Weekly Recap 9/17-23: Crappy Spinach & Allah vs. The Pope

Headline News Recap
The Pope pissed Muslims off this week during a lecture at a German university where he quoted, at length, a conversation from the 14th Century. Basically, the phrase that riled Muslims was when the Pope quoted, "Violence is incompatible with the nature of G-d and the nature of the soul." I know I'm not hip to Popespeak, but am I missing something here? Why would Muslims be pissed off, because someone finally stood up and told them that they can't do violent shit in the name of G-d. Apparently, Muslim leaders have said that the Pope is ignorant about Islam. Join the club! If Islam isn't a violent religion then they sure need one heck of a better PR campaign. The Catholic church has their own history of bad behavior and oppression, but they aren't currently encouraging young men to strap bombs on their bodies or fly planes into buildings, so their leader has the right to quote whatever 14th Century Byzantine Christian emperor he wants to.

Somebody please stop crapping in the spinach. An outbreak of E.Coli found in bagged spinach in 23 states has caused grocers to pull the leafy greens from the shelf, restaurants to nix half of their salad menu, and me to omit one of the tastier ingredients from my lasagna recipe. Teams from the EPA and the Department of Agriculture have been dispatched to the California farm that grew the infectious spinach, but a cause has yet to be revealed. The word is that the Popeye food will be scarce for a while, so rejoice veggie haters, you are off the hook until further notice.

The National Democratic Party (i.e. Neo-Nazis) won big in the German election this week, and stands to gain 5% of the seats in the German parliament. Do we really need to go down this road again? I mean, we all know how this story is going to play out, and in the end no matter how hard they try the Nazis just don’t win.

The U.S. was voted off the island this week as the rest of the world decided to talk to Iran about its nuclear program. Bush and Company shouldn’t be surprised as they have done a fantastic job of alienating everyone. Besides when the leader can’t even pronounce the world “nuclear”, how are other countries supposed to take him seriously.

Scientists in New Guinea have discovered a species of shark that walks on its fins. Great! First it was the killer bees, then it was AIDS infected mosquitoes, now I have to worry about a shark walking up to me. Too bad the Crocodile Hunter is dead, because this would have made for a great primetime show.

There was a military coup in Thailand this week to oust their current Prime Minister. Thaksin Shinawatra was at a U.N. meeting when the military took over Thailand, declared martial law, and threw his government in jail. Fortunately, he had it coming. Prime Minister Thaksin had recently cancelled Thai elections, streamlined government so that he could have the final say on everything, and attempted to turn Thailand into a dictatorship. Thankfully the word on the street is that the military coup will have little effect on Thailand’s thriving underage sex industry.

In Local News
I don’t know if we’re a city yet, because the geniuses of the King County Elections Board didn’t give the correct ballot to all of the people that actually live in the Fairwood area. Some people in another town got to vote on our initiative, while folks who reside within the area were shut out from voting on it, which means that what should have been simple is now going to be a long, drawn out mess. Way to go King County! You create the type of government that makes anarchy look good.

Signs That The World Is Heading Straight for Hell
Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana this week. Hey Government, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are these guys called terrorists, and they really hate us, and want to kill us, so if you can spare a few moments in your busy schedule of busting elderly country music singers, you may want to look into these terrorists. Just a thought.

Anna Nicole Smith sold the last photos of her with her deceased son and newborn daughter for a whopping $650,000 to a magazine. Anna Nicole, the next story that hits the news better be about you setting up either a trust for your baby girl or a charitable foundation, or no one will ever speak to you again.

Justin Timberlake’s latest album, FutureSex/LoveSounds hit number one this week on the Billboard charts. Nothing to comment there, because that alone says our culture’s heading straight to hell.

Quote of the Week
“I really think the quality’s gone down.” – Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones on modern day drugs verses the good shit he got back in the day. I’m taking his word for it, because if anyone knows fantastic drugs, it’s our boy Keith.

L'Shana Tova fellow 'brews!