Fitting the Profile

Ever since some Nigerian kid tried to ignite his underwear, a discussion has been ignited about the issue of profiling. There are those on the extreme right that believe we shouldn't let anyone from an Arab country with a Muslim sounding name into the U.S., and the polar opposite view on the extreme left that says any type of profiling is morally wrong and shouldn't be done.

Perhaps the discussion shouldn't be focused on how much profiling we should or shouldn't be doing, until we come up with a finite definition for profiling. Profiling is wrong when its a bigoted cop who pulls over a Mercedes driven by a black guy, because he inherently believes that black guys can't afford to drive a Mercedes, therefore it must be stolen. This is usually the type of profiling that hits the news, and it has given profiling its bad name.

However, profiling is not the root of all evil when it is made up of concrete evidence supported by facts and used to ensure the safety of a civilian population. The fact is that every hijacking and/or serious threat to an airliner for the past 30 years has been committed by a Muslim male with ties to or from the Middle East between the ages of 20-35. Therefore, the question becomes, why are we frisking old ladies at Chicago O'Hare?

By not profiling persons of interest, we are wasting an incredible amount of time and energy all in an effort to look like we aren't profiling, and that's just stupid. After 9/11 I was selected for security screening nearly every time I flew, because Jeff worked for an airline and we bought our tickets as non-revenue, one-way legs. During one particular time, I did the usual discarding of metal into the little tray, and tried to pass through the detector three times unsuccessfully. As the TSA agent wanded me, I heard a beeping go off right over my chest. The agent would give me a critical look, and wand my chest again. After the fourth time, I finally lifted up my shirt, and exclaimed, "It's an underwire!" She let me go shortly thereafter.

Due to this exploding underwear incident, the Department of Homeland Security should immediately implement a policy of selecting the men who meet the watch list criteria. I know there will be a lot of innocent men who will be completely put out by this policy, but we can't take that risk. I don't say this lightly, and I will be more than happy to do my part. If I have to do the in-depth x-ray screening coming back from an international flight, I will express my condolences to the screening agent, step inside the x-ray tube with my arms raised and show the TSA what two children and age does to a once fabulous pair of breasts. It's a small price to pay to make sure I get from overseas to the U.S. without going 'boom'.

If this opinion seems a bit harsh and racist, then so be it, but until Brad Johnson, the 6' tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Protestant from Kansas decides to fly a 747 into the Sears Tower, we have to be right 100% of the time.