Tell Me Something I Don't Know

For the past two weeks, I have been out of the news loop. Between trying to catch up after recovering from an upper respiratory virus that had my head in a groggy haze and making a half-assed attempt to spend more time doing something productive other than vegging out in front of the tube, I have let my nightly viewing of the CNN headlines go by the wayside. Thankfully, I had some time this week to peruse the current events, and learned…absolutely nothing I didn’t already know.

At the beginning of the week the Bush Regime got caught in, yet another, gross injustice when it was revealed that Defensemeister/Dark Overlord Donald Rumsfeld green-lighted the torture that many of our service people have gone to prison for carrying out. The newsroom non-shock and little awe continued when Resident Bush announced today that he wouldn’t ask Rumsfeld to step down or be held accountable in any way, shape or form.

I think, at this point, the Regime should change their slogan from “Spreading Democracy Across the World” to “I Didn’t Do It, And Even If I Did, You Can’t Do Anything About It!” How is it that people in this country stand behind the Asshole-in-Chief when he talks about the evils of Saddam’s rape rooms, yet they become complacent when we all learn that Rummy thinks it’s okay to make a group of detainees (you know, guys who aren’t convicted of anything) strip down to their skin suits and do a cheerleader-like pyramid? If something tickles your nose a little weird, remember, it’s the smell of hypocrisy, and it’s making everyone in this country look like a bunch of serious, two-faced assholes. I don’t mind people thinking I’m an asshole, but the two-faced thing doesn’t set right with me.

I learned that those nut jobs in Iran have gone off the deep end, developed nukes, and are threatening to wipe Israel off the map. No Shit!?! Their leader is a complete fuckwad who wouldn’t know diplomacy if it came up and bit him in his Allah-loving ass. When Iran went on and on about developing nuclear energy two years ago as a cheaper means for powering factories claiming that they would never want to use it for the development of weapons, I knew they were completely full of shit. Every country in the Middle East has it out for Israel. Thankfully, Israel has nuclear weapons, even though that’s completely unofficial, and my other homeland doesn’t give two shits about what the UN says, so my attitude is “Fire away Moshe!” If Israel is getting threats from Iran, they better not wait for the U.S. to do some military solution, because we can’t even finish our illegal war in Iraq.

I’m just wondering; since Israel can hold their own, and the U.S. is stretched too thin militarily to be effective, do you think the Bush Regime is blowing this out of proportion to get everyone to look past the fact that gas is nearly $3.00 a gallon? When I have to think twice about making a two hour road trip, because I don’t want to have to take a second mortgage on my house to fill my gas tank, we have a problem.

The mainstream news wasn’t the only media that told me zilch, even the entertainment news didn’t have anything new. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes aren’t going to have their kid baptized. Ya Think! They are Scientologists, not Christians. Only Christians have their kids baptized. Jeff and I didn’t have Rachael baptized, because Jewish baby girls go through a naming, and Jewish baby boys get their foreskin lopped off in a ceremony called a bris, but neither one is a baptism, because we aren’t Christians. Now, I’m not defending Scientology, because what I know from it, it’s a pretty fucked up religion, but these two vacuous and mediocre actors shouldn’t be labeled as pariahs, because they didn’t chose a Christian belief system.

Besides, who says the Scientology method of welcoming a new child isn’t fun. They probably throw a big party with colorful and warped people, perhaps some balloons for decorations, and maybe an L. Ron Hubbard book on tape playing in the background. Who knows, they might dip the kid in a vat of goat’s blood, but the point is that we live in a country where you can do that, and as long as the kid doesn’t drown and there’s a potential for a book deal when she hits 19 years old, then all is well.

Now that I’m back to checking the headlines regularly, I’m sure that they will still continue to not tell me anything I didn’t already know. Thank goodness for foreign newspapers and the internet, that way I can find out what’s really going on in my country, because I don’t give one dog fart about Brad and Angelina’s bastard child.