Headline News Recap
Washington D.C. is in a bit of an uproar as Senator Tim Johnson of South Dakota underwent surgery for bleeding in the brain caused by a genetic malformation. If Johnson is unable to serve, by law, the governor of South Dakota (the state that tried to pass the strictest anti-abortion/woman be damned legislation) gets to appoint the replacement. Even though Johnson is a Democrat, Governor Michael Rounds is a Republican, and would likely appoint a Republican, because in the world of the GOP, it’s not about serving the people, it’s about retaining power. In the event that a Republican is appointed, the GOP would re-gain control of the Senate, and their reign of terror will continue through 2008.
Now for the good news, former fascist Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet died this week at the age of 91, which further enhances my theory that assholes live forever. Pinochet ousted the democratically elected leader through a military coup in 1973, and took over. During his reign, 3,000 oppositionists were murdered or disappeared, and it is estimated 20,000 people of all ages were tortured. It was argued that Pinochet should have had a state funeral, because while he led Chile, they had amazing economic prosperity and growth. Unfortunately, trading the blood of innocent people for personal wealth isn’t a good thing, so the honorable funeral was out. All I have to say is “rot in hell you fascist bastard, the world is better off without you.”
On the topic of crazy leaders with way too much power, Resident Bush is sending out a warning that Americans must be worried about space terrorism, contending that enemy nations might develop technology to shoot down our satellites or attack NASA. You know, the secret sadistic side of me is almost happy that Bush has another two years in office, because it will be interesting to see just how crazy and fucked up his statements will get. If he didn’t have access to nuclear weapons, I would almost be in favor of giving him his own reality TV show. We could call it “The Madness of King George.”
King George’s disciples were at it this week claiming that soy products lead to homosexuality. They claim that an excess of soy-based products will introduce too much estrogen into the system, and in males, will cause feminizing and homosexuality. As a mama with a lactose intolerant child who has been on soy since birth, all I have to say is, we can call their reality show, “Crazy Eights”, and it can come on following “The Madness of King George.”
Inappropriate behavior (i.e. getting drunk in public) may lead to Tara Conner’s dethroning as Miss USA. In this day and age, with rampant partying by 21-year-olds and the increasing popularity of alcohol advertising, the one thing we should be asking as a society is, “why the hell do we still have beauty pageants”!
Several clergy members have backed a movement called WakeUpWalMart.com, which calls into question Wal-Mart’s treatment of their workers, by asking, “Would Jesus shop at Wal-Mart?” I can answer that one! No, Jesus was a hippy, so he would probably be at PCC and random farmer’s markets for food. For clothes, he would, most likely hit those specialty shops in the University District or take up knitting, and for jewelry, he would look for those dreadlocked, smelly kids at the String Cheese Incident show selling bracelets made out of hemp.
In Local News
Seattle proudly led the battle in the War on Christmas this week causing a national uproar and giving Bill O’Reilly a huge boner. One of the consultants for Sea-Tac International Airport asked the Port of Seattle if they wouldn’t mind placing a menorah next to the big Christmas tree. It seemed like a simple request, but The Port’s intricate process of red tape led to a “no”, “yes”, “no”, “we’re not sure”, “okay, maybe, but not now”, “can I call you back later”, “hey, what happened to my cheese fries” answer. Chabad, a worldwide, ultra-orthodox Jewish group, got involved and all hell broke loose. There were threats back and forth. The Port reacted the only way they knew how, which was badly. The Christmas trees were removed, then put back two days later, and the whole thing was a big bullshit ordeal that kept everyone distracted from a much more serious war. Way to go media!
Worthless Entertainment News
Angelina Jolie said that she never intended to break up the marriage between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. I guess someone forgot to tell her that when you fuck another woman’s husband, it makes tends to make their monthly ‘husband and wife date night’ a bit tense.
Nicole Ritchie was busted this week for driving under the influence, and went on record claiming that Vicodin she took to relieve cramps caused her inebriated state. This has inspired me to go on record to claim that those mushrooms I ate at that music festival I attended during college was a snack to relieve hunger.
Disney is quietly campaigning for an Oscar bid for Mel Gibson by trying to convince Academy members that he’s not as bad as Roman Polanski or Woody Allen, because they had inappropriate sex and all Mel did was spew anti-Semitic and sexist statements after getting busted for drunk driving. Under the same logic, O.J. Simpson should be allowed his moment to shine on Fox, because he’s not as bad as Ted Bundy or Gary Ridgeway. Juice only killed two people in just one night, and those other guys killed a lot of people over time.
Quote of the Week
“It seems like they’re afraid of science.” – Marine Biologist Jim Estes commenting on new, more stringent regulations and controls put on scientists by the Bush administration.
Jim, it’s not just science. They are also afraid of truth, democracy, policy that obstructs oil industry profits, policy that reduces the amount of corporate lobbyist money given to politicians, freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the ability to choose your own destiny. What they should be afraid of is what might happen to them when it finally hits people that over 3,000 young American men and women were sent to die for a lie, and that our Earth is being destroyed, so that Bush and his cronies can buy another multi-million dollar yacht. The 5th of November anyone?
4 comments:
Pinochet was a 'friend' of our very own Margaret Thatcher. Mind you she didn't kill any Brits directly. A few Argentinians and Arabs but they don't really count in their mad little world.
enjoyed reading your daily rant
4D - I'm sure our own 80s era leader, Ronald Reagan loved Pinochet as well. Hey, back then greed was good, and Pinochet was seen as anti-Communist. Sure, he spilled a lot of innocent blood, but he made money and quashed commies, so war crimes be damned. What a bunch of hypocrites those bastards were!
Was Miss USA supposed to be a virgin, too? If she's old enough to enlist in the military, why shouldn't she drink if she wants? Didn't Bush do coke well above the so-called age of majority? Add to "The Madness..."
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