I'm still alive and doing well (if you consider "well" being closer to a nervous breakdown than Brittney Spears). My big fundraising event is less than three weeks away on March 10th, and it is going to be a fabulous party. Unfortunately, the leadership at the non-profit I work for is inept and hasn't bothered to cultivate a base of supporters, so the RSVPs are really lagging. Ever had a party no one showed up to? Well, I'm about half way to where I want to be right now, so the post I make on March 11th will either tell the tale of a lot of RSVPs coming in at the last minute or will be a pissing and moaning rant about how I threw a cool event and no one showed up.
Never fear, whether it's a happy, happy, joy, joy message or a piss and moan fest, I'll still talk about Brittney shaving her head, because that was the best laugh I've had in awhile. I guess she couldn't let Anna Nicole's corpse steal all of the spotlight (wouldn't it just be easier to develop some talent or get a degree?). See you soon!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
I Can't Leave the Media Alone for 5 Minutes...
So all I wanted to do was take a few weeks off of focusing all of my brain power on making this major fundraising event happen thinking that maybe, just maybe, the media would be so caught up in whether or not Barack Obama was going to run for president, or demonizing Hillary Clinton they would ignore a few important stories, but would at least focus on regime change. Then from out of the Hard Rock Hotel in Florida comes the vomit choked corpse of Anna Nicole Smith, and every media outlet goes ape shit. What the fuck!
It’s been Annamania for two days now. The bitch is more popular in death than she was in life, and any microscopic shred of respect I had lingering for the mainstream “news” media is completely gone. They are acting like her overdose (and you know she fucking ODed) is such an unbelievable shocking thing. I can see their point; after all she was always so sober and academic-like during every interview I ever saw with her.
To hell with the meeting between Hamas and Fatah in Mecca, we all have to be filled with hours of speculation about whether or not Anna and her sleazy ass lawyer, Howard K. Stern were really married. Fuck the hearings about how the Bush Administration allowed palates of tax payer dollars to be shipped to Iraq without accounting for it, because Anna’s sexual liaisons are far more important to the American public then the fact that we were ripped off to the tune of $12 billion. And the war in Iraq, well never mind that little conflict, let’s tell the citizens to focus on Anna’s legal conflicts; they are far more relevant to everyone’s lives.
I realize that the media is no longer the media of Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite, it hasn’t been for decades, but when the hell did Access Hollywood become the gold standard?
I don’t give a flying fuck about Anna Nicole Smith. There I said it, and I will be so bold as to say that I’m sure I speak for the masses! Her life was nothing more than an amusing antidote on the Google News page or the perfect plot to a True Hollywood Story episode. She was a fucking trainwreck of a human being. Perhaps she had some redeeming qualities, but I never saw them. She couldn’t act, sing, dance, didn’t have much of a personality, and was dumb as a box of rocks. She was pretty and had a great rack, but pretty fades with age and the rack will eventually go south for the winter never to return again.
Everyone in the media seems so surprised that she died at a young age, but that’s what human trainwrecks do; they live a screwed up life and choke to death on their own vomit before the age of 40. I could have told you how this story was going to end years ago.
The only tragedy in this whole Anna Nicole ordeal is her 5 month old daughter, the one who, despite being an infant, wasn’t with her, but maybe that was a good thing. My friend Stacy and I were wondering just how many more men are going to come forward to claim paternity; seems like Anna’s thighs were apart so often they had to email each other to keep in touch.
Over the next few weeks the story will play out as follows: Howard K. Stern will break his silence and ink a sweet book deal, he will also have it rigged so he gets Anna’s estate, and probably her kid, that Larry guy who claims to be Anna’s baby daddy will end up looking pathetic and stupid (more than he already does), and after it comes out that he’s not the baby daddy, will start trashing her to anyone who will listen, and the media will continue to play this story like Anna Nicole was some modern day Marilyn Monroe. The worst part is that I will be neck deep in my event, I’ll come home late from working a 12-14 hour day just wanting to see a legitimate headline, all I’ll find is this Anna Nicole bullshit, and that is the biggest fucking tragedy of them all.
It’s been Annamania for two days now. The bitch is more popular in death than she was in life, and any microscopic shred of respect I had lingering for the mainstream “news” media is completely gone. They are acting like her overdose (and you know she fucking ODed) is such an unbelievable shocking thing. I can see their point; after all she was always so sober and academic-like during every interview I ever saw with her.
To hell with the meeting between Hamas and Fatah in Mecca, we all have to be filled with hours of speculation about whether or not Anna and her sleazy ass lawyer, Howard K. Stern were really married. Fuck the hearings about how the Bush Administration allowed palates of tax payer dollars to be shipped to Iraq without accounting for it, because Anna’s sexual liaisons are far more important to the American public then the fact that we were ripped off to the tune of $12 billion. And the war in Iraq, well never mind that little conflict, let’s tell the citizens to focus on Anna’s legal conflicts; they are far more relevant to everyone’s lives.
I realize that the media is no longer the media of Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite, it hasn’t been for decades, but when the hell did Access Hollywood become the gold standard?
I don’t give a flying fuck about Anna Nicole Smith. There I said it, and I will be so bold as to say that I’m sure I speak for the masses! Her life was nothing more than an amusing antidote on the Google News page or the perfect plot to a True Hollywood Story episode. She was a fucking trainwreck of a human being. Perhaps she had some redeeming qualities, but I never saw them. She couldn’t act, sing, dance, didn’t have much of a personality, and was dumb as a box of rocks. She was pretty and had a great rack, but pretty fades with age and the rack will eventually go south for the winter never to return again.
Everyone in the media seems so surprised that she died at a young age, but that’s what human trainwrecks do; they live a screwed up life and choke to death on their own vomit before the age of 40. I could have told you how this story was going to end years ago.
The only tragedy in this whole Anna Nicole ordeal is her 5 month old daughter, the one who, despite being an infant, wasn’t with her, but maybe that was a good thing. My friend Stacy and I were wondering just how many more men are going to come forward to claim paternity; seems like Anna’s thighs were apart so often they had to email each other to keep in touch.
Over the next few weeks the story will play out as follows: Howard K. Stern will break his silence and ink a sweet book deal, he will also have it rigged so he gets Anna’s estate, and probably her kid, that Larry guy who claims to be Anna’s baby daddy will end up looking pathetic and stupid (more than he already does), and after it comes out that he’s not the baby daddy, will start trashing her to anyone who will listen, and the media will continue to play this story like Anna Nicole was some modern day Marilyn Monroe. The worst part is that I will be neck deep in my event, I’ll come home late from working a 12-14 hour day just wanting to see a legitimate headline, all I’ll find is this Anna Nicole bullshit, and that is the biggest fucking tragedy of them all.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
It's the Little Things That Are So Annoying - Part II
I thought I got everything off my chest with a previous post, but I found a few more things that irk me. One-on-one these annoyances are no big deal, but paired with stress, traffic, and a clueless boss and they make life downright challenging. Perhaps the feeling is mutual, or maybe I just need a drink.
Glitter – My friend got Rachael a princess chest from Costco for her 3rd birthday. It contained three adorable dress-up outfits complete with accessories. The only problem was the costumes were decorated with glitter. A week ago, my little dog got angry that we weren’t spending enough time with him, and took a piss in Rachael’s playroom. He targeted a couple of princess dresses lying on the floor, because Rachael had tried to dress him in them a few hours earlier. I put them in the wash, and now there is glitter everywhere. My floors are sparkling, not because I’m a great housekeeper, I’m not. Nope, it’s the glitter. This stuff never goes away. I’m now convinced that when World War III finally happens, all that will be left after the nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches dressed in glitter-covered princess outfits.
Bluetooth Phones – It used to be easy to spot crazy people. They were the ones sitting in the room talking to themselves. I thought I encountered an honest to goodness crazy person about a year ago until I saw the weird Borg-like thing hanging off his ear. He wasn’t crazy; he was just conversing on his Bluetooth. I think these things look really stupid, you aren’t part of the Secret Service, you are just a janitor talking to your friend about your Fantasy Football team, so get over it. I also wonder how safe it is to have a phone hooked to your head 16 hours per day. Sure they keep denying that cell phones cause brain tumors, but these are the same assholes that haven’t come clean about global warming, so they’re not exactly trustworthy folk.
Idiot National Security Agencies – Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past week, or (*gasp*) aren’t a fan of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, then you’ve heard about the arrest of two marketing reps who put Lite Brites all over Boston to promote the upcoming season premier of Aqua Teen Hunger Force; a cartoon that features a talking wad of meat, an uptight box of French fries, and a cynical milkshake. Authorities in Boston thought the Lite Brites were bombs, despite clearly looking like Lite Brites, and closed down half the city. I watched this report thinking that citizens of America are completely fucked. If this is the state of our national security, then thank
G-d for that amendment that lets us own our own guns, because if terrorists ever take over, we cannot rely on this group of morons to protect us.
Lack of Any and All Free Time – This is the time of year when I can’t even complete a thought of my own. I’m a Special Events Manager for a non-profit organization, and I am exactly five weeks away from my big event. In one night, I will raise $300,000. I’m not having one of those Tom Cruise circa Risky Business style prostitution parties, or doing a huge cocaine soiree; that would be too much fun. I’m just getting 400 people into a room and freely pouring enough wine, so that they end up paying exorbitant amounts of money for items they don’t want, but it’s for a good cause, so no harm, no foul, right. The unfortunate end of this dream situation is that it takes a hell of a lot of detail management to pull off a $300,000 evening, so for the next five weeks I’ll be foregoing the Weekly Recap, regular posts, time with my family, moments of sanity, sleep, daylight, and any conversation that doesn’t revolve around the event. Fortunately, this will all be over at midnight on March 10th, so until then, I may or may not be in touch. Wish me luck, be well, and many wishes of strength to Camie for the arrival of her new little Miss.
Glitter – My friend got Rachael a princess chest from Costco for her 3rd birthday. It contained three adorable dress-up outfits complete with accessories. The only problem was the costumes were decorated with glitter. A week ago, my little dog got angry that we weren’t spending enough time with him, and took a piss in Rachael’s playroom. He targeted a couple of princess dresses lying on the floor, because Rachael had tried to dress him in them a few hours earlier. I put them in the wash, and now there is glitter everywhere. My floors are sparkling, not because I’m a great housekeeper, I’m not. Nope, it’s the glitter. This stuff never goes away. I’m now convinced that when World War III finally happens, all that will be left after the nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches dressed in glitter-covered princess outfits.
Bluetooth Phones – It used to be easy to spot crazy people. They were the ones sitting in the room talking to themselves. I thought I encountered an honest to goodness crazy person about a year ago until I saw the weird Borg-like thing hanging off his ear. He wasn’t crazy; he was just conversing on his Bluetooth. I think these things look really stupid, you aren’t part of the Secret Service, you are just a janitor talking to your friend about your Fantasy Football team, so get over it. I also wonder how safe it is to have a phone hooked to your head 16 hours per day. Sure they keep denying that cell phones cause brain tumors, but these are the same assholes that haven’t come clean about global warming, so they’re not exactly trustworthy folk.
Idiot National Security Agencies – Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past week, or (*gasp*) aren’t a fan of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, then you’ve heard about the arrest of two marketing reps who put Lite Brites all over Boston to promote the upcoming season premier of Aqua Teen Hunger Force; a cartoon that features a talking wad of meat, an uptight box of French fries, and a cynical milkshake. Authorities in Boston thought the Lite Brites were bombs, despite clearly looking like Lite Brites, and closed down half the city. I watched this report thinking that citizens of America are completely fucked. If this is the state of our national security, then thank
G-d for that amendment that lets us own our own guns, because if terrorists ever take over, we cannot rely on this group of morons to protect us.
Lack of Any and All Free Time – This is the time of year when I can’t even complete a thought of my own. I’m a Special Events Manager for a non-profit organization, and I am exactly five weeks away from my big event. In one night, I will raise $300,000. I’m not having one of those Tom Cruise circa Risky Business style prostitution parties, or doing a huge cocaine soiree; that would be too much fun. I’m just getting 400 people into a room and freely pouring enough wine, so that they end up paying exorbitant amounts of money for items they don’t want, but it’s for a good cause, so no harm, no foul, right. The unfortunate end of this dream situation is that it takes a hell of a lot of detail management to pull off a $300,000 evening, so for the next five weeks I’ll be foregoing the Weekly Recap, regular posts, time with my family, moments of sanity, sleep, daylight, and any conversation that doesn’t revolve around the event. Fortunately, this will all be over at midnight on March 10th, so until then, I may or may not be in touch. Wish me luck, be well, and many wishes of strength to Camie for the arrival of her new little Miss.
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