It's been exactly 38 hours since I gave up Facebook, and I'm trying to remember how I lived my life before that fateful day, years ago, before I created my account.
I've never been addicted to drugs, although I've been offered every drug on the streets pre-meth. I've never had a drinking problem. All of the recreational alcohol use in my late teens through 20s were clear and conscious choices, which given the horrifying state of being I ended up in with some of those benders, I'm reluctant to admit this. Cigarettes were a passing fad that were supposed to suppress appetite, but never did. I like shoes and handbags, but remain too thrifty for full retail. This means the addiction had to manifest itself in some form, and that form was reconnecting with old friends through the miracle of modern technology known as Facebook.
It was so neat at first. Having moved around so much since high school, I was able to get back in touch with wonderful people that I never meant to fall out of touch with. It was a joy to see their children, get updates on their parents, and hear about how their lives had been going. I was a willing Facebook participant posting pictures of my family, sharing funny memes and great recipe demonstrations, and expressing my age old concerns for feminist issues and the environment. I created a page for my business and another for my interest in advocating for organic foods.
As a mostly stay-at-home mom, Facebook became my social outlet. My husband used to ask me why I didn't just call my friends. Good question, why didn't I, a mother with a very fussy and active toddler who demanded 1000% of my attention, call my other mom friends who were trying to drive the carpool, help finish homework, run to the store for supplies for a surprise project their kid just told them about. Hmmm...good question. By the time all was said and done at the end of the day, I would have been calling my fellow moms at around 10:30 pm at night, and given that half the moms I would want to talk to were in the time zone an hour ahead that puts us at nearly midnight. Again, hmmm...good question.
So Facebook it was. My mornings consisted of getting my older child and husband out the door, taking care of the baby, checking my work email, making any necessary phone calls, and logging onto Facebook while finishing my coffee. In the mid-morning I would run errands, get the baby down for a nap, take care of work things, and do a quick logon to Facebook before leaving to get my older daughter. I would get home, get my older daughter a snack, start her on her homework, do a little bit of work while the baby was preoccupied on her play mat or in her bouncer, and logon for a bit right before having to fix dinner. After dinner, and baths and reading stories and putting the kids to bed, it was back to Facebook for the evening, while watching tv until bed.
I downloaded the app, checked it often, and failed to admit for the past several years that Facebook had become an addiction. I never saw the harm in it at all, and had heard horror stories of people who became depressed, because they would read about their friends' lives and how great they were, then these poor souls would see their own lives as lacking. I heard of Facebook ruining marriages when two old flames connected and decided to leave their spouses to rekindle their lost love. None of this applied to me.
My relationship with Facebook changed about six months ago when the presidential election narrowed down to three candidates; Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. I didn't take Trump seriously, was lukewarm about Clinton, and really liked Sanders. Nearly every liberal leaning person I knew, especially on Facebook, supported Bernie Sanders, yet we know now there were dirty tricks in place to make Clinton inevitable. I was fine, though not thrilled, to support her, because Trump was using racism, xenophobia, sexism, fascism, and every other horrifying -ism to bring out the worst in people and win the election.
Friends and family members who I had known for the better part of my life began posting pro-Trump stories, and for awhile, I just blew it off. However, as the election got closer, my Facebook world became a lot darker. I didn't understand how people I knew most of my life to be good and honest people, and who claimed to be stellar followers of Jesus Christ, could support such a vile man. A man who is, himself, an adulterer, cheats in his business, is the epitome of vanity and ego, and has pretty much violated nearly all of the 10 Christian Commandments. Here was a man whose campaign was run on pure hatred, yet friends who would be the first to say they were good people, jumped on that Trump Train. Friends who I know can barely make ends meet were rooting for the guy who is going to make their financial situation worse, and when this was pointed out, used willful ignorance and fake or hugely partisan "news" to rebut.
Even the Facebook sites I watched regularly were constantly filled with stories of impending doom at the daily nightmarish actions taken by this ignorant man who had just become president of our divided country. Daily doom, plus gloating by those with too much willful ignorance and hypocrisy, sealed my Facebook addiction's demise. I had hit rock bottom, and one night, after commenting on a story about the fact that the new vice president doesn't believe smoking causes cancer, I quit Facebook cold turkey.
To be honest, I miss it. I hadn't realized how much of my day was spent on Facebook, and how much I had relied on social media for social interaction or for my news. I subscribed to the New York Times, because I felt like doing this small action would start to remedy the damage. I opened my very neglected "Writing" folder on my laptop and perused some of the stories I meant to finish, and I'm now back to my, nearly abandoned, blog, which I used to take so much pride in.
I cannot promise that I won't ever log into Facebook again, but for now, I'm having a contest with myself to see how long I can go before dipping my toe back in that water. I'm almost at two days, tomorrow is Friday. I'm usually busy on the weekends, so let's see if I can make it until Monday. After that, maybe a solid week. Is there a support group for Facebook addicts? If so, I hope they don't meet via Twitter.
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