Headline News Recap
When did professional cyclists start ranking right up there with professional wrestlers when it came to doping? This week, Tour de France leader, Michael Rasmussen was removed when it was discovered that he failed to show up for the mandatory drug testing, which he later failed after doing a blood transfusion containing a banned substance. Wasn’t easier when they just used to drink Gatorade?
Republicans in the House and Senate are opposing a bill that would expand the Children’s Health Insurance Program covering an addition 5 million children who don’t have health insurance. The Democratic proposal calls for an increase in tobacco taxes and cuts in subsidies to private health insurance plans to pay for medical care for poor children. Those GOP bastards just get more and cuddlier by the day. They are denying health care coverage to kids just to block a bill proposed by Democrats. Way fucking pathetic, GOP, way fucking pathetic!
In news of the blatantly obvious, a scientific study proves that obesity can be social meaning that if your family is fat, and your friends are fat, then your ass isn’t likely to be all that small. Well, duh! What the study did leave out is the fact that hanging with fat friends and family tends to be way more fun, because think about it, would you rather spend your afternoon doing some shopping then hitting the Cheesecake Factory for lunch, or going for an hour-long power walk then finishing it off with a salad. Yep, 20 lbs. over is better than 20 lbs. under, no matter what those scientists say. By the way, have they come up with a cure for blindness yet?
The Democratic candidates squared off again for a CNN YouTube debate this week. All of them committed to working for minimum wage if they are elected president, which at this point seems ridiculous given the fact that the majority of them are millionaires. Filmmaker Michael Moore suggested, publicly, that they should all forfeit their government-funded healthcare while president until they ensure that all Americans have healthcare, but how much living like real people could these candidates take? Next thing you know, they will be expected to drive their own cars, fix their own meals, and live in a tiny 3,000 sq.ft. home.
In Local News
I’m doing the Recap early, so that I can sit in stop-and-go traffic for two hours from Orange County to Los Angeles to catch a flight back to Seattle to sign the final paperwork for the closing of our house. The bad news is that it will really take two hours for me to go 40 miles, the good news is that we get to stop squatting at the in-laws’ and move into our new place the middle of next week! Don’t get me wrong, the in-laws have been amazing and so accommodating, but if Grandma continues “rescuing” Rachael from Mommy’s discipline, then the little one is going to turn into one fierce spoiled brat, at which time I would theoretically send her to live with Grandma on a permanent basis, and neither of us wants that.
Worthless Entertainment News
An A-List party hosted by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes along with Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith was thrown this week to welcome David and Victoria Beckham to Hollywood. Yeah, right. How soon after “How do you like the States?” did it take before all four of them started pushing that Scientology bullshit? My bet is on 7 minutes. This almost made me feel sorry for the Beckhams, because I’ve been to events that I thought were socials and turned out to be sales pitches.
Lindsay Lohan was busted; once again, for driving under the influence, only this time she also had a convictable amount of cocaine with her (which she has claimed wasn’t hers). All I’ve seen on TV following her arrest is how Hollywood and the general public should get on the bandwagon to “save” Lindsay. I have big issues with this. First off, we live in a country that basically doesn’t give a fuck about addiction. Insurance companies fight tooth and nail against providing benefits for alcohol and drug programs, and our own government passes laws that sound really good (i.e. Just Say No), but basically do little to address the issues and solutions surrounding addiction. Lindsay has been through very expensive, high quality rehab facilities, and is screwing up her life, but is still accepted with open arms, because she’s a celebrity. Sorry, Larry King, but before I work to “save” Lindsay, I’m going to put my energy into saving the millions of other troubled Americans who are turning to addiction to relieve the pain of living in the pop culture cesspool you and your ilk thrive in.
Asshole(s) of the Week
A good idea tends to spread, and my Asshole(s) of the Week has spread to The Huffington Post. However, the name of Paul Krassner appears in the byline, instead of yours truly. Coincidence? I’m suspecting not, since I’ve been doing Asshole(s) of the Week far longer than Mr. Krassner. At least the bright side is that along with lifting my cool title, he is also criticizing the same folks I would target. If Asshole(s) of the Week had appeared on some neocon blog, I would be pursuing legal action. Now onto the ORIGINAL Asshole(s) of the Week.
Roy Den Hollander – This attorney is on a crusade to ban “Ladies Night” from bars claiming that the popular bar promotion is unconstitutional because it gives women a reduced admission and better drink pricing than men. I guess Mr. Hollander hasn’t been out in awhile, because the other thing that Ladies Night does is encourages women to patronize a particular club, which brings in the guys. After all, what guy out on the town wants to hang out at a club that is all guys? Women in the U.S. are still paid only 76 cents on the dollar that every man is paid, and single women with children can expect to bring in only 54 cents for every dollar a man makes. Women also get charged more by dry cleaners, auto mechanics, insurance companies, and other businesses. On Ladies Night a gal can get a Cosmopolitan for $5.50 instead of $8.50, yet this is the issue Roy wastes his time pissing and moaning about? For attacking the one institution that still gives women a price break, and for being a cheap bastard in general, Roy Den Hollander, you are the Asshole of the Week.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Making Peace with My Matronly Upper Arms
I’ve battled weight issues for over 20 years. From anorexia and extreme dieting to binge eating due to depression, there aren’t too many diets in the world that I haven’t tried. I have spent my life comparing myself to others, with a constant reel-to-reel going off in the back of my head that tells me I don’t look good enough. One of my most self-conscious body parts have been my upper arms.
I started out with twiggy upper arms as a young teen, and then as I got a little curvy in my later teens and early 20s I got into body building. My upper arms were awesome when I was doing multiple reps of various toning routines with 25 lb. dumbbells. They were toned, rock hard, and always one of my best qualities. Unfortunately, a more rigorous college course schedule during the beginning of my junior year, along with the onset of what would be a 5-year bout of severe depression took my life from body builder to couch potato, and my arms from brick to marshmallow.
I came out of my depression and immediately lost weight, but the damage to my upper arms was done. They were now matronly, and no matter how much weight I would lose, they would never return to being the slender twiggy arms I once had. I have spent the last ten years covering my upper arms with everything from sleeves to shawls. I would never even entertain the idea of walking out of the house in a tank top sans jacket, or some other appropriate upper arm cover. My upper arms were an embarrassment, a symbol of that awful time in my life were I let myself go, they were a part of my body that was to never see the light of day, until my recent move to California.
Southern California is hot, and I got here in June. I had packed a cache of summer sweaters, which are very popular in the Northwest. It can be a very warm summer day, but once the sun goes down, you might need a little something to keep you from shivering. Summer sweaters make sense there, but down here people looked at me like I had a third eye when I talked about them.
At the end of June, I ventured out shopping at my favorite clothing store, and took a long, hard look at the sleeveless shirts. They were nice and stylish, so I decided to be daring and tried one on. It fit well, but the moment I saw my pasty, white, matronly, upper arms I ripped the shirt off, and darted back to the sales floor looking for something with sleeves. A couple of weeks went by, the temperature went up, and I decided to go back to my favorite store and try again. The second round in the dressing room with the sleeveless shirts weren’t as bad, but I didn’t buy them. I opted to walk around a bit hoping that I would find something else with sleeves, but as I paced the mall I noticed other women, who were my size, going sleeveless. Perhaps years of the self-loathing along with the back-of-the-head negativity soundtrack had blown this upper arm thing way out of proportion. Maybe I was the only one who really noticed that my upper arms weren’t up to par.
I went back to my store and purchased two of the sleeveless shirts, and I’ve been wearing them ever since. They are definitely a nice garment for a typical Southern California summer day, and this whole upper arm issue has forced me to re-consider my self-image completely. How odd is it that in the Mecca of body-obsession that is Southern California, I have finally overcome my weight issues?
For the past two weeks I haven’t once looked in the mirror and thought something bad about myself, and that is amazing. Even as an anorexic 16-year-old I didn’t have a kind word to say to myself, but now it’s all gone. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait until my elliptical trainer arrives with my furniture, but my motives for getting on that bad boy have shifted from wanting to look perfect to having the desire to live into my elder years without the aid of a wheelchair or medication.
I have finally, after over 20 years, come to grips with what I look like, and I’ve discovered that I have a really great head of hair, I’ve got a pretty face, I look good in black, metro cut slacks and garments that accentuate my small waist, and that I can rock a sleeveless shirt just as well as the next suburb punk mama (minus the cool tattoo, of course).
I started out with twiggy upper arms as a young teen, and then as I got a little curvy in my later teens and early 20s I got into body building. My upper arms were awesome when I was doing multiple reps of various toning routines with 25 lb. dumbbells. They were toned, rock hard, and always one of my best qualities. Unfortunately, a more rigorous college course schedule during the beginning of my junior year, along with the onset of what would be a 5-year bout of severe depression took my life from body builder to couch potato, and my arms from brick to marshmallow.
I came out of my depression and immediately lost weight, but the damage to my upper arms was done. They were now matronly, and no matter how much weight I would lose, they would never return to being the slender twiggy arms I once had. I have spent the last ten years covering my upper arms with everything from sleeves to shawls. I would never even entertain the idea of walking out of the house in a tank top sans jacket, or some other appropriate upper arm cover. My upper arms were an embarrassment, a symbol of that awful time in my life were I let myself go, they were a part of my body that was to never see the light of day, until my recent move to California.
Southern California is hot, and I got here in June. I had packed a cache of summer sweaters, which are very popular in the Northwest. It can be a very warm summer day, but once the sun goes down, you might need a little something to keep you from shivering. Summer sweaters make sense there, but down here people looked at me like I had a third eye when I talked about them.
At the end of June, I ventured out shopping at my favorite clothing store, and took a long, hard look at the sleeveless shirts. They were nice and stylish, so I decided to be daring and tried one on. It fit well, but the moment I saw my pasty, white, matronly, upper arms I ripped the shirt off, and darted back to the sales floor looking for something with sleeves. A couple of weeks went by, the temperature went up, and I decided to go back to my favorite store and try again. The second round in the dressing room with the sleeveless shirts weren’t as bad, but I didn’t buy them. I opted to walk around a bit hoping that I would find something else with sleeves, but as I paced the mall I noticed other women, who were my size, going sleeveless. Perhaps years of the self-loathing along with the back-of-the-head negativity soundtrack had blown this upper arm thing way out of proportion. Maybe I was the only one who really noticed that my upper arms weren’t up to par.
I went back to my store and purchased two of the sleeveless shirts, and I’ve been wearing them ever since. They are definitely a nice garment for a typical Southern California summer day, and this whole upper arm issue has forced me to re-consider my self-image completely. How odd is it that in the Mecca of body-obsession that is Southern California, I have finally overcome my weight issues?
For the past two weeks I haven’t once looked in the mirror and thought something bad about myself, and that is amazing. Even as an anorexic 16-year-old I didn’t have a kind word to say to myself, but now it’s all gone. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait until my elliptical trainer arrives with my furniture, but my motives for getting on that bad boy have shifted from wanting to look perfect to having the desire to live into my elder years without the aid of a wheelchair or medication.
I have finally, after over 20 years, come to grips with what I look like, and I’ve discovered that I have a really great head of hair, I’ve got a pretty face, I look good in black, metro cut slacks and garments that accentuate my small waist, and that I can rock a sleeveless shirt just as well as the next suburb punk mama (minus the cool tattoo, of course).
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Weekly Recap 7/15-21: The Plame Game & Not Posh in Paris
Headline News Recap
Score yet another one for the Regime as Judge John Bates dismissed Valerie Plame’s suit against Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, and Dick Cheney this week. Apparently the courts are reluctant to hold public officials responsible for their actions. Throw on the fact that this judge was appointed by Chief Justice (and neocon Great White Hope) John Roberts, along with the judge’s previous service on the U.S. Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, and you have the perfect recipe for the dismissal. Plus, why should we start holding our homegrown junta responsible now. In the past six years, they have started a war that has put our grandchildren into debt, cost thousands of lives, and fueled a huge anti-American movement amongst Islamic fundamentalists by lying to us, they have let corporations go haywire selling our infrastructure out for pure profits, they continue to not give a rat’s ass about the American public, so why should we be surprised when they out a CIA operative as revenge then let one of their appointees dismiss the lawsuit. These bastards don’t need to be impeached, they need to be imprisoned!
Congress pulled an all-nighter in an attempt to force an Iraq War pullout deadline. Not surprisingly, Senate Republicans blocked the measure claiming that once they have the magic report in September they will be better able to make a decision about a timeline. I’m just wondering what excuse they will use to continue letting their cronies in the war profit machine carry on with their moneymaking at our soldiers’ expense once September rolls around.
The federal government has decided to lift the ban on carrying cigarette lighters on airplanes. Let me get this straight, I can’t carry on a bottle of gel for my hair, but Smokey McChimneyLungs can crowd me in the middle seat while schlepping a small device that starts fires. I knew the influence of tobacco companies couldn’t be held at bay for long.
For a short time today, while Resident Bush received a routine colonoscopy to screen for precancerous conditions, Dick Cheney was president. Never fear American Public, this is no different than the past six years where Cheney has made all of the decisions, while Bush has had something else shoved up his ass…his head.
I think I heard some sort of rumor that a new Harry Potter book is coming out, or something to that nature. Okay, people, it’s a good series, and it encourages kids to read, but people have been waiting out for days in front of book stores to get their copies of the new Potter book. It must be nice to not have to work for a living or worry about having a social life. You know, Amazon.com is really easy to use, and sometimes they offer free shipping.
In Local News
Tomorrow night my company is doing a huge event on a private estate in Malibu with a lot of celebrities. I guess it would be cool if I gave a rat's ass about celebrities. They told me that the dress code for this event is “L.A. Casual Chic”. What the fuck is that!?! You know, events in Seattle were simple; you had casual which meant slacks and a nice shirt, or formal which meant cocktail dress or gown. Thus far, I have had to dress tropical/Hawaiian chic, nautical, evening casual, and now L.A. casual chic. Thankfully, black goes with everything, even nautical. I should look at this as an opportunity to expand my wardrobe, but it all seems so superficial. Besides, I’m not down with spending money on nautical themed clothing.
Worthless Entertainment News
It was reported this week that Paris Hilton recently attempted to make friends with new Los Angeles resident, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, only to be snubbed by the Poshster. Let’s start by stripping away the fame, money, gossip mongers, and look at this situation in real world terms. Posh is 33-years old, married, and has kids, other than some high profile, red carpet events, and a few soccer games; Posh isn’t out making the nightlife rounds. Paris is 26, single, parties like mad, and has just done time in jail. What the hell would they have in common other than being famous and living in L.A.? Plus, what mother in her right mind would want to have a drunk driving, party girl around her kids.
Now that the whole Harry Potter series has come to an end, newspapers and other media outlets have been speculating as to what Author J.K. Rowling will do with her time. How about sit on her ass and spend the millions in profits that the little wizard has provided her. If she never touches her keyboard again, I’m sure J. will have plenty to do, and lots of money to do it with.
Asshole(s) of the Week
Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahony – This week to avoid a trial were hundreds of victims might actually have their day in court; the Los Angeles Archdiocese settled a massive lawsuit paying out $660 million to victims of child sexual abuse by its priests. The ringleader in this case was Cardinal Roger Mahony who moved molesting priests from parish to parish to avoid prosecution. Sure, the money might help some of the victims, but most of these people who were molested as kids are now in their 40s or 50s, and their lives have been riddled with broken marriages, addiction, and sadness. The damage has been done, and like I said, the money might help, but it doesn’t take away the pain. Also, why the hell is Mahony allowed to get off scot-free? He aided and sheltered known child molesters, isn’t this a crime? The church’s insurance will actually end up paying a decent portion of the settlement, but at least parents are aware that trust has nothing to do with faith, especially when it concerns your kids. For making the childhoods of hundreds, and perhaps thousands, of people a living hell, and relegating them to a life of pain, Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahoney, you are the Assholes of the Week.
Score yet another one for the Regime as Judge John Bates dismissed Valerie Plame’s suit against Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, and Dick Cheney this week. Apparently the courts are reluctant to hold public officials responsible for their actions. Throw on the fact that this judge was appointed by Chief Justice (and neocon Great White Hope) John Roberts, along with the judge’s previous service on the U.S. Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, and you have the perfect recipe for the dismissal. Plus, why should we start holding our homegrown junta responsible now. In the past six years, they have started a war that has put our grandchildren into debt, cost thousands of lives, and fueled a huge anti-American movement amongst Islamic fundamentalists by lying to us, they have let corporations go haywire selling our infrastructure out for pure profits, they continue to not give a rat’s ass about the American public, so why should we be surprised when they out a CIA operative as revenge then let one of their appointees dismiss the lawsuit. These bastards don’t need to be impeached, they need to be imprisoned!
Congress pulled an all-nighter in an attempt to force an Iraq War pullout deadline. Not surprisingly, Senate Republicans blocked the measure claiming that once they have the magic report in September they will be better able to make a decision about a timeline. I’m just wondering what excuse they will use to continue letting their cronies in the war profit machine carry on with their moneymaking at our soldiers’ expense once September rolls around.
The federal government has decided to lift the ban on carrying cigarette lighters on airplanes. Let me get this straight, I can’t carry on a bottle of gel for my hair, but Smokey McChimneyLungs can crowd me in the middle seat while schlepping a small device that starts fires. I knew the influence of tobacco companies couldn’t be held at bay for long.
For a short time today, while Resident Bush received a routine colonoscopy to screen for precancerous conditions, Dick Cheney was president. Never fear American Public, this is no different than the past six years where Cheney has made all of the decisions, while Bush has had something else shoved up his ass…his head.
I think I heard some sort of rumor that a new Harry Potter book is coming out, or something to that nature. Okay, people, it’s a good series, and it encourages kids to read, but people have been waiting out for days in front of book stores to get their copies of the new Potter book. It must be nice to not have to work for a living or worry about having a social life. You know, Amazon.com is really easy to use, and sometimes they offer free shipping.
In Local News
Tomorrow night my company is doing a huge event on a private estate in Malibu with a lot of celebrities. I guess it would be cool if I gave a rat's ass about celebrities. They told me that the dress code for this event is “L.A. Casual Chic”. What the fuck is that!?! You know, events in Seattle were simple; you had casual which meant slacks and a nice shirt, or formal which meant cocktail dress or gown. Thus far, I have had to dress tropical/Hawaiian chic, nautical, evening casual, and now L.A. casual chic. Thankfully, black goes with everything, even nautical. I should look at this as an opportunity to expand my wardrobe, but it all seems so superficial. Besides, I’m not down with spending money on nautical themed clothing.
Worthless Entertainment News
It was reported this week that Paris Hilton recently attempted to make friends with new Los Angeles resident, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, only to be snubbed by the Poshster. Let’s start by stripping away the fame, money, gossip mongers, and look at this situation in real world terms. Posh is 33-years old, married, and has kids, other than some high profile, red carpet events, and a few soccer games; Posh isn’t out making the nightlife rounds. Paris is 26, single, parties like mad, and has just done time in jail. What the hell would they have in common other than being famous and living in L.A.? Plus, what mother in her right mind would want to have a drunk driving, party girl around her kids.
Now that the whole Harry Potter series has come to an end, newspapers and other media outlets have been speculating as to what Author J.K. Rowling will do with her time. How about sit on her ass and spend the millions in profits that the little wizard has provided her. If she never touches her keyboard again, I’m sure J. will have plenty to do, and lots of money to do it with.
Asshole(s) of the Week
Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahony – This week to avoid a trial were hundreds of victims might actually have their day in court; the Los Angeles Archdiocese settled a massive lawsuit paying out $660 million to victims of child sexual abuse by its priests. The ringleader in this case was Cardinal Roger Mahony who moved molesting priests from parish to parish to avoid prosecution. Sure, the money might help some of the victims, but most of these people who were molested as kids are now in their 40s or 50s, and their lives have been riddled with broken marriages, addiction, and sadness. The damage has been done, and like I said, the money might help, but it doesn’t take away the pain. Also, why the hell is Mahony allowed to get off scot-free? He aided and sheltered known child molesters, isn’t this a crime? The church’s insurance will actually end up paying a decent portion of the settlement, but at least parents are aware that trust has nothing to do with faith, especially when it concerns your kids. For making the childhoods of hundreds, and perhaps thousands, of people a living hell, and relegating them to a life of pain, Los Angeles Archdiocese and Cardinal Roger Mahoney, you are the Assholes of the Week.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Lord, Don't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz
Sometimes the news does its job, and actually reports the goings-on of the citizens of the city you happen to live in (and not just the famous ones who play soccer and have lip-syncing wives). One of the local SoCal stations aired a news story that just reeked of elitism, and for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t biased or slanted towards the elite.
On July 10, 2007, 24-year-old Elizabeth Sandoval was crossing Glendale Avenue when she was hit by some maniac in a Mercedes Benz doing about 60 mph. The impact was enough to throw Elizabeth over 75 feet. Thankfully, she died on impact, so it is unlikely that she felt the brunt of the pain. The asshole in the Mercedes took off, and the police began a manhunt for the car and its driver.
Here’s where the elitist part comes in; Mercedes implants GPS tracking devices in all of their vehicles. In the hours that followed Elizabeth’s hit and run death, the Glendale Police Department asked Mercedes to activate the GPS and help them find the person responsible for killing this young woman. Mercedes refused. They told the police that they would have to obtain a court order leaving the seasoned police chief stunned by their lack of response. I guess if you can afford a Mercedes, you don’t have to be culpable for your actions.
On a Lexus chat site there was wide discussion of this story with most of the Lexus owners agreeing with Mercedes’ actions (real shock there). Nearly all of the Lexus owners, in their own special, way claimed that if Mercedes gave the Glendale PD the information they needed to catch this killer, it would be violating their customers’ privacy rights. What about Elizabeth’s right to cross the street without being mowed down by an over-priced car? By the way, do those Lexus owners know that they are essentially driving a Toyota Camry with a different label?
The driver was identified as 20-year-old Ari Grigoryan (am I just smoking crack to think that a 20-year-old has no business driving a Mercedes?). He has repeatedly been pulled over by police for exceeding the speed limit. The police wanted to question him shortly after Elizabeth’s death, but they couldn’t find him or the car. If he was an innocent customer, like Mercedes assumed via their lack of cooperation, then why didn’t he go down to the police station and answer questions?
The police found the car five days later in a shop with the entire front end repaired and the license plates removed, with no help from Mercedes Benz (who violated not one, but two court orders to protect this killer). Grigoryan is no where to be found, and Elizabeth’s family is planning her funeral.
I think there should be a nation-wide boycott of Mercedes Benz. If you are the type that needs a flashy, status symbol car, go get yourself a Lexus. Better yet, with all that money you save trading in your Mercedes Benz, you could buy a swanky, new hybrid and make the world a better place to live. Although the boycott argument will probably fall on deaf ears given that we live in a county that puts more value on a shiny, Mercedes Benz status symbol than they do on the life of a 24-year-old Mexican store clerk, it is something that average folks can do on a grassroots level to show that they don’t appreciate a corporation passing judgment on another person, especially when that judgment is the best bias money can buy.
The longer I live in this country, the more I’m convinced that we really need an attitude adjustment which should start with the de-corporatization of our lives. Quality, affordability, and environmental standards didn’t make Mercedes the luxury label it is today, marketing and product placement did. You don’t buy a Mercedes, because you want a decent car with great gas mileage, you buy a Mercedes to show off your success. However, if having a car or any other material object is the best way you can show your success to others, you’re a big, superficial loser.
Elizabeth’s family said she was a woman who was always happy, and had one of those radiant personalities that just made everyone smile. She had her whole life ahead of her, yet it wasn’t as valuable as a car manufacturer’s obligation to its customer, even if that customer was a lousy coward who went out one night thinking he was cool, speeding down Glendale Avenue in a car he was too young to have purchased himself, and killed a girl who was way more of an asset to society than he was. Maybe if Elizabeth’s father could have afforded to buy a Mercedes this story would have had a much different ending.
On July 10, 2007, 24-year-old Elizabeth Sandoval was crossing Glendale Avenue when she was hit by some maniac in a Mercedes Benz doing about 60 mph. The impact was enough to throw Elizabeth over 75 feet. Thankfully, she died on impact, so it is unlikely that she felt the brunt of the pain. The asshole in the Mercedes took off, and the police began a manhunt for the car and its driver.
Here’s where the elitist part comes in; Mercedes implants GPS tracking devices in all of their vehicles. In the hours that followed Elizabeth’s hit and run death, the Glendale Police Department asked Mercedes to activate the GPS and help them find the person responsible for killing this young woman. Mercedes refused. They told the police that they would have to obtain a court order leaving the seasoned police chief stunned by their lack of response. I guess if you can afford a Mercedes, you don’t have to be culpable for your actions.
On a Lexus chat site there was wide discussion of this story with most of the Lexus owners agreeing with Mercedes’ actions (real shock there). Nearly all of the Lexus owners, in their own special, way claimed that if Mercedes gave the Glendale PD the information they needed to catch this killer, it would be violating their customers’ privacy rights. What about Elizabeth’s right to cross the street without being mowed down by an over-priced car? By the way, do those Lexus owners know that they are essentially driving a Toyota Camry with a different label?
The driver was identified as 20-year-old Ari Grigoryan (am I just smoking crack to think that a 20-year-old has no business driving a Mercedes?). He has repeatedly been pulled over by police for exceeding the speed limit. The police wanted to question him shortly after Elizabeth’s death, but they couldn’t find him or the car. If he was an innocent customer, like Mercedes assumed via their lack of cooperation, then why didn’t he go down to the police station and answer questions?
The police found the car five days later in a shop with the entire front end repaired and the license plates removed, with no help from Mercedes Benz (who violated not one, but two court orders to protect this killer). Grigoryan is no where to be found, and Elizabeth’s family is planning her funeral.
I think there should be a nation-wide boycott of Mercedes Benz. If you are the type that needs a flashy, status symbol car, go get yourself a Lexus. Better yet, with all that money you save trading in your Mercedes Benz, you could buy a swanky, new hybrid and make the world a better place to live. Although the boycott argument will probably fall on deaf ears given that we live in a county that puts more value on a shiny, Mercedes Benz status symbol than they do on the life of a 24-year-old Mexican store clerk, it is something that average folks can do on a grassroots level to show that they don’t appreciate a corporation passing judgment on another person, especially when that judgment is the best bias money can buy.
The longer I live in this country, the more I’m convinced that we really need an attitude adjustment which should start with the de-corporatization of our lives. Quality, affordability, and environmental standards didn’t make Mercedes the luxury label it is today, marketing and product placement did. You don’t buy a Mercedes, because you want a decent car with great gas mileage, you buy a Mercedes to show off your success. However, if having a car or any other material object is the best way you can show your success to others, you’re a big, superficial loser.
Elizabeth’s family said she was a woman who was always happy, and had one of those radiant personalities that just made everyone smile. She had her whole life ahead of her, yet it wasn’t as valuable as a car manufacturer’s obligation to its customer, even if that customer was a lousy coward who went out one night thinking he was cool, speeding down Glendale Avenue in a car he was too young to have purchased himself, and killed a girl who was way more of an asset to society than he was. Maybe if Elizabeth’s father could have afforded to buy a Mercedes this story would have had a much different ending.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Weekly Recap 7/8-14: The Arrival of Posh and Becks & Renegade Christian Patriots
Headline News Recap
Between the release of the latest Harry Potter movie and the arrival of David and Victoria Beckham to Los Angeles real news has been nearly non-existent in the mainstream media. Thank goodness for the internet or I would almost have to begin believing that those in power want us to stay glued to stuff that means nothing instead of focusing on how badly they are screwing us and our country.
Andrew Speaker, the selfish bastard that endangered perhaps hundreds of people including his new wife by ignoring health official warnings to postpone his wedding and be treated for a multi-resistant strain of Tuberculosis, is being sued by nine passengers who were seated near him during his international flight. I am not being overly critical of this guy, because two years ago it was discovered that I had latent TB, which is an ant fart compared to what this guy has. Within minutes of being diagnosed I educated myself about TB and immediately went on the nine-month drug regimen. This drug wiped out nearly all of my energy and most of the iron in my blood, but I wasn’t going to risk my TB ever becoming active. Due to this prick’s actions, everyone on all of the flights he was on will have to undergo TB testing for at least the next year. Anyone he talked to from the clergy member who performed the wedding to the hotel concierge will have to do the testing. Sometimes in life you get what you deserve, other times you just have to take your seat on the plane and hope that the person next to you isn’t a selfish ass with a communicable disease.
Conrad Black, former CEO of Hollinger International, Inc., one of the largest print media corporations, has been found guilty of mail fraud for giving himself a $5.5 million payout without stockholder approval. He and two other top Hollinger executives, who have also been convicted, could face 20+ years in prison. At this rate I’m beginning to think that anyone with the letters CEO below their name on the corporation’s letterhead should be monitored 24/7. Here’s a clue: if they charter a private jet and take 50 of their closest friends to an exclusive party in Bora Bora, it is highly likely that they aren’t doing with their own money.
Scientists have now developed a removable tattooing process. The process utilizes micro encapsulation in which microscopic beads of dye are suspended under the skin in the normal tattooing process. A few years later when Buffy the Mall Chick doesn’t feel like having that cool Asian symbol from the Jessica Simpson album hanging above the crack of her ass, she can hightail it to a professional that can run a laser over the tattoo causing the microcapsules to burst allowing the body to naturally absorb the ink. Call me crazy, but I still remember the day when getting tattooed actually meant something.
In Local News
So far, I know that David Beckham likes to get manicures, he’s obsessive/compulsive and takes showers five times a day, Posh wants to keep to themselves despite going on every L.A. radio station and most of the local news channels to talk about their new life in the U.S., and she drives an SUV. The kicker is that I don’t give a fuck, because I don’t watch soccer, I never liked the Spice Girls, and two more spoiled celebrities is the last thing we need here in LaLa Land. I would hope that once the Beckhams settle into their privileged life in Beverly Hills all of this hullabaloo would be over with, but that would be delusional.
In other local news, we finally leased a condo, and have been driving through Orange County’s finest suburb neighborhoods to figure out where we want to buy. Like I said, given my marriage to the real life Clark Griswold, there’s no way in hell this punk is fleeing the ‘burbs anytime soon.
Worthless Entertainment News
Charlie Sheen is engaged to be married for the third time to estate agent, Brooke Mueller. I’m not sure what kind of an education you need to be an estate agent, but Brooke is an idiot. There are a few givens in life: eating a diet of Twinkies and French fries will make you fat, having unprotected sex while vacationing in Haiti will have you going home with more than handmade souvenirs, and marrying Charlie Sheen will guarantee that within three years you will be doing a stint in divorce court to bitch about his drunken, violent outrages, his on-again/off-again addiction to coke, and his penchant for hookers. Brooke, if he seemed convincing when he told you that all that was behind him, it’s because he’s an actor.
Morrissey ripped into Madonna this week about her adoption of an African boy stating that he wouldn’t be surprised if she ‘made that African boy into a coat and wore him.’ That Mozzy is one funny bitch. One of my favorite memories was the look on the faces of the Idaho concert goers when he ragged them out for hunting and eating meat. His coolness will never end. Never!
Asshole of the Week(s)
Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar – Earlier this week Hindu Cleric Rajan Zed was asked to give the Senate’s opening prayer making him the first Hindu to be invited to give a prayer. Unfortunately, three self-proclaimed Christian patriots shit all over the moment by rudely interrupting Zed and asking Jesus to forgive the ‘abomination’. I have read the Constitution, and nowhere in that document does it declare Christianity as the official religion of the United States. There is no Christianity Amendment, nor does it outlaw any other religion. In fact, the only reference the Constitution has about religion gives us the freedom to practice whatever kind of faith we want. I could see the Christian extremists getting all up in arms if a Muslim was asked to come give the opening prayer, because right now Islam has a huge PR problem, but a Hindu! Hindus, next to Buddhists, are some of the most peaceful people in the world. The crux of their belief is that all religions are one, and that we are all brothers and sisters. Younger Hindus often refer to older Hindus as “auntie” or “uncle” whether they are blood related or not. When was the last time a Hindu caused anyone harm, especially in the U.S.? These Christian patriots are far more of an abomination than any Hindu I’ve ever met, so for ruining a nice day, and for the unpatriotic act of betraying America’s mission of welcoming people from all nations, Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar, you are the Assholes of the Week.
Between the release of the latest Harry Potter movie and the arrival of David and Victoria Beckham to Los Angeles real news has been nearly non-existent in the mainstream media. Thank goodness for the internet or I would almost have to begin believing that those in power want us to stay glued to stuff that means nothing instead of focusing on how badly they are screwing us and our country.
Andrew Speaker, the selfish bastard that endangered perhaps hundreds of people including his new wife by ignoring health official warnings to postpone his wedding and be treated for a multi-resistant strain of Tuberculosis, is being sued by nine passengers who were seated near him during his international flight. I am not being overly critical of this guy, because two years ago it was discovered that I had latent TB, which is an ant fart compared to what this guy has. Within minutes of being diagnosed I educated myself about TB and immediately went on the nine-month drug regimen. This drug wiped out nearly all of my energy and most of the iron in my blood, but I wasn’t going to risk my TB ever becoming active. Due to this prick’s actions, everyone on all of the flights he was on will have to undergo TB testing for at least the next year. Anyone he talked to from the clergy member who performed the wedding to the hotel concierge will have to do the testing. Sometimes in life you get what you deserve, other times you just have to take your seat on the plane and hope that the person next to you isn’t a selfish ass with a communicable disease.
Conrad Black, former CEO of Hollinger International, Inc., one of the largest print media corporations, has been found guilty of mail fraud for giving himself a $5.5 million payout without stockholder approval. He and two other top Hollinger executives, who have also been convicted, could face 20+ years in prison. At this rate I’m beginning to think that anyone with the letters CEO below their name on the corporation’s letterhead should be monitored 24/7. Here’s a clue: if they charter a private jet and take 50 of their closest friends to an exclusive party in Bora Bora, it is highly likely that they aren’t doing with their own money.
Scientists have now developed a removable tattooing process. The process utilizes micro encapsulation in which microscopic beads of dye are suspended under the skin in the normal tattooing process. A few years later when Buffy the Mall Chick doesn’t feel like having that cool Asian symbol from the Jessica Simpson album hanging above the crack of her ass, she can hightail it to a professional that can run a laser over the tattoo causing the microcapsules to burst allowing the body to naturally absorb the ink. Call me crazy, but I still remember the day when getting tattooed actually meant something.
In Local News
So far, I know that David Beckham likes to get manicures, he’s obsessive/compulsive and takes showers five times a day, Posh wants to keep to themselves despite going on every L.A. radio station and most of the local news channels to talk about their new life in the U.S., and she drives an SUV. The kicker is that I don’t give a fuck, because I don’t watch soccer, I never liked the Spice Girls, and two more spoiled celebrities is the last thing we need here in LaLa Land. I would hope that once the Beckhams settle into their privileged life in Beverly Hills all of this hullabaloo would be over with, but that would be delusional.
In other local news, we finally leased a condo, and have been driving through Orange County’s finest suburb neighborhoods to figure out where we want to buy. Like I said, given my marriage to the real life Clark Griswold, there’s no way in hell this punk is fleeing the ‘burbs anytime soon.
Worthless Entertainment News
Charlie Sheen is engaged to be married for the third time to estate agent, Brooke Mueller. I’m not sure what kind of an education you need to be an estate agent, but Brooke is an idiot. There are a few givens in life: eating a diet of Twinkies and French fries will make you fat, having unprotected sex while vacationing in Haiti will have you going home with more than handmade souvenirs, and marrying Charlie Sheen will guarantee that within three years you will be doing a stint in divorce court to bitch about his drunken, violent outrages, his on-again/off-again addiction to coke, and his penchant for hookers. Brooke, if he seemed convincing when he told you that all that was behind him, it’s because he’s an actor.
Morrissey ripped into Madonna this week about her adoption of an African boy stating that he wouldn’t be surprised if she ‘made that African boy into a coat and wore him.’ That Mozzy is one funny bitch. One of my favorite memories was the look on the faces of the Idaho concert goers when he ragged them out for hunting and eating meat. His coolness will never end. Never!
Asshole of the Week(s)
Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar – Earlier this week Hindu Cleric Rajan Zed was asked to give the Senate’s opening prayer making him the first Hindu to be invited to give a prayer. Unfortunately, three self-proclaimed Christian patriots shit all over the moment by rudely interrupting Zed and asking Jesus to forgive the ‘abomination’. I have read the Constitution, and nowhere in that document does it declare Christianity as the official religion of the United States. There is no Christianity Amendment, nor does it outlaw any other religion. In fact, the only reference the Constitution has about religion gives us the freedom to practice whatever kind of faith we want. I could see the Christian extremists getting all up in arms if a Muslim was asked to come give the opening prayer, because right now Islam has a huge PR problem, but a Hindu! Hindus, next to Buddhists, are some of the most peaceful people in the world. The crux of their belief is that all religions are one, and that we are all brothers and sisters. Younger Hindus often refer to older Hindus as “auntie” or “uncle” whether they are blood related or not. When was the last time a Hindu caused anyone harm, especially in the U.S.? These Christian patriots are far more of an abomination than any Hindu I’ve ever met, so for ruining a nice day, and for the unpatriotic act of betraying America’s mission of welcoming people from all nations, Ante & Katherine Pavkovic and Christian Sugar, you are the Assholes of the Week.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Confessions of a Neglectful Blogger
I know I’ve been bad about this lately, and it has been brought to my attention. I could give you the big excuse about the move from Seattle to California, but that would be a little too obvious, and a bit untruthful.
One of the great things about blogging is the ability to discuss any of life’s daily traumas, joys, or random observations, and have an online community who empathizes with you, or is just somewhat amused by what you have to say. However, the issue of barriers comes up. Should I talk about this? What if I discuss this person and they figure out that I’m talking about them? Is everyone going to get bored out of their minds hearing me go on and on about the same stuff?
My issue as of late isn’t the move, although it has been exhausting. It isn’t even my life squatting at the in-laws, it’s been a bit weird, but they are quite accommodating. The job has been a bit more of a challenge than I thought it would be, but what new job doesn’t come with a learning curve. The main focus of my life and the reason for neglectful blogging has been due to the unanticipated impact this uprooting has had on my daughter.
Jeff and I thought we did a good job psyching her up for the move. We talked for weeks about all of the positives of life in California, and Rachael was very excited when she first arrived at Grandma and Papa’s house. Due to starting the new job during the busiest month of the year, I was absent for nearly our entire first week of life in California, but Rachael didn’t seem to mind. She had plenty of attention from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and I thought her adaptation was going very well.
Her issues started around the end of the second week of life in California. It was about that time that she kept asking me when we were going home. I tried to psyche her up, once again, by telling her that we were going to have fun picking out a new house, and that she would have her Dora bed in her new room, but she wasn’t as excited this time. Jeff had to fly back to Seattle to oversee the house sale, and that’s when our problems with Rachael really began. She was adamant about sleeping in my bed, and developed new phobias such as a fear of the dark, and reluctance to taking a shower. She became angry, bit one of the kids she rides to daycamp with, and has backslid in potty training to where she is having little “accidents” at least three times per day.
I know her anger and insecurity first hand, because my mother was a bit loony and moved us every six months throughout my entire childhood, which is one of the reasons it is so hard for me to watch Rachael go through this. I’ve tried to assure her that everything will be okay. Jeff and Fozzy are down here now, and that has helped to an extent, but we are still having potty issues. We went last night and looked at a couple of places to rent beginning August 1st. My hope is that, in a couple of weeks, once we are settled in a place of our own, my little girl will go back to being the happy sprite she was in Seattle. Until then, I’ll be a bit on edge, overly concerned, and wonder if this is the first step to weekly therapy session that begin at age 20.
Not the most interesting blog I’ve ever written, but at least it’s honest, which in the world of blogging might just be the reason we all do this in the first place.
One of the great things about blogging is the ability to discuss any of life’s daily traumas, joys, or random observations, and have an online community who empathizes with you, or is just somewhat amused by what you have to say. However, the issue of barriers comes up. Should I talk about this? What if I discuss this person and they figure out that I’m talking about them? Is everyone going to get bored out of their minds hearing me go on and on about the same stuff?
My issue as of late isn’t the move, although it has been exhausting. It isn’t even my life squatting at the in-laws, it’s been a bit weird, but they are quite accommodating. The job has been a bit more of a challenge than I thought it would be, but what new job doesn’t come with a learning curve. The main focus of my life and the reason for neglectful blogging has been due to the unanticipated impact this uprooting has had on my daughter.
Jeff and I thought we did a good job psyching her up for the move. We talked for weeks about all of the positives of life in California, and Rachael was very excited when she first arrived at Grandma and Papa’s house. Due to starting the new job during the busiest month of the year, I was absent for nearly our entire first week of life in California, but Rachael didn’t seem to mind. She had plenty of attention from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and I thought her adaptation was going very well.
Her issues started around the end of the second week of life in California. It was about that time that she kept asking me when we were going home. I tried to psyche her up, once again, by telling her that we were going to have fun picking out a new house, and that she would have her Dora bed in her new room, but she wasn’t as excited this time. Jeff had to fly back to Seattle to oversee the house sale, and that’s when our problems with Rachael really began. She was adamant about sleeping in my bed, and developed new phobias such as a fear of the dark, and reluctance to taking a shower. She became angry, bit one of the kids she rides to daycamp with, and has backslid in potty training to where she is having little “accidents” at least three times per day.
I know her anger and insecurity first hand, because my mother was a bit loony and moved us every six months throughout my entire childhood, which is one of the reasons it is so hard for me to watch Rachael go through this. I’ve tried to assure her that everything will be okay. Jeff and Fozzy are down here now, and that has helped to an extent, but we are still having potty issues. We went last night and looked at a couple of places to rent beginning August 1st. My hope is that, in a couple of weeks, once we are settled in a place of our own, my little girl will go back to being the happy sprite she was in Seattle. Until then, I’ll be a bit on edge, overly concerned, and wonder if this is the first step to weekly therapy session that begin at age 20.
Not the most interesting blog I’ve ever written, but at least it’s honest, which in the world of blogging might just be the reason we all do this in the first place.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Weekly Recap 6/24-30: You Seriously Don't Need It & Scary Roid Rage
Headline News Recap
Months of ridiculous marketing hype finally culminated with the release of the iPhone. The iPhone, which is touted as a device that is simple to use, and can hold your whole life in one tiny box, had morons waiting in line up to 72 hours to spend a minimum of $500 for the slumming version of the iPhone and up to $100 per month in an AT&T rate plan. Let me put this all in perspective for a moment; it’s a fucking cell phone. Yes, it might be fun to own the newest and latest thing, but it is just one more electronic device in this world that you are going to have to learn how to use. It may be able to play music, store pictures, check your email, and receive calls, but you barely know how to store your mother’s phone number, let alone sync your daily calendar on your iPhone. Besides, do you really want to spend nearly $1,000 on something that you could accidentally drop in the toilet when you are rushing from one business meeting to another (per a post-it-note on your desk, because you still can’t figure out how to put it into your iPhone calendar)?
Paris Hilton was released from an L.A. County jail after serving a daunting 23 days behind bars. On “Larry King Live” Hilton’s first post-prison interview, she complained about the food, said she was going to work on behalf of children’s causes, and claimed that reading the bible helped her get through her ordeal. For fuck’s sake, it was 23 days! Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, the honored Nobel laureate who has spent years trying to bring peace and democracy to her country of Myanmar, just had her 2000 house arrest extended without a trial or due process, Mumia Abu-Jamal has been on death row after being wrongly convicted since 1982, and still faces the gas chamber, yet Larry King continues to squander any shred of credibility he still has left over Paris Hilton. Whatever!
Chinese food is no longer going to drum up images of yummy Kung Pao Chicken or Egg Foo Yung after it was revealed this week that shipments of contaminated toothpaste and seafood produced in China have caused the FDA to examine the safety of various edible products. Am I the only one who considers it alarming that the U.S.’s strongest emerging rival is the one we trust to produce our food? Am I missing something here? China was busted last month when it was discovered that they had been using garbage (yes, that’s right, actual trash) as stuffing for children’s toys. Wake up America! Pay an extra buck and get the toothpaste made in Scranton.
In a study released earlier this week by Durex (the condom company), France was taken to task as only 25% of French respondents claimed they were happy in bed. The blow to the French lover reputation was hit even harder when the same study revealed that the British were the most satisfied lovers in Europe. Way to go Brits! The study also found that Japan was the lowest for sexual satisfaction (no shock there), and the Greeks were the horniest getting busy an average of 164 times per year.
Congress is attempting, once again, to subpoena Vice Resident Dick Cheney for his part in just about everything underhanded, deceiving, and screwed up that has gone on for that past seven years. Although they think they might have a good chance at getting the Veep to own up to his part in just about everything screwed up that has gone on for the past seven years, what they don’t know is that he plans to avoid the subpoena by requisitioning the last tie fighter, and blasting off into the galaxy to create a new and more powerful Death Star.
In Local News
Things at my job ended up working out way differently. Instead becoming obstinate when I brought to light the lack of organization and teamwork within my department, and my unwillingness to work insane hours due to said lack, my new bosses agreed with me. They also told me they had been lacking strong leadership within my department, and needed someone with the ability to organize and motivate a team, which is why they hired me. That’s right, in one turn-of-events conversation; I went from being the low man on the totem pole, to the head of the department. Life is kind of funny sometimes. Thankfully I love a good challenge, and in one week have managed to institute changes that have created more cohesion and trust within the department. The past two events since the changes have gone smoothly, and everyone is much happier, and not as overworked.
Continuing on a rosy path, we sold our Seattle house today clearing the way for an end to us squatting at my in-laws. I can sign a lease beginning August 1st, and officially become a California resident. In honor of my new Californianess, I put my sweaters in storage and purchased some short-sleeved and sleeveless shirts. My second act as a new Californian will be to purchase adjustable weight dumbbells, because the guns need some work. Seriously, I don’t want to be dealing with wingspan at 40.
Worthless Entertainment News
Entertainment news was disturbing this week when police discovered the bodies of WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife, and 7-year-old son in their Atlanta home. Apparently Benoit had juiced up, bound his wife at the wrist and ankles, strangled her, smothered their son in his own bed, and a day later hung himself on his weight bench. The WWE did a big televised tribute to Benoit on Monday night’s show, but after details of the grizzly death emerged, WWE owner, Vince McMahon came on Tuesday night’s show and banned references to Benoit from further WWE programs. I guess McMahon has never heard the term ‘you reap what you sew’. I’m not saying that the WWE encourages juicing, but the Gorgeous Georges and Andre the Giants of yesteryear look nothing like the walking He-Man action figures of today. Wrestlers used to be fat an obnoxious, now they are muscled and obnoxious, and may potentially kill their families during a serious act of “Roid Rage.”
The Spice Girls have announced a comeback tour. I guess since Brittney has gone all loony, Jessica is off dating instead of dancing, and Christina Aguilera continues to become more and more irrelevant, the world was in danger of losing all shitty, worthless, lip-syncing, annoying, over-produced pop music.
The latest Harry Potter movie is already receiving reviews in which critics claim that the movie is considerably “grimmer and grittier”. Harry is about puberty age right now, so what do you expect. I have a nephew who is in the beginning stages of puberty, and I wish it was as good as grim and gritty. Give it up critics, the Harry you see today isn’t the sweet, abused kid who entered Hogwarts, he’s got raging hormones, and wizard acne. Grim and gritty, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Asshole(s) of the Week
American Politicians – According to a survey that came out this week, Americans are desperately unhappy with their government. Bush is receiving the lowest ratings of any president in history, and Congress isn’t doing much better. Enrollment in both the Democratic and Republican parties is down, and people all over the U.S. are pissed off. There is no excitement over any presidential candidate in the current roster of schmoes running for office, and hey, people are pissed off. This is what happens when people elected by the people choose to bow to corporate funders instead of advancing the will of those who got them into office. I hope everyone in D.C. is keeping a banker’s box close to their desk, because the theme of the 2008 election is going to be “throw the bums out”, and truth be told, you all deserve it. Instead of ending the war, you squabble over funding it, instead of coming up with a healthcare plan to cover the 48 million uninsured Americans, you spend hours debating illegal immigration, instead of working on tax relief for middle class families, you continue to kowtow to corporate interests that ship jobs overseas and import tainted toothpaste. For defying the will of the American people time and time again, American Politicians you are the assholes of the week.
Months of ridiculous marketing hype finally culminated with the release of the iPhone. The iPhone, which is touted as a device that is simple to use, and can hold your whole life in one tiny box, had morons waiting in line up to 72 hours to spend a minimum of $500 for the slumming version of the iPhone and up to $100 per month in an AT&T rate plan. Let me put this all in perspective for a moment; it’s a fucking cell phone. Yes, it might be fun to own the newest and latest thing, but it is just one more electronic device in this world that you are going to have to learn how to use. It may be able to play music, store pictures, check your email, and receive calls, but you barely know how to store your mother’s phone number, let alone sync your daily calendar on your iPhone. Besides, do you really want to spend nearly $1,000 on something that you could accidentally drop in the toilet when you are rushing from one business meeting to another (per a post-it-note on your desk, because you still can’t figure out how to put it into your iPhone calendar)?
Paris Hilton was released from an L.A. County jail after serving a daunting 23 days behind bars. On “Larry King Live” Hilton’s first post-prison interview, she complained about the food, said she was going to work on behalf of children’s causes, and claimed that reading the bible helped her get through her ordeal. For fuck’s sake, it was 23 days! Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, the honored Nobel laureate who has spent years trying to bring peace and democracy to her country of Myanmar, just had her 2000 house arrest extended without a trial or due process, Mumia Abu-Jamal has been on death row after being wrongly convicted since 1982, and still faces the gas chamber, yet Larry King continues to squander any shred of credibility he still has left over Paris Hilton. Whatever!
Chinese food is no longer going to drum up images of yummy Kung Pao Chicken or Egg Foo Yung after it was revealed this week that shipments of contaminated toothpaste and seafood produced in China have caused the FDA to examine the safety of various edible products. Am I the only one who considers it alarming that the U.S.’s strongest emerging rival is the one we trust to produce our food? Am I missing something here? China was busted last month when it was discovered that they had been using garbage (yes, that’s right, actual trash) as stuffing for children’s toys. Wake up America! Pay an extra buck and get the toothpaste made in Scranton.
In a study released earlier this week by Durex (the condom company), France was taken to task as only 25% of French respondents claimed they were happy in bed. The blow to the French lover reputation was hit even harder when the same study revealed that the British were the most satisfied lovers in Europe. Way to go Brits! The study also found that Japan was the lowest for sexual satisfaction (no shock there), and the Greeks were the horniest getting busy an average of 164 times per year.
Congress is attempting, once again, to subpoena Vice Resident Dick Cheney for his part in just about everything underhanded, deceiving, and screwed up that has gone on for that past seven years. Although they think they might have a good chance at getting the Veep to own up to his part in just about everything screwed up that has gone on for the past seven years, what they don’t know is that he plans to avoid the subpoena by requisitioning the last tie fighter, and blasting off into the galaxy to create a new and more powerful Death Star.
In Local News
Things at my job ended up working out way differently. Instead becoming obstinate when I brought to light the lack of organization and teamwork within my department, and my unwillingness to work insane hours due to said lack, my new bosses agreed with me. They also told me they had been lacking strong leadership within my department, and needed someone with the ability to organize and motivate a team, which is why they hired me. That’s right, in one turn-of-events conversation; I went from being the low man on the totem pole, to the head of the department. Life is kind of funny sometimes. Thankfully I love a good challenge, and in one week have managed to institute changes that have created more cohesion and trust within the department. The past two events since the changes have gone smoothly, and everyone is much happier, and not as overworked.
Continuing on a rosy path, we sold our Seattle house today clearing the way for an end to us squatting at my in-laws. I can sign a lease beginning August 1st, and officially become a California resident. In honor of my new Californianess, I put my sweaters in storage and purchased some short-sleeved and sleeveless shirts. My second act as a new Californian will be to purchase adjustable weight dumbbells, because the guns need some work. Seriously, I don’t want to be dealing with wingspan at 40.
Worthless Entertainment News
Entertainment news was disturbing this week when police discovered the bodies of WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife, and 7-year-old son in their Atlanta home. Apparently Benoit had juiced up, bound his wife at the wrist and ankles, strangled her, smothered their son in his own bed, and a day later hung himself on his weight bench. The WWE did a big televised tribute to Benoit on Monday night’s show, but after details of the grizzly death emerged, WWE owner, Vince McMahon came on Tuesday night’s show and banned references to Benoit from further WWE programs. I guess McMahon has never heard the term ‘you reap what you sew’. I’m not saying that the WWE encourages juicing, but the Gorgeous Georges and Andre the Giants of yesteryear look nothing like the walking He-Man action figures of today. Wrestlers used to be fat an obnoxious, now they are muscled and obnoxious, and may potentially kill their families during a serious act of “Roid Rage.”
The Spice Girls have announced a comeback tour. I guess since Brittney has gone all loony, Jessica is off dating instead of dancing, and Christina Aguilera continues to become more and more irrelevant, the world was in danger of losing all shitty, worthless, lip-syncing, annoying, over-produced pop music.
The latest Harry Potter movie is already receiving reviews in which critics claim that the movie is considerably “grimmer and grittier”. Harry is about puberty age right now, so what do you expect. I have a nephew who is in the beginning stages of puberty, and I wish it was as good as grim and gritty. Give it up critics, the Harry you see today isn’t the sweet, abused kid who entered Hogwarts, he’s got raging hormones, and wizard acne. Grim and gritty, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Asshole(s) of the Week
American Politicians – According to a survey that came out this week, Americans are desperately unhappy with their government. Bush is receiving the lowest ratings of any president in history, and Congress isn’t doing much better. Enrollment in both the Democratic and Republican parties is down, and people all over the U.S. are pissed off. There is no excitement over any presidential candidate in the current roster of schmoes running for office, and hey, people are pissed off. This is what happens when people elected by the people choose to bow to corporate funders instead of advancing the will of those who got them into office. I hope everyone in D.C. is keeping a banker’s box close to their desk, because the theme of the 2008 election is going to be “throw the bums out”, and truth be told, you all deserve it. Instead of ending the war, you squabble over funding it, instead of coming up with a healthcare plan to cover the 48 million uninsured Americans, you spend hours debating illegal immigration, instead of working on tax relief for middle class families, you continue to kowtow to corporate interests that ship jobs overseas and import tainted toothpaste. For defying the will of the American people time and time again, American Politicians you are the assholes of the week.
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