Celebrity Virginity

The topic of virginity has always been a bit fascinating to me, especially since I can barely remember having mine. It left me at 16 when I looked at my buffed high school sweetheart, and heard the voice of Tom Cruise circa Risky Business echoing, “sometimes you gotta say ‘what the fuck’” complete with the ‘80s Raybans and a big, open-mouthed smile.

Most women tend to keep their virginity stories private until many years later when they laugh about them while sitting in a circle of fellow gals sharing cheap alcohol in a college dorm room. Some ladies have the misfortune of losing theirs by force, and never talk about it, and on occasion, there are those determined gals who keep their maidenhead in tact until their wedding night.

Unless your average woman tells you how she lost her virginity, you may never know or really even care, but when that broad is a celebrity, the whole world seems to want to know how many times she’s had sex, who she’s been with, and the intimate details of how she spread for the very first time. It amazes me that a society so hell bent on constantly associating women with sex seems to place a more noble status on those virtuous girls who save themselves for marriage.

Brooke Shields was untouched when she married Andre Agassi as was Jessica Simpson when she trotted down the alter with Nick Lachey. Brittney Spears held onto the public persona of her virgin status until she figured that her fans, despite being mindless, pop culture droids, were not that stupid. Even Playboy has built its soiled reputation on the idea that the sweet virgin next door could be a wild, raging whore if she just had the proper lighting, fluffy hair, and a camera aimed at her.

The irony in all of this modern day virgin worship seems to be that the only ones buying into it are those who are attempting to promote it as virtuous. Brooke and Jessica made the decision to save themselves until marriage, which is fine, but I kind of snicker when I think that they spent all of that time foregoing temptation only to have their marriages wind up in divorce. They wasted their maidenheads on men that will forever be known as “that first husband,” and will draw a bit of a sneer every time they think about them. I’m curious to know if, when looking back, they think of all the men they could have fucked, but turned down in order to be “virtuous,” and wonder if they really regret it now.

I’m not saying that those who wait until marriage wind up with a complex, if that’s what you decide is best for your life, and you are determined, then kudos to you. I have a wonderful Christian friend who I nudged into dating a woman he knew at church, and they wound up married (score one for the Yenta punk). They were both virgins when they got married, and their wedding night, was really a wedding night. I respect their decision to stick to their guns and wait until they found each other, especially my male friend, because in today’s world a man who is sexless until marriage seems to be branded as some sort of loser or pussy.

The thing I respect most about this couple is that they made their decisions about their sex life, but were never judgmental about anyone else’s virginal status. Unfortunately, this isn’t the norm for media hounds that seem to want to promote the idea that, although Brittney is writhing on the floor in a matching, lace bra and panties at 16 years old, she is still as pure as the first snowfall in winter. It’s as if they want to imagine that all of the men reading magazines were pedophiles, and all of the women needed to be taught the proper way of mixing sexy, horny, yet pure.

I remember deciding at the age of 14 that I was going to remain a virgin until I was married. Little did I know that the little statement I made to my super secret diary (read only by my sister, brother, a few friends, and my mom – those nosy fucks), would go completely by the wayside as soon as I got that first rush of hormones.

As I sit here thinking about my first time, I’m glad it was with a good-looking boyfriend who I’ll probably never see again. If I had saved myself for marriage I would have been really disappointed, because just like Jessica and Brooke, that was my first husband, and I say those words with a very unpleasant sneer.