long history of that region. It is tribal, it is sectarian, and it is occupied by a group of people whose core belief system links death and glory.

If we truly want to honor our military on Memorial Day, then I hope we get it right in 2009 by shaking their hands on U.S. soil when they are all at home where they should be.

Dance Class Wars

2008-05-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

My husband sometimes makes a practice of talking out of his ass. Case in point; Rachael was 10 months old when Jeff looked at me and said that there was no reason in the world why she couldn't be in the Nordstrom print ads. Having watched way too many E! True Hollywood Stories about child actors, I was completely against it.

My child is absolutely gorgeous, loves to sing (and unlike the rest of our tone-deaf family can carry a tune), can dance without looking like she's convulsing, and doesn't mind getting up in front of a small audience. However, I'm not too keen on the idea of whoring her whimsical kid instinct out to the highest bidder.

After many banters back and forth between my husband and I, we signed baby Rachael up with a local talent agency (who required a $100 retainer), got the headshots done (which was another $300), and got no calls (I mean zilch, zero, nada). Sometimes as a dig, if I'm feeling a bit bitchy, I'll ask Jeff how much interest that $400 would have earned in a college account by now. I haven't done that in quite awhile, because the whole "my kid could be a star" thought pattern hasn't reared it's ugly head until recently.

We signed Rachael up for gymnastics in March. She went for about a month and a half and got bored with it, so we signed her up for tap and dance classes. She went to two classes and absolutely hates it. My first thought is 'she tried it, she's done, time to move on'. Jeff has a bit of a different approach. Rachael loves to sing and dance, he tells me, so let's make her do the dance classes, she'll get used to it and love them.

All the while, Miss Rachael is telling me that she would to go to karate. Every kid loves to sing and dance, but not all want an audience or a stage. In a culture so obsessed with stardom, and living in SoCal, an area where if you don't have a modicum of stardom, you're not shit, I really don't want to encourage this camera-chasing behavior in my kid. If Rachael prefers kicking someone's ass in karate as opposed to dressing in pink tights and singing and dancing, that's fine with me. In fact, I'm downright proud!

The issue of dance class vs. karate still isn't resolved in the Punk in Suburbia household, so it may be awhile before we have a favorable resolution. Until then I'll be happy buying my kid little doctors lab coats and encouraging her to bandage the dogs then asking her to sing yet another rendition of "It's a Hard Knock Life".

A Few Things I Don't Understand

2008-05-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much time for reflexion, since I work way too many hours, but there are little things I've noticed that straight up perplex me. Little ironies that leave me scratching my head and wondering, 'what idiot thought this would be a good idea.' Maybe someone out there has an answer, but I have a feeling many of these things are void of explanation.

Justin Timberlake - Seriously, I don't get it, and I never have. I realize he's not of my generation, so maybe that accounts for something. However, I'm not such an old fart that I can't recognize a handsome young man when I see one. Zach Ephron I totally get, and if I was my niece's tender age, I would be gaga, too, because he's their generation's John Travolta (circa Grease). Justin, though, isn't sexy. His looks are awkward at best, and he has a white guy 'fro, which I'm not saying is a bad thing since I'm married to a guy with a Jew 'fro, but as a general aesthetic rule, white 'fros aren't all that great. His music sucks. From that boy band he used to be in up to his latest over-produced, cultivated-in-a-lab, pop tart CD case of shit, his mark on music more forgettable than anything clever he's ever done, including ripping off Janet Jackson's top at the SuperBowl. If someone could take a moment to explain the whole Justin thing, I would be most appreciative.

Where Does the Bra Go? - I don't know if I don't understand this one, or if it just annoys me, but I went out shopping the other day for a dress to wear to my nephew's Bar Mitzvah, and the question I walked away with was "where does the bra go?" All of the new styles include necklines, straps, and a lack of sleeves, which is fine if your clothing size is single digit, but mine isn't, therefore a natural assumption should be made by clothing makers that once you've crossed the threshold into a non-single digit size a bra is an essential. These clothing makers went to school to learn the fashion industry, so why are they so fucking stupid on this issue! Since the age of 11, I've had boobs, and not tiny, training bra-sized boobs, full on knockers. I sport a size that broads in Newport Beach pay thousands for, yet I can't seem to find a dress that has straps thick enough and strategically placed to hide my bra. I ended up wearing something I bought last October, because it had sleeves. It looked good on, but to some degree I feel a bit robbed.

Gas Tax Holiday - Does Hillary Clinton or John McCain really believe people are going to fall for this bullshit. Their great idea for bringing fiscal relief to millions of Americans is to lift the federal gas tax for the summer. For three months we could save a whole 18 cents! Yippeee! That will definitely off-set the 6 million who have been thrown into poverty since 2000, as well as those trimming their grocery bills in order to afford gas to get them to work. If this is the best solution our so-called "leaders" can come up with, then we definitely need to start an honest discussion about revolution. Barack Obama said that their wonderful gas tax holiday would save Americans a grand total of $30, which is why I'm voting for him. He has been the only one (including the media) who has talked about this being nothing more than populist bullshit, and I respect him for it. I just don't understand why these two power-hungry assholes thought it was a good idea.

Workload - Why am I killing myself working close to 60 hours per week for a salary that falls $15,000 per year short of the California average for someone in my field with my number of years of experience? Frankly, why am I killing myself for any job? I made myself a promise years ago that I would never live to work again, but I've found myself in the same predicament 10 years later. Back then I could afford to make work my life, because I was promoting concerts, loved the music industry, and all I had in my personal life was a family I didn't care to spend time with, and a failing marriage that I was running away from. Now, I have a daughter who is the center of my universe, a husband that I love to be with, friends I like to hang out with, and a family I adore, but I never get to be with them, because work has become my life. I've been postponing having another child, because of work, and I know it's unacceptable. If I didn't like the idea of the business I would have been out after two weeks, but at this point, I don't think ideas are enough to keep me working like a dog and neglecting my family. I just don't understand why its taken me this long to figure it out.

No More Wedge Issues

2008-04-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama belongs to a church that has a pastor who said that America's fucked up foreign relations policies brought on the 9/11 attacks. This is why my country is in the state it's in right now; stupid wedge issues.

George W. went all over the U.S. proclaiming his love for Jesus, and that won him the election the second time. In the past four years, "Jesus' candidate" has nearly bankrupted our country, gotten us further into a financially devastating war, helped create circumstances that have led to a world-wide food shortage, and sold our oil market out to cronies causing millions of Americans to delve further into poverty. Even Fox News would be hard pressed to point to why the presidency of "Jesus' candidate" should be praised.

Along with the whole Jesus' candidate bullshit was the 'let's stop the gays from marrying' wedge issue that got Republicans into absolute power. All my life all I heard from the Republican party was "if we had complete control, we would make the country better". You had your chance, and not only did you fail miserably, but you brought us into the worst economy since the depression.

Before Democrats get on a high-horse, let me say that the great opposition party that the Democrats were supposed to be ended up being nothing more than a group of spineless, image-conscious weaklings. Democratic kowtowing to Republicans is patently unacceptable especially in a time where the daily lives of the people who trusted them are getting worse. If the Republicans are assholes and block every bill that the Democrats propose, then Democratic politicians should let them be assholes, but get on every news station and let the American people know exactly what is happening. Instead Democrats are trying to play nicey-nice with a group of capitalist shills who don't give two fucks who suffers as long as their corporate buddies make their profit margins.

Barack Obama could have the most racist creep of a pastor that I've ever heard, but I'm still voting for him. Rev. Jeremiah Wright is finally being allowed to stand up and speak about his remarks, and the news media is already screaming that based on an interview that hasn't even happened yet, Obama will be finished. At least that's what they're hoping. If I've learned one thing in the past few weeks, it's that the corporate owned media would rather take the millionth tour of some wingnut Texas cult's compound than talk about international food riots, or the enormous protest that happened in Washington D.C. on tax day. That's right, a half million people gathered in our nation's capital on tax day to protest, but you didn't hear about it. However, the unibrow chick in the prairie costume showed you the dorm style rooms where women and children live on the FLDS "ranch" in Texas over and over again.

I want everyone to join with me this year, and every time a wedge issue comes up, write media sources, both political parties, and whoever else is promoting the wedge issue and speak out against the trivialization of the election process. We can't let a racist pastor keep us from the one candidate who isn't feeding from the corporate trough and might actually make some changes in this country.

The Wrong One Got the Tumor

2008-04-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing friend who is one of those fun people you always look forward to talking to. We met in a new mom support group after I had Rachael and she had her son. Two years ago, she had twins who were born with issues. She is one of the strongest people I know, because having three children under the age of 3 with two of them being sick would absolutely break me. She slept on the floor of the twins' room for nearly the entire first year of their lives to make sure she would be there if one of them stopped breathing in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to the worse part yet. My dear friend gets through the first grueling year and a half with her twins, and manages to line up the treatment they need to improve. Her husband begins opting for more out-of-town projects for work, and one day comes home after three weeks in Barcelona (which got him out of a week of three kids with croup), and tells her he's had an Epiphany. He says his life hasn't been too much fun, and he's decided to start enjoying himself more. He joined a role playing club, a wine/dinner party group, and got himself a text message buddy. He travels three weeks a month, and doesn't call home for days. He holds my friend financially hostage and lives in a state where the divorce laws would leave her with next to nothing.

On top of everything, my friend is having surgery tomorrow morning to remove a tumor at the base of her brain. My mother died of a brain tumor, so this is hitting me very hard. I think due to the location and the fact that it's a completely different tumor, my friend will be okay, but I hate the idea of her having to record birthday messages to her children in case she doesn't make it. I hate it even worse that she is recording those messages alone, because her piece of shit husband is out gallivanting with some other chick having a fun life and not giving a fuck about his wife or three kids.

Where is the justice in a situation that holds a sick woman hostage in a mentally and financially abusive marriage? I'm glad I no longer live in the same state, because I'm not a violent person, but I would have beat the living crap out of her bastard husband by now, or at least helped her cut the brakes to his car or some other Soprano-like action that would rid her of him, yet leave her with benefits and insurance money.

It may be wrong of me to say, and something bad will probably happen to me, because of it, but I'm going to say it anyways, because it's the truth: the wrong person got the brain tumor. Now I'm going to go try to call my friend, give her some comforting words, and pray like hell as soon as I hang up the phone that I'm talking to her again by next week.

Get a Freakin' Clue

2008-03-29T22:42:00.000-07:00

It amazes me that one could be around average Americans for months at a time traveling throughout all of the major, and several of the minor, cities in the U.S. and still be completely clueless about the struggles of my fellow citizenry. This was the thought running through my head while I watched the local news recap of John McCain’s visit to Orange County.

He was endorsed by Madame Reagan, the wife of the patron saint of the conservative movement, but managed to bumble through his comments on the economy. Americans are truly suffering right now, and not just the folks who were considered “working poor” or “one paycheck away from disaster”, middle class folks like me who have honest-to-goodness careers. I heard the story of one woman whose husband abandoned her leaving her to raise two kids on her income alone. She worked in the mortgage industry for years making $70,000 annually (which, for reference, the average salary for a college-educated, mid-career employee in Southern California is $65,000). She was laid off and has found herself having to ask for help from a food bank, while her mother has moved in with her to help support the household.

John McCain’s answer to all this suffering is that he doesn’t know that much about fixing the economy. Instead he went on a tirade about how stupid people were to buy houses they couldn’t afford, and that the government shouldn’t be obligated to bail them out. (Even though they’ve faithfully paid taxes?!?) I half expected him to start talking about how in “his day” you had to walk up hill both ways to get to a one-room school in the snow with no shoes. Grandpa was on a rant that today’s generation is too spoiled.

I agree to a certain extent that people were very careless by taking these ‘too-good-to-be-true’ loans, but I also recognize where their desire came from. Having a nice home is the cornerstone of the American Dream. When you read profiles of success stories they always include info about the subject’s home. Since January, there have been 3,000 home foreclosures in my county. What’s McCain’s response to this (aside from his Grumpy Grampy tirade about lack of responsibility)? He wants to give government money to mortgage lenders, so that they can incentivize people to keep their homes. Yep, that’s right, when faced with a groundswell of human suffering and defeat, let’s give all the cash to the pigfuckers who got us into this mess in the first place.

Sadly, this was all he would say regarding the economic crisis. The rest of his speech was all about Iraq, and how it’s really cool that we’re there…and hey that asshole in Iran could use a good woopin’…and how the glorious surge was working…and, even though 4,000 American soldiers are dead you got to break eggs to make an omelet…blah, blah, fucking blah. I can’t believe this is the same guy who I would have voted for back in 2000 when he was running against Bush. I’m not sure what happened over the past 8 years, but much like a bad marriage, this guy is nothing like the one I met via regular appearances on The Daily Show exchanging verbal spars with a then (yet even more clueless) Resident Bush.

It’s disturbing to me that he is one of three possible people that might lead our nation, and if he winds up with the top spot, the suffering that has happened so far will be nothing compared to the dismal state of life in 2010.

Open Letter to the Dumbasses Who Graffitied My Synagogue

2008-03-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Wannabe Graffiti Badasses,

On Wednesday night you decided to come onto the premises of my synagogue and do your best graffiti work. You wrote things on the parking lot where I drop my kid off at school, and probably thought you were pretty fucking rebellious. In fact, I bet you went home with your fellow badasses thinking that you were all the shit.

I guess the only problem with your rebel-rousing plan was that you forgot to read the name on the building whose parking lot you graffitied. You left a tirade of "666" and pentagrams, but here's the kicker; Jews don't believe in the devil. Sure, there is the belief in evil and an entity known to us as the yetzer hara, however, it doesn't have horns, a pitchfork, or a tail, and looks nothing like the guy on my Danzig albums. "666" and pentagrams are offensive to Christians, not to Jews, so you should have done your research.

Also, you may want to think about adopting another means of implementing graffiti, because pink sidewalk chalk just doesn't strike the fear into the hearts of men that it should. I hate to break it to you band of wandering dumbasses, but you basically wasted an entire evening when you could have been doing something more productive like watching paint dry.

Lastly, let a real punk give you some advice: you live in Irvine, so no one is ever going to be afraid of you. Irvine is basically a realized version of Stepford. Your parents are pasty-ass white people who paid way too much for a house that looks like the ones next door to you (and across the street, hence Stepford), they likely went to USC, and they work corporate jobs. Just because you grow your hair down past your ears, shop at Hot Topic, and make your teachers nervous by drawing pentagrams on your notebook doesn't mean people are afraid of you, they just think you are an asshole kid who may need prescription antidepressants.

For what it's worth, I do appreciate the laugh. And by the way, if you're thinking about coming back for a Round Two that involves swastikas or some Nazi bullshit, keep in mind that that kind of graffiti would be classified as a hate crime, which is also a federal crime, and there's no way in hell your spoiled lily ass would survive a minute in youth detention with those kids from Garden Grove.

Still Rolling Her Eyes and Chuckling,

Mel

$4,400 Sex & An Interesting Midnight Conversation

2008-03-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

As someone who loves watching hypocrites go down in flames, I giggled with delight when New York Governor Eliot Spitzer got busted for buying sex after running on a reputation of being a superhero-like crime fighter with the nickname of "Mr. Clean".

I'm not a cold-hearted bitch, because I feel terrible for his wife and daughters. Hopefully, Mrs. Spitzer has already enlisted the services of her favorite Jewish uncle to take her cheating bastard husband to the cleaners in the divorce that should soon follow. However, this was only part of the conversation I found myself having at midnight with my husband earlier in the week when this story broke.

We fall asleep at night listening to talk radio. Jeff had heard the story earlier in the day, but at midnight, when I finally made it to bed after working way too long of a day, his mind was still trying to wrap around the concept of paying thousands of dollars for sex. I'm not sure what was more shocking to him: a guy actually paying $4,400 for sex or the fact that it was a Jewish guy paying $4,400 for sex.

He decided to ask me about this whole thing, since in my husband's mind due to the fact that I grew up poor, worked in the music industry, visited Seattle often during the whole grunge movement, and regularly listen to punk music, I am the ultimate authority on the seedy underbelly of society. Fortunately, for him, he's half right about that.

Jeff: "Do you think he really paid $4,400 for sex?"

Melanie: "Yes, or they wouldn't have busted him in such a public way."

Jeff: "For $4,400 is that just one time, or do you think it was for several meetings?"

Melanie: "I haven't meant too many hookers in my day who run a 'buy 3 get one free' program, so my guess it was $4,400 a pop, or a bang."

Jeff: "Well, for $4,400 he'd better have gotten a blow job with that. That's what I'd expect."

Melanie: "No, for $4,400, you expect sex and blow jobs for the next 10 years, and you'd want her to detail your car once a month for that same 10 years."

Jeff: "No, you're wrong."

Melanie: "Oh really?!"

Jeff: "I'd never pay $4,400 for sex in the first place."

This I truly believe; first and foremost, because Jeff is a moral guy who would never have such blatant disregard for his family the way that schmuck Spitzer did, and secondly, because my husband is cheap. We've gone rounds over his talent for frugality, but at least I have the comfort of knowing that it will never be me in Mrs. Spitzer's position. Not only, because of the whole cheap thing, but also because my husband would never likely run for governor since he hates politics, and I'd never stand by him in that kind of a scandal, because I'm nobody's doormat and why should I bear the brunt of enormous humiliation for his fuck up especially a fuck up where he made the decision to render a wife the harshest insult by taking up with another woman...and paying her.

By the way Republicans, don't act all high and mighty over this sex scandal. At least when a Democrat is caught sticking his schlong where it doesn't belong, it isn't in another guy's ass.

Why I'm Supporting Barack Obama

2008-03-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

Everyone and their dog keeps crowing about Barack Obama's lack of accomplishments, so I thought I'd put this little list together.

Barack Obama Accomplishment List:

First African-American President of the Harvard Law Review
Practiced as a Civil Rights Attorney in private life
Taught Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago Law School
8 Years in the Illinois State Senate
Created the Earned Income Tax Credit in the State of Illinois providing an enormous tax cut to working families
Spearheaded the legislation necessary for the expansion of Early Childhood Education in the State of Illinois
Worked with law enforcement and legislators to pass measures requiring that all interrogations and confessions be videotaped in capital cases
Has done extensive charity work based around community empowerment
Currently advocates for US involvement in ending the genocide in Darfur
Married to a Harvard graduate who has spent several years running a non-profit leadership training program
Opposed the illegal and immoral Iraq War!

While I acknowledge that Hillary Clinton may have more "experience" in terms of dealing with Washington, my question is, do we really want someone like that in Washington? We are standing at the crossroads where the next five years is going to matter greatly. There are economic, environmental, food supply, foreign, and infrastructure challenges that will require a staunch individual to stand up to very monied special interests. This individual will have to rally members of the government, who have been bought off and propped up by those special interests, to do the right thing for America. At this point, I don't think Hillary can do that, because she is part of that "purchased for the highest dollar" establishment.

Barack Obama stood in a room full of Detroit auto workers and told them they had to make more fuel efficient cars. The room went silent. He stood in a room in Texas and spoke out against racism, and the room went silent. Any other politician would have been crapping themselves had they said something that made a room of people go uncomfortably silent, and would have been scrambling to make an apology, but Obama didn't. He actually stood by what he said, and that speaks louder than any of the accomplishments listed above.

Barack Obama is the only candidate who doesn't tell us what we want to hear, but what we have to hear. He also hasn't had a problem telling us that we are all going to have to make sacrifices in order to put our country back in order. Nobody wants to have to sacrifice, but deep down we know we've all fucked things up, and now we've got to bite the bullet and go clean up our room.

I doubt that a law professor who lives in Chicago, grew up in Hawaii, and is a fan of R&B has that much inkling into the punk movement, but anyone who is willing to tell a Texas redneck that there's no excuse for his racism, is punk enough for me.

35 and Still Alive

2008-02-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

I turn 35 on Tuesday. It's not a monumental birthday like 18, 21 or 50, but nonetheless, it's a birthday. At this point my daughter is more excited about my birthday than I am. I'm sure she envisions a celebration that will be similar to her recent Chuck E. Cheese party only with Mommy and all her fellow mommy friends.

I don't have the heart to tell her that the older you get the more your birthday just becomes another day. Sure, there will be the humorous card from my co-workers, a "happy birthday" wish from my husband along with a dig about how I'm getting older, so I should think seriously about giving him another baby, and I can almost lay money down that somewhere in the equation a cake will appear (although given my recent lack of exercise and consumption of Valentine's candy, I should be more cautious than I most likely will be).

The coolest thing about turning 35 is the realization that I'm at the happiest place I've been so far in my life. At age 5, I was being dragged away from my father across country by a mother who was running from demons, either real or imaginary, I'll never know. At 15, I was a zit-covered, hormonal ball of confusion who hated living in Idaho (not that that ever changed), and spent the bulk of her day dreaming about making life happen. At 25, I was in art school having a blast and actively working in the music industry, but I was also in a marriage that was quickly going South and dealing with clinical depression.

At 35, I have the great fortune of being bound for life to someone I'm completely in love with, I have an adorable (albeit, exhausting) child who makes me smile (and yell) everyday. We live in a cool house in a place that is sunny most days of the year. I have a decent career that may be a thorn in my ass (particularly right now) due to the workload, but has given me the opportunity to push myself professionally. I own a hybrid, have excellent cholesterol, and have only found 3 gray hairs, so far.

There are downsides. I was diagnosed this week with tension headaches, but that's better than something serious. All I have to do to relieve most of the stress causing the headaches, according to my doctor, is get back into my regular exercise routine. I need to drop 10-15 pounds (which also would be helped by said exercise routine), but I'm finally at a point in my life where I can have a piece of chocolate at night and not hate myself, because I don't look like a supermodel.

I can see why the world fears us women in our mid-30s. We are vital, running households, managing work environments, comfortable with our confidence, and don't give a fuck about what the world thinks of us. It's a good age. My only fear at this point is that it's all downhill from here, but given the fact that everything has been an upswing, I think I'll ride it out for at least another 50 years. Not an unreasonable life goal for a woman with the blood pressure of an 18 year old.

Consumption Whore

2008-02-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

As I entered my second straight day of a merciless consumption orgy I realized as I walked into, yet another store, that this was the dark side of acquiring a new residence. How is it that we moved from one house into another, yet all of the shit contained in the insane amount of boxes in our garage just doesn't work in the new house!?!

Some of this is my fault. I wanted nice bedding. A simple, elegant, and dare I say, romantic pattern that would make Jeff and I feel like our bedroom was a place for us to relax and become reacquainted as a couple from time to time. When I didn't have the money or desire to change the look of my bedroom, I saw gorgeous patterns everywhere, but for the past two days, it's all been the ugliest things I've laid my eyes on since the days of neon spandex and leg warmers.

Why is the '70s now considered retro? The '70s was such a low point in fashion, home styles, and decor in general that everyone had to be on cocaine in order to get through it, so whose bright idea was it to bring those burn orange and babyshit green colors back for a Round Two?

The bedding is just the tip of this disgusting consumption tirade. New walls equal new space, and new space means the art you have doesn't seem to fit with the massive amounts of empty that make up you dwelling. I'm not one of those people who can go buy a print at Target and be happy with it. I'm one of those emotionally deep bitches who has to have some sort of "connection" with everything I hang on my walls, or I just can't stand staring at it. I need to be able to give people a story about what they see when they walk into my house. I wish I could just throw some sort of Thomas Kincade, Wal-Mart art bullshit up and be happy with it, but I'd rather live in a one room hovel then resort to that.

The second misfortune in my pretentious quirk is that I like certain artists, and certain types of artwork, so decor for my walls cannot be obtained quickly or cheaply. I don't mind this consumption, it's like hunting prey. What I mind is going from store to store for two days looking for one of those little, skinny cabinets that I can use in my bathroom to hold toilet paper, or search stores for a half hour trying to find a tabletop mirror, because my blind ass needs a mirror two inches from my face in the morning so my makeup won't look like crap.

I'm sick of shopping for shower curtain rings that match my kid's clear monkey shower curtain, a napkin holder which seems to be out of style at the moment, reasonably priced sheets with a thread count over 350, and space saver items for the kitchen, because despite having a large kitchen, we somehow ended up with more stuff than we have space. For example, that all-in-one tortilla maker/fajita cooker that was on clearance, so my husband bought it and we used it twice back in 2001. Still taking up space, still collecting dust, but do you think he can part with it; hell no, he got a great deal on it.

The good news is that I ended up finding great bedding, on sale, so I'm going to go enjoy it now, because tomorrow I still have to figure out what I'm going to use to hold the toilet paper.

Breaking News Reality Check

2008-02-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

I woke with a start at 3:00 AM as the anxious broadcaster was barely able to contain the excitement in her voice proclaiming there was "breaking news". There was a cut to a commercial break and during the 90 seconds of drivel about mattress sales, the latest revolutionary, natural health product, and the token public service announcement, I wondered what the urgent "breaking news" could be.

Although the Resident-In-Chief only has a few more lame duck months in his pitiful presidency, he would be stupid enough to start a war with Iran. Perhaps there was a 50 car pile up on the 5 Freeway or civil war in an unstable country. My mind raced until the woman's voice came back on air with the "breaking news".

Breaking News: Police have just been to Brittney Spears' house, and although there are unconfirmed reports of a suicide attempt, nothing has been substantiated. However they are taking her to a hospital in an ambulance.

You've got to be fucking kidding me!

There are so many levels of wrong here I don't know where the hell to begin. Maybe I should start with the obvious, which is that a has-been pop tart's mental breakdown is not exactly "breaking news". Breaking news is a political assassination, or an natural disaster, or a major financial crisis that will affect millions of people.

When I went to journalism school I learned about the history of the profession, and felt proud to join it. I studied great journalists like Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite. My favorite female journalist was Nellie Bly. Many know her as the lady who went around the world in 80 days, but what they don't know is that she was hired as a reporter (when women weren't hired) by doing one of the most shocking undercover investigations of the late 1800s. She suspected that female immigrants were being carted off to mental institutions, not because they were insane, but because had no knowledge of their new American culture. To prove this, she had herself committed to one of the most notorious women's asylums in the country.

Poor Nellie would be vomiting and pulling her hair out if she could see what has become of the profession she fought so hard to be a part of. Journalism was set up to keep an eye on the government and big business, as the fourth institution in this country. Without freedom of the press, you can't have a democracy, but much like the failed dream of a true American democracy, the press has fallen by the wayside, sold off to big corporations and is now busy creating sensationalist info-tainment instead of covering real news.

Television networks used to be willing to lose money on the news broadcasts, because they weren't about making money or getting high ratings, the news was the news. It was a vehicle to keep the country informed, and to let politicians and big business know they were being watched. Now, the caliber of your average news broadcast makes the National Enquirer seem dignified.

Aside from the complete collapse of media integrity, I find it very disturbing that they are fixated on Brittney hoping for an Anna Nicole ending. They want to be there for every ounce of this woman's self-destruction, and if they're lucky, maybe they can be standing over her while she overdoses!

There used to be an award for journalistic integrity that was presented once a year at a large journalism conference. One year it was won by a photographer who happened to be standing in front of the nightclub where, late actor, River Phoenix was having his last party. River came out of the club and overdosed on the sidewalk. The photographer snapped photos until he realized that the actor had died in front of him, then he destroyed the film in his camera, because he felt that no one should see a brilliant, young actor die so tragically. I don't know what ever happened to that photographer, but I would lay money down that he isn't one of the vultures hovering around Brittney hoping to create "breaking news".

Back to Suburbia

2008-01-27T21:13:00.000-08:00

As I was pulling into my new neighborhood to unload, yet another car full of boxes, I heard that familiar song running through my head: "Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky, little boxes on the hillside, little boxes just the same."

I was back in Suburbia, once again, and the only difference between this new neighborhood in California and my old neighborhood in Washington is that it rains less, and there's a gay couple that lives across the street. How sick is this: the house we are moving into on Wednesday was built by the same company that did our Washington house.

It's been over two years since I started this blog in an effort to try to reconcile the life I lead with the inner me that feels awkward in this suburban existance. More often than not, I feel like an alien walking around amongst these perfect houses with smiley neighbors keeping busy in their perfect yards. In my heart I feel that I don't belong here, but at the same time I'm not rushing to change it.

I've heard other people talk about this. They are like me; grew up poor, were never supposed to make it, but they did. They achieved the 'rags to riches' American dream, yet remain patently uncomfortable with their life circumstance. Not that they, or I, want more, it's more of a feeling of guilt, like someone from such humble beginnings doesn't deserve to have so much.

I look at my new, massive, beautiful house, which I know I will be happy raising my child in, but there's a part of me that, remembers being the little girl who, for awhile, lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment with her baby sister and young, single mother.

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what I've done, because given my upbringing, background and statistics, I should never be where I am today. Thankfully, I've never thought much of statistics and I'm always willing to give an enormous "fuck you" to anyone who attempts to tell me what I should be or what I should do or what I should say.

This house is monumental for another reason; one that is the reason why I'm taking shelter in the comforts of Suburbia, this is my 50th residence. In my 34 years of life, I have had 50 addresses. Some places I managed to stay in for years (although not many) and some I stayed for a few months. Moving around taught me that home is where your family is, but it also left me with feelings of insecurity like no matter where I was, I didn't belong there. I don't want to pass that onto Rachael. She should have the comfort of knowing where her bed is at night, and feeling like no matter what she's up against, there will always be a place she can come home to.

So here I am ready to re-enter Suburbia having told my husband that we will stay a minimum of 10 years in our new house. Sandwiched between the very nice, mixed race couple on one side, and the very nice, taking Christmas decorations to a new and disturbing level neighbors on the other side, I will find a way to reconcile my past with what my life is now. Thankfully, my job is demanding enough that I don't have to join the PTA.

Barack Obama is Black, The Sky is Blue, and Other Obvious Things I Already Know

2008-01-20T13:27:00.000-08:00

The other day I was copied on one of those annoying emails where the author frantically asks you to forward it to everyone you know, because not being aware of this pending crisis will surely result in some "War of the Worlds" end of time scenario.

The gist of the email was that presidential candidate, Barack Obama, was a member of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, and this church is radical, or more importantly, run by black radicals. The email eluded to the idea that since Obama was a member of this church, he was basically a new millennium Black Panther.

Of course, the ever present cynic in me went to Trinity's website and spent a good amount of time reading through it, and what I discovered in my reading was that this church defines itself as "unashamedly black and unapologetically Christian." They are very determined in their efforts to advance equality and educational opportunities for blacks in both the U.S. and Africa, and they actually want to do something about Darfur unlike our government who says they oppose this kind of genocide, but since there isn't oil money to be made, doesn't give a shit.

Basically, Trinity United Church is run by blacks for blacks with the purpose of bringing equality and Christianity to blacks, and Barack Obama is a member of this congregation. And the problem is?

The fact is we live in a country where race is a Catch 22. Barack Obama is a proud black man, but according to the frantic email, he is a bit too much of a proud black man. If Barack Obama came out of the woodwork with a bunch of white friends and attended a white church, then the same frantic email would have gone out claiming that he can't be trusted, because he is disavowing his roots as a black man. Barack is in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

The funny thing is that these emails are circulating through an older generation that fails to realize most people age baby boomer and below don't give a rat's ass about a person's race. I like Barack Obama, I think he could run this country, and I don't give two fucks if he is black, yellow, or purple. I like the fact that Barack Obama attends a church that takes a hard line approach to strengthening its community. To me, it says that he isn't just the type to shy away from taking a stand for fear he will lose a few approval points (I'm looking at you, Hillary).

Another email I'm sick of receiving is the one about Barack Obama and his Muslim upbringing. His dad was a Kenyan Muslim who sent Barack to Muslim school for maybe one or two years when he was five years old. His father and mother split up when he was young, and Barack was raised by his single mother in Hawaii. My guess is that Barack knows more about hanging ten than hanging those who don't study the Koran.

At this point, I'm tired of the mixed message, frantic emails. Make up your mind muckraking emailers! Is he a black, Christian radical or a black, Muslim radical, and do you all realize that forces larger than you are playing on your fears of human difference to advance an inherently racist notion that a black guy can't run the country, because he is black?

Barack's blackness shouldn't scare you, especially if he is unapologetically proud of it. What should scare you is the idea of spending another four years under a Republican president who will keep the expensive war going and further drive the economy into the toilet all because you freaked out, sent frantic, bullshit emails to everyone on your list, and made this election about race instead of progress.

Thought of the Day: Now That is F@!?ked Up!

2008-01-11T23:48:00.000-08:00

I have always thought the worst case scenario of all of these rampant fertility treatment pregnancies, use of banked sperm, multiply harvested embryos, and concealed adoptions, would be two genetically identical people meeting later in life, completely unaware of the other's existence, and unknowingly hooking up.

I'm sad (and really disturbed) to report that this actually happened! In England, twins separated at birth recently had their marriage annulled when they found out they were brother and sister. Everyone repeat after me: EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!

They had been separated at birth, adopted by different families and never told about each other. When they met as adults they had an instant connection, only instead of serendipity it was common DNA. They have now helped push for laws that protect the rights of adoptees.

The article didn't say anything about how the twins were doing mentally and emotionally, but it can't be good. I mean finding out you slept with your sibling is worth at least five years of therapy, but finding out that you fell in love and married your sibling takes it to a whole new level. Especially when you know that when they think of the best intimacy they have ever had with a member of the opposite sex, the first thought likely to enter their head will be their former spouse, about five seconds before the reality hits that it was their sibling.

One more time, repeat after me: EEEEEEWWWW!!!

Thought of the Day: Unwanted Opinions

2008-01-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest pet peeves happened today: somebody asked my opinion, and when I told them what I thought, with quite a bit of tact and honesty, they totally rejected it. The annoying part was, not only did they reject it, they basically stated via email that they really didn't want my opinion in the first place.

It seems like a new, more aggravating form of political correctness; the asking of the opinion when what someone really wants to do is tell you what to do, only they don't want to be seen as some kind of tyrant or asshole. Instead, they want you to smile and nod and support their idea, even if it's premature and will be a complete strain on already limited resources.

In this particular case, I didn't say the idea wasn't doable, I just said it wasn't doable right now, and that's my job (which is why I was asked to give my opinion in the first place). To put it bluntly, I'm not some mindless "yes" girl. I like to take an idea, make an assessment of the resources needed to implement the idea, then once the resources are in line, map out a process that will generate success. I don't do things half-assed, and if you ask my opinion I will give it to you even if it's the one you don't want to hear.

On top of all of this superficial, "I really do want your opinion" charade, I was also, in so many words, told I wasn't open to new ideas. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm the first one to be on board with a new idea. I don't like stagnation, but I'm not so careless that I'll jump into something on a whim especially when it affects people who depend on me. Like I said, I will give you the opinion I have, even if it's the one you don't want to hear.

Unfortunately, this whole "opinion" gathering ordeal isn't over, so I'll have to go through this bullshitfest again tomorrow.

All I can say is sometimes people make me so pro-nuclear.

Looking Forward to 2008

2008-01-04T22:59:00.000-08:00

I'm excited for 2008. 2007 was kind of a drag; too much shitty economy, too many people losing their homes, too much media coverage of suicide queens and dysfunctional trainwrecks, and finally, WAY too much Bush Regime.

This year we get to elect someone new, and I'm really excited that, given the performance in Iowa, it might be Barack Obama. I still worry that my country is too caught up in the race issue, but maybe all of us progressives can come out of the woodwork and let the small-minded vote for Huckabee the Dominionist. Even those who affiliate with Christianity don't want to be the type of buttoned-down, uber-conservative Christian that Huckabee has in mind. A new leader with fresh ideas and optimism will help get the economy back on track, and will lay the groundwork to get us the hell out of Iraq...finally.

Although Brittney is on the Anna Nicole lifepath plan, I think people are actually getting sick of hearing about her. She hasn't done anything musically since that gawd-awful "comeback" on MTV, and being famous for acting like drunken, drugged out, trailer trash isn't likely to be too cool in the optimistic '08 year.

On a personal level, we bought a house and get to move into it later this month. I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it; I'm not moving for at least 10 years minimum. That's right, I'm hanging up my gypsy shoes and sprouting roots. I'm also looking forward to finishing the re-org of my department at work. It's coming along well, but I want to take it all the way to the bank.

Mostly, I'm looking forward to a year of hopeful thinking. These long, sad, grueling years of life under the Bush Regime have not been happy ones. They ruled by reminding us that we should be afraid of everything. They took all of our money and put it into funding defense contracts won by companies owned by them and their friends. They took our country's honor and reputation and shit all over it, but that's all over now. Americans are no longer fearful, they are no longer willing to blindly give over their rights and control of the national treasury to robber barons, and they are no longer willing to be told that the future is grim. 50 years ago a black man couldn't get into a restaurant with white people, now there's one on the way to the White House, that makes me damn proud, and very optimistic.

I'm Tired of Funding Murder

2007-12-28T20:46:00.000-08:00

Every day I am bombarded with images of disgraceful women. Our country's pop culture media adores them. The worse they are, the better. These women set very low standards, and a bigger tragedy seems to be that there is an abundance of these horrible females to fill page after page of trash magazine print.

Over the past couple of days there has been a remarkable exception to this vile standard. The media has splashed the life and face of an amazing, brave, progressive woman. A lady with vision who dedicated herself tirelessly to improving the lives of others, and showing younger women how to stand strong in the face of severe danger. Unfortunately, the danger hit too close to home, and after a successful speech of hope given to a thousand eager listeners, she was murdered.

Benazir Bhutto was an amazing voice of peace amid a sea of warmongers, fear peddlers, ruthless dictators, and those who profited from the misery of others. I am still fuming over her untimely death. She wanted to make peace with India and Israel, and stabilize her country. What adds to my anger is the fact that my tax dollars went to fund the murder of this great lady.

The U.S. has given the Musharraf regime billions of dollars to fight the so-called war on terror. Have they caught Osama bin Laden? Nope. Instead they have used those funds to increase their military might and keep a strangle hold on Pakistan. This is the government that has banned all free media, jailed attorneys who represent people mistreated by the government, and repeatedly uses torture. The only reason Musharraf agreed to hold elections in the first place was to keep the U.S. gravy train flowing. This is a man who took power in a coup, do you think he really cares about elections! Bhutto was going to defeat him, so her death was very convenient.

Of course, the Musharraf regime is pinning the blame on our favorite Snowball; al Qaeda. I'm sure within the next few weeks they will do a bang up job showing the link between radical Islamic extremists and Bhutto's murder. Also a prediction, the Bush regime will go right along with it, and breath a big sigh of relief that the attention of the American people is once again distracted from the occupation of Iraq.

Speaking of Iraq, if we had done things properly, instead of making a grab for the third largest oil reserve in the world, maybe we could have played a part in taking down Musharraf and bringing Bhutto back to power. We would have been instrumental in spreading the peace and democracy that our own dictatorship claims to promote, and best of all, it would have been one less murder you and I would have paid for.

Thought of the Day: My Favorite Idaho Game

2007-12-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

The plan was made to take a two hour drive from Nampa to New Meadows (like any of you know or care about either place, but I'm attempting to be descriptive). On this trip, I was able to show Jeff how to play my favorite Idaho game, which I call, "What's that Smell?"

It's easy to play, and somewhat disturbing. Basically you drive along any given stretch of road surrounded by nothingness until everyone in the car gets a horrible look on their face and exclaims, "What's that smell!?!"

Unfortunately, the answers aren't always the most creative and usually boil down to one of three smells: the White Satin Sugar factory (big, horrible stench), Onions (potatoes aren't the only thing grown in Idaho), or Cowshit (no explanation needed on this one).

We played this game all the way up to New Meadows. We didn't get to play it on the way back, because I was too busy white-knuckling the steering wheel of the rented Chevy Aveo when a huge snowstorm hit. It took us 3.5 hours to get back to my sister's house, but in that time, I concluded that unless someone dies, I'm not visiting in the winter ever again.

California, I love and miss you!

Thought of the Day: Idaho Get Over Yourself

2007-12-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in Idaho spending a few days with my family. I'm psyched to see my friends, my niece, and my siblings, but not too happy to be in this place. It's a nice area if you didn't grow up here during the '80s, you know, before they had tall buildings, culture, and civilization. Although Southern Idaho has changed a great deal, it's gotten a bit carried away with itself.

For example:

Airport Security - I went to pick up my husband last night and there were three police officers walking around harassing cars stopped at the curb. Most of the planes coming into the Boise airport aren't even regular-sized aircraft, they are a step above the propeller Buddy Holly planes, so there aren't many people or tons of gallons of jet fuel aboard. Also, most Americans don't know where Idaho is, let alone some Islamic terrorist who lives in a shithole in Afghanistan and rides around on a donkey. Trust me, the little nuclear plant in the middle of the state isn't going to be enough to make a would-be fundamentalist board a Big Bopper prop plane.

Real Estate Prices - They have houses here selling for over $500K! Unless you get 50 acres of land with it, you have to be a fucking moron to even consider paying that price tag, because most of Idaho (even the populated areas) contain vast fields of nothingness. Real estate developers have tried to make some cities and areas more "exclusive" than others, but the truth is that no matter how spiffy the neighborhood might be if you drive a mile in any direction you are going to run into a trailer with a broken down barn in the backyard and three rusted out cars on the front yard.

Police Protection - The crime rate here is so low that there are police patrolling speed limits everywhere. This is one of the more attractive features about living here; the idea that you can leave your garage door open for an hour, and your possessions will still be there when you remember to close the door. However, between Point A and Point B there is a long road with no cars, and driving 50 mph should not be a crime punishable by a smoky with an attitude and an insurance-raising ticket. If you are going to have cops patrolling every long strip of road running through those vast fields of nothingness the least you could do is offer traffic school to those of us who would like to get to the mall in a reasonable amount of time.

Family Values State - Stop touting the idea that you are the state that represents family values just because you have a church on every corner. The county I grew up in had one of the top teen pregnancy rates in the Northwest, there is a huge meth problem in the poorer Idaho counties, and Larry Craig is your longtime representative (need I say more).

I'm bias and I'll admit it. This place has a lot of demons and bad memories from my past, but it also gives me a tremendous amount joy driving by places where I spent years engaging in juvenile mayhem. However, as the eternal realist, the image of Idaho doesn't add up to the reality, so get over yourself, and for fuck's sake leave me alone at the freakin' airport!

Thought of the Day: Grateful for What I've Got

2007-12-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

I've spent many years trying not to stand in front of the mirror and notice my flaws. When my daughter began to mimic me, as most little ones do, I really kicked it into high gear, because I didn't want her to look at her own reflection with disappointment. I've finally come to a point in my life where I'm happy with the way I look, big ass and all.

Today, I feel especially grateful for my large hips, slightly matronly upper arms, and all of my other flaws, because Pamela Anderson filed for divorce again. Let me explain. Pam is basically the physical manifestation of every straight man's dream. She has ginormous inflata-boobs, a tiny waist, a round butt, and despite being short, great legs. Her face isn't too bad either except for the fake lips and way too much eye shadow, yet I have a better personal life than this beauty queen. Weird isn't it.

Like many women I've spent time dreaming of what life would be like if I had the "perfect" body, and looks that could kill. Now I stop and look around at all of the women the media has declared as perfection and they are really a fucked up bunch. It's actually very sad that Ms. Anderson keeps winding up with losers, and that she doesn't seem to respect herself much.

Maybe I'm capitalizing a bit on someone else's misery, but after reading the news story about Pam's marriage to Paris Hilton's former boyfriend (like that wasn't a big enough flag!), I feel damn grateful for everything I've got, even though it never has a prayer of fitting into single digit sizes.

Thought of the Day: Glowing Cats

2007-12-14T16:59:00.000-08:00

Scientists in South Korea have cloned cats that glow in the dark.

No...I'm not stoned right now, I'm completely serious, and by cats I do mean litterbox pooping felines that say "meow".

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of science. I like the idea that in a world filled with reality television, corporate-run governments, and Brittney Spears, there is still enough human innovation to create technology that, crappy cell phone service aside, makes our lives better. However, sometimes I think that a few people have a little too much alone time in the lab, and the glowing cats advances that theory.

The glowing cat scientists say that the experiment was designed to detect disease in human beings, but during my long and decently traveled life, I have yet to see someone suffering from a weird glow-in-the-dark disease (except for those folks in Chernobyl who also have three eyes and I really don't want to see a dog with more than two eyes, so Korean researchers, don't even go there).

I understand cloning. Cloning will make it possible to advance transplant science and grow healthy skin that can be of aid to burn victims or people who have extensive scar tissue, but I'm not too down with the glowing. Then again, I always wonder what kids will be into by the time Rachael becomes a teenager. Instead of the tongue piercings maybe it will be, "But Moooommm, everyone is drinking the glow juice, and it will only make me green for, like, ten days max." Oy vey!

Thought of the Day: Pissing on Ike Turner's Grave

2007-12-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

Ike Turner died yesterday. He had a tremendous talent for making great music, and I'll be the first to give him that credit. However, he was an absolute bastard of a human being, and I am perplexed as to why I'm looking at all of these glowing reports of his career.

I've never understood the need our society has to make people greater in death than they were in life. Look what happened with Anna Nicole Smith! She was a stripper who spent most of her early years hosting parties at the same house where her son slept, then got famous for being pretty, married a really old guy for money, and finally overdosed. Yet when she died everyone acted like some great person was gone, and the country should feel at a loss. Give me a fucking break!

Now we get to Ike Turner; a man who was arrested multiple times for drug charges, along with episodes of drug-induced violence, and brutalized one of the most talented women ever to sing a note. I've heard people say that Tina would have never gotten to where she is today without Ike, but given the beatings, threats, black eyes, chokings, and split lips, I think she might have preferred to go it on her own and find out.

A man is only as good as the woman who stands beside him, and if the woman can't stand, because he's beaten her too hard, then he isn't shit.

Thought of the Day: iHate iTunes

2007-12-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

All I wanted to do was download Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill". I wasn't looking to save 99 cents and download it for free from some scary Nigerian virus site. No, I was willing to be bilked a buck to get the song quick, so that I could listen to it while I worked out.

I started my downloading quest at 9:30 PM. I plugged my iPod Nano into my computer, and went to the iStore. I found the song, and clicked the "Buy It" key, but iTunes informed me that the iTunes version I upgraded to two weeks ago was so old that the song wouldn't download. Annoying, but nonetheless, I still wanted the song, so I went to the Apple site to download this week's version of iTunes, which was only supposed to take 6 minutes. Apparently 6 iTunes minutes are like 6 moon minutes (you know with the whole time/space thing where minutes on the moon are double what they are here).

I downloaded the new version, restarted the computer, and the whole system went wacky. After a phone call to my husband accusing him and his brother of screwing up the computer, which he denied, but those two + computer = very bad things, I looked forward to downloading the song. I re-set the computer, went through the iTunes update download again, and clicked on my desktop's iTunes shortcut, but it wouldn't open, so I clicked the "Help" key. Apparently this week's iTunes update requires you to delete QuickTime, and re-install it as a stand alone program. I did all this, because now I wasn't fucking going to bed until I had this song!

I finally gave up at 11:30 PM. The closest I got to actually having the song was streaming the original circa 1980s Kate Bush video on a YouTube site set up by some weird French guy. I know that downloading music is supposed to be the wave of the future, and I may sound like an old fart, but I'll take a good mix CD any day. At least if I had a CD, I would have been able to do my workout, while listening to sweet Kate make a deal with G-d.

Thought of the Day: Why I Say My Prayers at Night

2007-12-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

My cousin, Alex, and three of his friends in Iraq.

Thought of the Day: The Misadventures of Felony Melanie

2007-12-06T22:23:00.001-08:00

One of my young co-workers came at me first, "Mel, I think you'd better get out here."

I approached the reception area of my office and found a police officer at the front door. Outside there was the policeman's motorcycle accompanied by a police car with two more cops. In less than 5 minutes another two police officers showed up.

"Is this your vehicle, ma'am?" asked the motorcycle officer.

Then it hit me, Voldemort had reported the car as stolen.

Voldemort is the name we have bestowed on the woman my brother-in-law foolishly chose to marry six years ago. They are going through a messy divorce, and today I found myself right in the middle of it.

My brother-in-law had swapped vehicles with me a couple of days ago, because he needed the momvan to haul some stuff. What he didn't tell me was that during one of his messy court proceedings around mid-November, the court ordered him to turn over the car to her temporarily. He also forgot to disable the LoJack system allowing the police to find the car with little effort.

Two hours I was outside with a very nice officer, and in the end Voldemort ended up with the car. She has one that she talked her mom into buying for her, and another vehicle owned by my brother-in-law's company that she's refused to turn over violating her own court order.

The nice officer told me it was a good thing that they found me at work, because had I been driving the car, SoCal's procedure for pulling over a suspected carjacker is to force them off the side of the road, and with guns drawn make them lie on the ground to cuff them. I would have really been pissed had that happened, today I was merely inconvenienced and annoyed.

My co-workers got a kick out of the situation asking me what else I had been arrested for, and if I had a secret life I wasn't telling them about, and nicknaming me 'Felony Melanie.' They were also in awe of how calm I was in a situation where they would have completely freaked out and had a meltdown. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I'd prefer to say that I remain eternally amused at these weird life situations I always seem to find myself in. Beside, shit like this makes my blog worth reading.

Thought of the Day: How Do You Like Them Apples !?!

2007-12-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

My daughter's birthday celebration was fantastic. She showed up to Chuck E. Cheese in her Pepto Bismol pink princess costume. Prior to Sunday, she had worn it all of five minutes before tearing it from her body like it was burning her skin, but that morning, she sat in the middle of the living room floor in her underwear, and proclaimed, "If I can't wear my princess dress, I'm not going." It was her birthday, so I let her wear the costume figuring it would be off the moment we got to the place with the shittiest pizza known to man, but, hats off to her, she wore that costume the whole time.

The party was only supposed to be from 1:00 - 2:30, but we finally left at 4:30. I was exhausted and deaf, but the munchkin was happy, and the dad got some good footage, so all was well. We went home, opened gifts, and rested for all of 30 minutes before we were out meeting my folks-in-law to celebrate with a birthday dinner. She was sung to by the waitstaff and got to eat a big sundae without finishing her meal. Any 4-year-old kid should have thanked their lucky stars for this dream day, but I've learned that my daughter isn't your typical 4-year-old.

As I was changing her into her jammies that night, she was clearly exhausted. I told her it was time to go to sleep, and in two seconds, she stood up on her bed, got in my face and said, "Mommy, I'm 4-years-old now, I do what I want."

21 fucking hours of labor, countless sleepless nights, ear infections, teething, kissing ouchies, the loss of a great set of boobs to gravity, and it's 'I do what I want.' Thankfully, I'm not one to lose my cool. I looked at her and said, "Do you drive a car?"

She thought and replied, "Yes, Grandma and Papa gave me a car." (referring to the little electric, way too expensive gift my in-laws gave her the day before)

"Do you drive a big car?" I asked.

"No." she said.

"Do you make money?"

"No." she said sticking her pouty lip out.

"Then I guess you have to listen to me for a few more years." I smiled.

Mommy wins again, but for how long is the question.

Thought of the Day: Four Years Ago Today

2007-12-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

It's 9:05 AM and four years ago I was in the worst pain of my life. I sat on the edge of the bed wanting to close my eyes and just breathe through it, but my mother-in-law was in front of me telling me to focus on her. The pain subsided, my own mother arrived, Jeff was there, and the unbearable pain began again.

Prior to this, I never had a pain that I couldn't wrap my head around. When I popped my hip out of joint in 7th grade gym class, I could wrap my head around that. When I nearly cut the tip of my finger off, I could wrap my head around that (by the way, never chop vegetables while arguing with your asshole boyfriend). I've even been punched straight in the face, but even that paled in comparison to these terrible labor pains.

Finally, I took matters into my own hands. I grabbed my husband by the collar and told him it was time for the epidural, and he was not to return to my side until he made it happen. A few minutes later a nice young man with a bald head and glasses, dressed in blue hospital scrubs gave me the best shot I've ever had, and all the pain was gone.

I slept through the worst part of my labor while Jeff dozed beside me in the rocking chair and the mothers watched television and browsed through a large book of names. At around 5:15 PM, it was go time. They told me I would spend three hours pushing, but I'd had enough of this labor bullshit and wanted to see this tiny human I had been incubating for nearly a year. Thanks to learning the pilates extended stomach crunch movement, I had her out in 30 minutes.

The moment your child emerges from your body is the most real experience you will ever have. It was a physical, spiritual, and emotional release that I had never imagined could be possible. I never truly realized my power as a woman until that moment. Now I was a mother, and the tiny doll baby in the blue and pink striped stocking cap swaddled tightly in white nursing blankets was my daughter.

There was the usual celebration with phone calls and excitement, then a couple of hours later after Jeff and my mother-in-law went home and my mother was asleep in the portable bed across the room. It was just me and my little girl, now named Rachael. I spent a few moments freaking out and feeling weird. When your life completely changes in the matter of a few hours, even if it's for the better, there is still some fallout.

Today, my little one turned four. She plays games on the computer, insists on picking out her own clothes, drags a step ladder across the kitchen floor when I'm cooking so she can stand beside me and help, takes care of the dog, and yells at me when she thinks I'm not listening to her. Maybe I don't discipline her enough and let her talk back way too much, but I don't care. She has an amazing spirit, and is a pretty good kid, in general. Besides, it's always been my goal to raise a fabulous woman, and after four years, I think I'm well on my way.

Thought of the Day: California Rain

2007-12-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of the most humorous days I've had so far here in Southern California, because it rained. It not only rained, but it rained really heavy. In Seattle we referred to this particular type of rainstorm as "pissing rain". You know, the kind of storm when you come in drenched and you've only walked a few feet from your car to the office, and someone asks, "what's the weather outside like?" Your only response as you wonder if you are going to have soggy socks all day is, "it's pissing rain."

I was listening to the rain piss down while I was getting ready for work, and I wondered how my new comrades in SoCal would respond to this huge amount of wetness, of course anticipating the worst. I was not disappointed. My commute to work took nearly double the time, because people here fear the rain. They also don't get the fact that their car is made of steel while rain is only a group of tiny water beads, because they were driving as if speeding up would cause the rain to hurt their cars.

My favorite scene of the day was when I ventured out for lunch, which I almost never do, but had to in lieu of the opportunity for nostalgia. I sat eating my lunch and listening to grunge music (like I said it was all about nostalgia), and I saw a guy feverishly wiping his outside car windows down with a towel, and had to restrain myself from yelling, "Hey Maynard, give it up! It's going to be pissing rain all day!" Instead, I just opted to watch him go from window to window, panicking and wiping, not understanding that according to the laws of physics steel is much stronger than tiny drops of water.

Thought of the Day: Republican Debate Drinking Game

2007-11-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

The Republican candidates for president are getting ready to square off on Wednesday night for a CNN/YouTube debate. Since we already know they are the party that has ruined America for the past six years and think they can win by not doing shit and scaring the hell out of everyone (especially old people), then the only thing we can do is make this debate fun and do a drinking game.

Here are the rules for the Republican Debate Drinking Game:

Everytime the word "terrorism" or "fear" is used you have to drink.
Everytime Rudy evokes the memory of 9/11, you have to drink.
Everytime John McCain tries to justify torture, you have to drink.
When they ask the 'yes or no' question about who believes in evolution, you have to drink for each candidate that says "no".
Everytime Mitt Romney skirts the Mormon issue, you have to drink.
Everytime Huckabee mentions abortion, you have to drink.
And anytime the words "illegal immigration" are used, you have to drink and make an attempt to stand and salute the flag.

Given the Republican Party rhetoric and the single-mindedness of the GOP spin doctors, I'll eat my hat if anyone is still sober after the first 30 minutes of this debate.

Thought of the Day: BJ Issues

2007-11-24T10:38:00.000-08:00

Can't Ben & Jerry's make just one shitty tasting ice cream! How come every pint on the shelf has to be like eating frozen heaven? I'm convinced that Ben & Jerry's and my strong affection for it is the reason I don't have a Size 2 ass...well, that and the wrong mixture of genetics.

I have, what I call, my Ben & Jerry's moments. About the time that I'm sneaking into the kitchen like a cat burgler, eating the ice cream straight out of the container, and figuring out that if Jeff walks in, I can hide the spoon behind the frozen loaf of bread, I know I've reached a tipping point and it's time to diet again.

I had strep throat not too long ago, and out of kindness, my loving husband bought a pint of Coffee (my absolute favorite) and a pint of Chunky Monkey. Last night at 9:30 PM, despite my exhaustion, I was on my elliptical machine. I tell my daughter it is because I want to be healthy, but that's bullshit. I'm sweating my guts out, because of the Ben & Jerry's. To my credit, I didn't eat the whole pint, just 1/4 of it, which is still somewhere in the neighborhood of 220 calories, and don't get me started on the fat content. I'm hoping the rest will frost over and go bad really soon, or that my husband will sneak into the kitchen one night like a cat burgler and maybe, hide his spoon in a different place.

Thought of the Day: Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T11:59:00.001-08:00

My Take on the Latest Presidential Candidate Debate

2007-11-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

Since CNN and all of the major media outlets are unrolling their "Hillary for President" banners, and giving the most half-assed, one-sided (and may I add, fucking pathetic) coverage to the latest CNN Democratic candidate debates, I've taken it upon myself to raise my mighty bullshit sword, and give you the straight up on what went down in Vegas last week. I watched the whole thing start to finish, and here's my take on it.

There was a bit of mud-slinging, but what do you expect from seven people all competing for the same job. This was supposed to be Hillary's comeback debate, and all the corporate media is calling her the winner, but from what I saw, she was the weakest one on the stage. The woman is acting like she is already the Democratic nominee, and is so scared of saying anything that would give the Republican Party fodder for negative ads that she is not saying anything at all. She is so damn vague on every issue that despite being physically upright, she had no stand, even on that fucking ridiculous 'diamonds or pearls' question. Note to CNN: Nobody wants to hear that shit! We are all on the verge of poverty or know someone who is, stop baiting the crowd with questions we could care less about!

Obama rocked as did Dennis Kucinich. Yes, I know he's a radical, and kind of funny looking, but at least he doesn't waffle on speaking his mind. He is also pro-worker, anti-big money, and didn't vote for the "Patriot" Act, which he pointed out at the debate. Richardson did quite well, too, and made a good point about the Republican wedge issue du jour (i.e. driver's licenses for illegals) being more a public safety issue than a 'come on in and take jobs from legal citizens' issue.

Biden usually has good, strong opinions and expressed them, but is still somewhat suspect, because he's too used to the game. Dodd is kind of dead in the water, and doesn't really say much worth taking notice of, and Edwards was a flat-out disappointment. Edwards was weak and didn't really stand out, but he did bring up the fact that this primary is about whether we want a corporate Democrat or a people's Democrat for the nominee, which I completely agree with.

This brings me back to Hillary. Since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of having a woman president, but this lady is not the one I was thinking of. She is getting a lot of attention, and being appointed the winner (even by Fox News), because she has taken an assload of money from media special interests including Rupert Murdoch. She's as corporate as they come and in Vegas came off arrogant. We've been lied to consistantly for six years, and I, personally, don't feel like being lied to anymore. Hillary may be the media's darling, but she doesn't give a rat's ass about representing the people (unless of course by the people, you mean the rich, corporate people).

Obama really shined in this debate, and took some positions that are traditionally unpopular like the need to raise taxes for individuals making over $97,000 per year in order to save the Social Security program. He was direct, specific, and extremely optimistic. All of his critics say he doesn't have enough "Washington" experience to be president, but that may be a good thing, because it means that his mind hasn't been infected with D.C. bullshit.

Richardson was also really specific on a lot of things, and quite direct on criticizing both the president and the Congress for lack of action. He comes at all the issues with more of a state's rights point of view, because he's a governor, which is refreshing. I'm not sure if I could see him being president at this point, but he is a very viable choice for second in command.

My personal favorite is Kucinich, because he says what we are all thinking, and doesn't give two fucks about appearing appropriate. I think deep down he knows he doesn't have a shot at the presidency, but he runs, because he cares about this country very much, and is gravely concerned about the fact that crimes are being committed in other countries using our name, and that regular Americans are suffering. I hope Dennis sticks it out until the end just to be a thorn in the ass to everyone else.

I haven't seen much about the Republicans debating, but there's really no point in watching it. In fact, if you want to watch a Republican debate just take a 10 second clip of each candidate taking about Islamofacisim, terrorism, and fear and run it on a constant loop until your brain explodes. Rudy and the rest of the boys say that as an American I'm supposed to be deathly afraid of some 20-year-old, uneducated guy from Pakistan who rides a mule from place to place and knows how to fire a Soviet issue machine gun leftover from the 1970s. Sorry, boys but I live in a country where the 14 year old down hanging out in Compton is better armed than these so-called terrorists, and my tax dollars have funded enough nuclear bombs to destroy the earth ten times over. I was disturbed and pissed off by 9/11, but I was never afraid, and now, like the rest of America who is trying to figure out how to make ends meet, I'm just pissed off. So Rudy, enough of your fucking 9/11 bullshit speeches, they are boring, and this country isn't made of yellow bellied cowards who are scared of their own shadows. We are Americans, and as many of your (hopefully former) constituents pointed out, "these colors don't run".

Thought of the Day: A Dubious Honor?!?

2007-11-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

So Jeff and I are sitting at the table having dinner, because it always happens during dinner, when from the bathroom Rachael yells in her 3-year-old voice, "I'm done going poopy, who's going to wipe my tushie!"

My spouse and I sit there in a dead-silent staredown. This deed has to be done, because I would hate to see how many bottles of laundry soap we would go through if we let her do the job herself. She's not that good at it, and the result is more disgusting than the task at hand. She yells again, "Who wants to wipe my tushie!" Then the negotiations begin. "I've been with her all weekend," he says playing to my guilt. "Yes," I interject, "but I've already wiped her once today." (Still a good mom despite having to go out of town for an overnight work event) For the third time, a little more irate, "Is somebody going to come wipe my tushie! Mommy! Daddy! Come wipe my tushie!"

She's too young to realize that finishing her off in the bathroom is neither a pleasant experience, nor is it an honor, but she thinks it is. I finally cave and show up ready to do the dirty work, and she grins from ear-to-ear. "You get to wipe my tushie, Mommy." Lucky me. Funny, they never mention this shit in those glossy parenting magazines.

Thought of the Day: Firsts

2007-11-16T16:09:00.000-08:00

First times are usually cool like the first time you get kissed or the first time you fly or the first time you hear your favorite band or the first time you eat one of those awesome holiday chocolate truffles from Trader Joe's. I had a first this week, but it sucked. I got strep throat for the first time.

It put me flat on my ass for 2 1/2 days at the beginning of a very busy week, which always makes me feel behind the eight ball. Instead of allowing myself to heal properly I end up rushing to get well, and the sickness just lingers. Oh well, little kids are disease boxes and I live with one, so illness comes with the territory.

I did have some awesome hallucinations while on hardcore medications, although one was particularly freaky. I was the sickest right before my mom's yartzeit (Jewish traditional commemoration of the anniversary of a close family member's death), and I was having an in-depth conversation with her about the usual such as why she lied to me most of my life, and all the other screwed up things she did during my childhood.

This was unhealthier than the strep itself, because I was light-headed, nauseated, my throat was aching, and on top of all of that, I was pissed. Thankfully, I'm feeling much better, and the memory of my hallucination conversation has mostly disappeared, but this is one first I won't remember fondly.

Thought of the Day: Return to Natural Progression

2007-11-09T22:25:00.001-08:00

There used to be a system in place for attaining goals in life. I learned this system when I was growing up, and it was simple: you started out young and broke, then you got a job, and slowly started building your lifestyle up to the level that you desired. I followed this process when I started out.

I lived in an apartment, had many shitty paying jobs, then once I was done doing the majority of my partying and decided it was time to be a responsible adult, I got a better job and bought my first house in Idaho. Sure, I lost it in my divorce, but then I just knuckled down and within three years got married and purchased a starter home. The home was small, and we did all the upgrades ourselves including spending nine grueling days tiling our kitchen counter tops. All the hard work paid off, because we were able to afford a turnkey house a few years later.

Right now our country is in a sad trend. People are losing their homes, jobs are hard to come by, and the Fed is printing money like crazy due to rising inflation. A lot of this budding crisis is due to mismanagement by the corporations that control this country and a government that feeds from that corporate trough. However, they aren't completely to blame. Most of the houses coming into foreclosure are owned by people who, 15 years ago, would have never had a chance in hell at getting the kind of loans they have. Young people in their early 20s who didn't want to pay their dues in a starter home went out and bought these upscale 3,000+ square feet houses on these criminal 5-1 arm loans. Now they are faced with a shitload of debt, and have to turn their opulent houses over to the bank, or sell them at a loss just to get out from under the loan.

Perhaps this crisis needs to serve as a turning point for the "keeping up with the Jonses" attitude that has defined our culture since the 1980s. If you want a certain lifestyle, that's okay; but when you expect a certain lifestyle without being willing to do what it takes to achieve it, then you are lazy and spoiled.

I often joke and grump about living in the 'burbs, but I've earned it. I was the kid who came from nothing, and by all sociological calculations should have wound up on the losing end of the deal, but I didn't. I put myself through school, worked a job from the time I was 16 years old, and never expected anything from anyone. It has served me well in life, and I think about now, many people in our country could benefit from that same attitude.

I'm not completely myopic and I realize there are exceptions to the foreclosure situation. A lot of folks were sold a bill of goods by greedy mortgage brokers and unscrupulous real estate agents, when all they wanted to do was own a piece of the American dream. This message is not for them. My words are aimed at those folks who expect the big home without doing time in the starter house. Greed is good when it inspires you to work hard to achieve your goals, not when it makes you live in hock just to prove to the bitch in your social club that your designer handbag is just as good as hers.

Thought of the Day: Halloween Candy Detox

2007-11-05T22:25:00.001-08:00

For the love of G-d would someone please destroy the Tootsie Roll factory! I have been pill-popping those damn things for nearly a week. Fortunately, I've managed to cleanse both of the candy dishes at work and my daughter's trick-or-treat pumpkin of all things Tootsie Roll, so I may have a chance of making it to the end of November without looking like a Tootsie Roll.

I'm usually pretty good about not eating junk, especially the kind that has high fructose corn syrup in it, but there is something about those damn Halloween Tootsie Rolls that makes the gloves come off. I'm glad Halloween is once a year, because normally, I wouldn't even think of actually purchasing a Tootsie Roll.

I have a notorious sweet tooth, so now that all of the Tootsie Rolls are gone I'll be able to keep it in check again. I don't do the cookies or yummy cakes or muffins at the office, and I have low sugar snacks at home, so sweets are rarely a problem, except during this time of the year. Thankfully, I've been working out to keep the calories under control, and now that all of the candy I like has been consumed I can go back to a somewhat healthy lifestyle (at least until Hanukkah that is - fucking delicious chocolate gold coins).

Thought of the Day: Out-of-Town Work

2007-11-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a 3 1/2 day event in Ojai, California. Ojai is, what they commonly refer to as, a 'one horse town' (i.e. boring as fuck). There was nothing to do other than the event, and on the second day during my 12th straight hour of work I smirked at the girlhood notion I had about going out of town on business being a glamorous thing.

I used to dream about flying off to do important work for my company, but that was because I grew up in a town very similar to Ojai, only with slightly more drugs, crime and teen pregnancy. Idaho, I still hate you. I enjoy my job, my co-workers rock, and I have the priviledge of working for a man who I think is somewhat of a genius despite his tendency to be a bit demanding. However, I would be lying if I failed to admit that from time to time I longed for the slow pace of my former job at The Facility.

Perhaps with more time on my hands I would do more writing, workout more, and become way more politically active, but most likely, I would think about doing all of those things, but just end up complaining about how boring my job is. Truth be told, I love being able to build my new department from scratch, and being in the thick of a chaotic event. It's fun, and at the end of the day, you feel like you accomplished something, but again, I'd be lying like a presidential candidate if I didn't admit that sometimes boring can be a bit relaxing.

Thankfully, we don't have anymore plans to do events in Ojai, because now that I've been there, I have no reason to go back ever again.

Wonder What She's Thinking

2007-10-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

She's cute, but sometimes a look like that gets me a little worried. If I'm hanging out downstairs, and she has that look, then it gets really quiet, I trudge up the stairs wondering if I'll find a reverse mohawk on the dog or a lovely new artwork gracing my wall. She usually never disappoints, and gives me a fresh, new definition of "what's the worst she could be doing?". Parenthood is a lot of things, but one thing it never is is boring.

Thought of the Day: Smoke Inhalation

2007-10-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

My new state of residence has been on fire. On Monday, it took me 90 minutes to get to work, because they blocked off most of the roads leading to work. We wore masks all day, and had our equipment vans loaded for evacuation. The Santiago fire, which is still going strong, came within one mile of my building. The next day when I drove home all I saw was charred hill after charred hill.

Sounds bad, but I'm grateful, because to the south San Diego has been on fire far worse than Orange County. They had to evacuate a million people and nearly 2,000 homes were burned to the ground. These fires, which have left nearly all of my fellow Southern Californians with chest pains and breathing issues, and have made my toddler sound like a three-pack-a-day smoker, are being referred to as superfires.

Global warming experts predicted these superfires five years ago, and the Bush Regime did nothing. I guess they couldn't make any money from it, so they said "fuck it", now 2,000 families in San Diego are homeless. I'm just left with a whole lot of anger and frustration. The next bastard who comes up to me and denies the existence of global warning gets a slap upside the head from this girl. In fact, we should take all of the deniers and make them volunteer on the fire crews, so that they can see first hand the damage they've done by supporting neocon and big oil propaganda. Meanwhile, I'll be hanging out inside with my air purifier trying to explain to my three-year-old why we can't take Fozzy for a walk today.

Thought of the Day: Stupid Arguments

2007-10-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

The U.S. is set to honor the Dalai Lama, and China is pissed off. They are trying to argue that the Dalai Lama is evil, and that he wants a free Tibet at the expense of the People's Republic of China.

I may not keep up on the news as regularly as I should with my busy schedule, but I can't remember a time when I saw a group of Tibetan monks opening up a can of whoopass on some innocent Chinese folks. However, I can very clearly remember a scene where the Chinese army was burning a monastery, beating monks with canes, and pushing them off balconies several stories in the air.

Sorry China, but your argument is stupid. You are a country with a terrible civil rights record trying to call into question a guy who regularly espouses messages of peace, hope, and harmony. Even your own people who you are targeting with a decent amount of propaganda most likely know you're full of shit. The only reason you don't like the Dalai Lama is because he refuses to roll over and play dead (no matter how dead you want him to be).

Thought of the Day: Old Guy Dads

2007-10-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Actor Nick Nolte and his girlfriend just had a baby. She looks like she's about my age, and Nick is 66. There is quite an alarming trend of men over the age of 50 becoming dads, and I'm wondering what the hell is prompting this.

I've been a mom for nearly four years, and I'll be the first one to tell you that kids are not the key to the fountain of youth. I didn't have to use wrinkle cream before the girl was born. I wasn't as stressed, I got plenty of sleep, and my boobs looked far more fabulous.

Most guys I know over the age of 50 want to remain vital and active, but on their own terms. If you ask them, their idea of vitality doesn't involve diapers or wiping snotty noses. In fact, most guys over the age of 50 want to deal with other kids issues such as helping them choose a good college, or planning graduation parties.

I know there are a lot of men out there who think that having that young wife would be a lot of fun, but with the young wife comes her young wants and young needs as well as her biological clock. I guess the advantage in all of this is that if you have a really old dad, with any luck, you can both wear the same brand of diapers.

Thought of the Day: "I'll Say Anything" Politics

2007-10-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes politicians, and I can see why. These assholes have earned their reputations. They regularly lie to the American public, use their position and influence to line their pockets or make friends who will give them jobs once they are out of "public service", and they will say anything to get elected.

In the past few weeks, alone, Hillary Clinton, a candidate who once championed the healthcare movement, has advocated letting private companies take over the "healthcare for everyone" movement (because Kaiser, Pacificare, and others have done such a good job up to this point...NOT), so that she won't seem like such a liberal. Rudy Giuliani has accused Mitt Romney of betraying his values, because he is looking at the reality of 48 million uninsured Americans and sees the need for universal healthcare, and of course proposing a solution to the healthcare crisis is very liberal. John McCain is standing by his man, G.W. Bush, on the issue of the war, but refuses to admit he would re-instate the draft in a quick second if he was elected. Fred Thompson has flip-flopped on issues, Mitt Romney has flip-flopped on issues, Hillary and Rudy keep flip-flopping on issues, at least Barak Obama has the decency to be vague.

Looking at the state of our supposed democracy, I am now convinced that if a poll said that a majority of Americans (at least 80%) would vote for the candidate with a purple ass, then you would see the bulk of the front runners dropping trou at a tattoo shop stating, "yes, you heard me, purple, I need the entire ass purple."

Thought of the Day: Sweet, Cold Revenge

2007-10-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

On a day to day basis I see so much that's wrong with the world. Assholes get away with making people's lives miserable, and you always hold out and hope that someday they will get theirs. Just at the moment I find myself contemplating throwing in the towel on karma, fate smiles its gold-toothed grin and shows me that what comes around, goes around isn't just a catchy saying.

Half a dozen years ago I worked for a company that the term "unethical" was created for. I watched them screw over nearly everyone they came into contact with. I wasn't too keen on their business practices, but I loved what I was doing (and I was too young to have learned to value myself yet), so I stayed. They worked me like a dog, paid me nothing, and the moment I brought all of my hard work to their attention, decided I was insubordinate and that we should part ways. The immediate joke seemed to be on me, because I was out of the only business I had wanted to work in since I was 13 years old. However, they had to hire five people to replace me, so I had the last muted chuckle.

I knew eventually their "screw you over for a nickel" ways would catch up to them, and today was that day. Now the main perpetrators get to feel what it's like to have the rug pulled out from under them. Maybe it's wrong for me to be this happy, and perhaps because of said happiness something bad will end up happening to me, but I can't help it. I'm giddy and loving life right now! If this is wrong, then I'll find some worthy non-profit to make a donation to. In fact, I'll give them a big donation; a little bit to cover the giddiness I feel now, and a lot to cover the bottle of wine I'm going to drink tonight to toast their downfall.

Thought of the Day: Osama's Cell Plan

2007-09-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

For Hanukkah this year I don't want fancy jewelry or the latest iGadget from Apple or even a relaxing spa day, what my heart truly desires is the one thing that will make existing in this world a lot easier: I want Osama bin Laden's cell phone plan.

I work in an industrial, office building strewn area in Irvine, California, but despite being surrounded by technology I can barely get two bars on a clear day. My calls cut out the moment I head over the smallest hill, I rarely make it through a conversation with out getting that garbled sound at least twice, and during lunch, I have to wander around outside waving my cell phone in the air like a moron to try and find the one tiny spot in the middle of the road where I can actually get reception. Meanwhile, Osama is hiding out in cave in Pakistan making all sorts of calls to Al Jazeera, and from the playback tapes on the news, he's coming in crystal clear.

What kind of karma is it when America's most feared terrorist mastermind who is personally responsible for the deaths of thousands can get great cell service, but me, an friendly punk mama from Orange County who has never hurt anyone (who didn't have it coming) has to carry two phones in her purse, because the Metro PCS covers one area while the T-Mobile almost covers the other.

I don't ask for much in life; health, happiness, a day where my husband doesn't nag me to do something that I forgot to do, so why can't I find a cell plan as good as the one owned by a fundamentalist jihadist who once herded goats for a living. I'm way more deserving, and unlike Osama, I'll reserve my ire for the real Americans that should be targeted - those bastards in D.C. profiting from the war.

Thought of the Day

2007-09-26T23:33:00.002-07:00

Now it's personal. My 20-year-old cousin was deployed to Iraq yesterday. I'm so pissed I can barely see straight. I'm one of those shit disturbers that has been against this war since the beginning. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't see the benefit of young people dying or lose a limb for corporate oil profits.

He doesn't even know when he'll be home, because those fuckers keep extending military deployments, so basically he is in that desert shithole until We, The People get off our collective asses and begin raising severe amounts of hell. I would say he's over there until the opposition party grows some balls, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. I voted those assholes in because they said they were going to end this war, but they turned out be a bunch of gutless wonders.

I just hope he doesn't end up coming home the way most service people are returning, with an amputated limb or in a body bag. I have to believe that he will be okay, but I worry about the poor boy's mind. Watching horror movies, playing 'shoot 'em up' Xbox games, and being desensitized daily by advertising is one thing, but coming face to face with the reality and smell of death is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I'll pray for my young cousin nightly, and as for those bastards in D.C. they'd better do something to end this soon.

Thought of the Day

2007-09-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

I love my new home in Southern California, but I haven't quite gotten used to the obsession with perfection, and the numerous surgical means for achieving said perfection. I was looking through the local indie magazine this week when I saw one of the many plastic surgery centers advertising a procedure called "vaginal rejuvenation".

After a few curious moments, I went to the Google and found out that your face and boobs aren't the only things that droop or sag a bit with age. My question now is, who in the world decided that their private parts were too old looking, and how did they make this discovery!?! I know my nightly routine includes washing my face, brushing my teeth, applying wrinkle cream, and combing out my hair, but perhaps I've completely missed the step where I stand naked over a mirror to make sure my vagina still looks as fabulous as it did when I was in my early 20s.

I have been on this earth for 34 years, and in that time I have met a lot of men from all backgrounds, cultures, and countries with various tastes and preferences, and aside from the gay ones, I have never known a man to turn away pussy because the labial lobes weren't tight enough. Any man who did turn it away for that reason is an asshole you wouldn't want to fuck anyways, so what's the point of this stupid surgery!

This procedure should be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It should be the one thing that gives us a clue that no matter how much you use a knife to alter your appearance, you will never be perfect, because there is no one definition of perfect. One person's perfect is another person's Frankenstein, so ladies, enough plastic surgery bullshit, and for fuck's sake be kind to your body, and spare your vag the hatchet job.

Thought of the Day

2007-09-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

There is this new reality show on either Lifetime or TLC called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer" about women who overcome cancer. Now I'm all about empowerment, but this just rubs me wrong. I've known a fair amount of cancer survivors, and there is nothing sexy about cancer. Losing your hair after chemo isn't sexy, vomiting your guts up after an adverse reaction to your drug cocktail isn't sexy, feeling like shit isn't sexy, and losing a body part is definitely not sexy.

And why does everything have to be sexy anyways. Are we such a society of babies that we have to glam up the reality of illness just to feel like we live in an okay world where everything has a happy ending?

Cancer is a shitty disease that some people live through and others don't. Attitude is a big part of surviving anything, but depending on your cancer, it's just a crap shoot. I think a better title for the show would have been, "Shitty Cancer and the Crazy, Sexy People Who Survive It."

Thought of the Day

2007-09-19T17:07:00.001-07:00

I know this sounds crazy, but I think this whole business about O.J. Simpson being involved in an armed robbery is bullshit. I'm no fan of the guy, and do believe he killed his wife. Any man that could bloody the mother of his children's face with his fists in a violent rage, could kill her without a hitch. However, this latest media hype (which I'm already completely sick of) just seems like a charade.

Why would O.J., a guy who is well aware of his social pariah status, get involved with a traffic ticket, let alone something like armed robbery. There are too many holes in the story, and the witnesses are already proving to be completely unreliable. What this situation is, plain and simple, is the desire by everyone to see this guy punished, but the big problem is that punishing him for anything just to punish him is wrong. Our legal system is designed to achieve fair results in most situations. I believe it failed in the O.J. case, largely due to media sensationalism. However, it's a pretty good system.

This latest tabloid splash is just American society's desire to see revenge played out on a guy who deserves to be in prison. The thought of O.J. behind bars would make me happy, but the thought of anyone wrongly convicted or jailed over bullshit charges makes me shutter. Enough of this O.J. crap, and let's make the news talk about something relevant like the fact that all of the presidential candidates suck.

9/11 Nothingness

2007-09-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

I remember where I was six years ago today. Jeff and I were just waking up to our talk radio alarm clock when the announcer asked the guy in the traffic helicopter how long he would be able to stay in the air. The helicopter guy said that all airports had been put on lock down. Jeff jumped out of bed, turned on the television, and we watched in disbelief as the plane hit the second tower. The rest of the day was spent dealing with the reality of what had just happened. It was amplified for me, because I was working at The Museum of Flight at that time. Our Museum was located in front of Boeing Field, and for the next two weeks the only planes that flew were military, or private jets donated by local millionaires to the Red Cross for supply flights back East.

I would like to sit here at this time and talk about positive things that have emerged out of this terrible tragedy, but I can’t, because not a damn good thing came out of this. We were united as a nation for a little while. One of the first flights I took after 9/11 was amazing. Strangers from every background you could imagine were making great conversation with others around them. I sat in between a young California State trooper and a traveling photographer, and enjoyed the talk. At the time, everyone needed it. We needed to know that those on our left or right were on the same page and willing to put forth the effort to re-assure their brethren that all was well.

Unfortunately, this unity that formed in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy was manipulated, abused, and stomped on by greedy politicians and corporate war profiteers who used our need to feel safe for their own selfish gain. Bush and Company won the election by playing to our fears, yet they have never done a thing since the tragedy to ease them. We are at war with a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, other than applaud it. We now have to practically strip down to our skivvies at the airport in order to take a flight. Mothers have to surrender their children’s formula or breast milk at the checkpoint or be delayed with seven kinds of hell. We have given the government the right to wiretap our phones and houses, hold us under arrest indefinitely, and violate most of our personal rights in the name of security. However, they have consistently failed to provide adequate security.

We are no safer now than we were six years ago, and the difference today is that we are in far more danger. The country we should have gone after with the terrorist mastermind who plotted 9/11 has been virtually untouched. The Taliban is still in power, and the poppy industry (i.e. heroin) is booming there. The country swallowing all of our military, money, and energy has become a cesspool of sectarian violence and has already turned into our next Vietnam. It has also served as fertile training ground for those who hate the U.S. to become more efficient at killing us. We are no longer seen as the world’s ally, we are now the bully in the schoolyard.

What is even more frightening is the fact that Osama bin Laden has never been caught, and will never be caught, not because our military is too incompetent to find him, but because our politicians need bin Laden. Without bin Laden they can’t get us to live in fear, surrender our freedom, or keep funding the war machine that makes them rich. Losing bin Laden would be losing that ‘bear in the woods’. He has become the boogeyman under the bed, the Snowball in Animal Farm. Even the latest video message, supposedly from bin Laden, looks like a farce perpetrated to keep us at ‘war with Eurasia, because we have always been at war with Eurasia.’

I wish like hell that 9/11 would have never happened, but it did. What I wanted to see come from it was the perseverance that I know this country is capable of and it did, for awhile. Now what I would like to see from us all is a quest for honesty, truth, and the determination to get the manipulators, war profiteers, and crooked politicians out of positions of power. Next 9/11, I would like to be able to write about the way our country pulled together, gave the government hacks a good kick in the ass, forced the re-investment into the infrastructure, and did away with the ‘bin Laden is watching’ myth. Next year, I truly believe we can kill Snowball and end the war with Eurasia.

Weekly Recap 8/26-9/1: President Prison Snitch & Hilly Krystal RIP

2007-08-31T13:05:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

After a term of wailing incompetence, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales stepped down at the beginning of this week. Most reasonable people would be panicking if half of their cabinet began walking away from them like they were prison snitches, but President Bush remains completely unaware that he is doing anything wrong. I just wonder when Condi will throw in the towel.

Punks everywhere need to do a shot and shed a collective tear for the passing of Hilly Kristal. Hilly was the owner of CBGB, and nurtured the American punk scene into the force of nature it became. Hilly often faced an uphill battle keeping the club open over the years, and finally had to give up the fight when he was too sick with lung cancer to keep CBGB going. On the count of 1-2-3-4, raise your glass, give a big “Oi! Oi! Oi!” and drink one down for Hilly.

Being a former Idahoan I have to talk about the whole Larry Craig thing. Basically the pious, soon-to-be former senator was busted cruising guys in a Washington D.C. bathroom. Instead of owning up to what he did, Craig is now denying it and claiming that the Idaho Statesman (the largest newspaper in the state) went after him in a “witch hunt” fashion. I personally know a few of the top people at the Statesman, and they would not go up against the powerful Idaho political machine unless they knew damn well that their investigation was based on fact. Also, this isn’t the first time a guy has come forward about Larry Craig (surprise, surprise). In the end, I’m laughing my ass off about this, because Larry and his other “holier-than-thou” Republican cronies who are the self-proclaimed holders of all things moral are being exposed as the hypocrites they really are.

It’s Round Two of White European Newspapers vs. Prophet Mohammed as a Swedish newspaper published cartoons depicting the head of Mohammed on the body of a dog. Last year at about this time, the shit hit the fan when a Danish newspaper published Mohammed cartoons. Let me take this opportunity to set something straight; when you decide to practice any tradition, religion, action, etc. in a country that has free speech, then you may from time to time endure criticism. If you don’t like it, leave the country. Muslims are protesting the newspaper, and they have every right to, but they have no right to force or intimidate the paper into not publishing something that is contradictory to their culture. Maybe that idea goes over in Pakistan, but Abdul, you live in Sweden, and in Sweden they have freedom of speech and furniture you assemble with confusing and vague directions. If you don’t like it, you are free to go.

Miss South Carolina Teen USA, Lauren Caitlan Upton, is getting a second chance to answer a question she botched at the Miss Teen USA pageant last weekend. When asked why most Americans can’t find the U.S. on the map, Miss Upton started in with a rambling, incoherent answer that left everyone puzzled. Which leads me to ask, ‘I’m sorry, in this day and age, why are there still beauty contests for teenagers?’

Forbes magazine came out with their World’s Most Powerful Women list this week. Topping the list for the second year in a row was Angela Merkel, the chancellor of Germany. Rated next on the list was the Vice Premier of China Wu Yi. Although I don’t like Hillary Clinton, it’s just embarrassing at this point that the U.S. hasn’t had a female president.

In Local News

I used to think my iron deficiency was a bad thing, but SoCal has been hit with triple digit temperatures, so the lack of iron in my blood is now working in my favor. It’s hot as hell here, but I rarely feel warm. Sure, the exhaustion side effect is a little difficult to deal with, but I have made up for it by drinking extra caffeine. I will return to a healthy, multi-vitamin, and iron supplement lifestyle, but not until these 90-100 degree days are over. Until then, I’ll grab another Diet Pepsi and maybe a summer sweater.

Worthless Entertainment News

CBS is catching hell for its new show, Kid Nation. The premise of the reality show is that 40 are sent to live in a ghost town where they have to form a government and take care of each other. What CBS didn’t realize is that this plot has been done before in a book called, Lord of the Flies and judging by how well that story turned out I would recommend that CBS begin hiring more staff attorneys.

Asshole(s) of the Week

Mainstream International Media – Princess Diana died ten years ago in a horrific car accident. If you weren’t aware of this you are probably a blind, deaf, mute living in a cave somewhere in the South American rain forest. I remember the night that she died, because that was all that you heard about. For weeks on end, it was Princess Di 24/7. I thought her funeral was sad, and I didn’t mind the nice tribute one of the networks did about the charitable work that defined her life. Once the commotion died down, I thought they would let the woman rest in peace, as I’m sure most of her family hoped as well, but here we are ten years later, and the media is at it again. I agreed with Di’s brother about the media being involved in her death. I know the driver’s blood-alcohol limit was over the line, but if he hadn’t had to speed in order to get away from vulture-like photographers, maybe Di would still be speaking out against landmines today. The saddest thing is that the media is so scandal hungry that they won’t let the woman rest in peace. She wasn’t secretly murdered, she wasn’t part of an elaborate plan to bring down the royal family, and I don’t believe for a second that most of these losery guys coming forward with stories of their wild affairs with Di are in the least bit true. Di would have never compromised the integrity of her hairstyle for a wild time with anyone, she wasn’t that type. For exploiting Princess Di’s death and ignoring her own children’s pleas to let her rest in peace, Mainstream International Media, you are the Assholes of the Week.

The Battle of Tooth Liberation Day

2007-08-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

I was ecstatic; my 13-month ordeal was about to come to an end. No more small cuts on the tender flesh inside my mouth from the metal attachments on my teeth. I was 72 hours, two events, and three states away from a gorgeous Hollywood smile.

Friday night, I worked an event until late. By the time I got back to the house, settled into my jammies, and went to the computer it was 12:30 AM. My flight was at 8:10 AM, and was leaving from the very busy John Wayne Airport in Orange County. ‘Big deal, I’ll sleep on the plane and at the hotel,’ I thought as I scrolled through flight, hotel, and rental car confirmation emails.

My plan was to fly from Orange County to San Jose on Saturday morning, get some rest at the hotel, and attend our cousins’ wedding reception on Saturday night. On Sunday morning, I would fly from San Jose to Seattle, hang out in the city, and get my braces off first thing Monday morning. I would have lunch with my former co-worker, and show off my pretty teeth on Monday afternoon, and be back home by Monday evening. Simple enough; and I had most of it planned in advance.

The first hint that my busy weekend was not going to be the perfectly choreographed art piece that I intended came when I looked at my flight reservation to Seattle for Sunday morning. Through my tired, blurry eyes I wanted to see my flight leaving at 9:35 AM, but in my zeal to get a cheap fare had accidentally booked the flight for 9:35 PM. I quickly double-checked my hotel reservation, and was relieved that I could check in at all hours since I secured it with a credit card. The rental car was another story. I had to re-book with a different company, because my original reservation didn’t have an office open past 11:00 PM, and I was coming in at 11:30 PM. I finally got to bed at 1:30 AM for a brisk four hour nap before waking to shower and catch my flight.

My flight into San Jose was delayed, of course, but I made it to the hotel in enough time to enjoy breakfast with my family, UFO abductees, conspiracy theorists, and transsexuals. My husband booked us into the DoubleTree the weekend they were hosting the annual Alien Abduction Conference on one side of the hotel and the Transsexual Rights Conference on the other side. It was fantastic! At one point during the stay I found myself in the elevator with an 8-foot tall woman in a hot pink dress with big, blonde hair and an overweight man wearing a shirt bearing the face of an alien that said “Abducted and Survived”.

The Saturday night party commemorating the wedding of our cousin and his new wife was fantastic. Her heritage is Mexican, so our auntie went all out with a fabulous buffet of authentic Mexican dishes, a Mariachi band, and eight different wedding cakes. The bride’s mother brought in the best tequila I have ever had in my life, and by the end of the evening I had consumed way too much cake and liquor. Fortunately, I was able to guzzle three bottled waters and some Pepto to avoid the hangover and stomach ache.

Sunday I woke up and called the airline first thing to find out if I could hop an earlier flight to Seattle, but it was all Murphy’s Law that day. The flights out of San Jose were booked solid until 9:30 PM, so I made plans to attend the dim sum brunch with other members of the family, and hang out with Jeff’s uncle the rest of the day.

The highlight of Sunday was attending another cousin’s 60th birthday party. This cousin was one of the original Haight/Ashbury hippies, and still ran with a like-minded crowd. We sat in the sun, talked a little politics, admired her brother’s enormous medical marijuana plants, and ended up eating more cake and drinking more alcohol.

I caught my flight to Seattle after an argument at the security line. My facial cleanser was 5 oz. instead of 3 oz., so they gave me the choice of throwing the cleanser away or checking my bag. I checked my bag, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to go for a day or two with a dirty face to assist the façade of “national security”. By the time I got my rental car, and checked into the hotel, I was, again, looking at a four hour nap before my appointment, but nonetheless I was happy and excited.

The tooth liberation process took 90 minutes. The brackets came off within the first three minutes of the appointment, but the cement holding the brackets had to be drilled away by the orthodontist. I was edgy as the drill hit my teeth, but knew I had to find some way to deal with it, so from deep in my brain, the rhythmic breathing that I practiced during labor surfaced and took over. The crazy thing was it put me completely at ease. I was able to focus on the fact that the sensitivity during drilling was not coming from the drill; instead it was the work of the over-enthusiastic assistant holding the cold air tube. I suffered through the appointment and now had beautiful teeth to show off. Nothing could make this day bad.

I had a pleasant lunch with my former co-worker, and headed to the airport where my flight was on time. To avoid haggling with security, I checked my bag. I had a flight from Seattle to San Jose, a little over an hour layover, and then would finish the whirlwind weekend with a flight from San Jose to Orange County. I boarded the flight, and after ten minutes of waiting it was announced that President Bush was flying in to SeaTac airport to do a fundraiser, so all flights were grounded for at least 30 minutes. I had an hour layover in San Jose, so I kept an eye on my watch thinking the whole time, ‘If I miss my connection because President Dipshit is doing a fundraiser for Congressman Worthless (Dave Reichert), I’m going to be one pissed off lady.’

I didn’t miss my connecting flight, because when we got in, I had seven minutes to run all the way from Terminal C to Terminal A, and I ran…in three inch heels…while my husband was yelling at me on my cell phone that he couldn’t find the car at the Orange County airport that he was trying to pick up to avoid paying an additional $5 in parking fees.

I ended the day showing off my teeth to my family, and getting to bed in enough time to get a full eight hours of sleep. On Tuesday morning I awoke to find my luggage outside my front door, because it had been lost the night before from Seattle to San Jose. Thankfully, I am able to look back on this hectic weekend and smile with my new, Hollywood teeth.

Weekly Recap 8/12-18: Questioning Government Honesty & Bush Spawn

2007-08-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

News sources everywhere are claiming that the majority of Americans will not be likely to trust the Iraq report due to be delivered by General David Petraeus in September. Gees, I’m not sure why that is, because the Administration has been so forthright and honest about the war in Iraq up to this point.

Speaking of capitalist driven disasters, efforts to rescue the miners trapped at the Crandall Canyon Mine came to a screeching halt yesterday when three rescue workers were killed and six were severely injured. This is the saddest story I’ve seen in awhile, but the one thing on my mind is, why the fuck are we still mining! Seriously, haven’t we come far enough along in technology where we have a method of getting energy that doesn’t involve black lung disease?

Okay, one last capitalist disaster story, Republican politicians are jumping ship in droves lest they have their collective asses handed to them in the 2008 election. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert is retiring as is Mississippi Congressman Chip Pickering, and Ohio Congresswoman Deborah Pryce, who was at one time the 4th ranking GOP leader, has said she won’t run again. I think Deborah is wrong, at this point it seems all of the Republicans are running.

A 92-year-old man is being deported by the U.S. Justice Department as part of an investigation that discovered, Vladas Zajanckauskas, lied on his citizenship application about his whereabouts during World War II. Apparently he forgot to mention that he was part of the Nazi unit that took part in the liquidation of the Warsaw Ghetto. During that little operation, thousands were killed, beaten and raped, and 47,000 Jews were carted off to concentration camps. A few people said they felt sorry for the guy, but I caution to remember that only the good die young, evil bastards live to be old as fuck. I guess this is my second “Adios, Motherfucker” of the week.

President Bush’s hell-raising daughter Jenna is engaged to be married to former White House aid, Karl Rove intern, and future heartless capitalist, Henry Hager. Do you think they would be too insulted if I got them a gift certificate for a vasectomy for a wedding present? I just don’t think anything Bush should spawn; it’s not good for future generations.

In Local News

I went to Sacramento last weekend to work an event. It was very Idaho-like in nature, which made me glad that I was there a little over 24 hours and not much more than that. Aside from Arnold as the Governator, they really don’t have much going on up there.

My little dog lost a toenail this week, and we had to take him to the vet. They wrapped it in a soft cast, so now it looks like he’s wearing a yellow sock. I don’t care how educated, sophisticated, or what age you are, dogs wearing anything on their feet looks really funny.

Worthless Entertainment News

The 30th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death was this week. To commemorate the occasion, many of his fans gathered at Graceland. I would have loved to have been there, not because I’m a huge Elvis nut, but the people watching would have been priceless! Someone should tell that 300 lb. trucker from Alabama that the Vegas Elvis haircut with the large, gold glasses is not something you do every day of the year, just on Halloween.

The pop world is in a huff, because Lily Allen canceled her U.S. tour. First off, her music isn’t all that, and is probably enhanced like crazy on the CD. Give your kid sister a karaoke machine, and it would be the same as seeing the actual show. Second, if Lily is canceling her tour, because she’s tired and drunk all the time then you don’t want to pay $50 to see her. I saw a far more talented Shelby Lynne perform once when she was tanked, she played for all of 30 minutes and was barely able to remember the lyrics. Thankfully, I didn’t have to pay for the show, or I would have been really pissed. If you want to see a really talented gal who does great music and has a unique personality, then do the smart thing, and catch Tori Amos on her upcoming tour.

Asshole(s) of the Week

Rudy Giuliani – Presidential candidate and New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani gave a rather pithy answer to a woman during a town hall meeting this week. She asked Giuliani why she should get behind him as a candidate if his own kids aren’t even on his side, to which the Giulster responded, “leave my family alone.” Sorry Rudy, but that’s not going to happen. You were fucking around on your former wife with your current wife, and you didn’t even talk to your daughter at her graduation. You also happened to be running for the party that has staked a claim to being the party that speaks for American family values, which means that you can’t treat your kids like shit, fuck around on your wife, and expect that no one is going to notice just because you showed up to the Towers on 9/11. Prior to 9/11 not too many New Yorkers even liked you, because you turned the city into a police state and tried to shuttle the homeless to other, poorer boroughs instead of helping them. For asking everyone to respect a family that you haven’t given respect to, and for basically running your entire campaign on what you did during that 24 hours of a national tragedy, Rudy Giuliani, you are the Asshole of the Week.

Adios, Motherfucker

2007-08-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

So this is how it ends with the guy who coined the phrase “cut and run” cutting and running. Karl Rove, otherwise known as The Architect, or as I like to refer to him; the son of a bitch who is one of the major reasons why these past six years have been a living hell, resigned. Don’t get me wrong, this is great news. Of course assassination would have been ten times better, but in this age of protectionism, cronyism, and corporate-enabling, I’ll take what I can get.

What makes me sick right now is that I’ve seen glowing reviews of Rove’s career. Particularly how he took a spoiled, slightly retarded, boy prince and made him ruler of all the land. Only leftist blogs and news sources are talking about the little nuances such as placing national security in danger by outing a CIA agent for revenge, or lying to the American public to get us into a clusterfuck of a war that made the rest of the world hate us, polarized our country, and will end up costing us over a trillion dollars. We could have had healthcare or cleaned up after a few natural disasters, but instead we financed the murder of nearly 100,000 Iraqis, because good ol’ Karl was pulling the strings.

Not only is he responsible for the obvious things I have listed above, Rove also had a direct hand in stabbing his base in the back. He made Christians look like a bunch of fanatical idiots by using the “a vote for George is a vote for Jesus” ploy to win the last election. Christians all over the U.S. should be calling for Rove’s head! Prior to the 2004 election, Christians were seen as a diverse group in terms of the political landscape, but Rove played them like fiddles polarizing them to the Right, and fucking them in the end by doing everything that Jesus would never do if he was given the office. Last time I talked with a group of Christians, murdering, lying, swindling money, and profiting from the suffering of others weren’t Christian values.

Rove also was responsible for hijacking the Republican Party. My stepdad’s Republican Party was one that didn’t like to spend money and wanted an efficient government. They were tough on defense, but knew when to use it. They also didn’t give that much of a rat’s ass about social issues, because they believed government shouldn’t interfere too much in the lives of the people. The Rove Republicans are not the same as the Grand Old Party I grew up with in Idaho. I’m not saying that I support the old school Republicans, I don’t support either one of the major parties, but I did like some of the things they stood for. Now that Karl’s put his shoes outside the Republican doorstep, they can no longer say they stand for efficient government, because he oversaw the greatest government expansion in U.S. history. They can no longer school Democrats about being too spendy, because they’ve blown billions on a cause that will never benefit the people directly. The war won’t keep us safe at home, we won’t be able to pay for the war with the Iraqi oil, because private companies have already contracted the oil fields, and the most that we will ever see from this conflict are wounded, troubled, American soldiers who were thrown to the wolves by Rove & Co.

Now he gets to walk away scot-free in the middle of absolute chaos. The war is an unpopular mess with no good ending, the boy prince he made president is hated by his own people, our infrastructure is crumbling from six hard years of neglect, and the Department of Justice, one of the pillars of our supposed democracy, is the shambles. Funny, those mainstream publications seem to be leaving these miniscule details out of their Rove worship.

The sad thing is that he will likely trot off into the sunset completely unscathed by the mess he has had an enormous hand in creating. He claims he is resigning to ‘spend more time with his family’, which is the usual political bullshit line no one with half a brain believes. I’m wondering if his new cushy job will be with an oil company or a Halliburton war profiteering company. What scares me is the idea that he will take neither offer and instead begin looking for the next boy prince he can groom to the top. Hopefully, the next time Rove rears his ugly head, the American public will be smart enough to give him the collective finger. In the meantime, all I can say is “Adios, Motherfucker. If karma exists I hope you have the same retirement as Lee Atwater.”

In Pursuit of Real Privacy

2007-08-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was ready to stand on my soapbox and berate the Democrats for not blocking the expansion of the Bush Regime’s increase in warrantless wiretapping. Never fear Defenders of Freedom, I was going to kick the teeth of the Regime pretty hard as well. I was sitting at my work computer fleshing the writing out in my head when my co-worker’s 11-year-old daughter started talking about the gifts she received during her birthday party last weekend. Her favorite was a new webcam, and it was more significant, not only because she wanted it, but because it was her 5th webcam.

Us old farts in the office began balking at the idea of five webcams until the bright ‘tween talked about the fact that most of her friends have at least a dozen webcams, and one particular attention monger in her social circle has 42 including three portable webcams. Am I the only one who finds this a bit disturbing?

When I was this girl’s age, one of my favorite phrases was, ‘Mind your own business!’ I said it to nosy schoolmates, my mother, my siblings, and anyone else who stood outside my intimate circle of trust, or those who just annoyed the hell out of me. Privacy, to me, has always been about comfort zones. I started this blog to work through some stuff that was happening in my life, and because it was a lot more fun than weekly therapist visits. It was quite awhile before I began responding to comments, and even longer before I shared a picture of myself. I publish the real names of my immediate family, but keep co-workers, my place of employment, and other information on an alias-only basis. I have a firm grasp on how much privacy I am willing to give up.

What I’m wondering now, especially given our Reality TV obsessed society, is will the younger generation feel the same way? Will they be able to establish privacy boundaries that will allow them to be individuals, yet preserve a comfort zone of anonymity?

The most disturbing thought in all of this is that the government is using a Big Brother approach on a youth culture that is either unaware or doesn’t care. According to polls that I’ve seen, most reasonable people think it’s perfectly okay to tap a terror suspect’s phone and listen into their overseas conversations. With the recent expansion of warrantless wiretapping, the National Security Agency can now spy on emails, and has the privilege of listening into all citizens’ and non-citizens’ overseas conversations. One of my good friends has family in Israel, so that means the NSA will be privy to his weekly chats with Mom and Dad. This friend of mine also happens to be liberal in his thinking and doesn’t have too many kind words to say about the Bush Regime, does that mean he will eventually end up on the “No Fly List”?

At the heart of the issue is the fact that we are giving privacy away to anyone who wants to take a look without asking where our rights will be five years from now. We live in a culture that tells us every minute of the day that if we aren’t famous, we don’t matter. Our youth is constantly being reminded that education and realistic goals are secondary to being on TV, whether you have to humiliate yourself on a reality show, or sleep with half of Hollywood to be a tabloid queen, if you aren’t famous, you aren’t shit.

Perhaps I’m a bit too Orwellian , but my greatest fear is that one day soon we will come to a point where owning 42 webcams isn’t optional, having people watch our movements 24/7 won’t be up for discussion, and filters on email won’t be something that we control. How long before I’m put on the “No Fly List” for opposing this corrupt, corporately-owned government?

The solution in all this is to raise children with an awareness of what can happen when their privacy falls into the wrong hands. Orwell’s “1984” should be mandatory reading for everyone living in the United States. We should also begin flooding the blogosphere, emails, and phone conversations with our feelings, ideas and beliefs, particularly about the way our country is being run. They can catch a few of us free thinkers, but that can’t catch us all! Mostly, we should encourage journaling; pen to paper, hidden under the bed, never to be seen by anyone, and not to be published after our deaths. Getting active about privacy rights needs to happen immediately, because right now we can call ourselves the United States, but with the loss of these rights we are only a heartbeat away from becoming Oceania.

Weekly Recap 7/29-8/4: Infrastructure Unrest & Where Have All the Bad Boys Gone

2007-08-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

As the American public officially welcomed the $1 trillion mark for the War in Iraq (you know, the clusterfuck that was only supposed to last a few months and cost us a couple of billion), one of the major bridges in Minneapolis collapsed killing five people, while 30 are still listed as missing. This is what happens when our corporately owned politicians send all of our money overseas in an attempt to take ownership over the third largest oil reserve in the world instead of using our money to help us. Most of the bridges and highway systems in this country are in serious need of repair and rebuilding, so let's stop the fighting for one or two weeks in Iraq, and the money we save should be able to cover the road/highway/bridge repair bill.

What a shock! Just a week after Atlanta Falcons Player/Animal Abuser Michael Vick was busted for his involvement in an elaborate dogfighting operation, the whole race issue is coming into focus. Here's the deal: yes, people of color have been given a shit deal in this country, but animal cruelty is animal cruelty. For those of you who aren't quite familiar with dog fighting, and think maybe Vick's involvement isn't so bad, I challenge you to Google "dog fighting". It's bad, and I don't give a fuck if you are black, white, tan, purple or blue, if you have any part in it, you're a major asshole that deserves to do time, or be stripped naked, covered in bacon and put into a small room with the doggies you've trained to kill. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, I like the later of the two punishments.

Congress claimed they were getting tough on big oil this week by slapping $16 billion in new taxes on the oil industry, and earmarking the money for conservation and renewable energy. Considering the fact that BP alone took in $6.1 billion in profits last quarter (yep, 3 short months) $16 billion spread over the industry is basically an ant fart, but at least those worthless bastards in D.C. are attempting to look like they are getting off their dead asses to do something.

A sweet, Mexican lady in Los Angeles went into a frenzy this week claiming she was watering her tree and saw the face of Jesus on the trunk. You know, it's kind of hard to say that stereotypes aren't accurate when Mexican women keep claiming they see Jesus on trees, and in tortillas, and in candles, and just about anywhere else that a being who goes by the name "the almighty" wouldn't be likely to appear. Besides, I thought Jesus was appearing in a tree trunk near St. Michael's church in Memphis, Tennessee. Is this some kind of a tour, like when The Eagles did the "Hell Freezes Over Tour" in the early '90s?

In Local News

I am happily unpacking boxes now that we are finally in our own place. Aside from living in a cardboard jungle and dealing with a bit of an ant issue, Jeff and I are thrilled that we no longer have to feel like giggly teenagers when we want to have some good ol' fashioned husband and wife time. It's funny at first, but after a few minutes, it's just weird and creepy.

The most pathetic part of living in my new house is realizing that I have three times the distance to work as I had in Seattle, but I get there 5-10 minutes quicker. To all of my former neighbors in King County, they are not spending your tax dollars (which are also more significant than California) on infrastructure, they are lining their pockets. You all need to do something about it, because in the time it takes to move three car lengths on the 405, you can email your local politician to tell them they suck ass, and you need more roads.

Worthless Entertainment News

Lindsay Lohan is in rehab again. Nicole Ritchie is pregnant and due to report to prison by the end of the month. Britney went for Mom of the Year again and took her kids to Vegas without her ex-husband's permission. Paris Hilton didn't do shit, but the entertainment media yammered on about her anyways. What I'm wondering at this point is, how come we never hear about any reckless Hollywood males? There must be a few bad boys in the world of entertainment who are raising hell, but the media seems to endlessly obsess on these self-destruction divas whose stories are all the same, and it's downright boring. See, this is what happens when hard rock goes all emo. The rockstars are too busy whining about their feelings, and they forget that their role is to do crazy shit and make us wish that we could live in their bizzaro utopia for awhile. Give me the good ol' Guns 'n' Roses, Metallica, even Rolling Stones days when boys were bad, and their lives made for some great worthless entertainment news.

Asshole(s) of the Week

Achievement Obsessed Parents - Sports media was all abuzz this week over Jan Silva. Jan is an adorable 5-year-old with amazing tennis skills. This little guy's serve is the thing dreams are made of, and if he doesn't sustain one of those annoying playground injuries, he should have a bright career in tennis. The part of the story that rubbed me wrong was that his parents are moving the family to France to develop his skills. Once again, he's five. With this story in the back of my head, we got together with the family and saw my niece do a children's theater production on Saturday afternoon. During intermission one of the louder moms behind me was talking about what a genius her kid was, because he stayed in character the whole time. Okay, the production was "Oliver" and her kid was in the ensemble where all of the kids had to act like depressed, detatched orphans. How hard was this! Being in the ensemble sucks, because you are basically living scenery, and you have to sit there for two hours and watch the set designer's kid do a shit job in the lead. My point in all of this is that as a parent, I want my little one to be the best that she can be, but I am not pushing her to be great at anything. All of these parents who are so obsessed with achievement, and trying so hard to make their kids some sort of prodigy are basically telling them, through actions, that nothing they do is good enough or will ever be good enough. I know, because my mom was like that. Your kid will end up finding something they shine at, but it's not going to come from you, it's going to come from them. You can be supportive and cheer at their games/matches/tournaments, and drive them all over hell and back for their lessons, but in the end, they will follow their own dreams, whether you like those dreams or not. So, when I think about that mother trying to talk up her ensemble boy like he was the next Johnny Depp, it makes me want to puke, and that's why Achievement Obsessed Parents, you are the Asshole(s) of the Week.

Weekly Recap 7/22-28: Dope Cyclists & Save Lindsay

2007-07-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

When did professional cyclists start ranking right up there with professional wrestlers when it came to doping? This week, Tour de France leader, Michael Rasmussen was removed when it was discovered that he failed to show up for the mandatory drug testing, which he later failed after doing a blood transfusion containing a banned substance. Wasn’t easier when they just used to drink Gatorade?

Republicans in the House and Senate are opposing a bill that would expand the Children’s Health Insurance Program covering an addition 5 million children who don’t have health insurance. The Democratic proposal calls for an increase in tobacco taxes and cuts in subsidies to private health insurance plans to pay for medical care for poor children. Those GOP bastards just get more and cuddlier by the day. They are denying health care coverage to kids just to block a bill proposed by Democrats. Way fucking pathetic, GOP, way fucking pathetic!

In news of the blatantly obvious, a scientific study proves that obesity can be social meaning that if your family is fat, and your friends are fat, then your ass isn’t likely to be all that small. Well, duh! What the study did leave out is the fact that hanging with fat friends and family tends to be way more fun, because think about it, would you rather spend your afternoon doing some shopping then hitting the Cheesecake Factory for lunch, or going for an hour-long power walk then finishing it off with a salad. Yep, 20 lbs. over is better than 20 lbs. under, no matter what those scientists say. By the way, have they come up with a cure for blindness yet?

The Democratic candidates squared off again for a CNN YouTube debate this week. All of them committed to working for minimum wage if they are elected president, which at this point seems ridiculous given the fact that the majority of them are millionaires. Filmmaker Michael Moore suggested, publicly, that they should all forfeit their government-funded healthcare while president until they ensure that all Americans have healthcare, but how much living like real people could these candidates take? Next thing you know, they will be expected to drive their own cars, fix their own meals, and live in a tiny 3,000 sq.ft. home.

In Local News

I’m doing the Recap early, so that I can sit in stop-and-go traffic for two hours from Orange County to Los Angeles to catch a flight back to Seattle to sign the final paperwork for the closing of our house. The bad news is that it will really take two hours for me to go 40 miles, the good news is that we get to stop squatting at the in-laws’ and move into our new place the middle of next week! Don’t get me wrong, the in-laws have been amazing and so accommodating, but if Grandma continues “rescuing” Rachael from Mommy’s discipline, then the little one is going to turn into one fierce spoiled brat, at which time I would theoretically send her to live with Grandma on a permanent basis, and neither of us wants that.

Worthless Entertainment News

An A-List party hosted by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes along with Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith was thrown this week to welcome David and Victoria Beckham to Hollywood. Yeah, right. How soon after “How do you like the States?” did it take before all four of them started pushing that Scientology bullshit? My bet is on 7 minutes. This almost made me feel sorry for the Beckhams, because I’ve been to events that I thought were socials and turned out to be sales pitches.

Lindsay Lohan was busted; once again, for driving under the influence, only this time she also had a convictable amount of cocaine with her (which she has claimed wasn’t hers). All I’ve seen on TV following her arrest is how Hollywood and the general public should get on the bandwagon to “save” Lindsay. I have big issues with this. First off, we live in a country that basically doesn’t give a fuck about addiction. Insurance companies fight tooth and nail against providing benefits for alcohol and drug programs, and our own government passes laws that sound really good (i.e. Just Say No), but basically do little to address the issues and solutions surrounding addiction. Lindsay has been through very expensive, high quality rehab facilities, and is screwing up her life, but is still accepted with open arms, because she’s a celebrity. Sorry, Larry King, but before I work to “save” Lindsay, I’m going to put my energy into saving the millions of other troubled Americans who are turning to addiction to relieve the pain of living in the pop culture cesspool you and your ilk thrive in.

Asshole(s) of the Week

A good idea tends to spread, and my Asshole(s) of the Week has spread to The Huffington Post. However, the name of Paul Krassner appears in the byline, instead of yours truly. Coincidence? I’m suspecting not, since I’ve been doing Asshole(s) of the Week far longer than Mr. Krassner. At least the bright side is that along with lifting my cool title, he is also criticizing the same folks I would target. If Asshole(s) of the Week had appeared on some neocon blog, I would be pursuing legal action. Now onto the ORIGINAL Asshole(s) of the Week.

Roy Den Hollander – This attorney is on a crusade to ban “Ladies Night” from bars claiming that the popular bar promotion is unconstitutional because it gives women a reduced admission and better drink pricing than men. I guess Mr. Hollander hasn’t been out in awhile, because the other thing that Ladies Night does is encourages women to patronize a particular club, which brings in the guys. After all, what guy out on the town wants to hang out at a club that is all guys? Women in the U.S. are still paid only 76 cents on the dollar that every man is paid, and single women with children can expect to bring in only 54 cents for every dollar a man makes. Women also get charged more by dry cleaners, auto mechanics, insurance companies, and other businesses. On Ladies Night a gal can get a Cosmopolitan for $5.50 instead of $8.50, yet this is the issue Roy wastes his time pissing and moaning about? For attacking the one institution that still gives women a price break, and for being a cheap bastard in general, Roy Den Hollander, you are the Asshole of the Week.

Making Peace with My Matronly Upper Arms

2007-07-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

I’ve battled weight issues for over 20 years. From anorexia and extreme dieting to binge eating due to depression, there aren’t too many diets in the world that I haven’t tried. I have spent my life comparing myself to others, with a constant reel-to-reel going off in the back of my head that tells me I don’t look good enough. One of my most self-conscious body parts have been my upper arms.

I started out with twiggy upper arms as a young teen, and then as I got a little curvy in my later teens and early 20s I got into body building. My upper arms were awesome when I was doing multiple reps of various toning routines with 25 lb. dumbbells. They were toned, rock hard, and always one of my best qualities. Unfortunately, a more rigorous college course schedule during the beginning of my junior year, along with the onset of what would be a 5-year bout of severe depression took my life from body builder to couch potato, and my arms from brick to marshmallow.

I came out of my depression and immediately lost weight, but the damage to my upper arms was done. They were now matronly, and no matter how much weight I would lose, they would never return to being the slender twiggy arms I once had. I have spent the last ten years covering my upper arms with everything from sleeves to shawls. I would never even entertain the idea of walking out of the house in a tank top sans jacket, or some other appropriate upper arm cover. My upper arms were an embarrassment, a symbol of that awful time in my life were I let myself go, they were a part of my body that was to never see the light of day, until my recent move to California.

Southern California is hot, and I got here in June. I had packed a cache of summer sweaters, which are very popular in the Northwest. It can be a very warm summer day, but once the sun goes down, you might need a little something to keep you from shivering. Summer sweaters make sense there, but down here people looked at me like I had a third eye when I talked about them.

At the end of June, I ventured out shopping at my favorite clothing store, and took a long, hard look at the sleeveless shirts. They were nice and stylish, so I decided to be daring and tried one on. It fit well, but the moment I saw my pasty, white, matronly, upper arms I ripped the shirt off, and darted back to the sales floor looking for something with sleeves. A couple of weeks went by, the temperature went up, and I decided to go back to my favorite store and try again. The second round in the dressing room with the sleeveless shirts weren’t as bad, but I didn’t buy them. I opted to walk around a bit hoping that I would find something else with sleeves, but as I paced the mall I noticed other women, who were my size, going sleeveless. Perhaps years of the self-loathing along with the back-of-the-head negativity soundtrack had blown this upper arm thing way out of proportion. Maybe I was the only one who really noticed that my upper arms weren’t up to par.

I went back to my store and purchased two of the sleeveless shirts, and I’ve been wearing them ever since. They are definitely a nice garment for a typical Southern California summer day, and this whole upper arm issue has forced me to re-consider my self-image completely. How odd is it that in the Mecca of body-obsession that is Southern California, I have finally overcome my weight issues?

For the past two weeks I haven’t once looked in the mirror and thought something bad about myself, and that is amazing. Even as an anorexic 16-year-old I didn’t have a kind word to say to myself, but now it’s all gone. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait until my elliptical trainer arrives with my furniture, but my motives for getting on that bad boy have shifted from wanting to look perfect to having the desire to live into my elder years without the aid of a wheelchair or medication.

I have finally, after over 20 years, come to grips with what I look like, and I’ve discovered that I have a really great head of hair, I’ve got a pretty face, I look good in black, metro cut slacks and garments that accentuate my small waist, and that I can rock a sleeveless shirt just as well as the next suburb punk mama (minus the cool tattoo, of course).

Weekly Recap 7/15-21: The Plame Game & Not Posh in Paris

2007-07-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

Score yet another one for the Regime as Judge John Bates dismissed Valerie Plame’s suit against Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, and Dick Cheney this week. Apparently the courts are reluctant to hold public officials responsible for their actions. Throw on the fact that this judge was appointed by Chief Justice (and neocon Great White Hope) John Roberts, along with the judge’s previous service on the U.S. Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, and you have the perfect recipe for the dismissal. Plus, why should we start holding our homegrown junta responsible now. In the past six years, they have started a war that has put our grandchildren into debt, cost thousands of lives, and fueled a huge anti-American movement amongst Islamic fundamentalists by lying to us, they have let corporations go haywire selling our infrastructure out for pure profits, they continue to not give a rat’s ass about the American public, so why should we be surprised when they out a CIA operative as revenge then let one of their appointees dismiss the lawsuit. These bastards don’t need to be impeached, they need to be imprisoned!

Congress pulled an all-nighter in an attempt to force an Iraq War pullout deadline. Not surprisingly, Senate Republicans blocked the measure claiming that once they have the magic report in September they will be better able to make a decision about a timeline. I’m just wondering what excuse they will use to continue letting their cronies in the war profit machine carry on with their moneymaking at our soldiers’ expense once September rolls around.

The federal government has decided to lift the ban on carrying cigarette lighters on airplanes. Let me get this straight, I can’t carry on a bottle of gel for my hair, but Smokey McChimneyLungs can crowd me in the middle seat while schlepping a small device that starts fires. I knew the influence of tobacco companies couldn’t be held at bay for long.

For a short time today, while Resident Bush received a routine colonoscopy to screen for precancerous conditions, Dick Cheney was president. Never fear American Public, this is no different than the past six years where Cheney has made all of the decisions, while Bush has had something else shoved up his ass…his head.

I think I heard some sort of rumor that a new Harry Potter book is coming out, or something to that nature. Okay, people, it’s a good series, and it encourages kids to read, but people have been waiting out for days in front of book stores to get their copies of the new Potter book. It must be nice to not have to work for a living or worry about having a social life. You know, Amazon.com is really easy to use, and sometimes they offer free shipping.

In Local News

Tomorrow night my company is doing a huge event on a private estate in Malibu with a lot of celebrities. I guess it would be cool if I gave a rat's ass about celebrities. They told me that the dress code for this event is “L.A. Casual Chic”. What the fuck is that!?! You know, events in Seattle were simple; you had casual which meant slacks and a nice shirt, or formal which meant cocktail dress or gown. Thus far, I have had to dress tropical/Hawaiian chic, nautical, evening casual, and now L.A. casual chic. Thankfully, black goes with everything, even nautical. I should look at this as an opportunity to expand my wardrobe, but it all seems so superficial. Besides, I’m not down with spending money on nautical themed clothing.

Worthless Entertainment News

It was reported this week that Paris Hilton recently attempted to make friends with new Los Angeles resident, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, only to be snubbed by the Poshster. Let’s start by stripping away the fame, money, gossip mongers, and look at this situation in real world terms. Posh is 33-years old, married, and has kids, other than some high profile, red carpet events, and a few soccer games; Posh isn’t out making the nightlife rounds. Paris is 26, single, parties like mad, and has just done time in jail. What the hell would they have in common other than being famous and living in L.A.? Plus, what mother in her right mind would want to have a drunk driving, party girl around her kids.

Now that the whole Harry Potter series has come to an end, newspapers and other media outlets have been speculating as to what Author J.K. Rowling will do with her time. How about sit on her ass and spend the millions in profits that the little wizard has provided her. If she never touches her keyboard again, I’m sure J. will have plenty to do, and lots of money to do it with.

Asshole(s) of the Week

Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahony – This week to avoid a trial were hundreds of victims might actually have their day in court; the Los Angeles Archdiocese settled a massive lawsuit paying out $660 million to victims of child sexual abuse by its priests. The ringleader in this case was Cardinal Roger Mahony who moved molesting priests from parish to parish to avoid prosecution. Sure, the money might help some of the victims, but most of these people who were molested as kids are now in their 40s or 50s, and their lives have been riddled with broken marriages, addiction, and sadness. The damage has been done, and like I said, the money might help, but it doesn’t take away the pain. Also, why the hell is Mahony allowed to get off scot-free? He aided and sheltered known child molesters, isn’t this a crime? The church’s insurance will actually end up paying a decent portion of the settlement, but at least parents are aware that trust has nothing to do with faith, especially when it concerns your kids. For making the childhoods of hundreds, and perhaps thousands, of people a living hell, and relegating them to a life of pain, Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahoney, you are the Assholes of the Week.

Lord, Don't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz

2007-07-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the news does its job, and actually reports the goings-on of the citizens of the city you happen to live in (and not just the famous ones who play soccer and have lip-syncing wives). One of the local SoCal stations aired a news story that just reeked of elitism, and for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t biased or slanted towards the elite.

On July 10, 2007, 24-year-old Elizabeth Sandoval was crossing Glendale Avenue when she was hit by some maniac in a Mercedes Benz doing about 60 mph. The impact was enough to throw Elizabeth over 75 feet. Thankfully, she died on impact, so it is unlikely that she felt the brunt of the pain. The asshole in the Mercedes took off, and the police began a manhunt for the car and its driver.

Here’s where the elitist part comes in; Mercedes implants GPS tracking devices in all of their vehicles. In the hours that followed Elizabeth’s hit and run death, the Glendale Police Department asked Mercedes to activate the GPS and help them find the person responsible for killing this young woman. Mercedes refused. They told the police that they would have to obtain a court order leaving the seasoned police chief stunned by their lack of response. I guess if you can afford a Mercedes, you don’t have to be culpable for your actions.

On a Lexus chat site there was wide discussion of this story with most of the Lexus owners agreeing with Mercedes’ actions (real shock there). Nearly all of the Lexus owners, in their own special, way claimed that if Mercedes gave the Glendale PD the information they needed to catch this killer, it would be violating their customers’ privacy rights. What about Elizabeth’s right to cross the street without being mowed down by an over-priced car? By the way, do those Lexus owners know that they are essentially driving a Toyota Camry with a different label?

The driver was identified as 20-year-old Ari Grigoryan (am I just smoking crack to think that a 20-year-old has no business driving a Mercedes?). He has repeatedly been pulled over by police for exceeding the speed limit. The police wanted to question him shortly after Elizabeth’s death, but they couldn’t find him or the car. If he was an innocent customer, like Mercedes assumed via their lack of cooperation, then why didn’t he go down to the police station and answer questions?

The police found the car five days later in a shop with the entire front end repaired and the license plates removed, with no help from Mercedes Benz (who violated not one, but two court orders to protect this killer). Grigoryan is no where to be found, and Elizabeth’s family is planning her funeral.

I think there should be a nation-wide boycott of Mercedes Benz. If you are the type that needs a flashy, status symbol car, go get yourself a Lexus. Better yet, with all that money you save trading in your Mercedes Benz, you could buy a swanky, new hybrid and make the world a better place to live. Although the boycott argument will probably fall on deaf ears given that we live in a county that puts more value on a shiny, Mercedes Benz status symbol than they do on the life of a 24-year-old Mexican store clerk, it is something that average folks can do on a grassroots level to show that they don’t appreciate a corporation passing judgment on another person, especially when that judgment is the best bias money can buy.

The longer I live in this country, the more I’m convinced that we really need an attitude adjustment which should start with the de-corporatization of our lives. Quality, affordability, and environmental standards didn’t make Mercedes the luxury label it is today, marketing and product placement did. You don’t buy a Mercedes, because you want a decent car with great gas mileage, you buy a Mercedes to show off your success. However, if having a car or any other material object is the best way you can show your success to others, you’re a big, superficial loser.

Elizabeth’s family said she was a woman who was always happy, and had one of those radiant personalities that just made everyone smile. She had her whole life ahead of her, yet it wasn’t as valuable as a car manufacturer’s obligation to its customer, even if that customer was a lousy coward who went out one night thinking he was cool, speeding down Glendale Avenue in a car he was too young to have purchased himself, and killed a girl who was way more of an asset to society than he was. Maybe if Elizabeth’s father could have afforded to buy a Mercedes this story would have had a much different ending.

Weekly Recap 7/8-14: The Arrival of Posh and Becks & Renegade Christian Patriots

2007-07-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

Between the release of the latest Harry Potter movie and the arrival of David and Victoria Beckham to Los Angeles real news has been nearly non-existent in the mainstream media. Thank goodness for the internet or I would almost have to begin believing that those in power want us to stay glued to stuff that means nothing instead of focusing on how badly they are screwing us and our country.

Andrew Speaker, the selfish bastard that endangered perhaps hundreds of people including his new wife by ignoring health official warnings to postpone his wedding and be treated for a multi-resistant strain of Tuberculosis, is being sued by nine passengers who were seated near him during his international flight. I am not being overly critical of this guy, because two years ago it was discovered that I had latent TB, which is an ant fart compared to what this guy has. Within minutes of being diagnosed I educated myself about TB and immediately went on the nine-month drug regimen. This drug wiped out nearly all of my energy and most of the iron in my blood, but I wasn’t going to risk my TB ever becoming active. Due to this prick’s actions, everyone on all of the flights he was on will have to undergo TB testing for at least the next year. Anyone he talked to from the clergy member who performed the wedding to the hotel concierge will have to do the testing. Sometimes in life you get what you deserve, other times you just have to take your seat on the plane and hope that the person next to you isn’t a selfish ass with a communicable disease.

Conrad Black, former CEO of Hollinger International, Inc., one of the largest print media corporations, has been found guilty of mail fraud for giving himself a $5.5 million payout without stockholder approval. He and two other top Hollinger executives, who have also been convicted, could face 20+ years in prison. At this rate I’m beginning to think that anyone with the letters CEO below their name on the corporation’s letterhead should be monitored 24/7. Here’s a clue: if they charter a private jet and take 50 of their closest friends to an exclusive party in Bora Bora, it is highly likely that they aren’t doing with their own money.

Scientists have now developed a removable tattooing process. The process utilizes micro encapsulation in which microscopic beads of dye are suspended under the skin in the normal tattooing process. A few years later when Buffy the Mall Chick doesn’t feel like having that cool Asian symbol from the Jessica Simpson album hanging above the crack of her ass, she can hightail it to a professional that can run a laser over the tattoo causing the microcapsules to burst allowing the body to naturally absorb the ink. Call me crazy, but I still remember the day when getting tattooed actually meant something.

In Local News

So far, I know that David Beckham likes to get manicures, he’s obsessive/compulsive and takes showers five times a day, Posh wants to keep to themselves despite going on every L.A. radio station and most of the local news channels to talk about their new life in the U.S., and she drives an SUV. The kicker is that I don’t give a fuck, because I don’t watch soccer, I never liked the Spice Girls, and two more spoiled celebrities is the last thing we need here in LaLa Land. I would hope that once the Beckhams settle into their privileged life in Beverly Hills all of this hullabaloo would be over with, but that would be delusional.

In other local news, we finally leased a condo, and have been driving through Orange County’s finest suburb neighborhoods to figure out where we want to buy. Like I said, given my marriage to the real life Clark Griswold, there’s no way in hell this punk is fleeing the ‘burbs anytime soon.

Worthless Entertainment News

Charlie Sheen is engaged to be married for the third time to estate agent, Brooke Mueller. I’m not sure what kind of an education you need to be an estate agent, but Brooke is an idiot. There are a few givens in life: eating a diet of Twinkies and French fries will make you fat, having unprotected sex while vacationing in Haiti will have you going home with more than handmade souvenirs, and marrying Charlie Sheen will guarantee that within three years you will be doing a stint in divorce court to bitch about his drunken, violent outrages, his on-again/off-again addiction to coke, and his penchant for hookers. Brooke, if he seemed convincing when he told you that all that was behind him, it’s because he’s an actor.

Morrissey ripped into Madonna this week about her adoption of an African boy stating that he wouldn’t be surprised if she ‘made that African boy into a coat and wore him.’ That Mozzy is one funny bitch. One of my favorite memories was the look on the faces of the Idaho concert goers when he ragged them out for hunting and eating meat. His coolness will never end. Never!

Asshole of the Week(s)

Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar – Earlier this week Hindu Cleric Rajan Zed was asked to give the Senate’s opening prayer making him the first Hindu to be invited to give a prayer. Unfortunately, three self-proclaimed Christian patriots shit all over the moment by rudely interrupting Zed and asking Jesus to forgive the ‘abomination’. I have read the Constitution, and nowhere in that document does it declare Christianity as the official religion of the United States. There is no Christianity Amendment, nor does it outlaw any other religion. In fact, the only reference the Constitution has about religion gives us the freedom to practice whatever kind of faith we want. I could see the Christian extremists getting all up in arms if a Muslim was asked to come give the opening prayer, because right now Islam has a huge PR problem, but a Hindu! Hindus, next to Buddhists, are some of the most peaceful people in the world. The crux of their belief is that all religions are one, and that we are all brothers and sisters. Younger Hindus often refer to older Hindus as “auntie” or “uncle” whether they are blood related or not. When was the last time a Hindu caused anyone harm, especially in the U.S.? These Christian patriots are far more of an abomination than any Hindu I’ve ever met, so for ruining a nice day, and for the unpatriotic act of betraying America’s mission of welcoming people from all nations, Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar, you are the Assholes of the Week.

Confessions of a Neglectful Blogger

2007-07-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

I know I’ve been bad about this lately, and it has been brought to my attention. I could give you the big excuse about the move from Seattle to California, but that would be a little too obvious, and a bit untruthful.

One of the great things about blogging is the ability to discuss any of life’s daily traumas, joys, or random observations, and have an online community who empathizes with you, or is just somewhat amused by what you have to say. However, the issue of barriers comes up. Should I talk about this? What if I discuss this person and they figure out that I’m talking about them? Is everyone going to get bored out of their minds hearing me go on and on about the same stuff?

My issue as of late isn’t the move, although it has been exhausting. It isn’t even my life squatting at the in-laws, it’s been a bit weird, but they are quite accommodating. The job has been a bit more of a challenge than I thought it would be, but what new job doesn’t come with a learning curve. The main focus of my life and the reason for neglectful blogging has been due to the unanticipated impact this uprooting has had on my daughter.

Jeff and I thought we did a good job psyching her up for the move. We talked for weeks about all of the positives of life in California, and Rachael was very excited when she first arrived at Grandma and Papa’s house. Due to starting the new job during the busiest month of the year, I was absent for nearly our entire first week of life in California, but Rachael didn’t seem to mind. She had plenty of attention from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and I thought her adaptation was going very well.

Her issues started around the end of the second week of life in California. It was about that time that she kept asking me when we were going home. I tried to psyche her up, once again, by telling her that we were going to have fun picking out a new house, and that she would have her Dora bed in her new room, but she wasn’t as excited this time. Jeff had to fly back to Seattle to oversee the house sale, and that’s when our problems with Rachael really began. She was adamant about sleeping in my bed, and developed new phobias such as a fear of the dark, and reluctance to taking a shower. She became angry, bit one of the kids she rides to daycamp with, and has backslid in potty training to where she is having little “accidents” at least three times per day.

I know her anger and insecurity first hand, because my mother was a bit loony and moved us every six months throughout my entire childhood, which is one of the reasons it is so hard for me to watch Rachael go through this. I’ve tried to assure her that everything will be okay. Jeff and Fozzy are down here now, and that has helped to an extent, but we are still having potty issues. We went last night and looked at a couple of places to rent beginning August 1st. My hope is that, in a couple of weeks, once we are settled in a place of our own, my little girl will go back to being the happy sprite she was in Seattle. Until then, I’ll be a bit on edge, overly concerned, and wonder if this is the first step to weekly therapy session that begin at age 20.

Not the most interesting blog I’ve ever written, but at least it’s honest, which in the world of blogging might just be the reason we all do this in the first place.

Weekly Recap 6/24-30: You Seriously Don't Need It & Scary Roid Rage

2007-07-01T02:42:00.000-07:00

Headline News Recap

Months of ridiculous marketing hype finally culminated with the release of the iPhone. The iPhone, which is touted as a device that is simple to use, and can hold your whole life in one tiny box, had morons waiting in line up to 72 hours to spend a minimum of $500 for the slumming version of the iPhone and up to $100 per month in an AT&T rate plan. Let me put this all in perspective for a moment; it’s a fucking cell phone. Yes, it might be fun to own the newest and latest thing, but it is just one more electronic device in this world that you are going to have to learn how to use. It may be able to play music, store pictures, check your email, and receive calls, but you barely know how to store your mother’s phone number, let alone sync your daily calendar on your iPhone. Besides, do you really want to spend nearly $1,000 on something that you could accidentally drop in the toilet when you are rushing from one business meeting to another (per a post-it-note on your desk, because you still can’t figure out how to put it into your iPhone calendar)?

Paris Hilton was released from an L.A. County jail after serving a daunting 23 days behind bars. On “Larry King Live” Hilton’s first post-prison interview, she complained about the food, said she was going to work on behalf of children’s causes, and claimed that reading the bible helped her get through her ordeal. For fuck’s sake, it was 23 days! Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, the honored Nobel laureate who has spent years trying to bring peace and democracy to her country of Myanmar, just had her 2000 house arrest extended without a trial or due process, Mumia Abu-Jamal has been on death row after being wrongly convicted since 1982, and still faces the gas chamber, yet Larry King continues to squander any shred of credibility he still has left over Paris Hilton. Whatever!

Chinese food is no longer going to drum up images of yummy Kung Pao Chicken or Egg Foo Yung after it was revealed this week that shipments of contaminated toothpaste and seafood produced in China have caused the FDA to examine the safety of various edible products. Am I the only one who considers it alarming that the U.S.’s strongest emerging rival is the one we trust to produce our food? Am I missing something here? China was busted last month when it was discovered that they had been using garbage (yes, that’s right, actual trash) as stuffing for children’s toys. Wake up America! Pay an extra buck and get the toothpaste made in Scranton.

In a study released earlier this week by Durex (the condom company), France was taken to task as only 25% of French respondents claimed they were happy in bed. The blow to the French lover reputation was hit even harder when the same study revealed that the British were the most satisfied lovers in Europe. Way to go Brits! The study also found that Japan was the lowest for sexual satisfaction (no shock there), and the Greeks were the horniest getting busy an average of 164 times per year.

Congress is attempting, once again, to subpoena Vice Resident Dick Cheney for his part in just about everything underhanded, deceiving, and screwed up that has gone on for that past seven years. Although they think they might have a good chance at getting the Veep to own up to his part in just about everything screwed up that has gone on for the past seven years, what they don’t know is that he plans to avoid the subpoena by requisitioning the last tie fighter, and blasting off into the galaxy to create a new and more powerful Death Star.

In Local News

Things at my job ended up working out way differently. Instead becoming obstinate when I brought to light the lack of organization and teamwork within my department, and my unwillingness to work insane hours due to said lack, my new bosses agreed with me. They also told me they had been lacking strong leadership within my department, and needed someone with the ability to organize and motivate a team, which is why they hired me. That’s right, in one turn-of-events conversation; I went from being the low man on the totem pole, to the head of the department. Life is kind of funny sometimes. Thankfully I love a good challenge, and in one week have managed to institute changes that have created more cohesion and trust within the department. The past two events since the changes have gone smoothly, and everyone is much happier, and not as overworked.

Continuing on a rosy path, we sold our Seattle house today clearing the way for an end to us squatting at my in-laws. I can sign a lease beginning August 1st, and officially become a California resident. In honor of my new Californianess, I put my sweaters in storage and purchased some short-sleeved and sleeveless shirts. My second act as a new Californian will be to purchase adjustable weight dumbbells, because the guns need some work. Seriously, I don’t want to be dealing with wingspan at 40.

Worthless Entertainment News

Entertainment news was disturbing this week when police discovered the bodies of WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife, and 7-year-old son in their Atlanta home. Apparently Benoit had juiced up, bound his wife at the wrist and ankles, strangled her, smothered their son in his own bed, and a day later hung himself on his weight bench. The WWE did a big televised tribute to Benoit on Monday night’s show, but after details of the grizzly death emerged, WWE owner, Vince McMahon came on Tuesday night’s show and banned references to Benoit from further WWE programs. I guess McMahon has never heard the term ‘you reap what you sew’. I’m not saying that the WWE encourages juicing, but the Gorgeous Georges and Andre the Giants of yesteryear look nothing like the walking He-Man action figures of today. Wrestlers used to be fat an obnoxious, now they are muscled and obnoxious, and may potentially kill their families during a serious act of “Roid Rage.”

The Spice Girls have announced a comeback tour. I guess since Brittney has gone all loony, Jessica is off dating instead of dancing, and Christina Aguilera continues to become more and more irrelevant, the world was in danger of losing all shitty, worthless, lip-syncing, annoying, over-produced pop music.

The latest Harry Potter movie is already receiving reviews in which critics claim that the movie is considerably “grimmer and grittier”. Harry is about puberty age right now, so what do you expect. I have a nephew who is in the beginning stages of puberty, and I wish it was as good as grim and gritty. Give it up critics, the Harry you see today isn’t the sweet, abused kid who entered Hogwarts, he’s got raging hormones, and wizard acne. Grim and gritty, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Asshole(s) of the Week

American Politicians – According to a survey that came out this week, Americans are desperately unhappy with their government. Bush is receiving the lowest ratings of any president in history, and Congress isn’t doing much better. Enrollment in both the Democratic and Republican parties is down, and people all over the U.S. are pissed off. There is no excitement over any presidential candidate in the current roster of schmoes running for office, and hey, people are pissed off. This is what happens when people elected by the people choose to bow to corporate funders instead of advancing the will of those who got them into office. I hope everyone in D.C. is keeping a banker’s box close to their desk, because the theme of the 2008 election is going to be “throw the bums out”, and truth be told, you all deserve it. Instead of ending the war, you squabble over funding it, instead of coming up with a healthcare plan to cover the 48 million uninsured Americans, you spend hours debating illegal immigration, instead of working on tax relief for middle class families, you continue to kowtow to corporate interests that ship jobs overseas and import tainted toothpaste. For defying the will of the American people time and time again, American Politicians you are the assholes of the week.

Why I Love & Hate Southern California

2007-06-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

I should begin with a little background and me and Southern California, just to be fair. In my teen years, SoCal was the shit. It was the hair-raising, heavy metal '80s. Motley Crue was the most hardcore band around, my bangs made me three inches taller, and the coolest place in the known universe was the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles. I would spend hours with my friends watching Headbanger's Ball on Saturday night (back in the day when MTV didn't suck and played videos) dreaming of the day when we would rent an apartment in L.A. and spend our nights cruising the Strip.

As I approached age 18, I cooled on SoCal and turned my love to a new place, my own Pacific Northwest neighbor, Seattle. I entered college, found indie rock, began my career penning entertainment articles for some of the most alternative zines during the height of grunge, and any thoughts (or love) I had for relocating to Southern California went straight into the crapper.

I spent a year flying back and forth to L.A. while working for PolyGram, and hated being there. People were fake, I heard tale after tale of friends stabbing each other in the back to climb the corporate music business ladder, and my home in Seattle was much more inviting. Grunge was dead, but the community was still alive, well, and filled with pretentious music snobs who knew far more than the corporate hacks down in sunny California.

Even as I left the music industry and settled into a normal life, the thought of leaving my beloved Seattle for Southern California seemed like move I never wanted to make. Then I had my daughter. I knew, the moment we all came back from Rachael's first big family Hanukkah that I shouldn't rule out Southern California.

I'm here now, and I can't say I hate it. It has been an adjustment, but I really don't miss Seattle as much as I thought I would. I have figured out a list of loves and hates about my new residence.

Loves:
*The weather - Sunny almost all the time, which is damn cool. I know it's not this beautiful all the time, but the fact that I can come out of the house every morning and not see rain and gloom is the best.
*Friendly people - Californians are friendlier, straight up. Most Seattle natives are socially retarded, and I'm not the only one who will verify that, most of the major newspapers in Seattle have written articles about how people there are stand-offish and introverted. They call it the "Microsoft personality." People here are friendly.
*Traffic - No, I'm not smoking crack, traffic is actually better in Southern California. I have double the miles in my morning commute than I had in Seattle, and I do it in half the time. Here there are large volumes of people in cars going the same way. In Seattle, there are fewer cars, but the dumbasses planning the roads don't make enough lanes to move traffic through. The major I-5 has to merge with another major interstate, the 405, and they filter traffic down to one lane. Dumbasses!

Hates:
*Housing Prices - Holy crap! I'm going to pay an arm and a leg for a box with no yard on the sketchy side of town. The same money you pay for a large, new home, with a fantastic, huge yard in Seattle, you can get a 1,500 sq. ft. townhouse with a little courtyard area that you could spit across in an area of town that you'd better think twice about springing for an alarm system. This reality check has forced us to lower our standards a bit.
*Barbie People - Everyone here spends way too much time, energy, and money focusing on being perfect. From pole dancing exercise classes to advertisements for deals on plastic surgery, looks are what's important. If you aren't wearing the latest and hottest shoes, you might as well put a bullet in your head, and if you have wrinkles, don't plan on keeping them if you don't want to continue hearing pithy whispers behind your back.
*Displacement of the Moral Compass - I'm a fairly liberal, open-minded lady. Whatever sick, twisted thing you're into for shits and giggles is okay with me, but in California they take it to an extreme. Case in point, the woman who got all of these Hollywood celebrities into pole dancing for exercise was featured in an article along with her seven year old daughter. She was smiling and sitting against the pole, as her little girl was hanging upside-down on the pole with her legs wrapped around it. What the fuck!

I'm sure I'll come up with more loves and hates, but this will do for now. Until then, I'll enjoy the sun, and try to find a radio station that is better than mediocre.

Just When I Thought It Was Safe to Be Content

2007-06-21T21:57:00.001-07:00

I have developed a rather nasty habit in life. Whenever I feel like calm might enter my world, I get a little twinge in the back of my head. The twinge is a slight bit of doubt that at any moment everything could go to shit, and my calm will evaporate in an instant. I can usually ignore the twinge and chock it up to neurosis, then I have a day like today, and in an instant my calm evaporated.

I started what I thought was an amazing job just a little under two weeks ago. I was hired to a management level position with a company that produces auctions for non-profits. Since this is the work I've been doing for the past 5 years, I was psyched. It was right up my alley, the company was filled with people my age with similar family situations, the owners of the company seemed like they really were into treating their employees well, and all was right with the world.

They asked me to start right in the thick of their busiest time of the year. In my first week, I put in 60 hours over 6 days. Nothing out of the ordinary for this seasoned events person, it was my world, and I was happy to jump in with both feet. The bad thing was that I had barely left my other job, and with the move, I was one tired lady.

This week was a little bit lighter, but still has me booked to the tune of 50 hours. 'No big deal' I thought, because there is always a learning curve, and if I'm going to be producing events I need to see how this company does their events. The downside is that I'm exhausted, and I haven't seen a lot of Jeff nor Rachael.

I left a little early yesterday to go look at a townhouse, after making sure all of the events were current. My twinge began screaming this morning when I was called into the boss' office and told that the office hours were 8:30 AM to 6:00 PM, no exceptions. Originally they told me that they gave comp time for extra hours worked. I thought it might be hour for hour, or at worst 30 minutes per hour worked. I was told that for every three events I get one day off. In other words, I could do three Saturday events that stretch into 16-hour work days, and get one measly day off.

I spent the rest of today feeling like I wanted to cry. Years ago I worked for a concert promoter that ran me into the ground. I promised myself after that experience that I would never sacrifice myself for a job, and now that I have a child I really don't feel like giving my life to someone for a mediocre salary.

When I'm at work, I'm a complete superfreak. I outwork everyone around me, and catch on to new things quickly. For fuck's sake I taught myself PhotoShop and In Design! I'm willing to work when there is something to do, but when there isn't I'm not going to warm a seat and stare at a computer screen. I'm not a clockwatcher and I don't work hourly, that's why I'm a manager as opposed to an assistant or a coordinator.

Tomorrow I'm taking the bull by the horns, going into the boss' office and telling him that if I can't take 30 minutes in the morning to drop my kid off to catch the bus to daycamp, even though I will be working until midnight on a weekend, then I'm not the gal for them.

I usually try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, but I feel like someone punched me in the face. Things will turn out the way they turn out, but unfortunately this time, the twinge was right.