As a post-70s feminist, I grew up with the belief that if I wanted it bad enough I could "have it all". "Having it all" refers to this insane theory that, as a modern woman, you can have a thriving, go-getter career, a happy, fulfilling marriage, a wonderful family who you perfectly mother, time to go to the gym, a good circle of friends you spend time with, and a fucking partridge in a pear tree, if you wanted it. All you had to do was want it bad enough.
Well, I wanted it bad enough, so I went on the road to delusion to try to "have it all", and I found the truth. I do "have it all", but "having it all" is like a diet. On Atkins, you have to completely cut out carbs, which means there are things out there that you absolutely cannot have. On Weight Watchers, you can have anything you want, but the size of the amount depends on how much of a fat ass you are.
When men think of "having it all", they go right to the Atkins plan, because they know that in order to have a thriving, go-getter career, they are going to have to give up some things, cold turkey. Women who choose to have big careers are put on the Atkins plan by society, because, after all, there is no way a female corporate CEO could possibly lead a thriving company and not be a neglectful wife and mother. Sure, male CEOs never have that issue, but female CEOs, that's another story.
For those of us who want to "have it all", we essentially put ourselves on the Weight Watchers program. I "have it all", but all that I have is portioned out to a point where I don't ever feel like I'm getting enough of anything to eat. I have a career, but if I went to work full-time, I could really make great strides. I have a family, but depending on what my job is doing, I have to miss kid activities and bring home fast food for dinner some nights. I have a marriage, but live with the constant discomfort of having to watch my husband not really have to contemplate the work/life balance. I have friends that I would like to see more often, but schedules get in the way on both ends, and my gym time has been replaced by an exercise bike in my room, because fitness often comes at about 10:00 pm if at all.
The short answer to the long question of "having it all" is yes, you can, but not the way you want to. Since we are stuck on a diet motif, and diets suck ass, the better way to think of "having it all" would be a great big Eileen's cheesecake. There are only so many slices you can get from one cheesecake. You can try to divide it into tiny slices, so you can make it last, but this is an Eileen's cheesecake, so that's not realistic. In the middle of the night, you will sneak out of bed and grab another slice when no one is looking, you know you will, so it becomes a balancing act.
Yes, I would like to be Mother of the Year, but I need to make money and keep my resume current, because someday those kids are going to leave, and I don't do well sitting around the house with nothing to do. I also have to make money, but I can't make as much as I want, because I have to make sure my kids have a mom who is present and involved in their lives. I would love to have the time to mold my body into something that could be remotely considered "killer", but in reality, I have 45 minutes max, four days per week that I can dedicate to this. I keep up with friends on Facebook, because kid schedules make phone calls a rare thing. I'm living the Weight Watchers lifestyle, but hey, I "have it all".
My goal is not to piss and moan, because I created this situation, and 70% of the time, I'm okay with it. I just want society to get more realistic in what it expects from women, and I want young women to realize that "having it all" is kind of a myth fraught with double standards and a hell of a lot of marketing.
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