When I finally got a look at some video footage Jeff took of me walking on the beach in my bathing suit this past June, I was stricken with horror at my appearance. Just a mere five years previous, I was hot. I had a flat tummy, round butt, and could wear an outfit like nobody’s business. Of course in the meantime, I had a baby, and all of the mommas and some of the daddies out there know that once you have a baby, your body will never be the same again. After all, if you blow up a balloon, even for just a few minutes, then deflate it; it won’t be that tight, little piece of rubber no matter how much firming lotion you put on after showering. This was true of my ass and tummy after I carried Rachael.
For the first year after her birth, I had a weird delusion that all of the weight would magically fall off my body. I guess it was along the same lines as the delusion that little gnomes would come clean my house, while Bigfoot took care of my yard, and leprechauns did the grocery shopping. By the time my Mexican vacation came around in June 2005, I had been on a very low carb diet for three months and working out twice a day. Unfortunately, I had gained and lost the same three pounds. Oddly enough, I was under the belief that I looked good, and that my weight hadn’t gotten the best of me, until I saw the video recap of our vacation.
I have no idea how to work the digital video editing software, but I managed to figure out enough to delete those three frames of my beach walk forever. Then immediately after, I went to the Weight Watchers website and found a meeting. I had been on Weight Watchers years ago with great success. After losing an insane amount of weight on the program, like a psycho off their meds, I believed I was cured and decided I no longer needed the weigh-ins or meetings. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Half the weight I lost slowly came back a couple of pounds here and a few pounds there. Then I got pregnant, and the gloves really came off.
Thankfully, I’ve been on the program since June and I’m starting to look like myself again. I have discovered a few interesting things about doing the program now as opposed to five years ago. The beloved folks at Weight Watchers have modified the program to make it easier to do, which is a big plus. A small minus would be that I’m not losing weight as quickly as I did when I was on program at the beginning of the millennium. This is an excellent way for me to realize that it only gets harder as you get older, so I’d better not blow up like an inflatable raft again. I have also figured out how to cheat at my weigh-in.
I love the Thursday evening meetings, but I don’t do as well weighing in in the evening as opposed to the morning. During the day on Thursday, I either have to keep my stomach relatively empty, which depending on how crazy my day is, could be a challenge. If I’m not able to deplete myself of food until 6:15 PM, then I have to try a gamble and drink as much coffee as possible. Since coffee is a diuretic, it will cleanse your system of extra water and food if you can manage to drink enough of it early in the day. I tried this today, but it didn’t work. Now it’s 6:27 PM and I’m bloated like a puffer fish. Weighing in tonight is out of the question, because I would rather pay the extra $12 next week than have a gain.
Usually when I don’t make the Thursday evening meeting, which is often, I go first thing in the morning on Friday or Saturday. Unfortunately, this weekend we are going out of town, so that isn’t an option. Rachael will go along with me in the mornings and insist on standing on the scale until the lady tells her what her weight is. She will then dance around the reception area joyously. I wish I could share her same delight when I have my usual pound and a half loss, but I still have a ways to go until I hit goal.
Since I haven’t been to a Thursday evening meeting in two months, I will most likely change my weigh-in day to Saturday morning. My hair might be messier, my light-weight sweats might look schleppy, but at least I won’t have to try to gamble on my caffeine cheat in order to avoid a bad weigh-in. Despite knowing in the grand scheme of things that if the loss doesn’t appear this week, it will show up next week, like a junkie, I need the fix. I need to know that I’m one step closer to looking similar to the woman I was when I met my husband. The woman who looked good in a business suit, the woman who looked hot in the sexy red lingerie, the woman who still could look in the mirror and see most of her physical flaws, but managed to smile anyways, and mostly the woman who looks nothing like that marshmallow in a blue bathing suit walking on the beach in Mexico.
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