New Year's Rundown

At this time of the year, most are making their New Year’s resolutions, and trying to figure out exactly how long they have to keep them before they won’t look like a complete loser by giving them up. A good round number is six months. If you can stay on that diet for at least six months, that will take you right into summer where you won’t be eating much, because it will be too hot to eat a large meal, and by the time you fall completely off the wagon, it will be early Fall, and everyone else’s New Year’s resolutions will be history, so you’ll be in the clear.

Moving on, I prefer not to take an assessment of the previous year at this time. I don’t like the fact that every t.v. channel gives you their Top 101 list of the previous year (I guess in our bigger, faster, better, more society, a list of just 100 things was not enough). Instead, I like to know what I’ve got to look forward to in this year to come. It’s my way of being in the now, and also fulfilling my New Year’s resolution of trying to be more positive about the future.

It’s 2006 and we get to start off the year with a new Supreme Court justice, unfortunately, the man of the hour is Samuel Alito; a man who upholds the neo-con ideals as sacredly as the tenants of the Christian bible. He has said in his audition (i.e. confirmation hearing) that he will be “open minded” when it comes to issues of abortion and a woman’s right to choose. This is as credible as George W. telling Congress to give him the powers of war and he’ll pursue every means of settling Iraq peacefully first.

I don’t mind that the majority of politicians are corrupt pieces of shit, we all know that. What I hate is the fact that their territorial pissing contests end up hurting real people. For example, I don’t give two ounces of a rat’s ass that George W. and his cronies wanted better access to one of the world’s largest oil reserves, its Arab land, go for shit. However, they led us to war under false pretenses and now over 10,000 kids are coming back with missing and disfigured limbs. Most people are very middle-of-the-road despite the barrage of advertising by the conservative and liberal movements. The average American just wants to be able to do an honest day’s work, make a decent wage, live in a safe neighborhood, and engage in a pleasurable activity of choice on the weekends. They only care about abortion when it concerns someone they know who’s thinking about having one, and even then, they are hands off about the issue.

If Alito makes it in, abortion procedures will be history in 2006. They will never overturn Roe v. Wade, they will just limit the hell out of it to the point where the scalpel will be replaced by the coat hanger, the clueless best friend will be the substitute for a trained healthcare provider, and the sanitary operating room will be traded for the bathroom at the local high school.

Some of the more positive things to look forward to in 2006 will be the eventual demise of one of these talentless, anorexic, actress/celebrities, such as Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Mary Kate Olsen, Ashlee Simpson, her sister Jessica, Nicole Ritchie, the list goes on. All of these broads have hot cars that go really fast and some of them have been in or caused accidents recently, so odds are that in their dizzied state resulting from a combination of lack of food and intense amount of alcohol, they are bound to bite it in some sort of wreck. Not that I would wish something bad on anyone, but I’m so damn sick of these bitches. They do nothing, yet I see them gracing the cover of every magazine. Let’s face it, the world would be a better place if just one or two of them were out of the public eye. They don’t have to die in a car accident; they could just be slightly disfigured. In our beauty-obsessed world, this would make them a public pariah quicker than O.J. Simpson at a Speed Dating event.

With Howard Stern moving over to satellite radio, more people in 2006 will catch onto what a great technology this is. I have XM and my husband has Sirius, and they are both better than anything on free radio. Those who decide not to subscribe to satellite will inevitably benefit, since the new option will force traditional radio to step up its game. Either way, there is a possibility that in 2006 radio will get better for everyone, which is something that has needed to happen since Michael Powell became the FCC’s Darth Vader.

Finally, on the local level, Seattle tax payers may be able to enjoy a nice refund since it looks like the monorail will be nothing more than a Folklife Festival pipe dream. I’m not saying it will never happen, but if you wish for the monorail in one hand and shit in the other you know which one will get full first.

2006 will be what it will be: the good, the bad, and the very, fucking predictable. Maybe if all goes well, barring any natural disasters and terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, but including the death/disfiguring accident of a vacuous blonde or two, I’ll have my own Top 101 list at the end of the year.