Friday, October 06, 2006

Weekly Recap 10/1-7: Gunning Down the Amish & Perv Politicians

Headline News Recap
At the beginning of the week some whack job went nuts, burst into an Amish girls’ school and open fired killing five girls and injuring another five. This really perplexes me, because what I want to know is what the fuck this guy could possibly have against the Amish. These are a group of people who keep to themselves, ride around in a horse and buggy, and don’t bug the outside world in the least, and they make excellent, hand-crafted wooden furniture. Of course there is mounds of speculation that this guy was mentally unstable (ya think!), and that he killed girls, because he really wanted to molest them. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs when people who don’t even get to contribute to the decline of society have to deal with the business end of it.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or happen to be Amish, you’ve probably heard by now that the pious Republican Congressman from Florida, Mark Foley, sent nasty emails and IMs to young guys working as Congressional pages. The bigger story is who knew about it and for how long. Evidence is now coming out that many Republicans did know Foley had a thing for young dudes, but they kept their mouths shut. This story may be shocking, but it isn’t surprising. Everyone in D.C. seems to be obsessed with their own power, and when you take a group of people who barely have to run for office in order to get elected, they end up acquiring the mandatory “G-d complex” and think they have the right to do whatever they want. Foley claims he’s gay, but I don’t buy it. I think the Republicans are trying to dig their way out of their hypocrisy hole, and figure that if they can pressure Foley to come out of the closet, they can blame his behavior on a deviant lifestyle choice instead of admitting that they might have perverts in their ranks.

By the way, while everyone was focusing on the pervert and those who knew him to be a pervert, the Bush Regime scored a big win against all that is just and humane by legalizing torture. After wiping his ass with the Geneva Conventions, Bushy went to work gathering all of the allies, or at least those who will still admit to being a George W. ally, and got them to pass a bill giving the green light to “enhanced interrogation”. Basically, the U.S. government can’t rape or kill, and possibly can’t pull a detainee’s fingernails out with pliers, but I’m sure there are ways of getting around that pesky language. At this point, I wonder if Saddam will continue to stand trial, or be up for a Bush Administration appointment in the near future.

Other signs that the neocon house of cards is finally crumbling: Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist championed the idea of the Taliban being allowed back into power in Afghanistan, because the war could never be won there. I guess Frist is okay with the idea of forcing 9-year-old girls into sex slave marriages to 50-year-old men, as well as public executions of women who tell their husbands not to beat them. Former CIA Chief George Tenet did give Condoleezza Rice the 411 on Al Qaeda and their threats when the Bush Regime took office, but nothing was done and you know the rest of that story. Rule #1: If you’re going to lie about something, make sure it isn’t a big one that has a paper trail and where the people involved are still living and talking to the media. Most of the Republicans up for re-election are running from Bush like my husband from one of Rachael’s poopies, but hopefully the public can see through it. Remember folks, not one of these spineless weasels opposed their golden boy when he lied about WMDs, now go out and get some sweet voter revenge!

In Local News
The crazy broad who was obsessed with the woman who owned my house prior to me put her house on the market. Maybe she realized that the friendship she cultivated in the four short months that the previous owners lived here was the best she’d ever had, and that looking at their house everyday made life unbearable, or perhaps she moved East to be closer to her bestest friend, either way, I’m just happy she is gone. Hopefully the next people who move in will be cool. Maybe if I’m lucky, it will be another punk chick who is more than a bit uncomfortable living in the ‘burbs, but I have a feeling it will be awhile before I find out since the loony bitch overpriced her house.

Stuff I Don’t Give a Fuck about This Week
I don’t give a fuck that Brad Pitt hired David Beckham to tutor Angelina’s boy in soccer. I don’t give a fuck about Kate Hudson screwing Owen Wilson. I don’t give a fuck about Anna Nicole’s baby daddy. I don’t give a fuck about Paris Hilton’s fistfight with that former Playboy model, and think it’s kind of pathetic that it was over the idiot from Blink 182. I don’t give a fuck about Kirsten Dunst playing an overtly sexual Marie Antoinette in her latest movie, nor do I give a fuck that the French are objecting to it.

Finally, I don’t give a fuck about Tom Cruise keeping Katie Holmes on a tight workout schedule, and will everyone please stop saying he is kidnapping her! Getting to live in a ginormous mansion with a guy who lets you spend a decent chunk of his $600 million net worth, while he takes you to movie premiers, and makes sure you get non-Dawson’s Creekish movie roles is not being kidnapped, it is simply part of the tactic known as Operation: Beard.

Quote of the Week
“You know, I’m mad at you, because my book is probably going to be knocked out of the No. 1 by your book. I’m just kidding.” – Bill O’Reilly to legendary journalist Bob Woodward on The O’Reilly Factor. No, Bill’s not kidding, he’s a whiny bitch and he probably is a little mad, but that’s what happens when fiction goes up against well-written, non-fiction. Sorry Bill, if it hadn’t been Woodward’s book, State of Denial, it would have been the latest issue of Guns & Ammo or one of those cheesy romance novels.

1 comment:

FOUR DINNERS said...

You go girl! Dilligaf either?