For Hanukkah this year I don't want fancy jewelry or the latest iGadget from Apple or even a relaxing spa day, what my heart truly desires is the one thing that will make existing in this world a lot easier: I want Osama bin Laden's cell phone plan.
I work in an industrial, office building strewn area in Irvine, California, but despite being surrounded by technology I can barely get two bars on a clear day. My calls cut out the moment I head over the smallest hill, I rarely make it through a conversation with out getting that garbled sound at least twice, and during lunch, I have to wander around outside waving my cell phone in the air like a moron to try and find the one tiny spot in the middle of the road where I can actually get reception. Meanwhile, Osama is hiding out in cave in Pakistan making all sorts of calls to Al Jazeera, and from the playback tapes on the news, he's coming in crystal clear.
What kind of karma is it when America's most feared terrorist mastermind who is personally responsible for the deaths of thousands can get great cell service, but me, an friendly punk mama from Orange County who has never hurt anyone (who didn't have it coming) has to carry two phones in her purse, because the Metro PCS covers one area while the T-Mobile almost covers the other.
I don't ask for much in life; health, happiness, a day where my husband doesn't nag me to do something that I forgot to do, so why can't I find a cell plan as good as the one owned by a fundamentalist jihadist who once herded goats for a living. I'm way more deserving, and unlike Osama, I'll reserve my ire for the real Americans that should be targeted - those bastards in D.C. profiting from the war.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Thought of the Day
Now it's personal. My 20-year-old cousin was deployed to Iraq yesterday. I'm so pissed I can barely see straight. I'm one of those shit disturbers that has been against this war since the beginning. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't see the benefit of young people dying or lose a limb for corporate oil profits.
He doesn't even know when he'll be home, because those fuckers keep extending military deployments, so basically he is in that desert shithole until We, The People get off our collective asses and begin raising severe amounts of hell. I would say he's over there until the opposition party grows some balls, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. I voted those assholes in because they said they were going to end this war, but they turned out be a bunch of gutless wonders.
I just hope he doesn't end up coming home the way most service people are returning, with an amputated limb or in a body bag. I have to believe that he will be okay, but I worry about the poor boy's mind. Watching horror movies, playing 'shoot 'em up' Xbox games, and being desensitized daily by advertising is one thing, but coming face to face with the reality and smell of death is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I'll pray for my young cousin nightly, and as for those bastards in D.C. they'd better do something to end this soon.
He doesn't even know when he'll be home, because those fuckers keep extending military deployments, so basically he is in that desert shithole until We, The People get off our collective asses and begin raising severe amounts of hell. I would say he's over there until the opposition party grows some balls, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. I voted those assholes in because they said they were going to end this war, but they turned out be a bunch of gutless wonders.
I just hope he doesn't end up coming home the way most service people are returning, with an amputated limb or in a body bag. I have to believe that he will be okay, but I worry about the poor boy's mind. Watching horror movies, playing 'shoot 'em up' Xbox games, and being desensitized daily by advertising is one thing, but coming face to face with the reality and smell of death is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I'll pray for my young cousin nightly, and as for those bastards in D.C. they'd better do something to end this soon.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thought of the Day
I love my new home in Southern California, but I haven't quite gotten used to the obsession with perfection, and the numerous surgical means for achieving said perfection. I was looking through the local indie magazine this week when I saw one of the many plastic surgery centers advertising a procedure called "vaginal rejuvenation".
After a few curious moments, I went to the Google and found out that your face and boobs aren't the only things that droop or sag a bit with age. My question now is, who in the world decided that their private parts were too old looking, and how did they make this discovery!?! I know my nightly routine includes washing my face, brushing my teeth, applying wrinkle cream, and combing out my hair, but perhaps I've completely missed the step where I stand naked over a mirror to make sure my vagina still looks as fabulous as it did when I was in my early 20s.
I have been on this earth for 34 years, and in that time I have met a lot of men from all backgrounds, cultures, and countries with various tastes and preferences, and aside from the gay ones, I have never known a man to turn away pussy because the labial lobes weren't tight enough. Any man who did turn it away for that reason is an asshole you wouldn't want to fuck anyways, so what's the point of this stupid surgery!
This procedure should be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It should be the one thing that gives us a clue that no matter how much you use a knife to alter your appearance, you will never be perfect, because there is no one definition of perfect. One person's perfect is another person's Frankenstein, so ladies, enough plastic surgery bullshit, and for fuck's sake be kind to your body, and spare your vag the hatchet job.
After a few curious moments, I went to the Google and found out that your face and boobs aren't the only things that droop or sag a bit with age. My question now is, who in the world decided that their private parts were too old looking, and how did they make this discovery!?! I know my nightly routine includes washing my face, brushing my teeth, applying wrinkle cream, and combing out my hair, but perhaps I've completely missed the step where I stand naked over a mirror to make sure my vagina still looks as fabulous as it did when I was in my early 20s.
I have been on this earth for 34 years, and in that time I have met a lot of men from all backgrounds, cultures, and countries with various tastes and preferences, and aside from the gay ones, I have never known a man to turn away pussy because the labial lobes weren't tight enough. Any man who did turn it away for that reason is an asshole you wouldn't want to fuck anyways, so what's the point of this stupid surgery!
This procedure should be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It should be the one thing that gives us a clue that no matter how much you use a knife to alter your appearance, you will never be perfect, because there is no one definition of perfect. One person's perfect is another person's Frankenstein, so ladies, enough plastic surgery bullshit, and for fuck's sake be kind to your body, and spare your vag the hatchet job.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Thought of the Day
There is this new reality show on either Lifetime or TLC called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer" about women who overcome cancer. Now I'm all about empowerment, but this just rubs me wrong. I've known a fair amount of cancer survivors, and there is nothing sexy about cancer. Losing your hair after chemo isn't sexy, vomiting your guts up after an adverse reaction to your drug cocktail isn't sexy, feeling like shit isn't sexy, and losing a body part is definitely not sexy.
And why does everything have to be sexy anyways. Are we such a society of babies that we have to glam up the reality of illness just to feel like we live in an okay world where everything has a happy ending?
Cancer is a shitty disease that some people live through and others don't. Attitude is a big part of surviving anything, but depending on your cancer, it's just a crap shoot. I think a better title for the show would have been, "Shitty Cancer and the Crazy, Sexy People Who Survive It."
And why does everything have to be sexy anyways. Are we such a society of babies that we have to glam up the reality of illness just to feel like we live in an okay world where everything has a happy ending?
Cancer is a shitty disease that some people live through and others don't. Attitude is a big part of surviving anything, but depending on your cancer, it's just a crap shoot. I think a better title for the show would have been, "Shitty Cancer and the Crazy, Sexy People Who Survive It."
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Thought of the Day
I know this sounds crazy, but I think this whole business about O.J. Simpson being involved in an armed robbery is bullshit. I'm no fan of the guy, and do believe he killed his wife. Any man that could bloody the mother of his children's face with his fists in a violent rage, could kill her without a hitch. However, this latest media hype (which I'm already completely sick of) just seems like a charade.
Why would O.J., a guy who is well aware of his social pariah status, get involved with a traffic ticket, let alone something like armed robbery. There are too many holes in the story, and the witnesses are already proving to be completely unreliable. What this situation is, plain and simple, is the desire by everyone to see this guy punished, but the big problem is that punishing him for anything just to punish him is wrong. Our legal system is designed to achieve fair results in most situations. I believe it failed in the O.J. case, largely due to media sensationalism. However, it's a pretty good system.
This latest tabloid splash is just American society's desire to see revenge played out on a guy who deserves to be in prison. The thought of O.J. behind bars would make me happy, but the thought of anyone wrongly convicted or jailed over bullshit charges makes me shutter. Enough of this O.J. crap, and let's make the news talk about something relevant like the fact that all of the presidential candidates suck.
Why would O.J., a guy who is well aware of his social pariah status, get involved with a traffic ticket, let alone something like armed robbery. There are too many holes in the story, and the witnesses are already proving to be completely unreliable. What this situation is, plain and simple, is the desire by everyone to see this guy punished, but the big problem is that punishing him for anything just to punish him is wrong. Our legal system is designed to achieve fair results in most situations. I believe it failed in the O.J. case, largely due to media sensationalism. However, it's a pretty good system.
This latest tabloid splash is just American society's desire to see revenge played out on a guy who deserves to be in prison. The thought of O.J. behind bars would make me happy, but the thought of anyone wrongly convicted or jailed over bullshit charges makes me shutter. Enough of this O.J. crap, and let's make the news talk about something relevant like the fact that all of the presidential candidates suck.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
9/11 Nothingness
I remember where I was six years ago today. Jeff and I were just waking up to our talk radio alarm clock when the announcer asked the guy in the traffic helicopter how long he would be able to stay in the air. The helicopter guy said that all airports had been put on lock down. Jeff jumped out of bed, turned on the television, and we watched in disbelief as the plane hit the second tower. The rest of the day was spent dealing with the reality of what had just happened. It was amplified for me, because I was working at The Museum of Flight at that time. Our Museum was located in front of Boeing Field, and for the next two weeks the only planes that flew were military, or private jets donated by local millionaires to the Red Cross for supply flights back East.
I would like to sit here at this time and talk about positive things that have emerged out of this terrible tragedy, but I can’t, because not a damn good thing came out of this. We were united as a nation for a little while. One of the first flights I took after 9/11 was amazing. Strangers from every background you could imagine were making great conversation with others around them. I sat in between a young California State trooper and a traveling photographer, and enjoyed the talk. At the time, everyone needed it. We needed to know that those on our left or right were on the same page and willing to put forth the effort to re-assure their brethren that all was well.
Unfortunately, this unity that formed in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy was manipulated, abused, and stomped on by greedy politicians and corporate war profiteers who used our need to feel safe for their own selfish gain. Bush and Company won the election by playing to our fears, yet they have never done a thing since the tragedy to ease them. We are at war with a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, other than applaud it. We now have to practically strip down to our skivvies at the airport in order to take a flight. Mothers have to surrender their children’s formula or breast milk at the checkpoint or be delayed with seven kinds of hell. We have given the government the right to wiretap our phones and houses, hold us under arrest indefinitely, and violate most of our personal rights in the name of security. However, they have consistently failed to provide adequate security.
We are no safer now than we were six years ago, and the difference today is that we are in far more danger. The country we should have gone after with the terrorist mastermind who plotted 9/11 has been virtually untouched. The Taliban is still in power, and the poppy industry (i.e. heroin) is booming there. The country swallowing all of our military, money, and energy has become a cesspool of sectarian violence and has already turned into our next Vietnam. It has also served as fertile training ground for those who hate the U.S. to become more efficient at killing us. We are no longer seen as the world’s ally, we are now the bully in the schoolyard.
What is even more frightening is the fact that Osama bin Laden has never been caught, and will never be caught, not because our military is too incompetent to find him, but because our politicians need bin Laden. Without bin Laden they can’t get us to live in fear, surrender our freedom, or keep funding the war machine that makes them rich. Losing bin Laden would be losing that ‘bear in the woods’. He has become the boogeyman under the bed, the Snowball in Animal Farm. Even the latest video message, supposedly from bin Laden, looks like a farce perpetrated to keep us at ‘war with Eurasia, because we have always been at war with Eurasia.’
I wish like hell that 9/11 would have never happened, but it did. What I wanted to see come from it was the perseverance that I know this country is capable of and it did, for awhile. Now what I would like to see from us all is a quest for honesty, truth, and the determination to get the manipulators, war profiteers, and crooked politicians out of positions of power. Next 9/11, I would like to be able to write about the way our country pulled together, gave the government hacks a good kick in the ass, forced the re-investment into the infrastructure, and did away with the ‘bin Laden is watching’ myth. Next year, I truly believe we can kill Snowball and end the war with Eurasia.
I would like to sit here at this time and talk about positive things that have emerged out of this terrible tragedy, but I can’t, because not a damn good thing came out of this. We were united as a nation for a little while. One of the first flights I took after 9/11 was amazing. Strangers from every background you could imagine were making great conversation with others around them. I sat in between a young California State trooper and a traveling photographer, and enjoyed the talk. At the time, everyone needed it. We needed to know that those on our left or right were on the same page and willing to put forth the effort to re-assure their brethren that all was well.
Unfortunately, this unity that formed in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy was manipulated, abused, and stomped on by greedy politicians and corporate war profiteers who used our need to feel safe for their own selfish gain. Bush and Company won the election by playing to our fears, yet they have never done a thing since the tragedy to ease them. We are at war with a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, other than applaud it. We now have to practically strip down to our skivvies at the airport in order to take a flight. Mothers have to surrender their children’s formula or breast milk at the checkpoint or be delayed with seven kinds of hell. We have given the government the right to wiretap our phones and houses, hold us under arrest indefinitely, and violate most of our personal rights in the name of security. However, they have consistently failed to provide adequate security.
We are no safer now than we were six years ago, and the difference today is that we are in far more danger. The country we should have gone after with the terrorist mastermind who plotted 9/11 has been virtually untouched. The Taliban is still in power, and the poppy industry (i.e. heroin) is booming there. The country swallowing all of our military, money, and energy has become a cesspool of sectarian violence and has already turned into our next Vietnam. It has also served as fertile training ground for those who hate the U.S. to become more efficient at killing us. We are no longer seen as the world’s ally, we are now the bully in the schoolyard.
What is even more frightening is the fact that Osama bin Laden has never been caught, and will never be caught, not because our military is too incompetent to find him, but because our politicians need bin Laden. Without bin Laden they can’t get us to live in fear, surrender our freedom, or keep funding the war machine that makes them rich. Losing bin Laden would be losing that ‘bear in the woods’. He has become the boogeyman under the bed, the Snowball in Animal Farm. Even the latest video message, supposedly from bin Laden, looks like a farce perpetrated to keep us at ‘war with Eurasia, because we have always been at war with Eurasia.’
I wish like hell that 9/11 would have never happened, but it did. What I wanted to see come from it was the perseverance that I know this country is capable of and it did, for awhile. Now what I would like to see from us all is a quest for honesty, truth, and the determination to get the manipulators, war profiteers, and crooked politicians out of positions of power. Next 9/11, I would like to be able to write about the way our country pulled together, gave the government hacks a good kick in the ass, forced the re-investment into the infrastructure, and did away with the ‘bin Laden is watching’ myth. Next year, I truly believe we can kill Snowball and end the war with Eurasia.
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