The Death of Originality

The millionth remake of Superman is in theaters now, only to be dwarfed by the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean, and I have no desire whatsoever to haul my ass to the movies, spend $10 per ticket (and at least $10 more on popcorn my fat ass shouldn’t be eating) all to get an eye full of rehashed shit. What the fuck happened to originality?

I recently saw some non-CNN news channel doing this big expose on how women action heroes don’t work, because all of the films that have had women action heroes have been box office disappointments. They pointed out movies such as Elektra, Catwoman, and Aeon Flux. What they forgot to mention was all of those movies sucked ass, not because of the ladies involved, but because they lacked the one thing Hollywood hasn’t been able to come up with for a number of years: a decent plot. Jennifer Garner is a palatable actor and Charlize Theron and Halle Berry are Oscar winners, so this bullshit about them not stepping up is just an excuse for what really happened.

Lately, Hollywood execs think they can take one big successful movie and go cheap on the sequels and spin-offs. Sigourney Weaver kicked major ass in Aliens, and a fabulous pre-Brad Angelina gave a stellar performance in Tomb Raider, but those movies had a plot with originality. This lack of decent plot seems to be permeating throughout entertainment as a whole. Reality TV was cool for the first five minutes, now it’s just tired.

I’m sure that everyone out there is curious about how a real midget family lives their life and maneuvers the grocery store and soccer practice, but does it have to be an entire television series? A two-hour special on TLC or Lifetime would do the trick. People used to get sent away to fat camps or weight loss spas and it was a shameful thing that no one wanted to own up to, now it’s on primetime. I don’t care what Lil’ Kim did three weeks before she went to jail, I could give a rat’s ass about how Paris and Nicole hate each other yet still do their self-absorbed television crap, and at this point, I think a great deal of the intelligent people in this country would be in favor of kidnapping Mark Burnett, duct taping him to a chair, and beating him with a rubber hose.

Movies and reality TV are a bust at this point, and unfortunately, there is no bright light at the end of the sitcom tunnel either. I actually saw a preview for a show coming on one of the networks that follows a young bride and groom through their wedding day, for an entire season. Basically, the show from week to week will highlight nearly every hour leading up to their wedding. Who greenlighted this piece of shit! It’s called Big Day, and I predict that it will be a big flop, which is somewhat unfortunate, because I do enjoy Wendie Malick. I guess sometimes the money is just too good to pass up.

Of course there is a shitload of forensic cop, using science to solve a crime shows, they all look the same after awhile and none of them hold a candle to Law & Order, so whatever. I’m sure they will introduce plenty of comedies about a working class family with a fat, dumpy, stupid guy and his hot-looking, sharp-witted wife, and there will always be the ridiculous, mind-numbing bullshit from Fox. Thankfully, HBO exists or I’d have to consider junking the television and DVD player altogether.

Books tend to be drab these days as well. I’m bombarded with friends telling me I should check out the latest offerings in the Chick Lit genre, but I’ve never been into fiction. I’d rather read about real life, it’s far more bizarre and interesting. By the way, are there any older women out there who are a touch put off by the fact that they refer to fiction targeting women ages 45-60 as Hen Lit? It pisses me off, and I’ve got at least another decade before I’m in the Hen Lit age range.

In this world of re-hashed movies, boring television, and books that are the equivalent of pop music, I’m glad there are still independent magazines, the internet, and blogs. Creativity exists, but those who gatekeep our entertainment are looking in the wrong places. They are behaving like a bunch of pussies who are so scared of something edgy offending the masses that they continue to give us crap, add a plethora of special effects, and think we will actually be happy with it. I’m not, and I know a lot of others who aren’t content either.

For now, all us creatives and those who enjoy originality will have to do a little work to have our brains stimulated. We will have to make an effort to watch the Independent Film Channel, look to indie zines for good reading, fall back to some of the classic novels, if need be, and TiVo our favorite HBO shows. Hopefully, all of this regurgitation will disappear soon, and if not, then I’ll be hiding in my room with my copies of BUST magazine anxiously awaiting the season premier of Big Love.