Protecting Marriage?

Here in California there is a proposition on the ballot known as "Prop 8". The State of California made a bold and progressive move to recognize the rights of gays and lesbians to marry, and Prop 8 wants to repeal this progress. I'm always pissed when someone tries to tell another person, especially a complete stranger how to live their life, but the argument as to why Californians should vote "yes" on Prop 8 is completely asinine. According to the "Yes on 8" bigots, voting in favor of Prop 8 is protecting marriage.

Marriage is an age-old ritual practiced in nearly every culture. Some cultures allow for more than one spouse (most often more than one wife, because women aren't stupid enough to opt for more than one husband), there are also cultures where marriage is a set length of time, where a mandatory separation happens once a year, and where the marrying parties never meet until their wedding night. In this country, marriage has been defined as the union of a man and woman, but that concept has failed miserably.

The United States has a 53% divorce rate, and the sad part is that 2007 was the year with the lowest rate of divorce since 1970. Let's face it, we Americans suck at commitment. The hypocrisy is that most of the gay couples I know have been together longer than most of the straight couples I know, yet some of us heteros feel there is nothing wrong with telling the homos they can't enter into a commitment despite our distorted history with the marital institution.

The other big argument that the "Yes on 8" homophobes use is that gay marriage will be taught in the schools, which is another steaming pile of bullshit. Schools barely have time to teach math, reading, English, and other essentials, yet alone the ins and outs of marriage. The haters keep flashing the children's book, "King and King" in everyone's face claiming that kids will be exposed to gay marriage via this children's book. I got news for you parents, your kids will be exposed to a lot more harmful shit than some fiction book, like hardcore gangster rap delivered by wannabe homeboys who live in the upper middle class 'burbs, slutty clothing from their friends (especially preacher's daughters), weird demon-summoning rituals where you splash water at a mirror and turn around three times taught by that creepy, older, goth chick whose parents ignore her, and the average, run of the mill, drugs and alcohol. In fact, when you look at the roster of scary shit that your kid will be exposed to, two girls kissing doesn't seem so bad.

The key, as a parent, is to know how to respond. Instead of freaking out over the "King and King" book, simply tell your kid that this is how some families are, but our family is like this. It's just that simple. The other, lesser stated, yet obvious, point is that most kids won't get the whole homosexuality thing until they are well into puberty. When I first moved to Idaho at age 5 with my mom and sister, we were all but destitute. The three of us lived in a 300 sq ft. studio apartment, and lived on $25 per week. I don't think we would have made it had it not been for Jessie and Bobbie.

Jessie and Bobbie were a lesbian couple in their early 60s who lived downstairs from us. They saw the situation my mom was in, and helped us out. They did everything from drive my mom to doctor's appointments and the store when we didn't have a car, to babysitting my sister and I, and cooking us meals. Bobbie was an old school dyke who spent her career in the military, and had an anchor tattooed on her chest. Jessie did the traditional marriage and family after high school, and spent several years as a punching bag for her abusive, alcoholic husband. I remember visiting both of them for years after we left the apartment, and watched as they called next of kin family members to sign papers and give "okays" for each other, because these ladies weren't allowed to be married. The funny thing was that despite knowing them for years, I didn't figure out that they were a gay couple until I was 14. In my child mind, I thought Jessie slept in the bedroom, and Bobbie slept on the couch, and they were just best friends.

The last thing about this Prop 8 that should tell you voting "yes" isn't kosher is the fact that the whole "Yes on 8" movement has been funded by the Mormons. They are the secret "protect marriage" folks. Mormons, you know, the people who believe that when they die, they get to be gods of their own planet, and that all of the women in the world (Mormon or not) get to marry the Mormon men, and will be pregnant for eternity having spirit babies to populate their planet. Mormons, you know, the folks that believed it was perfectly fine to have as many wives as you could get, until the United States government refused to recognize Utah as a state, then suddenly someone in the church had a "vision".

The other group aiding in the "protection of marriage" are the Knights of Columbus, which is a Catholic organization. Given that the Catholic church has made hiding child molestation a practice for the past 25 years, I don't think they should have much of a say on the definition of morality.

In the end, the only people who can protect, nurture, or destroy a marriage are the two people who are married, so why not give gay people the equal opportunity to make someone else completely bonkers without the convenience of being able to walk out the door any minute. Instead when their spouse screws up their life, makes them dreadfully unhappy or straight up crazy, they should have to go through the same gut-retching legal drama that the rest of us have to deal with, which would make even the homophobes happy, because it would mean those homosexual married couples would be a little less gay.

Sarah Palin: Pretty Vacant

Men in power never cease to amaze me, not because they do great or mighty things. No, they amaze me by doing such stupid shit, I can't believe they are in the power positions they are in. The latest dipshit move by a powerful man is Sarah Palin.

Fresh on the heels of watching Hillary Clinton lose the primaries, Republicans recognized a void. There were a lot of pissed off ladies who were Hillary fans, and they wanted to capitalize on this anger to win votes; enter Sarah Palin. She was a woman, a governor, a right-wing lunatic conservative, and completely unknown meaning she was unlikely to be linked to scandal. In the mind of a Republican male, especially an old, Republican male like John McCain, she was the perfect pick. She would enable him to get all of the Hillary gals on board the "straight talk express".

The only problem is that John McCain is a man, and again, an old, traditional man who hasn't a clue about the mental workings of the younger generation of gals he was marketing Sarah to. He also made simplistic assumptions: Sarah is a working mom, therefore working moms would be able to relate to her. Unfortunately, she is a working mom who has the hypocritical view of touting her family as her first priority, but went back to work three days after giving birth to a Down's Syndrome child. Most women I've talked to, both conservative and liberal, couldn't believe that.

Sarah is all for traditional family values, and women who are into family values will like that, which would make sense if her daughter wasn't knocked up at 17. Traditional family values, again, dictates that your family comes first, and if you're daughter is banging a hockey-lovin', self-proclaimed redneck, where the hell are you to knock some sense into her head?

The final blow to the whole 'chicks will dig Sarah, just because she's a woman' theory was the fact that she was anti-choice even in the case of rape and incest. A woman who believes women aren't smart enough to make their own choices, and don't believe they should be relieved of a burden after an act of sexual violence?!? Nice going dipshits!

Despite all the above, the simplistic, powerful males in the Republican party still believed Sarah was a winner, and they put her out there to read a great speech from one of Resident Bush's speech writers at the convention. They raved about how well she did reading the speech, which really shouldn't be surprising since she worked as a news anchor before running the thriving metropolis that is Wasilla, Alaska.

There was a lot of attention paid to Sarah, which was exciting to a campaign that was damn near dead. However, as time has wore on, the audience that Sarah was brought on board to secure is getting sick of her, and here's why: she's cute.

Again, the powerful men made a dipshit decision by choosing beauty over brains. Sarah's a lovely looking gal, we know that, but most of us are getting really fucking sick of looking at her face. She botched the Katie Couric interviews, and used way too many "ya sure, you betchas" during the debate with Joe Biden. In her effort to be Miss Cutesy Tootsie, she is pissing off the average American woman. There is nothing we hate more than watching a bitch with no brains advance in the world, because she's pretty.

Now, all of the men are raving over Sarah, not because of her opinions on policy or her revolutionary ideas, no, they like her sunshine smile, and her laugh. This might be cool if we were talking about the star of the latest Disney movie, but we are talking about the potential second in charge of a country that is failing miserably. Women don't relate to smiles and shtick, they relate to a strong woman with a brain who faces adversity and does her best with what she has, and if she happens to be less than a beauty queen, all the better.

I smiled when I first saw Sarah, because I knew what those men had done and what they were thinking. I knew they would fail miserably, like they always do when they underestimate the fairer sex. For next time, gentlemen, just remember, if there's one thing a woman hates, it's another woman who gets four times further in life by doing half the work, which is Miss Sarah in a nutshell.