Weekly Recap 8/26-9/1: President Prison Snitch & Hilly Krystal RIP

Headline News Recap

After a term of wailing incompetence, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales stepped down at the beginning of this week. Most reasonable people would be panicking if half of their cabinet began walking away from them like they were prison snitches, but President Bush remains completely unaware that he is doing anything wrong. I just wonder when Condi will throw in the towel.

Punks everywhere need to do a shot and shed a collective tear for the passing of Hilly Kristal. Hilly was the owner of CBGB, and nurtured the American punk scene into the force of nature it became. Hilly often faced an uphill battle keeping the club open over the years, and finally had to give up the fight when he was too sick with lung cancer to keep CBGB going. On the count of 1-2-3-4, raise your glass, give a big “Oi! Oi! Oi!” and drink one down for Hilly.

Being a former Idahoan I have to talk about the whole Larry Craig thing. Basically the pious, soon-to-be former senator was busted cruising guys in a Washington D.C. bathroom. Instead of owning up to what he did, Craig is now denying it and claiming that the Idaho Statesman (the largest newspaper in the state) went after him in a “witch hunt” fashion. I personally know a few of the top people at the Statesman, and they would not go up against the powerful Idaho political machine unless they knew damn well that their investigation was based on fact. Also, this isn’t the first time a guy has come forward about Larry Craig (surprise, surprise). In the end, I’m laughing my ass off about this, because Larry and his other “holier-than-thou” Republican cronies who are the self-proclaimed holders of all things moral are being exposed as the hypocrites they really are.

It’s Round Two of White European Newspapers vs. Prophet Mohammed as a Swedish newspaper published cartoons depicting the head of Mohammed on the body of a dog. Last year at about this time, the shit hit the fan when a Danish newspaper published Mohammed cartoons. Let me take this opportunity to set something straight; when you decide to practice any tradition, religion, action, etc. in a country that has free speech, then you may from time to time endure criticism. If you don’t like it, leave the country. Muslims are protesting the newspaper, and they have every right to, but they have no right to force or intimidate the paper into not publishing something that is contradictory to their culture. Maybe that idea goes over in Pakistan, but Abdul, you live in Sweden, and in Sweden they have freedom of speech and furniture you assemble with confusing and vague directions. If you don’t like it, you are free to go.

Miss South Carolina Teen USA, Lauren Caitlan Upton, is getting a second chance to answer a question she botched at the Miss Teen USA pageant last weekend. When asked why most Americans can’t find the U.S. on the map, Miss Upton started in with a rambling, incoherent answer that left everyone puzzled. Which leads me to ask, ‘I’m sorry, in this day and age, why are there still beauty contests for teenagers?’

Forbes magazine came out with their World’s Most Powerful Women list this week. Topping the list for the second year in a row was Angela Merkel, the chancellor of Germany. Rated next on the list was the Vice Premier of China Wu Yi. Although I don’t like Hillary Clinton, it’s just embarrassing at this point that the U.S. hasn’t had a female president.

In Local News

I used to think my iron deficiency was a bad thing, but SoCal has been hit with triple digit temperatures, so the lack of iron in my blood is now working in my favor. It’s hot as hell here, but I rarely feel warm. Sure, the exhaustion side effect is a little difficult to deal with, but I have made up for it by drinking extra caffeine. I will return to a healthy, multi-vitamin, and iron supplement lifestyle, but not until these 90-100 degree days are over. Until then, I’ll grab another Diet Pepsi and maybe a summer sweater.

Worthless Entertainment News

CBS is catching hell for its new show, Kid Nation. The premise of the reality show is that 40 are sent to live in a ghost town where they have to form a government and take care of each other. What CBS didn’t realize is that this plot has been done before in a book called, Lord of the Flies and judging by how well that story turned out I would recommend that CBS begin hiring more staff attorneys.

Asshole(s) of the Week

Mainstream International Media – Princess Diana died ten years ago in a horrific car accident. If you weren’t aware of this you are probably a blind, deaf, mute living in a cave somewhere in the South American rain forest. I remember the night that she died, because that was all that you heard about. For weeks on end, it was Princess Di 24/7. I thought her funeral was sad, and I didn’t mind the nice tribute one of the networks did about the charitable work that defined her life. Once the commotion died down, I thought they would let the woman rest in peace, as I’m sure most of her family hoped as well, but here we are ten years later, and the media is at it again. I agreed with Di’s brother about the media being involved in her death. I know the driver’s blood-alcohol limit was over the line, but if he hadn’t had to speed in order to get away from vulture-like photographers, maybe Di would still be speaking out against landmines today. The saddest thing is that the media is so scandal hungry that they won’t let the woman rest in peace. She wasn’t secretly murdered, she wasn’t part of an elaborate plan to bring down the royal family, and I don’t believe for a second that most of these losery guys coming forward with stories of their wild affairs with Di are in the least bit true. Di would have never compromised the integrity of her hairstyle for a wild time with anyone, she wasn’t that type. For exploiting Princess Di’s death and ignoring her own children’s pleas to let her rest in peace, Mainstream International Media, you are the Assholes of the Week.