It started so easy; my daughter’s love of Dora the Explorer. In the beginning, Rachael was 18 months and responded to the animated Latina’s annoyingly cute songs and brightly colored clothes. My little munchkin loved Dora’s sidekick, Boots the Monkey, and by watching Dora she could learn a little Spanish as a bonus. It seemed so harmless; after all, what real damage could an hour of Dora during the week do to a child.
Rachael’s love of Dora began turning the dangerous corner when she was nearing age two. Rachael wanted to watch Dora videos all of the time. Jeff and I tried to pepper in some Maisy, with a little bit of Miffy, and even tried to get her turned onto a little of our nostalgia with School House Rock, but she was having none of it. Maisy would last for a half hour, Miffy was fine for 20 minutes, but it always ended with Rachael screaming her devotion to Dora.
For her second birthday party we did a Dora theme, and little did I (the media scholar) realize we were enabling our girl’s addiction. Now, as we are coming to Rachael’s third birthday I am ashamed to admit that I have a fully functional Doraophile as a daughter.
Rachael informed us a month ago that her party was to be Dora-themed. She wanted a Dora cake, a Dora pinata, Dora plates, Dora napkins, Dora party favors, and all of the other Dora shit on the market. Fortunately, the branding ogres have thought ahead, and haven’t missed a beat creating all things Dora for a little girl’s birthday party.
Of course, it gets worse. I realized that my daughter’s obsession was getting out of hand when I was at the store at 10:00 PM on a Saturday night spending an ungodly amount of money on the Dora castle. If I was a heartless corporate marketing whore, I’d give a big “hats off” to those bastards who created the Dora the Explorer Magic Castle. Jeff and I managed to get the castle on sale at Toys ‘R’ Us for a low price thanks to a $3 off coupon, and $45 in gift cards. The catch is that the castle, much like a new home, is unfurnished.
Each room of furniture for the castle was $10, times five rooms, plus the royal characters, which also are sold separately, and at the end of the day, you’ve spent a disgusting amount of money on a toy. Jeff and I thought about slipping in another, generic dollhouse, and just buying the Dora castle figurines, but unfortunately, all of those hours of Dora have made our girl smart, and we weren’t going to get away with slipping her a fake castle. Rachael managed to memorize all of the cool things the Dora castle does by studying the display for 10 minutes. As I pushed her in the cart she went on and on about how you can use the special magic wand to make the Dora castle do fun things, and how the Dora castle talks to you.
My daughter’s obsession with Dora is now complete. She has all of Dora’s movies, most of the Dora dolls, Dora bath toys, the Dora talking kitchen, a set of Dora bedding, Dora games, Dora books, and now the over-priced Dora castle with the furniture and characters. To my credit, most of the Dora items in her playroom were gifts from family and friends. However, I should have put the kibosh on this a long time ago, but how could I have known that the innocent looking cartoon sweetie teaching my girl to count in both English and Spanish was really the figurehead for a mass marketing evil empire.
You may have won this round, marketing bastards, but this mommy is now wise to your game. I’m keeping an eye on my girl’s childhood obsessions from here out. In fact, I’ve already started her on a book series called Sweet Pickles. The Pickles are wholesome, teach good lessons, and are no longer in print. I buy her these second hand books from eBay and used bookstores. There are no Sweet Pickles bathroom sets, Sweet Pickles toys, Sweet Pickles DVD players, and best of all, no fucking Sweet Pickles magic castle with furniture and characters sold separately!
5 comments:
That castle is a hindrance on any parent's bank account. Mina pleaded with me to buy it for her at the toystore and when I tried to explain the basics of money and it costing too much, she protested by going boneless and lying on the filthy floor of said toy store wailing.
I'm disgusted by the range of merchandise out there for Dora and other ubiquitous cartoons of the Noggin family. It reminds me of that Simpson's episode when Krusty the Clown was broke and was trying to come up with more merchandise to shuck out. His accountant responded with, "But Krusty, we've put your name on everything already! Look, we even have a Krusty the Clown home pregnancy test!"
Get her into The Simpsons. Now that's a worthwhile addiction. Don't think we've got Dora over here. Not noticed her anyroad. Bratz are still the rage.
I feel your pain. To quote Swiper, "Oh man!"
I love Sweet Pickles! I had those books growing up, and I've a good mind to collect the rest (I have one) of the series when I have kids. Good call.
Oh no! My 20 month old recently began her Dora addiction and I, naively?, am encouraging everyone to get her Dora-gear for christmas. I guess I'd better re-think! LOL!!!
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