I feel genuinely sorry for Donatella Versace. As a mother, I can’t imagine what it would be like watching my 20-year-old daughter starve herself to death (and G-d willing I should never have to). Right now Donatella’s daughter, Allegra, is in a treatment facility and being fed through a nose tube. Doctors are worried that her longtime battle with anorexia has left her vital organs susceptible to shut down at any minute.
It is a tragic story. However, it also happens to be one of the most ironic circumstances I have seen to date. The Versace Empire was built in an industry that has continued, without conscious, to champion sickly thin women. In fact, they have recently given the greenlight to begin including Size 00 into fashions for those women who are so skinny that a Size 0 is baggy (i.e. Allegra and her gaunt peers).
When London and Madrid drew a line in the sand telling promoters of the cities’ fashion weeks that unless catwalk models had a normal range Body Mass Index they would pull financial support and cooperation, they were criticized. Fashion industry gurus claimed that the mayors of both cities were exercising censorship, and that it was up to the industry itself to be its own fashion police, because that seems to have worked so well up until now…NOT!
The sick, sad situation that is the current fate of Allegra is the same story we have witnessed over and over again in nearly every Western world community; young girls very influenced by the media’s perception of beauty trying to achieve an unrealistic physical ideal at all costs. This is what the London and Madrid mayors and city governments realized and that was the main motivation for the BMI restriction. Mothers in the U.K. and Spain stood up and said, collectively, ‘I’m tired of my daughter feeling like garbage, because she can’t be a Size 0, and I’m not going to let my tax dollars support this negative influence anymore.’ Hats off to those parents!
My sincerest hope is that Allegra’s treatment will yield positive results. I hope those counselors can find a way to tear down her negative self-image and build within her a new sense of confidence, because if they don’t succeed, she is going to die. With that said, as a mother of a girl who is still too young to understand the “be skinny or you’re worthless” messages, what I want to know is what the fashion industry plans to do from here.
One of your own is losing her little girl to the images that you have forced upon popular culture for years. In 2006, two young models in their early 20s dropped dead from anorexia. How many more human, and tragically female, skeletons have to spill blood before you come back to reality and begin featuring healthy models in your ads and on your catwalks? How many more young girls have to enter treatment before you quit making sizes that most women don’t fit in to? And by the way, here’s a little bit of help for you, the average female in the U.S. is a Size 12, not a 2 or a 4, not even a 6, but a decent Size 12.
By the end of the summer this Versace story will end either with Allegra getting better and returning to some semblance of a normal life, or sadly, with the same fate as befell her uncle in an untimely death. My hope is that Allegra will not only get through this, but she will emerge as an advocate for a return to reason in the fashion industry. It would be great to see her on television chastising designers who continue to use hyper thin models to sell their wares and railing against stores that choose to carry the new Size 00. I would love to see Allegra become a healthy, normal sized role model for what a 20-something woman should be by standing up for a cause, getting her education, and maybe, just maybe, designing a line under the Versace label where the sizing starts at a 4 and goes all the way up to an 18.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Jesus Conundrum
I was tuned into “Artist Confidential” on my XM radio listening to Art Garfunkel talk about his work with Paul Simon when I started thinking about Jesus. Since my mom was a hippie, I grew up listening to a lot of folk music. Simon & Garfunkel were 8-track staples at our house, and despite the fact that they were two Jewish guys from New England, they wrote many a tune about Jesus.
Back in the 1970s Jesus was a hippie icon. He was the longhaired dude who welcomed into his fold people of socially unacceptable backgrounds. Jesus talked non-stop about peace and non-violence despite his own terrible death. I remember the day my mother got the “Jesus Christ Superstar” soundtrack as a birthday gift from one of her friends, she played it ad nauseam for the next two weeks. Mom also took us to see a college production of “Godspell”. In the 1970s, Jesus was the man: a healer, a listener, and an amazingly compassionate person, G-d minus the gloom, judgment, and ego, if you will.
I’m not a Christian and I was raised in an agnostic household, so what perplexed me as I listened to Art tell his musical story was, how did Jesus go from being the ultimate, peace-loving, hippie ideal of the 1970s to the judgmental warlord of doom in a mere 30 years? From the time I was a toddler to now as I’m raising a toddler, I want to know how the same group of people who touted Jesus as their role model of compassion now hold him up as their icon of judgment, conquest and war. Did I miss something?
From what I remember in the early years of my childhood, when people spoke about Jesus, they spoke about his tremendous capacity for love, his obsessive motivation to spread his message of peace, his drive to use his powers as a healer to go to people who were ostracized and bring them back to the society that shunned them. The only time you ever heard of Jesus raising a ruckus was when he booted the moneychangers from the Temple. Even the movies about Jesus were way different back in the ‘70s. “Jesus of Nazareth” came out in 1977 and focused on his whole life, but mostly on the fact that he was a sensitive guy who loved people. Then, of course, there were the aforementioned musicals.
Now in my daughter’s early childhood, I’m listening to a whole different take on Jesus. George W. Bush used Jesus to get elected, not once, but twice, pushing a war platform. Jesus seems to be evoked by new millennium Christians as a means to keep people in line. “Do what I say or you will have Jesus’ wrath to deal with!” Even movies such as “The Passion of the Christ” focus less on Jesus the gentle teacher, and more on his gory, violent death. In a paltry 30 years Christians have moved from praising his works with the poor to supporting public figures who use Jesus as a means of control.
I wonder now how those former hippies would react to their hippie Jesus if he walked down their pristine suburban street today? Most likely, they would call the private security company hired to keep less desirables out of their gated community, and go back to exchanging snarky emails gossiping about who was sleeping with who at church.
I think if Jesus were to come back from the dead and size up his “flock”, he would be sorely disappointed. He would be disgusted that his clergy would stand at a pulpit designed to preach about doing good, and instead use it to tell their congregations who to vote for in a political election. The Jesus I knew back in the 1970s would have considered such an act a grave abuse of position. Then again, the Jesus from the Simon & Garfunkel songs would have completely disassociated himself with the politicians who currently run our country; particularly those who tout family values yet have histories of multiple acts of adultery, divorce, and estrangement from their own children.
As a Jew, this is about as far as I’ll go in terms of thinking about Jesus. Most Jews believe that Jesus was an okay guy, more mensch than messiah, but a good person, nonetheless. I just think it’s a crying shame that the nice guy I knew in the ‘70s, the one who wanted to change the world and care for those less fortune, the one who wanted to teach the world to sing and furnish it with love, is now the guy who could give a damn about the destruction of the environment, genocide in Africa and Iraq, and the growing poverty rate in the U.S. Jesus, my friend, you need a new PR person.
Back in the 1970s Jesus was a hippie icon. He was the longhaired dude who welcomed into his fold people of socially unacceptable backgrounds. Jesus talked non-stop about peace and non-violence despite his own terrible death. I remember the day my mother got the “Jesus Christ Superstar” soundtrack as a birthday gift from one of her friends, she played it ad nauseam for the next two weeks. Mom also took us to see a college production of “Godspell”. In the 1970s, Jesus was the man: a healer, a listener, and an amazingly compassionate person, G-d minus the gloom, judgment, and ego, if you will.
I’m not a Christian and I was raised in an agnostic household, so what perplexed me as I listened to Art tell his musical story was, how did Jesus go from being the ultimate, peace-loving, hippie ideal of the 1970s to the judgmental warlord of doom in a mere 30 years? From the time I was a toddler to now as I’m raising a toddler, I want to know how the same group of people who touted Jesus as their role model of compassion now hold him up as their icon of judgment, conquest and war. Did I miss something?
From what I remember in the early years of my childhood, when people spoke about Jesus, they spoke about his tremendous capacity for love, his obsessive motivation to spread his message of peace, his drive to use his powers as a healer to go to people who were ostracized and bring them back to the society that shunned them. The only time you ever heard of Jesus raising a ruckus was when he booted the moneychangers from the Temple. Even the movies about Jesus were way different back in the ‘70s. “Jesus of Nazareth” came out in 1977 and focused on his whole life, but mostly on the fact that he was a sensitive guy who loved people. Then, of course, there were the aforementioned musicals.
Now in my daughter’s early childhood, I’m listening to a whole different take on Jesus. George W. Bush used Jesus to get elected, not once, but twice, pushing a war platform. Jesus seems to be evoked by new millennium Christians as a means to keep people in line. “Do what I say or you will have Jesus’ wrath to deal with!” Even movies such as “The Passion of the Christ” focus less on Jesus the gentle teacher, and more on his gory, violent death. In a paltry 30 years Christians have moved from praising his works with the poor to supporting public figures who use Jesus as a means of control.
I wonder now how those former hippies would react to their hippie Jesus if he walked down their pristine suburban street today? Most likely, they would call the private security company hired to keep less desirables out of their gated community, and go back to exchanging snarky emails gossiping about who was sleeping with who at church.
I think if Jesus were to come back from the dead and size up his “flock”, he would be sorely disappointed. He would be disgusted that his clergy would stand at a pulpit designed to preach about doing good, and instead use it to tell their congregations who to vote for in a political election. The Jesus I knew back in the 1970s would have considered such an act a grave abuse of position. Then again, the Jesus from the Simon & Garfunkel songs would have completely disassociated himself with the politicians who currently run our country; particularly those who tout family values yet have histories of multiple acts of adultery, divorce, and estrangement from their own children.
As a Jew, this is about as far as I’ll go in terms of thinking about Jesus. Most Jews believe that Jesus was an okay guy, more mensch than messiah, but a good person, nonetheless. I just think it’s a crying shame that the nice guy I knew in the ‘70s, the one who wanted to change the world and care for those less fortune, the one who wanted to teach the world to sing and furnish it with love, is now the guy who could give a damn about the destruction of the environment, genocide in Africa and Iraq, and the growing poverty rate in the U.S. Jesus, my friend, you need a new PR person.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Weekly Recap 3/18-22: Damaged Doggie Food & Surreal Science
Headline News Recap
The spoiled boy prince (aka Resident Bush) was at it again this week as he threatened to veto any legislation that issued a deadline for troop withdrawal from Iraq. This makes sense given the fact that the sooner the war ends, or at least U.S. involvement in it, the sooner his war-profiteering friends won’t be able to cash in on all of the sweet ass taxpayer “rebuilding” money.
Crazy cat ladies all over the States went into a raging fit this week, and not because the neighbor kids kept walking on their lawn. Apparently the meat and gravy in dozens of brands of dog and cat food is tainted, and has caused the death of 10 pets. A 60 million can recall is underway, and the news has been flooded with “make it yourself” pet food. As a busy working mom the last thing I need to do is worry about whether or not Fozzy will shove his bowl back at me with the “I said medium rare, bitch” look on his face. Note to Menu Foods: stop trying to go cheap and just use the original pet food recipe, you know, two parts turkey ass, one part old horse, topped with that gross looking and smelling jelly stuff.
Texas state senator Dan Patrick has introduced a bill offering women seeking an abortion a $500 incentive to carry the child to full term and give it up for adoption. Seriously, it is a real bill, and no, I’m not shitting you. Hmmm…money for human beings, money for human beings….where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, it was called slavery, and the Emancipation Proclamation outlawed this years ago. Hey, Senator Patrick, instead of trying to figure out yet another roadblock to place in front of a woman faced with a gut-retching decision, why don’t you do away with those moronic abstinence-only programs and help everyone.
One in eight children is bullied by text messages with girls most likely to be targeted. Most of this cyber-bullying occurs amongst kids ages 11-13 and includes text threats and insults. Hey kids, take some friendly advice from your favorite suburban punk. The next time someone cyber-bullies you, block them from texting, leave your desk, ride your bike to their house, and solve the problem the old fashion way: by beating the living crap out of them. I know there is no cool cyber, tech way to phrase it, but trust me, it works.
Science was on the ball this week as they came up with a solution to decrease 4% of greenhouse gas emissions by giving cows a new anti-burp pill. Seems like bovine belches are responsible for a decent amount of global warming, and taking away their tummy troubles will help the environment. Wouldn’t it just be easier to tell oil companies to “fuck off” and start mass producing EV cars?
Aside from cow burps, scientists, this week, conclusively disproved the existence of vampires arguing that if a bite by a vampire creates another vampire, than the entire human race would be vampires in just a mere 30 months. You know, blindness is still a big problem, as is deafness, maybe we could use some of that science money to cure some shit instead of figuring out whether fictional creatures exist. In fact, let me save you a couple of million; the boogey man is a total fucking farce. There, I’ve completed my monthly contribution to science.
Speaking of gaseous, stupid animals, Resident Bush agreed to let Karl Rove and Harriet Myers testify in Congressional hearings regarding the firing of U.S. attorneys as long as they could do it in private and wouldn’t have to be under oath. Basically, they can come in, spew a bunch of bullshit behind closed doors, and this is supposed to suffice as an honest to goodness response to a very public concern regarding abuse of power. Is impeachment still off the table?
In Local News
My boss’ liver cancer thing is treatable, which means he’s returned to being a major control freak, and the worse part is (yes, it gets worse) he is now on heavy medication. There is nothing quite like trying to justify spending $500 on an auction wrap up party to a guy in warlord mode on an assload of Vicodin.
The good news is that I’ve completed the second successful week of a very grueling diet designed to cleanse my system of sugar and chemicals. It’s a 90-day program where all I get to eat is a selection of 10 vegetables and fruits, 8 oz. per day of meat, extremely limited dairy, and saltine crackers. So far, so good, however, no matter how much positive talking you do, there is no way in hell to make cantaloupe seem just as good as a chocolate chip muffin.
Worthless Entertainment News
Mel Gibson told a woman to “fuck off” this week during an appearance at Cal State University. The woman happened to be an expert on Mayan culture and told Mel that his portrayal of Mayans in the movie “Apocalypto” was a racial stereotype. Racial stereotyping? Not Mel Gibson. Can we just admit, at this point, that Mel Gibson is an asshole? I don’t care what his acting and directing talents are; the guy is a schmuck, end of story.
The tabloids are once again claiming that Katie Holmes is Tom Cruise’s prisoner. Their main source of evidence: pictures of her looking haggard and tired. Geez, the mother of an infant looking tired and worn out, that’s a slam dunk. One of their anonymous sources also claims that Katie is afraid to leave Tom, because he would take her credit cards away. Call me crazy, but if I was in an abusive relationship I don’t think a high limit on my Visa would be justification for putting up with someone’s shit.
In worthless British entertainment news, Prince Harry (third in line for the throne), got drunk and wound up stumbling into a gutter. I realize he’s a prince, but he’s also a young soldier who is being deployed to Iraq in a few weeks. Cut him some slack, and pray really, really hard that William and that girl he’s going with get married and have a kid, because there should be way more of a buffer between Harry and royal power.
Asshole of the Week
Vice President Dick Cheney – This week, the White House’s dark overlord accused Congressional Democrats of not supporting the troops. How does a guy who had a hand in starting this false war feel that he has the right to say who does and doesn’t support the troops? Under his watch, VA hospitals across the country have been closed or remain unable to handle their patient loads adequately, soldiers who come home missing both legs are not being discharged to receive the medical benefits they need, his company, Halliburton, is still raking in fistfuls of money while packing for the tax shelters only Dubai can offer, and yet the Democrats are not supportive of the troops. For this statement, and acts of gross misconduct that should result in you being tried for treason and war crimes, Dick Cheney, you are the asshole of the week.
The spoiled boy prince (aka Resident Bush) was at it again this week as he threatened to veto any legislation that issued a deadline for troop withdrawal from Iraq. This makes sense given the fact that the sooner the war ends, or at least U.S. involvement in it, the sooner his war-profiteering friends won’t be able to cash in on all of the sweet ass taxpayer “rebuilding” money.
Crazy cat ladies all over the States went into a raging fit this week, and not because the neighbor kids kept walking on their lawn. Apparently the meat and gravy in dozens of brands of dog and cat food is tainted, and has caused the death of 10 pets. A 60 million can recall is underway, and the news has been flooded with “make it yourself” pet food. As a busy working mom the last thing I need to do is worry about whether or not Fozzy will shove his bowl back at me with the “I said medium rare, bitch” look on his face. Note to Menu Foods: stop trying to go cheap and just use the original pet food recipe, you know, two parts turkey ass, one part old horse, topped with that gross looking and smelling jelly stuff.
Texas state senator Dan Patrick has introduced a bill offering women seeking an abortion a $500 incentive to carry the child to full term and give it up for adoption. Seriously, it is a real bill, and no, I’m not shitting you. Hmmm…money for human beings, money for human beings….where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, it was called slavery, and the Emancipation Proclamation outlawed this years ago. Hey, Senator Patrick, instead of trying to figure out yet another roadblock to place in front of a woman faced with a gut-retching decision, why don’t you do away with those moronic abstinence-only programs and help everyone.
One in eight children is bullied by text messages with girls most likely to be targeted. Most of this cyber-bullying occurs amongst kids ages 11-13 and includes text threats and insults. Hey kids, take some friendly advice from your favorite suburban punk. The next time someone cyber-bullies you, block them from texting, leave your desk, ride your bike to their house, and solve the problem the old fashion way: by beating the living crap out of them. I know there is no cool cyber, tech way to phrase it, but trust me, it works.
Science was on the ball this week as they came up with a solution to decrease 4% of greenhouse gas emissions by giving cows a new anti-burp pill. Seems like bovine belches are responsible for a decent amount of global warming, and taking away their tummy troubles will help the environment. Wouldn’t it just be easier to tell oil companies to “fuck off” and start mass producing EV cars?
Aside from cow burps, scientists, this week, conclusively disproved the existence of vampires arguing that if a bite by a vampire creates another vampire, than the entire human race would be vampires in just a mere 30 months. You know, blindness is still a big problem, as is deafness, maybe we could use some of that science money to cure some shit instead of figuring out whether fictional creatures exist. In fact, let me save you a couple of million; the boogey man is a total fucking farce. There, I’ve completed my monthly contribution to science.
Speaking of gaseous, stupid animals, Resident Bush agreed to let Karl Rove and Harriet Myers testify in Congressional hearings regarding the firing of U.S. attorneys as long as they could do it in private and wouldn’t have to be under oath. Basically, they can come in, spew a bunch of bullshit behind closed doors, and this is supposed to suffice as an honest to goodness response to a very public concern regarding abuse of power. Is impeachment still off the table?
In Local News
My boss’ liver cancer thing is treatable, which means he’s returned to being a major control freak, and the worse part is (yes, it gets worse) he is now on heavy medication. There is nothing quite like trying to justify spending $500 on an auction wrap up party to a guy in warlord mode on an assload of Vicodin.
The good news is that I’ve completed the second successful week of a very grueling diet designed to cleanse my system of sugar and chemicals. It’s a 90-day program where all I get to eat is a selection of 10 vegetables and fruits, 8 oz. per day of meat, extremely limited dairy, and saltine crackers. So far, so good, however, no matter how much positive talking you do, there is no way in hell to make cantaloupe seem just as good as a chocolate chip muffin.
Worthless Entertainment News
Mel Gibson told a woman to “fuck off” this week during an appearance at Cal State University. The woman happened to be an expert on Mayan culture and told Mel that his portrayal of Mayans in the movie “Apocalypto” was a racial stereotype. Racial stereotyping? Not Mel Gibson. Can we just admit, at this point, that Mel Gibson is an asshole? I don’t care what his acting and directing talents are; the guy is a schmuck, end of story.
The tabloids are once again claiming that Katie Holmes is Tom Cruise’s prisoner. Their main source of evidence: pictures of her looking haggard and tired. Geez, the mother of an infant looking tired and worn out, that’s a slam dunk. One of their anonymous sources also claims that Katie is afraid to leave Tom, because he would take her credit cards away. Call me crazy, but if I was in an abusive relationship I don’t think a high limit on my Visa would be justification for putting up with someone’s shit.
In worthless British entertainment news, Prince Harry (third in line for the throne), got drunk and wound up stumbling into a gutter. I realize he’s a prince, but he’s also a young soldier who is being deployed to Iraq in a few weeks. Cut him some slack, and pray really, really hard that William and that girl he’s going with get married and have a kid, because there should be way more of a buffer between Harry and royal power.
Asshole of the Week
Vice President Dick Cheney – This week, the White House’s dark overlord accused Congressional Democrats of not supporting the troops. How does a guy who had a hand in starting this false war feel that he has the right to say who does and doesn’t support the troops? Under his watch, VA hospitals across the country have been closed or remain unable to handle their patient loads adequately, soldiers who come home missing both legs are not being discharged to receive the medical benefits they need, his company, Halliburton, is still raking in fistfuls of money while packing for the tax shelters only Dubai can offer, and yet the Democrats are not supportive of the troops. For this statement, and acts of gross misconduct that should result in you being tried for treason and war crimes, Dick Cheney, you are the asshole of the week.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Weekly Recap 3/11-17: Bush Regime Blunders & Adoption Addicts
Headline News Recap
Valerie Plame Wilson, the CIA agent who was outed by the Bush Administration, finally got her day in front of some Democratic excuse for an accountability hearing to talk about how her successful career was smashed to bits by the Bush Administration as revenge against her husband for not drinking the Regime Kool-Aid on the Iraq War. It’s about time. This woman’s life was thrown into a tailspin years ago, yet despite her coming out right and stating the obvious: Karl Rove was behind it, Rove still has security clearances. At least Val has the same chutzpah as her husband and refuses to bend for this bastard Regime. I would personally advise her at this point to sue the living crap out of Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove; because the only thing neocons fear worse than losing power is winding up flat broke.
In fact the bastard Bush Regime continued to wreak havoc on the Constitution and all the principles our country is supposed to hold dear by firing numerous U.S. attorneys for political reasons. There have been calls by both Democrats and Republicans for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to step down, which means the Regime has been scrambling for a low level pee-on to blame for the whole mess. What I’m wondering at this point is why the hell hasn’t one Democrat brought impeachment to the table. Clinton nearly got impeached for a blow job, Nixon got impeached for knowing about some guys who pulled a B&E, but Bush and his cronies take away our rights, create a false war, violate the Constitution like a Duke University player with a stripper after a victorious game, and in the words of our Speaker of the House, “impeachment is off the table.” C’mon Nancy, you can do better than that. You are woman, now string these guys up by their balls and be done with it.
Speaking of balls, Halliburton must have been listening to that Steve Miller Band song. No, not the ones about saving the environment, the one that has the line about “take the money and run”, because they moved to Dubai, a country known for breeding championship horses and sweet ass tax shelters. Halliburton has been fucking the American tax-paying public since their man in the White House started this whole Iraq mess, and now they aren’t even going to kiss us goodbye before they leave us lying in the wet spot by avoiding billions in taxes. The Dems say they will hold hearings, but they’ve got a lot on their plate. Again, why isn’t anyone talking impeachment yet?
The National Association of Evangelicals has publicly condemned torture tactics perpetrated by the U.S. military, and has come out in favor of environmental protection. I guess it’s never to late to try to apologize for being the group of people who elected the worst president in U.S. history by rationalizing that a vote for George W. was a vote for Jesus. Unfortunately, not all Christians agree with the NAE. James Dobson’s mind control brigade, Focus on the Family, said this week that before they can agree with the NAE’s stance on the environment they have to determine whether global warming is man-caused and can be man-corrected. The scary thing is that all of these peoples’ votes count just as much as yours.
If you take Ambien for sleep-related issues make sure you give your car keys to someone before going for that shuteye. It was revealed this week that one of the side effects of sleep medication is sleep driving, where medicated people will get up in the middle of the night and go for a drive with no recollection of getting behind the wheel. Finally, someone has explained why driving in Seattle sucks ass!
Chiquita, the banana folks, have to cough up a $25 million fine for using Columbian terrorists to protect their workers in violent growing areas in South America. Apparently the same group of guys looking out for our bananas is responsible for numerous civilian mass murders, targeted kidnappings, and working in collusion with cocaine cartels. Who knew that innocent bunch of bananas sitting on my counter could have had such a tumultuous life. You can be sure that Chiquita is no longer getting my 39 cents per pound.
In Local News
We finally hired an agent to sell our house, which means that since she left around noon my husband has been obsessing non-stop about whether or not it was a good idea. He does this quite often with nearly everything and after five and a half years I should be used to it. However, when he starts into his ‘worse case scenario’ rants, I still want to stick a fork in his eye.
I’m heading down to Southern California to interview for two different jobs on Tuesday. Both seem like cool places to work, and I’m very qualified for the positions, so with any luck by this time next month I’ll be reporting the “In Local News” from SoCal, and it will be sunny and rainfree!
Worthless Entertainment News
Angelina Jolie adopted a three year old boy from Vietnam this week. It must be nice to have nannies, because if she had to actually take care of her 5-year-old Cambodian son, her 2-year old Ethiopian daughter, and her 10-month-old birth daughter all on her own along with this new one, she might be double-thinking adding another one to her brood. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends with more than three kids, but they don’t get voted “Sexiest Mom of the Year.” In the real world, perfecting your eyeliner isn’t at the top of your list when you’ve got four munchkins who want mac ‘n’ cheese for lunch.
Disney is set to feature its first black princess in the upcoming animated musical, “The Frog Princess”. Now African-Americans everywhere can be happy about having their daughters manipulated into thinking that being a princess is the best goal in life, too.
Funny lady, Carol Burnett, is suing “The Family Guy” for using her animated cleaning woman character along with a slightly altered version of her show’s theme song. All I’m wondering now is, does anyone else think it’s weird that Carol Burnett watches “The Family Guy?”
Asshole of the Week
Dear Readers, I’ve been doing Quote of the Week for the past year, but I’ve come to the realization that one stupid thing someone says shouldn’t define who they are. Instead, I’ve chosen to point out people who say many stupid things and feature them in this new segment: Asshole of the Week. Enjoy!
Senator John McCain – He ran in 2000 as a guy who would give you the straight up story, then the Bush crew came in and did their damage. I guess after six years of eating shit and tasting power he wants the presidency so bad he’ll do or say anything to get it. Seven years ago he was pro-choice, now he isn’t. Seven years ago he was against torture, which makes since as a former prisoner of war, now he signed onto legislation that allowed for water boarding. He apologized this week for a racist comment he made in describing equal parental rights in divorce cases, and started a NCAA betting pool on his website. For all of the back peddling, and for saying and doing anything just to get elected president, Senator McCain, you are the Asshole of the Week.
Valerie Plame Wilson, the CIA agent who was outed by the Bush Administration, finally got her day in front of some Democratic excuse for an accountability hearing to talk about how her successful career was smashed to bits by the Bush Administration as revenge against her husband for not drinking the Regime Kool-Aid on the Iraq War. It’s about time. This woman’s life was thrown into a tailspin years ago, yet despite her coming out right and stating the obvious: Karl Rove was behind it, Rove still has security clearances. At least Val has the same chutzpah as her husband and refuses to bend for this bastard Regime. I would personally advise her at this point to sue the living crap out of Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove; because the only thing neocons fear worse than losing power is winding up flat broke.
In fact the bastard Bush Regime continued to wreak havoc on the Constitution and all the principles our country is supposed to hold dear by firing numerous U.S. attorneys for political reasons. There have been calls by both Democrats and Republicans for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to step down, which means the Regime has been scrambling for a low level pee-on to blame for the whole mess. What I’m wondering at this point is why the hell hasn’t one Democrat brought impeachment to the table. Clinton nearly got impeached for a blow job, Nixon got impeached for knowing about some guys who pulled a B&E, but Bush and his cronies take away our rights, create a false war, violate the Constitution like a Duke University player with a stripper after a victorious game, and in the words of our Speaker of the House, “impeachment is off the table.” C’mon Nancy, you can do better than that. You are woman, now string these guys up by their balls and be done with it.
Speaking of balls, Halliburton must have been listening to that Steve Miller Band song. No, not the ones about saving the environment, the one that has the line about “take the money and run”, because they moved to Dubai, a country known for breeding championship horses and sweet ass tax shelters. Halliburton has been fucking the American tax-paying public since their man in the White House started this whole Iraq mess, and now they aren’t even going to kiss us goodbye before they leave us lying in the wet spot by avoiding billions in taxes. The Dems say they will hold hearings, but they’ve got a lot on their plate. Again, why isn’t anyone talking impeachment yet?
The National Association of Evangelicals has publicly condemned torture tactics perpetrated by the U.S. military, and has come out in favor of environmental protection. I guess it’s never to late to try to apologize for being the group of people who elected the worst president in U.S. history by rationalizing that a vote for George W. was a vote for Jesus. Unfortunately, not all Christians agree with the NAE. James Dobson’s mind control brigade, Focus on the Family, said this week that before they can agree with the NAE’s stance on the environment they have to determine whether global warming is man-caused and can be man-corrected. The scary thing is that all of these peoples’ votes count just as much as yours.
If you take Ambien for sleep-related issues make sure you give your car keys to someone before going for that shuteye. It was revealed this week that one of the side effects of sleep medication is sleep driving, where medicated people will get up in the middle of the night and go for a drive with no recollection of getting behind the wheel. Finally, someone has explained why driving in Seattle sucks ass!
Chiquita, the banana folks, have to cough up a $25 million fine for using Columbian terrorists to protect their workers in violent growing areas in South America. Apparently the same group of guys looking out for our bananas is responsible for numerous civilian mass murders, targeted kidnappings, and working in collusion with cocaine cartels. Who knew that innocent bunch of bananas sitting on my counter could have had such a tumultuous life. You can be sure that Chiquita is no longer getting my 39 cents per pound.
In Local News
We finally hired an agent to sell our house, which means that since she left around noon my husband has been obsessing non-stop about whether or not it was a good idea. He does this quite often with nearly everything and after five and a half years I should be used to it. However, when he starts into his ‘worse case scenario’ rants, I still want to stick a fork in his eye.
I’m heading down to Southern California to interview for two different jobs on Tuesday. Both seem like cool places to work, and I’m very qualified for the positions, so with any luck by this time next month I’ll be reporting the “In Local News” from SoCal, and it will be sunny and rainfree!
Worthless Entertainment News
Angelina Jolie adopted a three year old boy from Vietnam this week. It must be nice to have nannies, because if she had to actually take care of her 5-year-old Cambodian son, her 2-year old Ethiopian daughter, and her 10-month-old birth daughter all on her own along with this new one, she might be double-thinking adding another one to her brood. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends with more than three kids, but they don’t get voted “Sexiest Mom of the Year.” In the real world, perfecting your eyeliner isn’t at the top of your list when you’ve got four munchkins who want mac ‘n’ cheese for lunch.
Disney is set to feature its first black princess in the upcoming animated musical, “The Frog Princess”. Now African-Americans everywhere can be happy about having their daughters manipulated into thinking that being a princess is the best goal in life, too.
Funny lady, Carol Burnett, is suing “The Family Guy” for using her animated cleaning woman character along with a slightly altered version of her show’s theme song. All I’m wondering now is, does anyone else think it’s weird that Carol Burnett watches “The Family Guy?”
Asshole of the Week
Dear Readers, I’ve been doing Quote of the Week for the past year, but I’ve come to the realization that one stupid thing someone says shouldn’t define who they are. Instead, I’ve chosen to point out people who say many stupid things and feature them in this new segment: Asshole of the Week. Enjoy!
Senator John McCain – He ran in 2000 as a guy who would give you the straight up story, then the Bush crew came in and did their damage. I guess after six years of eating shit and tasting power he wants the presidency so bad he’ll do or say anything to get it. Seven years ago he was pro-choice, now he isn’t. Seven years ago he was against torture, which makes since as a former prisoner of war, now he signed onto legislation that allowed for water boarding. He apologized this week for a racist comment he made in describing equal parental rights in divorce cases, and started a NCAA betting pool on his website. For all of the back peddling, and for saying and doing anything just to get elected president, Senator McCain, you are the Asshole of the Week.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
An Open Letter to Lynne Spears
Hey Lynne,
Now that your daughter is sitting in a dry out tank, bald, depressed, and forfeiting custody of your grandsons on a daily basis to that son-in-law who you suspected was nothing but a worthless gold digger, what I want to ask you, mother to mother, is was it worth it?
You must have had the best intentions when you dressed little, 16-year-old Brittney up like every pedophile’s favorite school girl cocktease, and had her writhing on the floor in her first music video. After all, the money was probably pretty sweet when she posed in a bra on the cover of Rolling Stone. I’m sure you couldn’t have foreseen the trauma that thrusting a young girl into the world of adult sexuality could have brought.
I guess while you were counting the millions, you just never stopped to consider the negative side of sending your daughter out on tour to lip sync a show wearing nothing more than a bra and hot pants. She probably seemed like she was having fun when she was smiling, although you were likely standing on the side of the stage giving her the strict order to keep that frown turned upside down when she was too tired to wear that marketed brand of Brittney cheer.
You must have been a little upset when she decided to hook up with Kevin. He almost fucked up your absolute power plan. If he would have stayed in the picture a moment longer, maybe Brittney would have realized that she didn’t need to use her tits and ass to get press. Perhaps she was telling the truth in that Matt Lauer interview, and just wanted to be a mom and wife and keep a house. Of course the problem with Brittney becoming happily married and domestic is that it just doesn’t pay as well as having a wild child with no panties partying until dawn. The tabloids love a famous girl that doesn’t wear panties.
I guess it didn’t matter to you that when you forced your daughter’s well-marketed virgin/whore persona on the cultural landscape, you were telling other girls that they needed to be the quintessential sex objects, too. Prior to Brittney, blatant sexuality was restricted to females over the age of 18, but you managed to help destroy that last beacon of decency and create a generation of girls who believe that they are only worth the sex they can provide to men.
Lynne, what I’m wondering now is where does it go from here? Once the girls turn into women and realize that they’ve treated their bodies like garbage receptors, been used by everyone and thrown away, and are confronted with the reality that party girls are fun to fuck, but aren’t the type of woman anyone wants to be with for more than a few hours, what are these women to do?
Brittney had her own way of handling things. She married a loserish guy to get away from you, had two kids in an attempt to find real love, then when all else failed and she was staring down the fact that she was nothing more than yesterday’s fad, she went nuts with a razor and wound up screaming like a mad woman in front of Kevin’s house. Where were you, Lynne?
I guess from here out you have two choices; you could help Brittney through this hard time in her life, let her settle down with Kevin whether you like him or not, and be the mother and housewife she wants to be, or you could milk it for the last drop. After all, when Brittney is done and over with, you always have Jamie Lynn.
Regretfully,
Mel the Punk in Suburbia
Now that your daughter is sitting in a dry out tank, bald, depressed, and forfeiting custody of your grandsons on a daily basis to that son-in-law who you suspected was nothing but a worthless gold digger, what I want to ask you, mother to mother, is was it worth it?
You must have had the best intentions when you dressed little, 16-year-old Brittney up like every pedophile’s favorite school girl cocktease, and had her writhing on the floor in her first music video. After all, the money was probably pretty sweet when she posed in a bra on the cover of Rolling Stone. I’m sure you couldn’t have foreseen the trauma that thrusting a young girl into the world of adult sexuality could have brought.
I guess while you were counting the millions, you just never stopped to consider the negative side of sending your daughter out on tour to lip sync a show wearing nothing more than a bra and hot pants. She probably seemed like she was having fun when she was smiling, although you were likely standing on the side of the stage giving her the strict order to keep that frown turned upside down when she was too tired to wear that marketed brand of Brittney cheer.
You must have been a little upset when she decided to hook up with Kevin. He almost fucked up your absolute power plan. If he would have stayed in the picture a moment longer, maybe Brittney would have realized that she didn’t need to use her tits and ass to get press. Perhaps she was telling the truth in that Matt Lauer interview, and just wanted to be a mom and wife and keep a house. Of course the problem with Brittney becoming happily married and domestic is that it just doesn’t pay as well as having a wild child with no panties partying until dawn. The tabloids love a famous girl that doesn’t wear panties.
I guess it didn’t matter to you that when you forced your daughter’s well-marketed virgin/whore persona on the cultural landscape, you were telling other girls that they needed to be the quintessential sex objects, too. Prior to Brittney, blatant sexuality was restricted to females over the age of 18, but you managed to help destroy that last beacon of decency and create a generation of girls who believe that they are only worth the sex they can provide to men.
Lynne, what I’m wondering now is where does it go from here? Once the girls turn into women and realize that they’ve treated their bodies like garbage receptors, been used by everyone and thrown away, and are confronted with the reality that party girls are fun to fuck, but aren’t the type of woman anyone wants to be with for more than a few hours, what are these women to do?
Brittney had her own way of handling things. She married a loserish guy to get away from you, had two kids in an attempt to find real love, then when all else failed and she was staring down the fact that she was nothing more than yesterday’s fad, she went nuts with a razor and wound up screaming like a mad woman in front of Kevin’s house. Where were you, Lynne?
I guess from here out you have two choices; you could help Brittney through this hard time in her life, let her settle down with Kevin whether you like him or not, and be the mother and housewife she wants to be, or you could milk it for the last drop. After all, when Brittney is done and over with, you always have Jamie Lynn.
Regretfully,
Mel the Punk in Suburbia
Monday, March 12, 2007
I'm Baaaacck!
I may be back, but I'm still a touch braindead after working myself into the ground for the past three weeks. Here's a quick 411:
- The event was phenominal! Way more work in the past two weeks than anticipated, because I had 50 people RSVP the week of, which advances my theory that folks in the Seattle area are completely socially retarded. When you get an invitation six weeks before the event, and you RSVP (with attitude at that) 72 hours before the event, you are socially retarded.
- I met my financial goal....well, maybe. The big thrill of the evening, aside from the auction itself, is to tally up the amount raised at the end of the night and have my boss announce it in front of the crowd. This didn't happen last night, because the cashiering service didn't punch things in right, so I left my event not knowing how much money the event raised. Basically, if you do charity events for a living, not getting that total at the end of the night is the equivalent to not hitting the "Big O" after having sex for a half hour. It's so disappointing.
- Due to not knowing how much money was actually raised means that tomorrow, I have to audit the entire auction, and I'm still braindead. Trying to do math, while being braindead is somewhat painful.
- I sent Jeff and Rachael to Southern California last Tuesday, so that I could focus my full energy on my event. Now that the event is over, I'm sad that they won't be back until Wednesday. Fozzy is a loyal and happy companion, but he's not much of a conversationalist.
Other weird stuff that happened while I was out:
- My boss found out that he has very aggressive liver cancer, which is going to make me feel like a major asshole when I tell them I'm quitting in a few weeks. If you have any suggestions on how I can do this tactfully, please speak up. Aside from telling them that I'm secretly a revolutionary activist working against the American government, and I have to move to Sweden, because they don't have an extradition treaty with the U.S., I'm at a loss for a good excuse that won't make me look like a total jerk.
- My step-stepmom decided to get the marriage annulled between herself and my stepdad, because my stepdad was too restless at night to sleep in the same bed with her. My stepdad has survived a double-lung transplant and a kidney transplant, and the only way you can continue to live is to take some very serious anti-rejection medication. His medication gives him side effects that don't allow him to sleep more than a few hours at a time, and often he can't sleep lying down flat. Apparently she took this as an afront, and ended up telling him that his night twitches didn't fit into her very definition of marriage, so she gave him papers and he signed them. I feel bad for my stepdad, my brother, all of my family, and their friends. The only thing I know for sure is that somewhere my mom is chuckling, because she was always sort of a morbid, jealous person. I loved her, but it's the truth.
- We were nearly sued by some crazy bitch who bought a shelving unit from us. We posted on Craigslist, like we have a dozen times before, and she came to our house to pick it up. Jeff told her to bring a truck, but she didn't listen. He took the whole thing apart (which took him 1 1/2 hours), and loaded half of it into her SUV. She changed her mind two weeks later, but all sales were final. We left the rest of it out on the porch for her to pick up while we were at work. The next day we received a letter in the mail from her claiming that she twisted her ankle on our steps and she wanted our insurance company info. We didn't respond, and haven't heard from her since. She turned around and re-sold the shelving unit on Craigslist for $50 more than she paid us.
I guess that's it for now. I'll address current events in a couple of days, when I'm no longer braindead, and I can give proper lip service to the corporate media for focusing more attention on the trial of Anna Nicole's corpse than Scooter Libby's treason, Brittney Spears' breakdown which should be a warning to all moms not to sell their daughters into sexual objectification at the age of 16, Democrats vs. Republicans which is meaningless, because they are all owned by the same corporations, and the most disturbing current event of them all: how a nice Jewish punk rock chick from the Seattle 'burbs came to agree with Louis Farrakhan.
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