Weekly Recap 9/10-16: September 11th Overkill and Fabulous Mannings

Headline News Recap
The fifth anniversary of the worst attack on U.S. soil since Pearl Harbor happened on Monday. You might have missed it if you happened to be a deaf mute who lives in a cave, but if you’re a regular Joe/Jill American you are probably damn sick of the 9/11 imagery especially when it appears nearly every second of the day on neocon media. Do those bastards know how to whore a tragedy or what! Since it’s been five years I think we have to step back now and consider maybe a more tasteful way of commemorating the lives lost on September 11th rather than showing the smoking Towers and replaying the emergency call center audio.

Citizens of the U.S. take a lesson from the Jews. We’ve experienced enough genocide and mass murder that we’ve got commemorating it down to a pat. On the anniversary of the tragic day, you have everyone light a candle, hang their American flags, and on big anniversaries like the 10th, 20th, and so on, you do a quiet solidarity march. No more neocon mouthpieces broadcasting from the Towers, just some candle-lighting and quiet prayer. Given the fact that it was mainly New Yorkers that perished on 9/11, and New York is traditionally a Democratic state, we aren’t really letting the deceased rest in peace by allowing extremist wingnuts use their death for publicity purposes.

Speaking of the sick son of a bitch who masterminded 9/11, a new book by African feminist poet, Kola Boof, reveals that while on a date at a Moroccan café in the mid-90s, she was confronted by Osama bin Laden. Later that evening, he followed her back to her hotel, raped her then took her as his mistress and prisoner for six months. She details her six month imprisonment at a four-star hotel along with Sami’s quirks like the fact that he likes Van Halen and thinks Whitney Houston is the bomb (pun completely intended). She gives insight into his thinking and belief system and reveals a truly disturbed, scary man. Bombing foreign embassies is violent, brainwashing a bunch of dudes into flying planes into a building is depraved, but forcing your Sudanese sex slave to dance naked to the B-52’s “Rock Lobster” lets the rest of the world know that they are dealing with one sick fuck.

My two favorite people this week are Payton and Eli Manning. I don’t give a rat’s ass about football, but apparently when two quarterbacks on opposing teams happen to be brothers it attracts enough Americans to their game and away from that farce ABC decided to run called The Path to 9/11. Thank you Manning Brothers, you did the impossible and made a sports game up the collective I.Q. of the population.

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention the tabloidesque story about Anna Nicole Smith’s son being found dead in the Bahamas. He was there for the birth of Anna’s second child, and slumped over dead after fluffing up pillows to help his mom get comfortable. Usually when Anna is in the news, we all laugh. Her life is the kind of thing that makes mentally retarded people feel better about their level of intelligence, but since I’m a mom I think this story is sad. Yes, the woman is an idiot, and spent the better part of her late 20s fondling the shriveled private parts of a really, really old guy, but nobody should ever bury their own kid.

In Local News
We vote to incorporate our little neck of the Pacific Northwest into a bonafide city this coming Tuesday. The taxes won’t be lower, but at least we’ll have more say over our destiny. It came out today that the opponents of the Fairwood initiative happens to be several King County builders associations. I guess they don’t want to have to deal with buying off a whole new group of people, so instead they paid a call center to telemarket the negative aspects of incorporation to people in Fairwood. They haven’t called me yet, but I really hope they do.

This Week’s “No Shit” List
The Iraqi Constitution is not holding up. Geez with the budding civil war, a leadership put into place by the occupiers who waged an illegal war, the lack of basic services such as water, security, and electricity, I don’t understand why things aren’t going so well.

Most guys are officially declaring that Brittney Spears is no longer sexy. What did her in? Was it the loser husband, the obsession with Cheetoes or the fact that she is a talentless idiot who no longer has the tight ass to provide eye candy thrills? I’m thinking it’s the last one.

GOP senators came out in support of warrantless wiretapping. After all, it would be such a burden if the companies that slip support money to these senators actually had to come up with a creative way to compete with their competition instead of getting “tips” on their marketplace strategies. C’mon, you know this is happening. Warrantless wiretapping isn’t just for terrorists anymore!

Quote of the Week
“If we had to do it over again, we’d do exactly the same thing.” – Vice President Dick Cheney on Meet the Press. Tim Russert asked Cheney if he still would have invaded Iraq knowing that there weren’t any WMDs and, of course, Cheney said “yes.” Forget the WMDs, it’s about the oil, baby, yeah. Can we please give these guys the boot soon!