I Can't Leave the Media Alone for 5 Minutes...

So all I wanted to do was take a few weeks off of focusing all of my brain power on making this major fundraising event happen thinking that maybe, just maybe, the media would be so caught up in whether or not Barack Obama was going to run for president, or demonizing Hillary Clinton they would ignore a few important stories, but would at least focus on regime change. Then from out of the Hard Rock Hotel in Florida comes the vomit choked corpse of Anna Nicole Smith, and every media outlet goes ape shit. What the fuck!

It’s been Annamania for two days now. The bitch is more popular in death than she was in life, and any microscopic shred of respect I had lingering for the mainstream “news” media is completely gone. They are acting like her overdose (and you know she fucking ODed) is such an unbelievable shocking thing. I can see their point; after all she was always so sober and academic-like during every interview I ever saw with her.

To hell with the meeting between Hamas and Fatah in Mecca, we all have to be filled with hours of speculation about whether or not Anna and her sleazy ass lawyer, Howard K. Stern were really married. Fuck the hearings about how the Bush Administration allowed palates of tax payer dollars to be shipped to Iraq without accounting for it, because Anna’s sexual liaisons are far more important to the American public then the fact that we were ripped off to the tune of $12 billion. And the war in Iraq, well never mind that little conflict, let’s tell the citizens to focus on Anna’s legal conflicts; they are far more relevant to everyone’s lives.

I realize that the media is no longer the media of Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite, it hasn’t been for decades, but when the hell did Access Hollywood become the gold standard?

I don’t give a flying fuck about Anna Nicole Smith. There I said it, and I will be so bold as to say that I’m sure I speak for the masses! Her life was nothing more than an amusing antidote on the Google News page or the perfect plot to a True Hollywood Story episode. She was a fucking trainwreck of a human being. Perhaps she had some redeeming qualities, but I never saw them. She couldn’t act, sing, dance, didn’t have much of a personality, and was dumb as a box of rocks. She was pretty and had a great rack, but pretty fades with age and the rack will eventually go south for the winter never to return again.

Everyone in the media seems so surprised that she died at a young age, but that’s what human trainwrecks do; they live a screwed up life and choke to death on their own vomit before the age of 40. I could have told you how this story was going to end years ago.

The only tragedy in this whole Anna Nicole ordeal is her 5 month old daughter, the one who, despite being an infant, wasn’t with her, but maybe that was a good thing. My friend Stacy and I were wondering just how many more men are going to come forward to claim paternity; seems like Anna’s thighs were apart so often they had to email each other to keep in touch.

Over the next few weeks the story will play out as follows: Howard K. Stern will break his silence and ink a sweet book deal, he will also have it rigged so he gets Anna’s estate, and probably her kid, that Larry guy who claims to be Anna’s baby daddy will end up looking pathetic and stupid (more than he already does), and after it comes out that he’s not the baby daddy, will start trashing her to anyone who will listen, and the media will continue to play this story like Anna Nicole was some modern day Marilyn Monroe. The worst part is that I will be neck deep in my event, I’ll come home late from working a 12-14 hour day just wanting to see a legitimate headline, all I’ll find is this Anna Nicole bullshit, and that is the biggest fucking tragedy of them all.