Monday, May 21, 2018

Mom Goals

It never fails, I'm sitting in front of the laptop scrolling through my Facebook feed when across my screen comes the story of that incredible mom who has, something like, 12 kids, but is showing off her 6-pack abs and laughing about being mistaken for her teenage daughter's sister all the time.  Hot Mommy says you just need to prioritize yourself, so that you can be a "better mom" for your family.  The article suggests that these should be your "mom goals."

I've been working out since I was 16 years old.  On a regular basis, I try to make it into the gym a minimum of twice a week and try to supplement my workouts with other things like walks, cardio classes, etc. as much as I can.  There has never been a time where any workout I did made me a better mom.  It made me healthier, it made me sleep a bit better at night, but there is zero correlation between the amount of stomach crunches I do and the quality of my parenting.

Also, I have a huge issue with parenting goals being tied to fitness.  Look, I believe in pursuing what makes you feel happy as much as the next gal, and if having a 6-pack makes you feel awesome, then go for it.  However, don't tell other moms that their goals should be the same.

On a regular basis, my "mom goals" are to get up at 6:45 am, make my kids their lunches, get my 8th grader out the door by 7:25 am, come back from dropping her off by 7:40-7:45 am, finish getting my 2nd grader ready, then pushing her and her dad out the door by 8:10 am.  After that, it's a full day for me, because I run my own business, and essentially, have to cram an entire 8-hour workday into 6 hours, because I pick both kids up after school.  From that point, it's homework and after school lessons/activities, and getting dinner ready, maybe sitting down as a family to watch a sitcom, then the kids are off to bed at a reasonable time, so I can have an hour or two to myself to watch a show, talk to my husband, hang out online, or plan for the next day.  It may sound boring, and it is, but those are the only things I have energy for at the end of the day.

Basically, my "mom goals" are to keep my family on track, so they succeed.  It's not glamorous, in fact, it's very routine.  No one is writing articles about me, or any other mom who does this, but this is the life of most moms, and our "mom goals" are to just make it through the day.  Also, there may be moms who are super obsessed with how they look, and are lucky enough to stay at home while having school aged children, so they have enough free time to hit the gym for two hours, but I, and most of the moms I know, aren't those moms.  Truthfully, if I have an extra hour in my day I'll probably take a nap or...never mind, I really can't think of anything beyond take a nap, because I usually never have something that doesn't need to be done.

Hey, if your "mom goals" are looking hot, and you do, then bravo.  You worked hard for it, and you deserve to enjoy it.  If your "mom goals" are to lean in at work and run the show, and you end up doing it, then I'm very happy for you.  Whatever your "mom goals" are, I whole-heartedly encourage every mom to reach them, but do not disguise shaming as empowerment or make yourself the subject of publications that push shaming as empowerment.  Most moms are doing their best and they don't need to be reminded of their shortcomings, because society reminds us all the time.

Mostly, don't tell me what my "mom goals" should be, because one of them was to never lose sight of the fact that I'm an introverted, cynical, rebellious, punk rock mama who hates being told what to do, and for the record, I am nailing that "mom goal".

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