Weekly Recap 3/11-17: Bush Regime Blunders & Adoption Addicts

Headline News Recap

Valerie Plame Wilson, the CIA agent who was outed by the Bush Administration, finally got her day in front of some Democratic excuse for an accountability hearing to talk about how her successful career was smashed to bits by the Bush Administration as revenge against her husband for not drinking the Regime Kool-Aid on the Iraq War. It’s about time. This woman’s life was thrown into a tailspin years ago, yet despite her coming out right and stating the obvious: Karl Rove was behind it, Rove still has security clearances. At least Val has the same chutzpah as her husband and refuses to bend for this bastard Regime. I would personally advise her at this point to sue the living crap out of Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove; because the only thing neocons fear worse than losing power is winding up flat broke.

In fact the bastard Bush Regime continued to wreak havoc on the Constitution and all the principles our country is supposed to hold dear by firing numerous U.S. attorneys for political reasons. There have been calls by both Democrats and Republicans for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to step down, which means the Regime has been scrambling for a low level pee-on to blame for the whole mess. What I’m wondering at this point is why the hell hasn’t one Democrat brought impeachment to the table. Clinton nearly got impeached for a blow job, Nixon got impeached for knowing about some guys who pulled a B&E, but Bush and his cronies take away our rights, create a false war, violate the Constitution like a Duke University player with a stripper after a victorious game, and in the words of our Speaker of the House, “impeachment is off the table.” C’mon Nancy, you can do better than that. You are woman, now string these guys up by their balls and be done with it.

Speaking of balls, Halliburton must have been listening to that Steve Miller Band song. No, not the ones about saving the environment, the one that has the line about “take the money and run”, because they moved to Dubai, a country known for breeding championship horses and sweet ass tax shelters. Halliburton has been fucking the American tax-paying public since their man in the White House started this whole Iraq mess, and now they aren’t even going to kiss us goodbye before they leave us lying in the wet spot by avoiding billions in taxes. The Dems say they will hold hearings, but they’ve got a lot on their plate. Again, why isn’t anyone talking impeachment yet?

The National Association of Evangelicals has publicly condemned torture tactics perpetrated by the U.S. military, and has come out in favor of environmental protection. I guess it’s never to late to try to apologize for being the group of people who elected the worst president in U.S. history by rationalizing that a vote for George W. was a vote for Jesus. Unfortunately, not all Christians agree with the NAE. James Dobson’s mind control brigade, Focus on the Family, said this week that before they can agree with the NAE’s stance on the environment they have to determine whether global warming is man-caused and can be man-corrected. The scary thing is that all of these peoples’ votes count just as much as yours.

If you take Ambien for sleep-related issues make sure you give your car keys to someone before going for that shuteye. It was revealed this week that one of the side effects of sleep medication is sleep driving, where medicated people will get up in the middle of the night and go for a drive with no recollection of getting behind the wheel. Finally, someone has explained why driving in Seattle sucks ass!

Chiquita, the banana folks, have to cough up a $25 million fine for using Columbian terrorists to protect their workers in violent growing areas in South America. Apparently the same group of guys looking out for our bananas is responsible for numerous civilian mass murders, targeted kidnappings, and working in collusion with cocaine cartels. Who knew that innocent bunch of bananas sitting on my counter could have had such a tumultuous life. You can be sure that Chiquita is no longer getting my 39 cents per pound.

In Local News

We finally hired an agent to sell our house, which means that since she left around noon my husband has been obsessing non-stop about whether or not it was a good idea. He does this quite often with nearly everything and after five and a half years I should be used to it. However, when he starts into his ‘worse case scenario’ rants, I still want to stick a fork in his eye.

I’m heading down to Southern California to interview for two different jobs on Tuesday. Both seem like cool places to work, and I’m very qualified for the positions, so with any luck by this time next month I’ll be reporting the “In Local News” from SoCal, and it will be sunny and rainfree!

Worthless Entertainment News

Angelina Jolie adopted a three year old boy from Vietnam this week. It must be nice to have nannies, because if she had to actually take care of her 5-year-old Cambodian son, her 2-year old Ethiopian daughter, and her 10-month-old birth daughter all on her own along with this new one, she might be double-thinking adding another one to her brood. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends with more than three kids, but they don’t get voted “Sexiest Mom of the Year.” In the real world, perfecting your eyeliner isn’t at the top of your list when you’ve got four munchkins who want mac ‘n’ cheese for lunch.

Disney is set to feature its first black princess in the upcoming animated musical, “The Frog Princess”. Now African-Americans everywhere can be happy about having their daughters manipulated into thinking that being a princess is the best goal in life, too.

Funny lady, Carol Burnett, is suing “The Family Guy” for using her animated cleaning woman character along with a slightly altered version of her show’s theme song. All I’m wondering now is, does anyone else think it’s weird that Carol Burnett watches “The Family Guy?”

Asshole of the Week

Dear Readers, I’ve been doing Quote of the Week for the past year, but I’ve come to the realization that one stupid thing someone says shouldn’t define who they are. Instead, I’ve chosen to point out people who say many stupid things and feature them in this new segment: Asshole of the Week. Enjoy!

Senator John McCain – He ran in 2000 as a guy who would give you the straight up story, then the Bush crew came in and did their damage. I guess after six years of eating shit and tasting power he wants the presidency so bad he’ll do or say anything to get it. Seven years ago he was pro-choice, now he isn’t. Seven years ago he was against torture, which makes since as a former prisoner of war, now he signed onto legislation that allowed for water boarding. He apologized this week for a racist comment he made in describing equal parental rights in divorce cases, and started a NCAA betting pool on his website. For all of the back peddling, and for saying and doing anything just to get elected president, Senator McCain, you are the Asshole of the Week.