For Hanukkah this year I don't want fancy jewelry or the latest iGadget from Apple or even a relaxing spa day, what my heart truly desires is the one thing that will make existing in this world a lot easier: I want Osama bin Laden's cell phone plan.
I work in an industrial, office building strewn area in Irvine, California, but despite being surrounded by technology I can barely get two bars on a clear day. My calls cut out the moment I head over the smallest hill, I rarely make it through a conversation with out getting that garbled sound at least twice, and during lunch, I have to wander around outside waving my cell phone in the air like a moron to try and find the one tiny spot in the middle of the road where I can actually get reception. Meanwhile, Osama is hiding out in cave in Pakistan making all sorts of calls to Al Jazeera, and from the playback tapes on the news, he's coming in crystal clear.
What kind of karma is it when America's most feared terrorist mastermind who is personally responsible for the deaths of thousands can get great cell service, but me, an friendly punk mama from Orange County who has never hurt anyone (who didn't have it coming) has to carry two phones in her purse, because the Metro PCS covers one area while the T-Mobile almost covers the other.
I don't ask for much in life; health, happiness, a day where my husband doesn't nag me to do something that I forgot to do, so why can't I find a cell plan as good as the one owned by a fundamentalist jihadist who once herded goats for a living. I'm way more deserving, and unlike Osama, I'll reserve my ire for the real Americans that should be targeted - those bastards in D.C. profiting from the war.
3 comments:
I'm on T-Mobile. Never have a problem anywhere. Up a hill, in a cave, in the pub, in the loo, doesn't matter. Clear signal everywhere.
Caz's bleeps off almost before she hits the answer button.
Maybe mobiles have it in for the female of the species?
I'm canceling my T-Mobile plan, because I can't get reception at work or at home, so what's the point. It's so frustrating when this wonderful technology we have is supposed to work, but ends up crapping out when you need it.
I'm with Virgin, but I get shitty service too. Osama is a VIP, so whaddya expect?!
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