While I Was Out

For the past three weeks, I’ve been working like a pathetic dog putting together a fundraising auction for The Facility. To sum it up without going into detail, I did at least 12-16 hours per workday for 16 days straight, the event raised over $270K, and I fell completely out of the loop with the goings on of the world around me.

I spent the day after the big event re-connecting with my family, and catching up on the news. Some interesting shit happened while I was in workplace hell. The greasy, hairy, over-dramatic guy from Creed got busted doing a sex tape. No big deal, right? That’s what I thought until I found out it features a guest appearance by Kid Rock, and the main activity in the tape includes groupies inserting objects into the Creedster. I’m all for a little something wild to take the old sex life up a notch, and if you’re a dude, who’s into dudes, then be who you are. The ick factor for me here is not the groupies, or the inserting of objects, it’s the fact that Kid Rock and the Creedmeister might be naked and doing something sexual. I guess this tape and the arrest on his wedding day takes the Creedmaster out of the whole “in touch with Jesus” loop.

There is a rumor that this tape may be available for sale on the internet, but who would actually want to buy it? The Tommy Lee tape was cool, the Vince Neil one, not as cool, the Bret Michaels one was so-so, I never saw the Colin Farrell, but his unibrow would have been very distracting. However, the Kid Rock/Creedman tape is just the stuff that nightmares are made of. Why can’t someone hot do a sex tape? Then again, at the present time I can’t think of anyone I would want to see naked, on tape, having sex unless it was me. Scratch that, I don’t want to see my own naked ass when I look back in the mirror before showering, let alone on DVD.

Right now there is a big controversy over the death of the Serbian butcher, Slobodan Milosevic. During this bastard’s tenure as President of Serbia, he condoned genocide, ethnic cleansing and mass rapes, and the powers that be are worried that his death might not have been due to natural causes. Who the fuck cares! His death probably wasn’t due to natural causes, it was most likely either suicide or murder, but does it matter. He got what he deserved, and I hope it hurt like hell when it happened. Worrying about the way Slobodan died is as pointless as losing sleep over the way Hitler died. They’re dead; they are no longer taking valuable air that other people need to breathe, and that’s all that matters. Good riddance, asshole, rot in hell, now let’s move on.

Just when I thought reality television couldn’t get any more warped, the FX cable station has come out with a show called Black.White where a black family dresses up in whiteface and a white family dresses up in blackface. Not since the whole midget dating show that Fox put together has something on reality TV perplexed me so. First of all, the white people look weird dressed up black, except the teenage daughter, who kind of looks like the late popstar, Aliyah. The black people look completely bizarre, and just at a glance, you can tell that they aren’t completely white.

I haven’t watched the show, and I probably won’t, because at this point, I think most people are completely done with reality TV. Lately, I just really want to slap the shit out of Mark Burnett. Survivor was interesting, The Apprentice was okay for the first two seasons, but now all of the copycats and ridiculous garbage just pisses me off. People watching used to be something fun that you did on a lazy Sunday every once in a blue moon, while having coffee near Pike Place Market. Now that all of television seems to be like a morning at Pike Place, it just isn’t fun anymore. I really have no desire to know how freaky and fucked up society truly is. It’s bad enough I live, work and exist in the weirdness of Suburbia, I don’t want to have to watch it on television, too.

What else happened during my work-my-ass-into-the-ground hiatus? Resident Bush went to visit the areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina for the millionth time in an effort to save his reputation, and instead of help or aid to rebuild the community, he went to a mom ‘n’ pop style restaurant and overpaid for red beans and rice. It’s nice to know that no matter how out of touch you are with the world around you, the president of the last world superpower is still consistently incompetent.