Headline News Recap
Former President Bill Clinton gave Fox News a much-needed bitchslap this week when they tried to sideline him on Fox News Sunday. Chris Wallace attempted to nail the former president and take him to task for not doing enough about Osama bin Laden, but President Clinton was not having it. He handed Wallace his ass on a platter by stating that he had tried to take bin Laden out several times, and gave the Bush Administration all of the information they needed to make sure bin Laden was at the top of their killing list. Unfortunately, Bushy and pals didn’t do squat until September 11th and by then it was too late. What is also unfortunate is the fact that the only Democrat with balls has already been president. Note to Democrats: If the new contenders can’t dish it like Bill, then they aren’t worth the campaign dollars you plan to solicit me endlessly for.
There may be hope for half the country as a new report issued by USA Today says that 50% of Americans believe the falling gas prices have less to do with economics and more to do with political manipulation in lieu of the November elections. Finally, years of publicized conspiracy theories have paid off and we are finally experiencing the level of paranoia that makes people realize that there is a motive behind everything. My only hope is that this is the same group of Americans that happen to vote while creating underground political blogs, and are currently teaching the next generation to never trust the member of an American oil dynasty from Texas to regulate the price of gas. Thank you Art Bell, you are doing some good work!
Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and a group of fabulous women have announced the formation of GreenStone Media. This national talk radio network will feature things that women are actually interested in such as politics, the lives of women in other countries, new ideas, healthcare issues, childrearing, and even “what to do with that frozen chicken.” This will replace the usual talk radio banter that features women spanking each other’s naked asses with raw fish in a competition for free breast implant surgery. Gloria and Jane, you arrived just in time!
Sir Richard Branson is continuing his space race this week with Virgin Galactic. This unique offshoot of Branson’s Virgin Atlantic has prototyped a space craft and expects to have passengers in space within the next three years. Virgin Galactic’s ticket prices are far more reasonable than their Russian competitors, and at a mere $200,000, they already have a waiting list. The 2 ½ hour flight will allow people to feel weightlessness and see the curvature of the earth. All my husband wants to know is how many frequent flier miles you need for two tickets into space, and does that come with a connecting flight through London Heathrow?
In Local News
It’s been nearly three months since I got my braces and they are still annoying me. Thankfully my teeth are falling into alignment quickly, so I’m likely to be rid of these damn things in May. Until then, I get to be one of those pretentious assholes at the mall who eats pizza with a knife and fork while figuring out a way to chew without my front top teeth coming down too hard on my front bottom teeth. I still can’t smile with a closed mouth, because I look like a frog when I do, and if I open my mouth too wide, I catch the inside of my cheeks on the brackets on my back teeth. It’s all about the glamour in Ms. Melanie’s house.
Attention Hounds Behaving Badly This Week
According to a report in Britain’s The Sunday Telegraph, the National Portrait Gallery’s exhibit of Soccer G-d David Beckham taking an hour-long snooze wasn’t that easy to put together, because Beckham furiously tried to control every aspect of the release of his image. He wouldn’t let the gallery use his image for postcards announcing the exhibit, and even made the photographer fork over 50% of the royalties to Beckham’s company. Hey David, don’t you have better things to do with your time like making sure your wife gets at least 500 calories per day, or not using your image to hock every product known to man? Just curious.
Bill O’Reilly has been pissing and moaning a lot these past couple of weeks in a toddler-like attempt to get attention. First he said the FBI told him that he was on an Al Qaeda “death list”, which is no surprise since he’s probably on a lot of people’s “death lists”. Then he bitched that he doesn’t get invited to parties much. Geez, with his sweet personality, I just don’t know why Billy isn’t A-List. Finally, the purpose behind O’Reilly’s glut of vocal diarrhea came out in the form of his new book in which he claims to defeat enemies by using “facts and superior analysis based on those facts.” If by facts O’Reilly means shit he made up, and by analysis he means yelling and cutting people off, then his book will probably be exactly what he wants it to be. He will continue not to be invited to parties, but at least he can sit back and claim that it’s, because he’s so superior to everyone kind of like that weird, obnoxious kid in class who pretended to be tragic, yet secretly listened to Wham.
Jackass 2 was the number one movie at the box office this week, which proves that: #1 Hollywood has now completely sold what little soul they had left to a bunch of 14 year old boys from the suburbs, and #2 that without the tree dangling wedgies and naked alligator wrestling Johnny Knoxville is just kinda boring.
Joe Francis, the head smutmeister at Girls Gone Wild, had to fork over half a million in fines after he pleaded guilty to charges that he failed to document the ages of the naked, drunken, supposedly “college-aged” sluts who appear in his DVD “documentaries.” Francis claims he wasn’t aware that some of the girls were underage, just like I’m not aware that I’m trapped in suburban hell with a farting dog, demanding toddler, and husband who constantly asks me where everything in the house is before actually looking for it. Nice try Joe.
Quote of the Week
“We vote the party, not the person.” – Delrose Winter, a Republican voter from Virginia when asked whether he would support George Allen in his bid for re-election despite mounting evidence that he is a racist, bully, and overall schmuck. It’s likely that Mr. Winter also believes George W. really cares about him and his little materials lab business, gas prices are lower because the economy is improving, and that the moon may indeed be made of cheese.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Big Brother (Mohammed) is Watching You
The Pope angered Muslims during a lecture at a German university where he quoted, at length, a conversation from a 14th Century Byzantine Christian emperor. Basically, his retelling of the story accused Muslims of engaging in violent acts in the name of G-d by reciting, "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." Pope Benedict also talked about the concept of jihad, and continued to deal with the less friendly aspects of Islam.
It took less than 48 hours after the Pope’s lecture for the entire Muslim world to go ape shit, and begin doing heinous acts of violence against Christian and Catholic targets, which makes me wonder why it’s okay for Muslims to talk smack about every other faith in the world, but the moment someone mentions that Islam may not be so sweet and peaceful, blood is shed.
Although the Pope calling Islam into question seems like the pot calling the kettle black, it seems that no one is allowed to question the actions of Muslims or discuss, with an ounce of criticism, the passages of the Koran or teachings of Mohammed without having to go into some sort of witness protection program.
Retribution against those who criticize Islam isn’t new. I was quite young when British author, Solomon Rushdie, published his book, The Satanic Verses. I remember my mother getting angry at the fact that he had to go into hiding, and that his fellow Muslims were calling for his death. What I didn’t understand was why. My 15-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend the idea that criticism of one’s own faith amounted to a death sentence. I remembered thinking, ‘I criticized my faith and the faiths around me quite often; and still do, why wasn’t it possible for everyone to have that right?’
This brand of Islamic retribution continued a few years later in 1994 when Karl Lagerfeld, designing for Chanel, used a verse from the Koran in his spring couture collection. Claudia Schiffer modeled the dress, and a few days later refused to leave her house without the company of bodyguards due to the amount of death threats she received. Lagerfeld was made to apologize to everyone and eventually burned the garment. Both of these instances seem harsh considering that they were prior to September 11th.
Now that Islam has become widespread, I am angry that violence happens any time someone turns one critical eye towards the faith. There are some very big problems happening within that religion, and you’d have to be an idiot not to recognize it. Why is it that when members of the world community point out the obvious like, maybe it’s not cool that there are bands of Muslim rebels in Africa who go around killing anyone that doesn’t convert, they are forced to apologize or face threats of death?
Christians, Jews, Catholics, and most other religions get criticized constantly (especially Jews). A good amount of the criticism against the aforementioned religions comes from Muslim nations, (especially against the Jews) yet you don’t see Catholics setting embassies on fire or bands of marauding Christians ransacking buildings when cartoons of Jesus appear in the papers.
I realize that the Catholic Church has their own shameful history of tyranny and oppression, but their leader should have the right to quote whatever 14th Century conversation he wants to without worrying about nuns being gunned down in Africa or churches being burnt in the West Bank. (Note to Palestinians: Christians and Catholics often see themselves as two different faiths, so nice going guys; you burned the wrong religious institutions.)
Muslims must realize that if they want a place on the world stage then they must endure all that comes with being on the world stage. If you want Islam recognized as a major religious force in the world, then you have to accept questions, criticism, and, unfortunately, downright mocking at times by those whose only understanding of your faith comes from a non-stop reel of news footage with your extremists beheading soldiers and calling for jihads against the West. Fame is a bitch, that’s all there is to it. When you actively seek members to join your club, don’t be surprised if the other established clubs, who are also after those new members, begin questioning your mission statement.
If Islam is the peaceful religion its people claim it is, then you have got to show restraint when someone presents an idea that doesn’t adhere to your faith’s credo. Dishing it out is easy, taking it is a whole different story.
It took less than 48 hours after the Pope’s lecture for the entire Muslim world to go ape shit, and begin doing heinous acts of violence against Christian and Catholic targets, which makes me wonder why it’s okay for Muslims to talk smack about every other faith in the world, but the moment someone mentions that Islam may not be so sweet and peaceful, blood is shed.
Although the Pope calling Islam into question seems like the pot calling the kettle black, it seems that no one is allowed to question the actions of Muslims or discuss, with an ounce of criticism, the passages of the Koran or teachings of Mohammed without having to go into some sort of witness protection program.
Retribution against those who criticize Islam isn’t new. I was quite young when British author, Solomon Rushdie, published his book, The Satanic Verses. I remember my mother getting angry at the fact that he had to go into hiding, and that his fellow Muslims were calling for his death. What I didn’t understand was why. My 15-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend the idea that criticism of one’s own faith amounted to a death sentence. I remembered thinking, ‘I criticized my faith and the faiths around me quite often; and still do, why wasn’t it possible for everyone to have that right?’
This brand of Islamic retribution continued a few years later in 1994 when Karl Lagerfeld, designing for Chanel, used a verse from the Koran in his spring couture collection. Claudia Schiffer modeled the dress, and a few days later refused to leave her house without the company of bodyguards due to the amount of death threats she received. Lagerfeld was made to apologize to everyone and eventually burned the garment. Both of these instances seem harsh considering that they were prior to September 11th.
Now that Islam has become widespread, I am angry that violence happens any time someone turns one critical eye towards the faith. There are some very big problems happening within that religion, and you’d have to be an idiot not to recognize it. Why is it that when members of the world community point out the obvious like, maybe it’s not cool that there are bands of Muslim rebels in Africa who go around killing anyone that doesn’t convert, they are forced to apologize or face threats of death?
Christians, Jews, Catholics, and most other religions get criticized constantly (especially Jews). A good amount of the criticism against the aforementioned religions comes from Muslim nations, (especially against the Jews) yet you don’t see Catholics setting embassies on fire or bands of marauding Christians ransacking buildings when cartoons of Jesus appear in the papers.
I realize that the Catholic Church has their own shameful history of tyranny and oppression, but their leader should have the right to quote whatever 14th Century conversation he wants to without worrying about nuns being gunned down in Africa or churches being burnt in the West Bank. (Note to Palestinians: Christians and Catholics often see themselves as two different faiths, so nice going guys; you burned the wrong religious institutions.)
Muslims must realize that if they want a place on the world stage then they must endure all that comes with being on the world stage. If you want Islam recognized as a major religious force in the world, then you have to accept questions, criticism, and, unfortunately, downright mocking at times by those whose only understanding of your faith comes from a non-stop reel of news footage with your extremists beheading soldiers and calling for jihads against the West. Fame is a bitch, that’s all there is to it. When you actively seek members to join your club, don’t be surprised if the other established clubs, who are also after those new members, begin questioning your mission statement.
If Islam is the peaceful religion its people claim it is, then you have got to show restraint when someone presents an idea that doesn’t adhere to your faith’s credo. Dishing it out is easy, taking it is a whole different story.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Older, But Wiser?
Getting older is a weird deal. Most of us ages 30 and above are happy that we no longer have to do the embarrassing things that come with youth such as asking your parents for money or feeling like an ass because your fake I.D. got confiscated by the no-neck bouncer at the club. However, in our youth-obsessed culture we are programmed to want to be young forever, and hate anything associated with growing older, which puts us in a precarious position when we finally make peace with the reality that we are aging, and feel okay about the whole process.
My mother used to tell us that as you get older time goes by faster. At the time my siblings and I were young and thought maybe Mom had just skipped her medication again, but now that I'm a mom (thankfully, unmedicated) I understand what she was talking about.
Last weekend was monumental. My little Rachael got her "big girl" bed. About three weeks ago she started coming into our bed at night to sleep with us, which is never fun, because she sleeps horizontally and kicks the living crap out of us. I thought maybe she was going through one of her growth spurts, which is often accompanied by a disrupted sleep pattern, but one night as I was putting her down I noticed that she was six inches away from hitting her head and feet on the end boards of her converted crib.
Jeff and I immediately went out, bought the bed, and on Saturday I took her "little" bed apart and spent two hours assembling her "big girl" bed. My husband, by the way, was out shopping the entire time for a box spring that we didn't need. Those who say women can't put anything together are welcome to kiss my screwdriver. That night I put her to sleep in her new bed, and it struck me how tiny she looked under the loudly colored Dora the Explorer comforter. It was the same way she looked the first time we put her in her crib. I'd like to say that she slept perfectly, but by 2:00 AM she was kicking the crap out of us again. Maybe we should have gotten her the matching nightstand.
Rachael is often the catalyst for my aging reality. Before I was a mom I didn't have to be responsible. I had to pay my rent, credit card bills, and make car payments, but if I wanted to blow something off and be a complete flake I could get away with it. Now I find flaky 20-somethings annoying and choose to deal with them as little as possible.
The other day I went hunting for a CD for my co-worker's birthday. After hitting a half a dozen stores I can tell you that, number one, there are no good music stores left, and, number two, that I feel old for remembering the day when music stores were decent. I walked into a store that I hadn't been to in ages and asked American Apparel clad kid behind the counter where the Rock CDs were. He directed me to the back end of the store on the left to which I replied, "Oh, over where the cassettes used to be." He looked at me funny, laughed, and said, "Dude, we haven't had cassettes in, like, forever!" I was tempted to beat him over the head with my cane, but I left it hanging on my Powerchair next to my Life Alert necklace, so I just walked to the back of the store and looked for the CD. I never found it, by the way, so that entire experience was probably just karma kicking my ass for something I flaked out on in my 20s.
Here I am in my early 30s, a has-been by this society's standards. The music I love is now considered Classic Rock, I spend money on anti-wrinkle cream instead of designer costume jewelry, clerks at Hot Topic automatically assume I'm buying for my kid, people call me "ma'am" when I go to concerts unless they are those aforementioned Classic Rock type of shows, and I've never been happier.
For all of the fuss this culture makes over "the best time in your life is your early 20s", I look at that time in my life with a touch of distain. I was confused, broke, didn't know what I wanted from life, hadn't realized what I was capable of doing, madly searching for love without knowing what I wanted from a partner, and was basically lost. I'm so much more of a level-headed vital, person now. I've got my shit together, and the world is my oyster. The only thing I miss from my 20s are my college tits, and I’m having those restored as soon as I’m done having my second (and last) kid in the next couple of years.
Until then, society can kiss my has-been ass! I may not have been to your crappy music store "in, like, forever," but judging by the mediocre garbage you have lining your selection shelves, I obviously wasn't missing much.
My mother used to tell us that as you get older time goes by faster. At the time my siblings and I were young and thought maybe Mom had just skipped her medication again, but now that I'm a mom (thankfully, unmedicated) I understand what she was talking about.
Last weekend was monumental. My little Rachael got her "big girl" bed. About three weeks ago she started coming into our bed at night to sleep with us, which is never fun, because she sleeps horizontally and kicks the living crap out of us. I thought maybe she was going through one of her growth spurts, which is often accompanied by a disrupted sleep pattern, but one night as I was putting her down I noticed that she was six inches away from hitting her head and feet on the end boards of her converted crib.
Jeff and I immediately went out, bought the bed, and on Saturday I took her "little" bed apart and spent two hours assembling her "big girl" bed. My husband, by the way, was out shopping the entire time for a box spring that we didn't need. Those who say women can't put anything together are welcome to kiss my screwdriver. That night I put her to sleep in her new bed, and it struck me how tiny she looked under the loudly colored Dora the Explorer comforter. It was the same way she looked the first time we put her in her crib. I'd like to say that she slept perfectly, but by 2:00 AM she was kicking the crap out of us again. Maybe we should have gotten her the matching nightstand.
Rachael is often the catalyst for my aging reality. Before I was a mom I didn't have to be responsible. I had to pay my rent, credit card bills, and make car payments, but if I wanted to blow something off and be a complete flake I could get away with it. Now I find flaky 20-somethings annoying and choose to deal with them as little as possible.
The other day I went hunting for a CD for my co-worker's birthday. After hitting a half a dozen stores I can tell you that, number one, there are no good music stores left, and, number two, that I feel old for remembering the day when music stores were decent. I walked into a store that I hadn't been to in ages and asked American Apparel clad kid behind the counter where the Rock CDs were. He directed me to the back end of the store on the left to which I replied, "Oh, over where the cassettes used to be." He looked at me funny, laughed, and said, "Dude, we haven't had cassettes in, like, forever!" I was tempted to beat him over the head with my cane, but I left it hanging on my Powerchair next to my Life Alert necklace, so I just walked to the back of the store and looked for the CD. I never found it, by the way, so that entire experience was probably just karma kicking my ass for something I flaked out on in my 20s.
Here I am in my early 30s, a has-been by this society's standards. The music I love is now considered Classic Rock, I spend money on anti-wrinkle cream instead of designer costume jewelry, clerks at Hot Topic automatically assume I'm buying for my kid, people call me "ma'am" when I go to concerts unless they are those aforementioned Classic Rock type of shows, and I've never been happier.
For all of the fuss this culture makes over "the best time in your life is your early 20s", I look at that time in my life with a touch of distain. I was confused, broke, didn't know what I wanted from life, hadn't realized what I was capable of doing, madly searching for love without knowing what I wanted from a partner, and was basically lost. I'm so much more of a level-headed vital, person now. I've got my shit together, and the world is my oyster. The only thing I miss from my 20s are my college tits, and I’m having those restored as soon as I’m done having my second (and last) kid in the next couple of years.
Until then, society can kiss my has-been ass! I may not have been to your crappy music store "in, like, forever," but judging by the mediocre garbage you have lining your selection shelves, I obviously wasn't missing much.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Weekly Recap 9/17-23: Crappy Spinach & Allah vs. The Pope
Headline News Recap
The Pope pissed Muslims off this week during a lecture at a German university where he quoted, at length, a conversation from the 14th Century. Basically, the phrase that riled Muslims was when the Pope quoted, "Violence is incompatible with the nature of G-d and the nature of the soul." I know I'm not hip to Popespeak, but am I missing something here? Why would Muslims be pissed off, because someone finally stood up and told them that they can't do violent shit in the name of G-d. Apparently, Muslim leaders have said that the Pope is ignorant about Islam. Join the club! If Islam isn't a violent religion then they sure need one heck of a better PR campaign. The Catholic church has their own history of bad behavior and oppression, but they aren't currently encouraging young men to strap bombs on their bodies or fly planes into buildings, so their leader has the right to quote whatever 14th Century Byzantine Christian emperor he wants to.
Somebody please stop crapping in the spinach. An outbreak of E.Coli found in bagged spinach in 23 states has caused grocers to pull the leafy greens from the shelf, restaurants to nix half of their salad menu, and me to omit one of the tastier ingredients from my lasagna recipe. Teams from the EPA and the Department of Agriculture have been dispatched to the California farm that grew the infectious spinach, but a cause has yet to be revealed. The word is that the Popeye food will be scarce for a while, so rejoice veggie haters, you are off the hook until further notice.
The National Democratic Party (i.e. Neo-Nazis) won big in the German election this week, and stands to gain 5% of the seats in the German parliament. Do we really need to go down this road again? I mean, we all know how this story is going to play out, and in the end no matter how hard they try the Nazis just don’t win.
The U.S. was voted off the island this week as the rest of the world decided to talk to Iran about its nuclear program. Bush and Company shouldn’t be surprised as they have done a fantastic job of alienating everyone. Besides when the leader can’t even pronounce the world “nuclear”, how are other countries supposed to take him seriously.
Scientists in New Guinea have discovered a species of shark that walks on its fins. Great! First it was the killer bees, then it was AIDS infected mosquitoes, now I have to worry about a shark walking up to me. Too bad the Crocodile Hunter is dead, because this would have made for a great primetime show.
There was a military coup in Thailand this week to oust their current Prime Minister. Thaksin Shinawatra was at a U.N. meeting when the military took over Thailand, declared martial law, and threw his government in jail. Fortunately, he had it coming. Prime Minister Thaksin had recently cancelled Thai elections, streamlined government so that he could have the final say on everything, and attempted to turn Thailand into a dictatorship. Thankfully the word on the street is that the military coup will have little effect on Thailand’s thriving underage sex industry.
In Local News
I don’t know if we’re a city yet, because the geniuses of the King County Elections Board didn’t give the correct ballot to all of the people that actually live in the Fairwood area. Some people in another town got to vote on our initiative, while folks who reside within the area were shut out from voting on it, which means that what should have been simple is now going to be a long, drawn out mess. Way to go King County! You create the type of government that makes anarchy look good.
Signs That The World Is Heading Straight for Hell
Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana this week. Hey Government, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are these guys called terrorists, and they really hate us, and want to kill us, so if you can spare a few moments in your busy schedule of busting elderly country music singers, you may want to look into these terrorists. Just a thought.
Anna Nicole Smith sold the last photos of her with her deceased son and newborn daughter for a whopping $650,000 to a magazine. Anna Nicole, the next story that hits the news better be about you setting up either a trust for your baby girl or a charitable foundation, or no one will ever speak to you again.
Justin Timberlake’s latest album, FutureSex/LoveSounds hit number one this week on the Billboard charts. Nothing to comment there, because that alone says our culture’s heading straight to hell.
Quote of the Week
“I really think the quality’s gone down.” – Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones on modern day drugs verses the good shit he got back in the day. I’m taking his word for it, because if anyone knows fantastic drugs, it’s our boy Keith.
L'Shana Tova fellow 'brews!
The Pope pissed Muslims off this week during a lecture at a German university where he quoted, at length, a conversation from the 14th Century. Basically, the phrase that riled Muslims was when the Pope quoted, "Violence is incompatible with the nature of G-d and the nature of the soul." I know I'm not hip to Popespeak, but am I missing something here? Why would Muslims be pissed off, because someone finally stood up and told them that they can't do violent shit in the name of G-d. Apparently, Muslim leaders have said that the Pope is ignorant about Islam. Join the club! If Islam isn't a violent religion then they sure need one heck of a better PR campaign. The Catholic church has their own history of bad behavior and oppression, but they aren't currently encouraging young men to strap bombs on their bodies or fly planes into buildings, so their leader has the right to quote whatever 14th Century Byzantine Christian emperor he wants to.
Somebody please stop crapping in the spinach. An outbreak of E.Coli found in bagged spinach in 23 states has caused grocers to pull the leafy greens from the shelf, restaurants to nix half of their salad menu, and me to omit one of the tastier ingredients from my lasagna recipe. Teams from the EPA and the Department of Agriculture have been dispatched to the California farm that grew the infectious spinach, but a cause has yet to be revealed. The word is that the Popeye food will be scarce for a while, so rejoice veggie haters, you are off the hook until further notice.
The National Democratic Party (i.e. Neo-Nazis) won big in the German election this week, and stands to gain 5% of the seats in the German parliament. Do we really need to go down this road again? I mean, we all know how this story is going to play out, and in the end no matter how hard they try the Nazis just don’t win.
The U.S. was voted off the island this week as the rest of the world decided to talk to Iran about its nuclear program. Bush and Company shouldn’t be surprised as they have done a fantastic job of alienating everyone. Besides when the leader can’t even pronounce the world “nuclear”, how are other countries supposed to take him seriously.
Scientists in New Guinea have discovered a species of shark that walks on its fins. Great! First it was the killer bees, then it was AIDS infected mosquitoes, now I have to worry about a shark walking up to me. Too bad the Crocodile Hunter is dead, because this would have made for a great primetime show.
There was a military coup in Thailand this week to oust their current Prime Minister. Thaksin Shinawatra was at a U.N. meeting when the military took over Thailand, declared martial law, and threw his government in jail. Fortunately, he had it coming. Prime Minister Thaksin had recently cancelled Thai elections, streamlined government so that he could have the final say on everything, and attempted to turn Thailand into a dictatorship. Thankfully the word on the street is that the military coup will have little effect on Thailand’s thriving underage sex industry.
In Local News
I don’t know if we’re a city yet, because the geniuses of the King County Elections Board didn’t give the correct ballot to all of the people that actually live in the Fairwood area. Some people in another town got to vote on our initiative, while folks who reside within the area were shut out from voting on it, which means that what should have been simple is now going to be a long, drawn out mess. Way to go King County! You create the type of government that makes anarchy look good.
Signs That The World Is Heading Straight for Hell
Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana this week. Hey Government, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are these guys called terrorists, and they really hate us, and want to kill us, so if you can spare a few moments in your busy schedule of busting elderly country music singers, you may want to look into these terrorists. Just a thought.
Anna Nicole Smith sold the last photos of her with her deceased son and newborn daughter for a whopping $650,000 to a magazine. Anna Nicole, the next story that hits the news better be about you setting up either a trust for your baby girl or a charitable foundation, or no one will ever speak to you again.
Justin Timberlake’s latest album, FutureSex/LoveSounds hit number one this week on the Billboard charts. Nothing to comment there, because that alone says our culture’s heading straight to hell.
Quote of the Week
“I really think the quality’s gone down.” – Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones on modern day drugs verses the good shit he got back in the day. I’m taking his word for it, because if anyone knows fantastic drugs, it’s our boy Keith.
L'Shana Tova fellow 'brews!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Lesson Number One
As a proud citizen of this country, the recent actions of the leader of this great land have nearly pushed me to the brink. It was one thing when Bush & Company stole the election, kept unquestioned power by using fear to produce complacency, but when he recently tried to talk lawmakers into giving the thumbs up for torture, then that was the straw that broke the Gitmo prisoner’s back. Lesson Number One: in a country that preaches democracy through justice and serves as a beacon of all that is Western, civilized culture, you don’t use torture!
When I think of torture, all I can see is the Sigourney Weaver-Ben Kingsley movie, Death and the Maiden. As a young revolutionary in a South American country, Sigourney’s character is kidnapped in broad daylight and brutally tortured by Ben Kingsley’s character. The story begins when her husband brings home a stranded motorist who happens to be Kingsley, and the movie progresses on with her confronting him about her torture until he finally admits he was the guy who did it. I saw this movie in college and breathed a sigh of relief that I lived in a free country, and torture was something that happened to people living under oppressive dictatorships or were employed by Naomi Campbell.
Fast forward to now, where I sit puzzled as I watch this idiot attempt to justify and rationalize methods of torture as a form of “enhanced interrogation.” Bush wants his boys to be able to waterboard at will without any repercussions. This coming from the guy who couldn’t say enough about Saddam’s rape rooms. Although water torture and rape are two different things, the fact is that they are both inhumane, and should never be used against a prisoner of war.
Thankfully, Colin Powell, John McCain and a few other Republicans finally broke through the Karl Rove mind control force field and spoke out against Bush and the Boys. The irony of this whole situation is that men like McCain who experienced torture and Powell who has seen torture were the ones speaking out against it while the guy who couldn’t even show up for National Guard duty on a regular basis was gung ho.
What I wonder now is how this president can get up in front of world leaders and call another nation’s government corrupt and unjust when he admitted shortly before the anniversary of the September 11th attacks (good timing on his part) that the CIA has secret prisons in other countries.
I realize terrorism is a very real threat, and that those who hate this country are hell bent at destroying it at all costs. However, we cannot justify using an un-American means to achieve an end. After 9/11, my husband and I made a flight to South America despite warnings and grief from some friends and family. In my mind, not going on this trip out of fear that my plane would be attacked meant that the terrorists had accomplished their mission, and I was not about to let them win. If we sink to their level by giving the green light to torture, then we have lost the very thing that makes this land a nation of laws and justice, and they have won.
You cannot strap a guy to a board and pour water over his face to let him think he’s drowning, you cannot turn German Shepherds loose on frightened people then pull them back before they bite, and you cannot continue making the good citizens of this land watch reality shows created by Mark Burnett. I’m serious, we are totally sick of this guy and his reality freaks.
They are calling the hullabaloo against Bush an “uprising”, but only time will tell. I hope it is, because it is about time reasonable people took over and told this administration that they can’t do whatever they want no matter how much they kick, scream, and throw their toddler-like tantrums.
If we are to live up to the expectations that our founders wanted us to be, then we can’t let Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Iranian President Ahmadinejad, Ann Coulter, or any other culture crushing extremist steer our democracy in a direction that wouldn’t be tolerated by any reasonable, thinking person. We are a great nation, because we uphold justice and democracy while trying to live up to our potential. We are a land of prosperity where anyone can come from anywhere for a better life. We obey a code of law, and don’t make people form a pyramid dressed in women’s underwear unless they are pledging a frat, then the humiliation is, at least, consensual.
When I think of torture, all I can see is the Sigourney Weaver-Ben Kingsley movie, Death and the Maiden. As a young revolutionary in a South American country, Sigourney’s character is kidnapped in broad daylight and brutally tortured by Ben Kingsley’s character. The story begins when her husband brings home a stranded motorist who happens to be Kingsley, and the movie progresses on with her confronting him about her torture until he finally admits he was the guy who did it. I saw this movie in college and breathed a sigh of relief that I lived in a free country, and torture was something that happened to people living under oppressive dictatorships or were employed by Naomi Campbell.
Fast forward to now, where I sit puzzled as I watch this idiot attempt to justify and rationalize methods of torture as a form of “enhanced interrogation.” Bush wants his boys to be able to waterboard at will without any repercussions. This coming from the guy who couldn’t say enough about Saddam’s rape rooms. Although water torture and rape are two different things, the fact is that they are both inhumane, and should never be used against a prisoner of war.
Thankfully, Colin Powell, John McCain and a few other Republicans finally broke through the Karl Rove mind control force field and spoke out against Bush and the Boys. The irony of this whole situation is that men like McCain who experienced torture and Powell who has seen torture were the ones speaking out against it while the guy who couldn’t even show up for National Guard duty on a regular basis was gung ho.
What I wonder now is how this president can get up in front of world leaders and call another nation’s government corrupt and unjust when he admitted shortly before the anniversary of the September 11th attacks (good timing on his part) that the CIA has secret prisons in other countries.
I realize terrorism is a very real threat, and that those who hate this country are hell bent at destroying it at all costs. However, we cannot justify using an un-American means to achieve an end. After 9/11, my husband and I made a flight to South America despite warnings and grief from some friends and family. In my mind, not going on this trip out of fear that my plane would be attacked meant that the terrorists had accomplished their mission, and I was not about to let them win. If we sink to their level by giving the green light to torture, then we have lost the very thing that makes this land a nation of laws and justice, and they have won.
You cannot strap a guy to a board and pour water over his face to let him think he’s drowning, you cannot turn German Shepherds loose on frightened people then pull them back before they bite, and you cannot continue making the good citizens of this land watch reality shows created by Mark Burnett. I’m serious, we are totally sick of this guy and his reality freaks.
They are calling the hullabaloo against Bush an “uprising”, but only time will tell. I hope it is, because it is about time reasonable people took over and told this administration that they can’t do whatever they want no matter how much they kick, scream, and throw their toddler-like tantrums.
If we are to live up to the expectations that our founders wanted us to be, then we can’t let Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Iranian President Ahmadinejad, Ann Coulter, or any other culture crushing extremist steer our democracy in a direction that wouldn’t be tolerated by any reasonable, thinking person. We are a great nation, because we uphold justice and democracy while trying to live up to our potential. We are a land of prosperity where anyone can come from anywhere for a better life. We obey a code of law, and don’t make people form a pyramid dressed in women’s underwear unless they are pledging a frat, then the humiliation is, at least, consensual.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Weekly Recap 9/10-16: September 11th Overkill and Fabulous Mannings
Headline News Recap
The fifth anniversary of the worst attack on U.S. soil since Pearl Harbor happened on Monday. You might have missed it if you happened to be a deaf mute who lives in a cave, but if you’re a regular Joe/Jill American you are probably damn sick of the 9/11 imagery especially when it appears nearly every second of the day on neocon media. Do those bastards know how to whore a tragedy or what! Since it’s been five years I think we have to step back now and consider maybe a more tasteful way of commemorating the lives lost on September 11th rather than showing the smoking Towers and replaying the emergency call center audio.
Citizens of the U.S. take a lesson from the Jews. We’ve experienced enough genocide and mass murder that we’ve got commemorating it down to a pat. On the anniversary of the tragic day, you have everyone light a candle, hang their American flags, and on big anniversaries like the 10th, 20th, and so on, you do a quiet solidarity march. No more neocon mouthpieces broadcasting from the Towers, just some candle-lighting and quiet prayer. Given the fact that it was mainly New Yorkers that perished on 9/11, and New York is traditionally a Democratic state, we aren’t really letting the deceased rest in peace by allowing extremist wingnuts use their death for publicity purposes.
Speaking of the sick son of a bitch who masterminded 9/11, a new book by African feminist poet, Kola Boof, reveals that while on a date at a Moroccan café in the mid-90s, she was confronted by Osama bin Laden. Later that evening, he followed her back to her hotel, raped her then took her as his mistress and prisoner for six months. She details her six month imprisonment at a four-star hotel along with Sami’s quirks like the fact that he likes Van Halen and thinks Whitney Houston is the bomb (pun completely intended). She gives insight into his thinking and belief system and reveals a truly disturbed, scary man. Bombing foreign embassies is violent, brainwashing a bunch of dudes into flying planes into a building is depraved, but forcing your Sudanese sex slave to dance naked to the B-52’s “Rock Lobster” lets the rest of the world know that they are dealing with one sick fuck.
My two favorite people this week are Payton and Eli Manning. I don’t give a rat’s ass about football, but apparently when two quarterbacks on opposing teams happen to be brothers it attracts enough Americans to their game and away from that farce ABC decided to run called The Path to 9/11. Thank you Manning Brothers, you did the impossible and made a sports game up the collective I.Q. of the population.
I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention the tabloidesque story about Anna Nicole Smith’s son being found dead in the Bahamas. He was there for the birth of Anna’s second child, and slumped over dead after fluffing up pillows to help his mom get comfortable. Usually when Anna is in the news, we all laugh. Her life is the kind of thing that makes mentally retarded people feel better about their level of intelligence, but since I’m a mom I think this story is sad. Yes, the woman is an idiot, and spent the better part of her late 20s fondling the shriveled private parts of a really, really old guy, but nobody should ever bury their own kid.
In Local News
We vote to incorporate our little neck of the Pacific Northwest into a bonafide city this coming Tuesday. The taxes won’t be lower, but at least we’ll have more say over our destiny. It came out today that the opponents of the Fairwood initiative happens to be several King County builders associations. I guess they don’t want to have to deal with buying off a whole new group of people, so instead they paid a call center to telemarket the negative aspects of incorporation to people in Fairwood. They haven’t called me yet, but I really hope they do.
This Week’s “No Shit” List
The Iraqi Constitution is not holding up. Geez with the budding civil war, a leadership put into place by the occupiers who waged an illegal war, the lack of basic services such as water, security, and electricity, I don’t understand why things aren’t going so well.
Most guys are officially declaring that Brittney Spears is no longer sexy. What did her in? Was it the loser husband, the obsession with Cheetoes or the fact that she is a talentless idiot who no longer has the tight ass to provide eye candy thrills? I’m thinking it’s the last one.
GOP senators came out in support of warrantless wiretapping. After all, it would be such a burden if the companies that slip support money to these senators actually had to come up with a creative way to compete with their competition instead of getting “tips” on their marketplace strategies. C’mon, you know this is happening. Warrantless wiretapping isn’t just for terrorists anymore!
Quote of the Week
“If we had to do it over again, we’d do exactly the same thing.” – Vice President Dick Cheney on Meet the Press. Tim Russert asked Cheney if he still would have invaded Iraq knowing that there weren’t any WMDs and, of course, Cheney said “yes.” Forget the WMDs, it’s about the oil, baby, yeah. Can we please give these guys the boot soon!
The fifth anniversary of the worst attack on U.S. soil since Pearl Harbor happened on Monday. You might have missed it if you happened to be a deaf mute who lives in a cave, but if you’re a regular Joe/Jill American you are probably damn sick of the 9/11 imagery especially when it appears nearly every second of the day on neocon media. Do those bastards know how to whore a tragedy or what! Since it’s been five years I think we have to step back now and consider maybe a more tasteful way of commemorating the lives lost on September 11th rather than showing the smoking Towers and replaying the emergency call center audio.
Citizens of the U.S. take a lesson from the Jews. We’ve experienced enough genocide and mass murder that we’ve got commemorating it down to a pat. On the anniversary of the tragic day, you have everyone light a candle, hang their American flags, and on big anniversaries like the 10th, 20th, and so on, you do a quiet solidarity march. No more neocon mouthpieces broadcasting from the Towers, just some candle-lighting and quiet prayer. Given the fact that it was mainly New Yorkers that perished on 9/11, and New York is traditionally a Democratic state, we aren’t really letting the deceased rest in peace by allowing extremist wingnuts use their death for publicity purposes.
Speaking of the sick son of a bitch who masterminded 9/11, a new book by African feminist poet, Kola Boof, reveals that while on a date at a Moroccan café in the mid-90s, she was confronted by Osama bin Laden. Later that evening, he followed her back to her hotel, raped her then took her as his mistress and prisoner for six months. She details her six month imprisonment at a four-star hotel along with Sami’s quirks like the fact that he likes Van Halen and thinks Whitney Houston is the bomb (pun completely intended). She gives insight into his thinking and belief system and reveals a truly disturbed, scary man. Bombing foreign embassies is violent, brainwashing a bunch of dudes into flying planes into a building is depraved, but forcing your Sudanese sex slave to dance naked to the B-52’s “Rock Lobster” lets the rest of the world know that they are dealing with one sick fuck.
My two favorite people this week are Payton and Eli Manning. I don’t give a rat’s ass about football, but apparently when two quarterbacks on opposing teams happen to be brothers it attracts enough Americans to their game and away from that farce ABC decided to run called The Path to 9/11. Thank you Manning Brothers, you did the impossible and made a sports game up the collective I.Q. of the population.
I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention the tabloidesque story about Anna Nicole Smith’s son being found dead in the Bahamas. He was there for the birth of Anna’s second child, and slumped over dead after fluffing up pillows to help his mom get comfortable. Usually when Anna is in the news, we all laugh. Her life is the kind of thing that makes mentally retarded people feel better about their level of intelligence, but since I’m a mom I think this story is sad. Yes, the woman is an idiot, and spent the better part of her late 20s fondling the shriveled private parts of a really, really old guy, but nobody should ever bury their own kid.
In Local News
We vote to incorporate our little neck of the Pacific Northwest into a bonafide city this coming Tuesday. The taxes won’t be lower, but at least we’ll have more say over our destiny. It came out today that the opponents of the Fairwood initiative happens to be several King County builders associations. I guess they don’t want to have to deal with buying off a whole new group of people, so instead they paid a call center to telemarket the negative aspects of incorporation to people in Fairwood. They haven’t called me yet, but I really hope they do.
This Week’s “No Shit” List
The Iraqi Constitution is not holding up. Geez with the budding civil war, a leadership put into place by the occupiers who waged an illegal war, the lack of basic services such as water, security, and electricity, I don’t understand why things aren’t going so well.
Most guys are officially declaring that Brittney Spears is no longer sexy. What did her in? Was it the loser husband, the obsession with Cheetoes or the fact that she is a talentless idiot who no longer has the tight ass to provide eye candy thrills? I’m thinking it’s the last one.
GOP senators came out in support of warrantless wiretapping. After all, it would be such a burden if the companies that slip support money to these senators actually had to come up with a creative way to compete with their competition instead of getting “tips” on their marketplace strategies. C’mon, you know this is happening. Warrantless wiretapping isn’t just for terrorists anymore!
Quote of the Week
“If we had to do it over again, we’d do exactly the same thing.” – Vice President Dick Cheney on Meet the Press. Tim Russert asked Cheney if he still would have invaded Iraq knowing that there weren’t any WMDs and, of course, Cheney said “yes.” Forget the WMDs, it’s about the oil, baby, yeah. Can we please give these guys the boot soon!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Observations of the Odd
The one positive thing that comes out of having a brain that doesn’t think like those people who are “normal” by society’s standards are the observations I get to make on a regular basis about this so-called “normal” society.
Speaking of society at large, do you think anyone in their right mind is fooled by the lower gas prices? Gas went from $2.89 per gallon down to $2.57 nearly overnight. With the war in Iraq looking like more of a disaster than ever, why would gas prices be lower…hmmm….oh yeah, the upcoming elections. Just in time to cast your vote, the neocon regime is going to make sure you can at least afford to drive your sorry ass to the polls. The sick, sad thing is that some ignorant-assed rednecks are really going to be duped into believing that the economy is looking up, and that gas prices will remain low. They will get in their doublewide Ford or Chevy, cast their vote for W’s party, then within two weeks (if W’s party can capitalize on the 9/11 fear well enough to get re-elected), those gas prices will be back up to a cozy $2.89 per gallon. Of course, the halfwit will be completely confused, yet still remain loyal. Can we do a draft for the Iraq war based on I.Q., because it’s time to do some trimming of the herd particularly in Middle America?
Since we’re on the topic of idiots, Paris Hilton’s album was a complete flop, and the infotainment media seems to be shocked by this. Why! The woman can’t act, write, dance, and doesn’t have a personality, why on Earth did they think she could sing? She did manage to sell 275,000 copies of her CD, so I guess all of the Hilton Hotel employees know what they’re getting along side that Christmas bonus this year. Do you think her parents got some sort of a quantity discount for ordering all those discs?
In regards to target marketing, have you ever noticed that most advertising makes ridiculous assumptions, but when they get it right, they are dead on? Jeff and I were watching a made-for-television movie the other night about Judy Garland (hey, there was absolutely nothing on, and I always liked The Wizard of Oz). The advertisers divided this movie’s audience into two camps: gay males and the elderly. Every ad that ran during the four hour melodrama was either for a power mobility chair, a medic alert device, or the Guys Gone Wild videos, I shit you not. I was almost tempted to call the Guys Gone Wild 1-800 number just to ask how many DVDs they sold from the time Dorothy clicked her heels together until she killed herself taking an assload of sleeping pills. My husband and I didn’t fall into either category, but we sure enjoyed laughing at the ads.
On the topic of gay men, have you ever noticed that the people who are anti-gay talk about gay sex more than gay people do? Senator Rick Santorum has made an entire career out of trying to outlaw every form of homosexual intimacy there is, which makes me wonder how many hours he put in thinking up all the ways gays are intimate. How much time do you think he spend trolling the internet to “research” gay sex? It’s kind of creepy if you think about it. Like I said, I don’t know too many gay people who think about gay sex as much as some of these hatemongering neocons.
Speaking of hatemongering, can someone please dissolve PETA soon? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals used to be such a nice group of animal lovers. When I first heard about them in college, they were the group that worked to save monkeys from terrible medical experiments and encouraged people not to wear fur. Now, they are run by extremist wackos. First it was their “Holocaust on Your Plate” campaign that ran pictures of chickens in cages right next to Jews in concentration camps, now it’s the Head Wingnut of the group making statements that Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin is nothing more than a “cheap reality TV star”. Either way, if you want to support the rescue and care of animals forego that donation to PETA and write the check out to a local animal rescue. At least you’ll know that your money is being spent on dog food instead of on an advertising campaign that compares murdered Jewish intellectuals to chickens.
Speaking of society at large, do you think anyone in their right mind is fooled by the lower gas prices? Gas went from $2.89 per gallon down to $2.57 nearly overnight. With the war in Iraq looking like more of a disaster than ever, why would gas prices be lower…hmmm….oh yeah, the upcoming elections. Just in time to cast your vote, the neocon regime is going to make sure you can at least afford to drive your sorry ass to the polls. The sick, sad thing is that some ignorant-assed rednecks are really going to be duped into believing that the economy is looking up, and that gas prices will remain low. They will get in their doublewide Ford or Chevy, cast their vote for W’s party, then within two weeks (if W’s party can capitalize on the 9/11 fear well enough to get re-elected), those gas prices will be back up to a cozy $2.89 per gallon. Of course, the halfwit will be completely confused, yet still remain loyal. Can we do a draft for the Iraq war based on I.Q., because it’s time to do some trimming of the herd particularly in Middle America?
Since we’re on the topic of idiots, Paris Hilton’s album was a complete flop, and the infotainment media seems to be shocked by this. Why! The woman can’t act, write, dance, and doesn’t have a personality, why on Earth did they think she could sing? She did manage to sell 275,000 copies of her CD, so I guess all of the Hilton Hotel employees know what they’re getting along side that Christmas bonus this year. Do you think her parents got some sort of a quantity discount for ordering all those discs?
In regards to target marketing, have you ever noticed that most advertising makes ridiculous assumptions, but when they get it right, they are dead on? Jeff and I were watching a made-for-television movie the other night about Judy Garland (hey, there was absolutely nothing on, and I always liked The Wizard of Oz). The advertisers divided this movie’s audience into two camps: gay males and the elderly. Every ad that ran during the four hour melodrama was either for a power mobility chair, a medic alert device, or the Guys Gone Wild videos, I shit you not. I was almost tempted to call the Guys Gone Wild 1-800 number just to ask how many DVDs they sold from the time Dorothy clicked her heels together until she killed herself taking an assload of sleeping pills. My husband and I didn’t fall into either category, but we sure enjoyed laughing at the ads.
On the topic of gay men, have you ever noticed that the people who are anti-gay talk about gay sex more than gay people do? Senator Rick Santorum has made an entire career out of trying to outlaw every form of homosexual intimacy there is, which makes me wonder how many hours he put in thinking up all the ways gays are intimate. How much time do you think he spend trolling the internet to “research” gay sex? It’s kind of creepy if you think about it. Like I said, I don’t know too many gay people who think about gay sex as much as some of these hatemongering neocons.
Speaking of hatemongering, can someone please dissolve PETA soon? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals used to be such a nice group of animal lovers. When I first heard about them in college, they were the group that worked to save monkeys from terrible medical experiments and encouraged people not to wear fur. Now, they are run by extremist wackos. First it was their “Holocaust on Your Plate” campaign that ran pictures of chickens in cages right next to Jews in concentration camps, now it’s the Head Wingnut of the group making statements that Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin is nothing more than a “cheap reality TV star”. Either way, if you want to support the rescue and care of animals forego that donation to PETA and write the check out to a local animal rescue. At least you’ll know that your money is being spent on dog food instead of on an advertising campaign that compares murdered Jewish intellectuals to chickens.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Buying Our Murder
“I’m going to try and stay in the air as long as possible.” Paul Tosch exclaimed as the sound of helicopter rudders chopped through his morning traffic broadcast. The DJ followed Tosch telling the Seattle morning listeners that all of the flights were grounded. At this point, Jeff jumped out of bed, turning off the alarm clock radio, and flipped on the television. I went to the bathroom to grab my glasses and we stood in front of the TV that sunny morning and watched the Towers as they spewed smoke. That was five years ago today, and I can still remember as if it happened a week ago.
I used to ask my mother to recall the day President Kennedy was shot, and she would tell the story about how they closed the Catholic school she attended that day. She said she went home to my Grammy and told her to turn on the television, and my mom always said she’d never forget the stunned look on Grammy’s face as she watched the news of the young president’s death. Years later, we know about the grassy knoll, and suspect that his murder was orchestrated by a number of key political figures in his own administration, but we still don’t know for sure. On the fifth anniversary of September 11th, we do know who attacked us and why they did it, but what we still refuse to realize is, that unlike John F. Kennedy, we bought our murder.
Right now we are waging a war with Iraq, and some of us have been asking “why” from the beginning. Most Americans were in favor of sending troops into Afghanistan to wipe the Taliban off the map. I had been an avid hater of the Taliban for years knowing of their horrible treatment of women, and felt that the U.N. should have done something about these bastards sooner. I put my faith and confidence in President Bush’s strong tones assuring us that he would hunt Osama bin Laden to the ends of the Earth. I was willing to devote my loyalty to this president until the moment he used this most heinous national tragedy to pursue interests in the nation with the third largest oil reserves in the world.
Today, I’m still pissed off at the way Bushy and Karl Rove manipulated the populace into believing that Saddam Hussein had anything to do with September 11th. The hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, and I think it goes without saying that if Saudi Arabia didn’t have one drop of oil, they would be wiped out faster than Hiroshima. However, if Saudi Arabia didn’t have any oil, then 9/11 would have never happened.
Herein lies the irony of the September 11th tragedy; we are all responsible. When we were hording, and while we continue to horde, oil we were lining the pockets of the bin Laden family with money that would be distributed amongst the males of the clan. One of the males just happened to be an Islamic extremist with a hard-on for hating all things American. It was our money flowing through his bank account that paid for the airline tickets that were purchased by the hijackers.
We didn’t know this on that day that remains burned into my mind, and until Alzheimer’s hits, will be embedded in my memory as clear as a bell. Five years later, we know how they got their money to buy the utility knives they used to cut the throats of the flight crew, yet we have done next to nothing to curb our thirst for the black gold. Are any of the Saudi royal family members suffering from a lack of funds right now? Not really, in fact, with gas prices at an all-time high, they are raking in more money than ever. Do the bin Ladens have to refinance their houses, because the cost of living has become unaffordable? No, because like the House of Al Saud, they are experiencing the same windfall, while you, the ones they secretly despise, are handing over more of your paycheck.
On September 11, 2001, we were an innocent country, because the majority of America didn’t know that they harbored this anger, but we can’t say the same thing now. We know they hate us, we know why, and we know what they are willing to do to us, yet we still continue to pump away passively hoping a 9/11 attack won’t happen again. Until we press our politicians to create a national plan for enacting alternative energy, make an exerted effort to junk the SUVs, and demand that we cut all financial ties with nations that promote the hatred of America, we will merely be forking over a down payment on our next murder.
I used to ask my mother to recall the day President Kennedy was shot, and she would tell the story about how they closed the Catholic school she attended that day. She said she went home to my Grammy and told her to turn on the television, and my mom always said she’d never forget the stunned look on Grammy’s face as she watched the news of the young president’s death. Years later, we know about the grassy knoll, and suspect that his murder was orchestrated by a number of key political figures in his own administration, but we still don’t know for sure. On the fifth anniversary of September 11th, we do know who attacked us and why they did it, but what we still refuse to realize is, that unlike John F. Kennedy, we bought our murder.
Right now we are waging a war with Iraq, and some of us have been asking “why” from the beginning. Most Americans were in favor of sending troops into Afghanistan to wipe the Taliban off the map. I had been an avid hater of the Taliban for years knowing of their horrible treatment of women, and felt that the U.N. should have done something about these bastards sooner. I put my faith and confidence in President Bush’s strong tones assuring us that he would hunt Osama bin Laden to the ends of the Earth. I was willing to devote my loyalty to this president until the moment he used this most heinous national tragedy to pursue interests in the nation with the third largest oil reserves in the world.
Today, I’m still pissed off at the way Bushy and Karl Rove manipulated the populace into believing that Saddam Hussein had anything to do with September 11th. The hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, and I think it goes without saying that if Saudi Arabia didn’t have one drop of oil, they would be wiped out faster than Hiroshima. However, if Saudi Arabia didn’t have any oil, then 9/11 would have never happened.
Herein lies the irony of the September 11th tragedy; we are all responsible. When we were hording, and while we continue to horde, oil we were lining the pockets of the bin Laden family with money that would be distributed amongst the males of the clan. One of the males just happened to be an Islamic extremist with a hard-on for hating all things American. It was our money flowing through his bank account that paid for the airline tickets that were purchased by the hijackers.
We didn’t know this on that day that remains burned into my mind, and until Alzheimer’s hits, will be embedded in my memory as clear as a bell. Five years later, we know how they got their money to buy the utility knives they used to cut the throats of the flight crew, yet we have done next to nothing to curb our thirst for the black gold. Are any of the Saudi royal family members suffering from a lack of funds right now? Not really, in fact, with gas prices at an all-time high, they are raking in more money than ever. Do the bin Ladens have to refinance their houses, because the cost of living has become unaffordable? No, because like the House of Al Saud, they are experiencing the same windfall, while you, the ones they secretly despise, are handing over more of your paycheck.
On September 11, 2001, we were an innocent country, because the majority of America didn’t know that they harbored this anger, but we can’t say the same thing now. We know they hate us, we know why, and we know what they are willing to do to us, yet we still continue to pump away passively hoping a 9/11 attack won’t happen again. Until we press our politicians to create a national plan for enacting alternative energy, make an exerted effort to junk the SUVs, and demand that we cut all financial ties with nations that promote the hatred of America, we will merely be forking over a down payment on our next murder.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Weekly Recap 9/3-9: Murderous Stingrays & Gay Neocon Dads
In this era of over-stimulation, media hype, and fickle information posing as news, a story could be in one day and out the next. Therefore as a scholar of media, I feel it is my duty to begin a more honest weekly recap. Unlike news sources who have to bow to the views of their parent company, I won't slant issues, because my parents can’t fire me, in fact, they don’t even read this. I’m not like those annoying pundits who are trying to sell books and be quoted as "experts", because I have nothing to peddle and no one to impress. Basically, I'm telling it like it is, as always, so away we go.
Headline News Recap
Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin was stabbed in the heart by a stingray while filming a documentary on the world's deadliest sea creatures. I am completely bummed, because I liked that crazy S.O.B. He was always happy, he was always excited about picking up icky things by their tails, and he is the only person I've ever seen who named a crocodile after his wife, because he said it had a "cute little bum". The Crocodile Hunter wasn't a normal fellow by any means, but he was good people. The sick, sad thing is that his untimely death was caught on tape, which means that no matter how honest and good the cameraman and producers are, it will end up on the internet, which is sad when you think about the fact that he has kids, and someday they might end up watching their Pops pull a stinger the size of an ice pick out of his chest then collapse. Here's to you Crocodile Hunter, at least your death was quick and clean, and not the way we all thought you'd meet your maker; torn to shreds by a pissed off croc.
Speaking of cold-blooded animals that enjoy killing, a new book about Karl Rove claims that Karl’s dad is gay. I thought Karl Rove was a miserable piece of human garbage before, but now I realize that he is downright evil. This was a guy who used the hatred of homosexuals to get his boy, Bushy, elected by whoring the gay marriage debate like a cheap pimp from the bad side of town. This latest revelation about Karl’s dad is creepy, because it makes me wonder how many more neocons have gays in their immediate family. Phyllis Schlafley, the broad who opposed every feminist cause from the get go, has a gay son, Dick Cheney has a gay daughter, Randall Terry, the Operation Rescue motherfucker, has a gay son, and now the architect of the neocon movement is the spawn of a gay man. Karma is one hell of a bitch isn’t it.
On another sweet karma note, British Prime Minister Tony Blair will be stepping down at the end of the year. This is so extremely unfair. All I have to say to the British is: How dare you oust Tony Blair. We Americans have to keep our asshole president for another two years, and you get to relieve your government of your schmuck! Not fair, not fair at all. C’mon British people, help your friends across the pond out a bit. Since you have more say in your government, make Tony take George with him when he hits the road. Please, I’m begging you!
In Local News
My neighbors continue to park their cars in front of my house, which is really annoying. They have two cars parked in their driveway, two cars in front of their house, and one in front of mine. Their adult son is in some sort of mechanic trade school, so three of those cars are his project cars. I guess it never occurred to his parents that when their boy is spending money on project cars, he’s not using his money for rent. I’m throwing a dinner party in exactly two weeks for Rosh Hashanah, and my guests better have enough room to park, or else.
Tabloid Recap (or Things I Don’t Give a Fuck about This Week)
I don’t care about Suri Cruise’s photo shoot. I don’t care about Paris Hilton’s drunk driving arrest. I don’t care about the pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s shaved pubes appearing on the internet. I don’t care about how anorexic Nicole Ritchie, Keira Knightley, and Mary-Kate Olson are. I don’t care if Jennifer Aniston is or isn’t engaged. I don’t care if Brad and Angelina are breaking up. And finally, I don’t care if Jessica Simpson is screwing John Mayer.
Quote of the Week
“I made a terrible mistake.” – Richard Armitage, former U.S. Deputy Secretary of State, referring to his so-called “accidental” outing of Valerie Plame Wilson as a CIA agent, and permanently winning a place in the “No Shit” Hall of Fame. Now if I could just believe that he actually did out Valerie and isn’t just serving as a neocon fall guy, perhaps all would be well in my world.
Headline News Recap
Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin was stabbed in the heart by a stingray while filming a documentary on the world's deadliest sea creatures. I am completely bummed, because I liked that crazy S.O.B. He was always happy, he was always excited about picking up icky things by their tails, and he is the only person I've ever seen who named a crocodile after his wife, because he said it had a "cute little bum". The Crocodile Hunter wasn't a normal fellow by any means, but he was good people. The sick, sad thing is that his untimely death was caught on tape, which means that no matter how honest and good the cameraman and producers are, it will end up on the internet, which is sad when you think about the fact that he has kids, and someday they might end up watching their Pops pull a stinger the size of an ice pick out of his chest then collapse. Here's to you Crocodile Hunter, at least your death was quick and clean, and not the way we all thought you'd meet your maker; torn to shreds by a pissed off croc.
Speaking of cold-blooded animals that enjoy killing, a new book about Karl Rove claims that Karl’s dad is gay. I thought Karl Rove was a miserable piece of human garbage before, but now I realize that he is downright evil. This was a guy who used the hatred of homosexuals to get his boy, Bushy, elected by whoring the gay marriage debate like a cheap pimp from the bad side of town. This latest revelation about Karl’s dad is creepy, because it makes me wonder how many more neocons have gays in their immediate family. Phyllis Schlafley, the broad who opposed every feminist cause from the get go, has a gay son, Dick Cheney has a gay daughter, Randall Terry, the Operation Rescue motherfucker, has a gay son, and now the architect of the neocon movement is the spawn of a gay man. Karma is one hell of a bitch isn’t it.
On another sweet karma note, British Prime Minister Tony Blair will be stepping down at the end of the year. This is so extremely unfair. All I have to say to the British is: How dare you oust Tony Blair. We Americans have to keep our asshole president for another two years, and you get to relieve your government of your schmuck! Not fair, not fair at all. C’mon British people, help your friends across the pond out a bit. Since you have more say in your government, make Tony take George with him when he hits the road. Please, I’m begging you!
In Local News
My neighbors continue to park their cars in front of my house, which is really annoying. They have two cars parked in their driveway, two cars in front of their house, and one in front of mine. Their adult son is in some sort of mechanic trade school, so three of those cars are his project cars. I guess it never occurred to his parents that when their boy is spending money on project cars, he’s not using his money for rent. I’m throwing a dinner party in exactly two weeks for Rosh Hashanah, and my guests better have enough room to park, or else.
Tabloid Recap (or Things I Don’t Give a Fuck about This Week)
I don’t care about Suri Cruise’s photo shoot. I don’t care about Paris Hilton’s drunk driving arrest. I don’t care about the pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s shaved pubes appearing on the internet. I don’t care about how anorexic Nicole Ritchie, Keira Knightley, and Mary-Kate Olson are. I don’t care if Jennifer Aniston is or isn’t engaged. I don’t care if Brad and Angelina are breaking up. And finally, I don’t care if Jessica Simpson is screwing John Mayer.
Quote of the Week
“I made a terrible mistake.” – Richard Armitage, former U.S. Deputy Secretary of State, referring to his so-called “accidental” outing of Valerie Plame Wilson as a CIA agent, and permanently winning a place in the “No Shit” Hall of Fame. Now if I could just believe that he actually did out Valerie and isn’t just serving as a neocon fall guy, perhaps all would be well in my world.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Fascism by Any Other Name...
It seems very ironic as of late that in their absolute power rule over this country, the Grand Ol' Party (i.e. neocon bastards) has begun using the buzzword "fascists" to describe extremist Islamic groups hell bent on killing Americans. This is the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black that I have seen since Lindsay Lohan accused Tara Reid of partying too much. The first time I heard Resident Bush refer to the Iranian president as the head of an "Islamic fascist" government, I was perplexed, because I knew at that very moment on Iranian television, that president was probably referring to Bushie as the head of an "American fascist" government. The thing that troubles me is that both of these mindless wonders are correct.
After studying the Hitler, Mussolini, Suharto, Franco, and Pinochet governments, Dr. Laurence Britt, a noted political scientist, wrote an article on fascism in which he identified 14 defining common characteristics. The scary thing is that the tactics used by Islamic extremists and the GOP fit into Dr. Britt's 14 points with terrifying equality.
1. Powerful and Continuing Expressions of Nationalism - The news (especially Fox News) can't show us Americans enough footage of the Iranian president, the leader of Hezbollah, and other Islamic wingnuts going off Hitler-style in front of a crowd of screaming minions. On the flip side, images of the Towers smoking in their first few minutes of destruction have almost become a "must have" for any neocon website, and most right-wing radio stations have taken to playing the National Anthem every hour on the hour, and several will be broadcasting their morning show from Ground Zero on September 11th. Talk about whoring a national tragedy.
2. Disdain for the Importance of Human Rights - Islamic extremists will gladly trade human life for 72 virgins in heaven and martyred glory. American neocons will gladly trade human life for millions of dollars in oil revenue and no-bid rebuilding contracts.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - Without the words “Israel” and “Liberals” the fascists on both sides would be rendered mute, which would be a blessing. Think about it, the leader of Hamas duct taped to the same chair as Ann Coulter, both wearing S&M ball gags. It's a beautiful thought.
4. The Supremacy of the Military/Avid Militarism - This is such a disturbing aspect to me, because both groups are willing to let the welfare of their people suffer in order to arm. Look what Hezbollah did to Lebanon, and the U.S. is no better. We have spent $300 billion in the war with Iraq, but have to listen to the right-wing drone on and on about why our citizens don’t deserve some sort of national healthcare system.
5. Rampant Sexism - Headscarves, female circumcision, inability to divorce, yeah, even the mainstream Muslims have explaining to do on this one. In the U.S. we get the polar opposite; we have convinced young women that taking control of their sexuality means slutting it up and hanging it out whenever and where ever you can, while at the same time passing laws that restrict reproductive rights and access to contraceptives. Isn't it sad that the Taliban is more straight-forward on their extremist sexist attitudes then we are!
6. A Controlled Mass Media - Between Al Jazeera and Rupert Murdoch we're all fucked on this one.
7. Obsession with National Security - It's only a matter of time before they ask you to turn your head and cough before boarding a flight. By the way, are we still on red alert or is it orange this week? Not so quick Islamic extremists, when was the last time you let a journalist stroll through your streets without giving a guided tour at gunpoint? That's what I thought.
8. Religion and Ruling Elite Tied Together - When you can use the excuse, "because G-d said so" to explain your way out of killing your enemy and starving your own people, then G-d is the last thing on your mind. Religion and government should stay as far away from each other as Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie at an “All You Can Eat” buffet.
9. Power of Corporations Protected – Osama bin Laden constantly rips on Western culture as evil, yet he doesn’t mind cashing the check for interest money paid from U.S. and European investments. Without the abundance of corporate oil money, Islamic extremists would be relegated to throwing rocks off the backs of fast moving camels. Fortunately, even Islamic extremist governments know the value of corporate investment, and protect it well. In the U.S., we've totally sold our democracy out on this one. Our country is owned by a string of corporations all of which have purchased our government bit by bit to the point where there is very little lawmaking that will not benefit a corporation in some way.
10. Power of Labor Suppressed or Eliminated - Although every political candidate wants the blessing of the AFL-CIO at this point, it's just a publicity stunt. Corporations have moved so many jobs overseas, and with the popularity of the "right to work" laws passing in most states during the Reaganomics Era the workforce's ability to play a major role in influencing the power structure no longer exists. On the other side of the world, the Islamic extremist governments have such tight controls on their population that any rallies not sanctioned by the ruling powers are quashed including worker demonstrations.
11. Disdain and Suppression of Intellectuals and the Arts - Have you seen the latest budget for the National Endowment of the Arts? It's disappearing quicker than the funds for music and art programs in public schools. The only thing vanishing at a more rapid pace than the art ed. money in the U.S. is the guy who drew those Prophet Mohammed cartoons for that paper in Denmark. By the way, is Salman Rushdie's phone number still unlisted?
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - In Iran they use a knife to cut off your hand for stealing, in the U.S. they splash your face all over the media so that when you are released you have to go under the knife and get plastic surgery in order to resume your life.
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Without cronyism would Bush even have an administration? Without corruption would the Hamas or Saudi governments be able to operate?
14. Fraudulent Elections - I'm still drinking Pepto every time the memory of the 2000 election comes to mind. Oy Vey! It's funny to me that the president who is so hell bent on spreading democracy in the Middle East is the same guy who completely usurped our own democracy in his rise to power. As for the Islamic extremist elections, when you automatically nix more than half of your population's right to vote (i.e. women) then your election is fraudulent from the get go.
If I were the neocons the first thing I'd do is seriously consider suicide as a favor to society, but beyond that, I'd maybe rethink the whole idea of throwing around the term "fascism". When there are this many obvious connections in our own government, then we can't condemn others for employing the same tactics. No one is automatically evil, because they don't like the U.S. and good, because they do. Stalin was our ally during World War II and while he was smiling at President Truman in leadership meetings, his thugs were participating in the systematic murder of 20 million Russians.
Choosing your friends and knowing your enemies on the political world stage is never easy, but calling into question someone else's housekeeping abilities while your own place looks like a pigsty is just plain hypocritical.
After studying the Hitler, Mussolini, Suharto, Franco, and Pinochet governments, Dr. Laurence Britt, a noted political scientist, wrote an article on fascism in which he identified 14 defining common characteristics. The scary thing is that the tactics used by Islamic extremists and the GOP fit into Dr. Britt's 14 points with terrifying equality.
1. Powerful and Continuing Expressions of Nationalism - The news (especially Fox News) can't show us Americans enough footage of the Iranian president, the leader of Hezbollah, and other Islamic wingnuts going off Hitler-style in front of a crowd of screaming minions. On the flip side, images of the Towers smoking in their first few minutes of destruction have almost become a "must have" for any neocon website, and most right-wing radio stations have taken to playing the National Anthem every hour on the hour, and several will be broadcasting their morning show from Ground Zero on September 11th. Talk about whoring a national tragedy.
2. Disdain for the Importance of Human Rights - Islamic extremists will gladly trade human life for 72 virgins in heaven and martyred glory. American neocons will gladly trade human life for millions of dollars in oil revenue and no-bid rebuilding contracts.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - Without the words “Israel” and “Liberals” the fascists on both sides would be rendered mute, which would be a blessing. Think about it, the leader of Hamas duct taped to the same chair as Ann Coulter, both wearing S&M ball gags. It's a beautiful thought.
4. The Supremacy of the Military/Avid Militarism - This is such a disturbing aspect to me, because both groups are willing to let the welfare of their people suffer in order to arm. Look what Hezbollah did to Lebanon, and the U.S. is no better. We have spent $300 billion in the war with Iraq, but have to listen to the right-wing drone on and on about why our citizens don’t deserve some sort of national healthcare system.
5. Rampant Sexism - Headscarves, female circumcision, inability to divorce, yeah, even the mainstream Muslims have explaining to do on this one. In the U.S. we get the polar opposite; we have convinced young women that taking control of their sexuality means slutting it up and hanging it out whenever and where ever you can, while at the same time passing laws that restrict reproductive rights and access to contraceptives. Isn't it sad that the Taliban is more straight-forward on their extremist sexist attitudes then we are!
6. A Controlled Mass Media - Between Al Jazeera and Rupert Murdoch we're all fucked on this one.
7. Obsession with National Security - It's only a matter of time before they ask you to turn your head and cough before boarding a flight. By the way, are we still on red alert or is it orange this week? Not so quick Islamic extremists, when was the last time you let a journalist stroll through your streets without giving a guided tour at gunpoint? That's what I thought.
8. Religion and Ruling Elite Tied Together - When you can use the excuse, "because G-d said so" to explain your way out of killing your enemy and starving your own people, then G-d is the last thing on your mind. Religion and government should stay as far away from each other as Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie at an “All You Can Eat” buffet.
9. Power of Corporations Protected – Osama bin Laden constantly rips on Western culture as evil, yet he doesn’t mind cashing the check for interest money paid from U.S. and European investments. Without the abundance of corporate oil money, Islamic extremists would be relegated to throwing rocks off the backs of fast moving camels. Fortunately, even Islamic extremist governments know the value of corporate investment, and protect it well. In the U.S., we've totally sold our democracy out on this one. Our country is owned by a string of corporations all of which have purchased our government bit by bit to the point where there is very little lawmaking that will not benefit a corporation in some way.
10. Power of Labor Suppressed or Eliminated - Although every political candidate wants the blessing of the AFL-CIO at this point, it's just a publicity stunt. Corporations have moved so many jobs overseas, and with the popularity of the "right to work" laws passing in most states during the Reaganomics Era the workforce's ability to play a major role in influencing the power structure no longer exists. On the other side of the world, the Islamic extremist governments have such tight controls on their population that any rallies not sanctioned by the ruling powers are quashed including worker demonstrations.
11. Disdain and Suppression of Intellectuals and the Arts - Have you seen the latest budget for the National Endowment of the Arts? It's disappearing quicker than the funds for music and art programs in public schools. The only thing vanishing at a more rapid pace than the art ed. money in the U.S. is the guy who drew those Prophet Mohammed cartoons for that paper in Denmark. By the way, is Salman Rushdie's phone number still unlisted?
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - In Iran they use a knife to cut off your hand for stealing, in the U.S. they splash your face all over the media so that when you are released you have to go under the knife and get plastic surgery in order to resume your life.
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Without cronyism would Bush even have an administration? Without corruption would the Hamas or Saudi governments be able to operate?
14. Fraudulent Elections - I'm still drinking Pepto every time the memory of the 2000 election comes to mind. Oy Vey! It's funny to me that the president who is so hell bent on spreading democracy in the Middle East is the same guy who completely usurped our own democracy in his rise to power. As for the Islamic extremist elections, when you automatically nix more than half of your population's right to vote (i.e. women) then your election is fraudulent from the get go.
If I were the neocons the first thing I'd do is seriously consider suicide as a favor to society, but beyond that, I'd maybe rethink the whole idea of throwing around the term "fascism". When there are this many obvious connections in our own government, then we can't condemn others for employing the same tactics. No one is automatically evil, because they don't like the U.S. and good, because they do. Stalin was our ally during World War II and while he was smiling at President Truman in leadership meetings, his thugs were participating in the systematic murder of 20 million Russians.
Choosing your friends and knowing your enemies on the political world stage is never easy, but calling into question someone else's housekeeping abilities while your own place looks like a pigsty is just plain hypocritical.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)