Winning is a good thing. It’s nice to feel victorious or know you are the best at something. I like winning, and feeling like a winner, but lately, I’m not all that fond of the word itself.
Last night I was flipping stations endlessly under the delusion that I would find something interesting and informative, when I passed by Fox News. Fox’s shorter, younger, more egotistical version of Rush Limbaugh, otherwise known as Sean Hannity, was grilling an anti-war activist asking him how he expected the U.S. to win the war if the citizens didn’t give all of their blind devotion, love and dollars to Resident Bush. Okay, I’m paraphrasing, but anyone who’s had to listen to this blowhard fuck for five seconds knows I’m not off base by a centimeter with the above description.
After being completely disgusted, and launching into a verbal rant that would have made a sailor blush (thankfully, the toddler was in bed), I began to consider the whole concept of “winning” this war in Iraq.
In order to give a thorough analysis, let’s look at war. War is when two tribes, countries, groups of people, decide that they hate each other so much that they can’t bear the thought of living on the same earth as the other, and therefore arrive at the only reasonable solution: the other tribe/country/group of people must die.
The only way to win a war, under the above particular definition of war, is to kill more people than your rival tribe/country/group of people, which means that the only way to win the war in Iraq, at this point, is to begin killing a hell of a lot more people. I’m sure folks like Hannity and his ilk are all in favor of it, but given the half million people who showed up in Washington D.C. to protest the war, the registered voters who gave the Republicans the boot, and bloggers all over the world who are screaming for an end, thankfully, the neocons don’t have the consent needed to pursue their bloodlust.
Not that the lack of support will stop them in their desire to conquer all, and spread democracy, no matter how many Iraqi children they have to send to their graves, damn it! Unfortunately, we have an asshole in the White House who is so rooted in simple definitions that he refuses to look at the broader implications of winning this war. I wouldn’t put it past him to begin discussing nukes in the near future, which as previously mentioned in the above, simplistic definition of winning a war, would be a way of winning. He doesn’t have any regard for human life, no matter how hard he trumpets the anti-choice agenda, and since our troops are maxed, nukes will be the next thing our fearless leader tries to convince us will work.
In previous generations, war has been used to combat aggressors, put an end to human suffering, and achieve peace. Leaders who went to war with the purpose of fighting tyranny agonized at the idea of the innocent human life that would be lost, but that seemed to change around the time of Vietnam, when war became nothing more than a way to make one ideology trump another. We should have learned our lesson then, but fast forward to 2002 when we were fighting them over there, so we wouldn’t have to fight them over here.
The reality is that winning this war isn’t possible, and, more importantly, we can no longer frame it as a winner/loser situation. Most Americans want to bring the situation to an end realizing that although we did combat an aggressor in Iraq, we failed to look at history and realize that the country was made up of three warring tribes that will stop at nothing to win their own age-old war. It is no longer about winning, more than it is about ending American involvement. There isn’t going to be peace or an end to human suffering until the Sunnis, Shiias, and Khurds work out their own disputes, which given the current state of Iraq, might be awhile.
The most important thing to do at this point, other than drop the word “winning” in terms of speaking about Iraq is to realize that no one wins a war. A lot of people die, cities are destroyed, and power changes hands for better or worse, but the very mention of a “winner” or “loser” is always subjective. The only winner I’ve seen so far in this whole Iraq debacle, despite what Hannity, Bush, and other dittoheads say, is companies like Halliburton, crooked Iraqi officials, fundamentalist Muslim groups who hate the U.S., and oil companies who have discovered the best long-range excuse to keep gouging a public that is already paying out the ass for the worst presidential fuck up in history. Nope, there are no winners here, and there won’t be anytime soon, so enough of this “winning” crap, already!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Weekly Recap 1/21-27: Body Image Irritations & Dumb W.
Headline News Recap
Resident Bush’s Tuesday night State-of-the-Union address claims that amongst other things, our economy is strong, there have been millions of new jobs created, the No Child Left Behind Act has produced successful results, and that he wants to work with the Democratic leadership to give more Americans better access to healthcare coverage and strengthen Medicare and Social Security. Funny, it seemed like just yesterday in his State-of-the-Union address in 2003 he promised to build government-funded healthcare clinics in every community in the U.S. It’s amazing what you can say when you don’t have things like truth and honesty standing in your way.
Just as a side note: less than 48 hours after delivering his Tuesday address expressing his desire to work with Democrats, Bushy made a statement in front of his generals that he was the “decision maker” regarding the future of American involvement in Iraq. Perhaps someone should explain to the spoiled boy prince exactly what the words “working together” mean, and if you do, speak slowly, this is G.W. after all.
Republican Senators stood fast to their “compassionate conservative” credo by voting against a bill to raise the minimum wage unless it contained $8 billion in tax breaks for businesses. Well, at least those miserable bastards are honest about where their loyalties lie.
Rolling Stone magazine claimed this week that the Democrats would be hard pressed to find a presidential candidate better than Al Gore. This statement might have been worth taking seriously if it didn’t come from a publication that claims to be on the cutting edge of music, but regularly features Brittney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and other garbage pop stars/bands on its cover while ignoring the good artists in the underground.
Body images issues were big in international news this week as Great Britain said on Wednesday that they would not uphold the ban on waif-like models, because they didn’t want to hamper the creativity of designers. The British government claims that the onus falls on the fashion industry to police itself, because that policy has worked so well up until now. On the more sensible, polar opposite end of the argument, the Spanish government has ruled that store mannequins need to be fattened up to, at least, a size 10 in order to appear in shop windows. All I can say at this point is, “Viva la Espana!”
In keeping with their particular brand of journalistic integrity, Fox News blowhard, Neil Cavuto, hosted a gripping issues-oriented roundtable with a group of Hooters waitresses addressing such important topics like the recent beauty pageant scandals, the characteristics one needs to become a Hooters waitress, and why the world just seems to be so down on pretty women lately. Isn’t funny to see what happens when the official news network of the Bush Administration can’t even defend their boy, because no one’s buying their bullshit anymore and they don’t want to sacrifice ratings.
Porn stars are in a tussle about high definition television. Apparently, HDTV tends to reveal everything including skin irritations, stretch marks, and that random bullet wound scar that appears on one’s ass from having a life that led them to porn in the first place. Those who perform sex for money on film are now compensating through plastic surgery, extreme tanning, and better lighting, however, they do say that HDTV is an advantage, because it does make the experience of watching more real. If the porn industry has the desire to make the experience more real, instead of high-def, wouldn’t they be better served handing out lotion samples along with books on how to meet a real, living woman?
Germaphobes everywhere can breathe easier (if they are wearing their protective face masks). Scientists specializing in disease control have discovered that microwaving items such as the sponges, scrubbing pads, and towels used for cleaning, for two minutes will leave them 99% bacteria free. This process can now accompany lines of products such as anti-microbial pens, file folders, and trash cans with infrared sensors, in the fight against germs. Wouldn’t it just be easier to build up an immune system?
In Local News
A coffee stand in Tacoma is doing great business by having their baristas dress in barely there clothing. The gals say they make great tips and see nothing wrong with hocking their coochie for coffee. You know, when I was thrown to the ground and man-handled by two brutish police officers while being arrested for protesting all in an effort to give women greater freedom to determine their own destinies, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
A man in Washington State was arrested for domestic violence after he used a stun gun on his wife’s 79 year old grandmother. The two were having a dispute over how to discipline the family’s toddler when he got pissed and let Granny have it. Seattle is a progressive, intelligent area, then there’s the rest of Washington.
Worthless Entertainment News
Well, buy me a crystal ball and call me Madame Zelda, a couple of weeks ago I predicted that within the year, David and Victoria Beckham would have their own reality show. It didn’t even take a month, and the two are in negotiations with Fox to have cameras following them 24/7 as they settle into their new lives in L.A. The show promises to be modeled after The Osbournes, only the music will be far worse.
The Donald Trump/Rosie O’Donnell publicity feud has ended just in time for entertainment news sources to get back to reporting on more important things like the fact that Lindsay Lohan keeps her removed appendix in a jar in her freezer. That’s just fucking twisted.
Quote of the Week
“The blonde hair she has now makes her look skinny.” – a PR rep for famous sitcom twin, Mary Kate Olsen, commenting on the star’s skeletal appearance at the Golden Globe Awards.
Under this same logic, the rep would probably have us believe that the moon is, indeed, made of cheese and that O.J. never laid a finger on his ex-wife. Anna Nicole Smith’s hair was its blondest while she was filming her TV show, and believe me, her body didn’t look a thing like Mary Kate’s. The sad thing is that Mary Kate is a young lady with fame, tons of money, and possibly a bright future (if she doesn’t keep depleting her body of calcium and iron), and the only thing this woman is concerned about is keeping her weight under 100 lbs.
Between Britain’s refusal to ban anorexic models, baristas using their bare bodies to sell lattes, and Hollywood’s silent requirement that all female actors look like whippets, I’m seriously thinking that Spain might be a better destination than California.
Resident Bush’s Tuesday night State-of-the-Union address claims that amongst other things, our economy is strong, there have been millions of new jobs created, the No Child Left Behind Act has produced successful results, and that he wants to work with the Democratic leadership to give more Americans better access to healthcare coverage and strengthen Medicare and Social Security. Funny, it seemed like just yesterday in his State-of-the-Union address in 2003 he promised to build government-funded healthcare clinics in every community in the U.S. It’s amazing what you can say when you don’t have things like truth and honesty standing in your way.
Just as a side note: less than 48 hours after delivering his Tuesday address expressing his desire to work with Democrats, Bushy made a statement in front of his generals that he was the “decision maker” regarding the future of American involvement in Iraq. Perhaps someone should explain to the spoiled boy prince exactly what the words “working together” mean, and if you do, speak slowly, this is G.W. after all.
Republican Senators stood fast to their “compassionate conservative” credo by voting against a bill to raise the minimum wage unless it contained $8 billion in tax breaks for businesses. Well, at least those miserable bastards are honest about where their loyalties lie.
Rolling Stone magazine claimed this week that the Democrats would be hard pressed to find a presidential candidate better than Al Gore. This statement might have been worth taking seriously if it didn’t come from a publication that claims to be on the cutting edge of music, but regularly features Brittney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and other garbage pop stars/bands on its cover while ignoring the good artists in the underground.
Body images issues were big in international news this week as Great Britain said on Wednesday that they would not uphold the ban on waif-like models, because they didn’t want to hamper the creativity of designers. The British government claims that the onus falls on the fashion industry to police itself, because that policy has worked so well up until now. On the more sensible, polar opposite end of the argument, the Spanish government has ruled that store mannequins need to be fattened up to, at least, a size 10 in order to appear in shop windows. All I can say at this point is, “Viva la Espana!”
In keeping with their particular brand of journalistic integrity, Fox News blowhard, Neil Cavuto, hosted a gripping issues-oriented roundtable with a group of Hooters waitresses addressing such important topics like the recent beauty pageant scandals, the characteristics one needs to become a Hooters waitress, and why the world just seems to be so down on pretty women lately. Isn’t funny to see what happens when the official news network of the Bush Administration can’t even defend their boy, because no one’s buying their bullshit anymore and they don’t want to sacrifice ratings.
Porn stars are in a tussle about high definition television. Apparently, HDTV tends to reveal everything including skin irritations, stretch marks, and that random bullet wound scar that appears on one’s ass from having a life that led them to porn in the first place. Those who perform sex for money on film are now compensating through plastic surgery, extreme tanning, and better lighting, however, they do say that HDTV is an advantage, because it does make the experience of watching more real. If the porn industry has the desire to make the experience more real, instead of high-def, wouldn’t they be better served handing out lotion samples along with books on how to meet a real, living woman?
Germaphobes everywhere can breathe easier (if they are wearing their protective face masks). Scientists specializing in disease control have discovered that microwaving items such as the sponges, scrubbing pads, and towels used for cleaning, for two minutes will leave them 99% bacteria free. This process can now accompany lines of products such as anti-microbial pens, file folders, and trash cans with infrared sensors, in the fight against germs. Wouldn’t it just be easier to build up an immune system?
In Local News
A coffee stand in Tacoma is doing great business by having their baristas dress in barely there clothing. The gals say they make great tips and see nothing wrong with hocking their coochie for coffee. You know, when I was thrown to the ground and man-handled by two brutish police officers while being arrested for protesting all in an effort to give women greater freedom to determine their own destinies, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
A man in Washington State was arrested for domestic violence after he used a stun gun on his wife’s 79 year old grandmother. The two were having a dispute over how to discipline the family’s toddler when he got pissed and let Granny have it. Seattle is a progressive, intelligent area, then there’s the rest of Washington.
Worthless Entertainment News
Well, buy me a crystal ball and call me Madame Zelda, a couple of weeks ago I predicted that within the year, David and Victoria Beckham would have their own reality show. It didn’t even take a month, and the two are in negotiations with Fox to have cameras following them 24/7 as they settle into their new lives in L.A. The show promises to be modeled after The Osbournes, only the music will be far worse.
The Donald Trump/Rosie O’Donnell publicity feud has ended just in time for entertainment news sources to get back to reporting on more important things like the fact that Lindsay Lohan keeps her removed appendix in a jar in her freezer. That’s just fucking twisted.
Quote of the Week
“The blonde hair she has now makes her look skinny.” – a PR rep for famous sitcom twin, Mary Kate Olsen, commenting on the star’s skeletal appearance at the Golden Globe Awards.
Under this same logic, the rep would probably have us believe that the moon is, indeed, made of cheese and that O.J. never laid a finger on his ex-wife. Anna Nicole Smith’s hair was its blondest while she was filming her TV show, and believe me, her body didn’t look a thing like Mary Kate’s. The sad thing is that Mary Kate is a young lady with fame, tons of money, and possibly a bright future (if she doesn’t keep depleting her body of calcium and iron), and the only thing this woman is concerned about is keeping her weight under 100 lbs.
Between Britain’s refusal to ban anorexic models, baristas using their bare bodies to sell lattes, and Hollywood’s silent requirement that all female actors look like whippets, I’m seriously thinking that Spain might be a better destination than California.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Report Card
I’ve taken great pleasure in listening to the whining neocons go on and on about the Democrats since they took control at the beginning of January and restored the checks and balances system that was supposed to be a staple of our government. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of complaints about Democrats, but I have ten times the number of angry grumblings about Republicans, because of the way they all so quickly lied down and spread for an administration that has bordered on a dictatorship since the day it stole the election. I know Justice Scalia said we need to just “get over it”, but sorry, I’m a citizen that votes and pays taxes to uphold a system that is supposed to count my vote, so I’m not getting over it anytime soon, motherfucker.
Back to neocon whining, they have already begun tearing Dems apart on shit that hasn’t even happened, and continue to tout their golden boy, George W., as a knowledgeable president whose goal it is to bring the world closer to democracy, basically the neocons have completely lost their minds, and don’t get the fact that the American people have caught onto them.
Anyways, before the lies about Dems start spewing forth from the mouths of the neocons like diarrhea from a toddler’s ass (I’ll take the poppy baby butt any day), I think it’s only fair to give an accurate assessment of the job our Resident-in-Chief has been doing since taking office in 2000. Oh, and just for credibility purposes, which Bill O’Reilly constantly harps on, the sources for all of these stats are listed.
Here’s W’s report card:
ON INCOMES:
--Median household income in 2000: $47,599
--Median household income in 2005: $46,326
(US Census Bureau, Table H-8. Median Household Income by State: 1984 to 2005)
--Salary of a full-time minimum wage employee without vacation: $10,712
--Average time for top CEOs to earn that sum: 2.06 hours
(Forbes Magazine. "What the Boss Makes." April 20, 2006)
--Federal minimum wage in 2000: $5.15/hr
--Federal minimum wage in 2006: $5.15/hr
--Loss in purchasing power, full time worker annually: $1,562
ON ENERGY PRICES:
--Average price of home heating oil on Jan. 3, 2000: $1.15 per gallon
--Average price of home heating oil on Jan. 1, 2007: $2.42 per gallon
(U.S. Energy Information Admin. Jan. 4, 2007)
--Average price of gasoline on Jan. 3, 2000: $1.31 per gallon
--Average price of gasoline on Jan. 1, 2007: $2.38 per gallon
(U.S. Energy Information Admin. Jan. 5, 2007)
--Exxon Mobil profits in 2000: $7.9 billion
--Exxon Mobil profits in 2006: $36.1 billion
(CNNMoney.com, accessed Jan. 19, 2007)
ON EDUCATION:
--Average cost of a year at a public four-year college in 2000: $9,958
--Average cost of a year at a public four-year college in 2006: $12,796
(Costs include tuition, fees, room & board. MSN Money 2000/Associated Press. Jan. 14, 2005. College Board. Trends in College Pricing 2007)
ON HEALTH CARE COSTS:
--Americans without health insurance, 2000: 38.2 million
--Americans without health insurance, 2005: 46.6 million
(US Census Bureau, Sept. 2001; US Census Bureau, Aug. 2006)
--Average monthly worker contribution for family coverage in 2000: $135
--Average monthly worker contribution for family coverage in 2006: $248
--Personal bankruptcies due to medical bills: 55 percent
(The Kaiser Family Foundation, Sept. 26, 2006; Health Affairs Health Policy Journal, Feb. 2, 2005)
ON THE IRAQ WAR:
--Number of US troops killed in Iraq prior to “Mission Accomplished” speech in 2003: 139
--Number of US troops killed in Iraq as of Jan. 22, 2007: 3,056
--Number of Iraqi civilians killed in 2006, according to the United Nations: 34,452
(iCasualties.org, Jan. 22, 2007; U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq, Jan. 16, 2006)
--Number of US troops wounded in Iraq prior to “Mission Accomplished” speech in 2003: 542
--Number of US troops wounded in Iraq as of January 10, 2007: 22,834
(iCasualties.org. Jan. 10, 2007)
--Total US military expenditures (including in Iraq and Afghanistan) in 2006: $522 billion
--Total military expenditures of the 10 next top spenders combined: $386 billion (Includes China, Russia, the UK, Japan, France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Italy, and Australia. Center for Arms Control and Non-Proliferation. Feb. 16, 2006.)
--U.S. Federal Discretionary Budget spent on Military not including Iraq, in 2006: 48.7 percent
--Amount spent on Education: 6.7 percent
(White House Office of Management and Budget, Feb. 6, 2006)
ON DEBTS AND DEFICITS:
--Monthly U.S. Trade Deficit in October 2000: $33.8 billion
--Monthly U.S. Trade Deficit in October 2006: $58.9 billion
(U.S. Census Bureau Foreign Trade Statistics. Jan. 10, 2007)
--U.S. Current Account Deficit, FY 2000: $435.4 billion
--U.S. Current Account Deficit, FY 2006: $900 billion
(Economic Policy Institute. March 14, 2001; Economic Policy Institute. March 14, 2006)
--Loss of value of U.S. dollar relative to the Euro, Jan. 24, 2000 to Jan. 23, 2006: 23 percent
(X-rate.com, accessed Jan. 23, 2006)
--US Budget Deficit in FY 2000: $230 billion surplus
--US Budget Deficit in FY 2006: $423 billion deficit
(White House Office of Management and Budget. Budget of the United States Government, Historical Tables, Fiscal Year 2007; White House Office of Management and Budget. Table S-1. 2006 budget totals)
--US National Debt in FY 2000: $5.7 trillion
--US National Debt in FY 2006: $8.5 trillion
(Bureau of the Public Debt, Jan. 16, 2007)
I guess Georgie forgot to read the Cliff’s Notes. If I was a teacher, I’d be torn; do I hold him back another year until he figures it out, or do I let him pass, because I don’t want to deal with him any longer than I have to. It doesn’t matter, because the one piece of rhetoric coming from the mainstream, corporate that rings true is the fact that George W. Bush is the worst present in U.S. history.
Many thanks to Frank at Democratic Socialists of America for the stats and sources.
Back to neocon whining, they have already begun tearing Dems apart on shit that hasn’t even happened, and continue to tout their golden boy, George W., as a knowledgeable president whose goal it is to bring the world closer to democracy, basically the neocons have completely lost their minds, and don’t get the fact that the American people have caught onto them.
Anyways, before the lies about Dems start spewing forth from the mouths of the neocons like diarrhea from a toddler’s ass (I’ll take the poppy baby butt any day), I think it’s only fair to give an accurate assessment of the job our Resident-in-Chief has been doing since taking office in 2000. Oh, and just for credibility purposes, which Bill O’Reilly constantly harps on, the sources for all of these stats are listed.
Here’s W’s report card:
ON INCOMES:
--Median household income in 2000: $47,599
--Median household income in 2005: $46,326
(US Census Bureau, Table H-8. Median Household Income by State: 1984 to 2005)
--Salary of a full-time minimum wage employee without vacation: $10,712
--Average time for top CEOs to earn that sum: 2.06 hours
(Forbes Magazine. "What the Boss Makes." April 20, 2006)
--Federal minimum wage in 2000: $5.15/hr
--Federal minimum wage in 2006: $5.15/hr
--Loss in purchasing power, full time worker annually: $1,562
ON ENERGY PRICES:
--Average price of home heating oil on Jan. 3, 2000: $1.15 per gallon
--Average price of home heating oil on Jan. 1, 2007: $2.42 per gallon
(U.S. Energy Information Admin. Jan. 4, 2007)
--Average price of gasoline on Jan. 3, 2000: $1.31 per gallon
--Average price of gasoline on Jan. 1, 2007: $2.38 per gallon
(U.S. Energy Information Admin. Jan. 5, 2007)
--Exxon Mobil profits in 2000: $7.9 billion
--Exxon Mobil profits in 2006: $36.1 billion
(CNNMoney.com, accessed Jan. 19, 2007)
ON EDUCATION:
--Average cost of a year at a public four-year college in 2000: $9,958
--Average cost of a year at a public four-year college in 2006: $12,796
(Costs include tuition, fees, room & board. MSN Money 2000/Associated Press. Jan. 14, 2005. College Board. Trends in College Pricing 2007)
ON HEALTH CARE COSTS:
--Americans without health insurance, 2000: 38.2 million
--Americans without health insurance, 2005: 46.6 million
(US Census Bureau, Sept. 2001; US Census Bureau, Aug. 2006)
--Average monthly worker contribution for family coverage in 2000: $135
--Average monthly worker contribution for family coverage in 2006: $248
--Personal bankruptcies due to medical bills: 55 percent
(The Kaiser Family Foundation, Sept. 26, 2006; Health Affairs Health Policy Journal, Feb. 2, 2005)
ON THE IRAQ WAR:
--Number of US troops killed in Iraq prior to “Mission Accomplished” speech in 2003: 139
--Number of US troops killed in Iraq as of Jan. 22, 2007: 3,056
--Number of Iraqi civilians killed in 2006, according to the United Nations: 34,452
(iCasualties.org, Jan. 22, 2007; U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq, Jan. 16, 2006)
--Number of US troops wounded in Iraq prior to “Mission Accomplished” speech in 2003: 542
--Number of US troops wounded in Iraq as of January 10, 2007: 22,834
(iCasualties.org. Jan. 10, 2007)
--Total US military expenditures (including in Iraq and Afghanistan) in 2006: $522 billion
--Total military expenditures of the 10 next top spenders combined: $386 billion (Includes China, Russia, the UK, Japan, France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Italy, and Australia. Center for Arms Control and Non-Proliferation. Feb. 16, 2006.)
--U.S. Federal Discretionary Budget spent on Military not including Iraq, in 2006: 48.7 percent
--Amount spent on Education: 6.7 percent
(White House Office of Management and Budget, Feb. 6, 2006)
ON DEBTS AND DEFICITS:
--Monthly U.S. Trade Deficit in October 2000: $33.8 billion
--Monthly U.S. Trade Deficit in October 2006: $58.9 billion
(U.S. Census Bureau Foreign Trade Statistics. Jan. 10, 2007)
--U.S. Current Account Deficit, FY 2000: $435.4 billion
--U.S. Current Account Deficit, FY 2006: $900 billion
(Economic Policy Institute. March 14, 2001; Economic Policy Institute. March 14, 2006)
--Loss of value of U.S. dollar relative to the Euro, Jan. 24, 2000 to Jan. 23, 2006: 23 percent
(X-rate.com, accessed Jan. 23, 2006)
--US Budget Deficit in FY 2000: $230 billion surplus
--US Budget Deficit in FY 2006: $423 billion deficit
(White House Office of Management and Budget. Budget of the United States Government, Historical Tables, Fiscal Year 2007; White House Office of Management and Budget. Table S-1. 2006 budget totals)
--US National Debt in FY 2000: $5.7 trillion
--US National Debt in FY 2006: $8.5 trillion
(Bureau of the Public Debt, Jan. 16, 2007)
I guess Georgie forgot to read the Cliff’s Notes. If I was a teacher, I’d be torn; do I hold him back another year until he figures it out, or do I let him pass, because I don’t want to deal with him any longer than I have to. It doesn’t matter, because the one piece of rhetoric coming from the mainstream, corporate that rings true is the fact that George W. Bush is the worst present in U.S. history.
Many thanks to Frank at Democratic Socialists of America for the stats and sources.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Leni Dearest
Since the earliest I can remember, I find myself in interesting, odd situations that have come to be known as Seinfeld moments. They are bizarre, yet low key, situational circumstances that had they been written by Larry David and acted out on the small screen by Jerry, Elaine, George or Kramer would bring about the type of hysterical laughing that causes one to shoot soda through your nose.
Last night was a quintessential Seinfeld moment. My friend, Monica, invited me to see a silent movie. In Seattle, the Paramount Theater runs various silent movie series where they have a guy playing an authentic Wurlitzer organ through the entire movie and have someone narrating the titles if they aren’t in English. This was going to be a very cool experience.
We had dinner, and made sure we got to the theater in time to grab good seats. Monica had purchased tickets for the series of three movies not knowing what the movies were or their content. When they handed us the program, we found out Monica’s film trio were German existentialist pictures, which seemed very interesting. She had missed the first one due to a nasty snowstorm that paralyzed the city, but we were at the second one in the series.
I was looking through the program reading the description of our film, The White Hell of Pitz Palu, while a professor of theater arts introed the film. The movie was made in 1929…okay, definitely authentic. It was considered the ultimate mountaineer movie of it’s time…hmmm, pre-Cliffhanger or all those ski films from the ‘80s, I can believe it. In the role of the female lead is a young Leni Riefenstahl…okay Leni, what the fuck!
My horrified gasp must have been noticeable, because Monica immediately turned to me with wide eyes exclaiming, “What?” For those of you who aren’t familiar with the name Leni Riefenstahl, let me fill you in. This beautiful, doe-eyed gal we were about to watch for a full two hours might have been climbing the snowy caps of Pitz Palu in 1929, but by 1935 she was producing, directing, writing and editing Triumph of the Will; the film that served as the ultimate tool by the Nazis to deify Adolf Hitler and the entire Nazi movement. Leni Dearest would end up becoming the unofficial filmmaker for the Third Reich spreading Hitler’s propaganda, and defending her work and involvement until her death in 2003 at the age of 101 (bastards do tend to live forever).
Monica asked if I wanted to leave, but I opted to stay. I knew how much she was looking forward to this experience, besides I’m open-minded, and Leni wasn’t a Nazi at that point. There should have been a device recording the running commentary in my head during the movie, again, it would have been the stuff Jerry could have made a mint on.
When Leni appears on the screen playing the young newlywed, I looked up thinking, so young, so sweet, little did they know she end up being a Nazi whore. The scene where she, her new groom, and the experienced mountain climber are trapped on an icy hill freezing made me smile as I thought, too bad the bitch really didn’t freeze to death on that hill. Maybe I was being a touch judgmental, but after the fall of the Third Reich, Leni came out publicly saying she was never a member of the Nazi Party (she just let them finance her films, and had an intimate working relationship with Hitler), and she stood by her work (because, damn it, those shots of SS marching lockstep were lit just perfectly). Leni Dearest also said she was never anti-Semitic, but they always say stuff like that when the Nazi Hunters come a knockin’.
I’m sure there are tons of film geeks out there who would love to tear me a new ass for ripping on Leni given her reputation as a filmmaker, so I’ll admit it, after two hours of watching black and white shots of the icy Alps with anticlimactic organ music playing in the background, I am unable to separate the woman from her legacy as a Nazi spin machine, and I guarantee I’ll never sit through another Leni Riefenstahl movie again. Thankfully, I have the sense of humor that prevented me from yelling, “fucking Nazi bitch” as the film came to a close.
Last night was a quintessential Seinfeld moment. My friend, Monica, invited me to see a silent movie. In Seattle, the Paramount Theater runs various silent movie series where they have a guy playing an authentic Wurlitzer organ through the entire movie and have someone narrating the titles if they aren’t in English. This was going to be a very cool experience.
We had dinner, and made sure we got to the theater in time to grab good seats. Monica had purchased tickets for the series of three movies not knowing what the movies were or their content. When they handed us the program, we found out Monica’s film trio were German existentialist pictures, which seemed very interesting. She had missed the first one due to a nasty snowstorm that paralyzed the city, but we were at the second one in the series.
I was looking through the program reading the description of our film, The White Hell of Pitz Palu, while a professor of theater arts introed the film. The movie was made in 1929…okay, definitely authentic. It was considered the ultimate mountaineer movie of it’s time…hmmm, pre-Cliffhanger or all those ski films from the ‘80s, I can believe it. In the role of the female lead is a young Leni Riefenstahl…okay Leni, what the fuck!
My horrified gasp must have been noticeable, because Monica immediately turned to me with wide eyes exclaiming, “What?” For those of you who aren’t familiar with the name Leni Riefenstahl, let me fill you in. This beautiful, doe-eyed gal we were about to watch for a full two hours might have been climbing the snowy caps of Pitz Palu in 1929, but by 1935 she was producing, directing, writing and editing Triumph of the Will; the film that served as the ultimate tool by the Nazis to deify Adolf Hitler and the entire Nazi movement. Leni Dearest would end up becoming the unofficial filmmaker for the Third Reich spreading Hitler’s propaganda, and defending her work and involvement until her death in 2003 at the age of 101 (bastards do tend to live forever).
Monica asked if I wanted to leave, but I opted to stay. I knew how much she was looking forward to this experience, besides I’m open-minded, and Leni wasn’t a Nazi at that point. There should have been a device recording the running commentary in my head during the movie, again, it would have been the stuff Jerry could have made a mint on.
When Leni appears on the screen playing the young newlywed, I looked up thinking, so young, so sweet, little did they know she end up being a Nazi whore. The scene where she, her new groom, and the experienced mountain climber are trapped on an icy hill freezing made me smile as I thought, too bad the bitch really didn’t freeze to death on that hill. Maybe I was being a touch judgmental, but after the fall of the Third Reich, Leni came out publicly saying she was never a member of the Nazi Party (she just let them finance her films, and had an intimate working relationship with Hitler), and she stood by her work (because, damn it, those shots of SS marching lockstep were lit just perfectly). Leni Dearest also said she was never anti-Semitic, but they always say stuff like that when the Nazi Hunters come a knockin’.
I’m sure there are tons of film geeks out there who would love to tear me a new ass for ripping on Leni given her reputation as a filmmaker, so I’ll admit it, after two hours of watching black and white shots of the icy Alps with anticlimactic organ music playing in the background, I am unable to separate the woman from her legacy as a Nazi spin machine, and I guarantee I’ll never sit through another Leni Riefenstahl movie again. Thankfully, I have the sense of humor that prevented me from yelling, “fucking Nazi bitch” as the film came to a close.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Weekly Recap 1/15-20: Beauty Pageant Blunders & Dumb Drivers
Headline News Recap
Beauty pageants seem to be doomed these days as another beauty queen, Miss New Jersey Ashley Harder, stepped down this week, because it was discovered she was pregnant with her live-in boyfriend’s baby. This comes in the wake of the racy internet photos that cost Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees her crown, and Miss USA Tara Conner her reputation after being caught drinking and cavorting in New York City bars. All of this beauty pageant mishegas makes one wonder, why the hell do we still have beauty pageants in this day and age? Aren’t these broads really just a rhinestone headdress away from a stint on one of those Girl Gone Wild videos?
We can now officially tell anyone who denies global warming to go fuck themselves as snow appeared in Malibu this week. There is speculation that President Bush plans to refute the idea of global warming in his next State of the Union address, and this idea might be received by some people, if they weren’t freezing their asses off in their Bermuda shorts. With snow hitting areas like Arizona, Southern California, and heat waves running through the East Coast, while severe weather wipes out 50 people in the Midwest, global warming not only exists, it’s kicking our ass! Kyoto Treaty Now!
MySpace is set to release software that will allow parents to view details of their child’s profile causing some activists to call into question whether parents should be allowed to invade their child’s privacy. So here’s the deal, as a parent, my rules are simple: you live in my house, eat my food, I pay your bills, provide the computer, and when you want privacy rights, you can move out and take responsibility for your own expenses or move in with those so-called activists, end of story.
The Democrats made good on their promise to get something done in their first 100 hours in power, including rescinding $14 billion in tax substitutes to oil companies. The Dems, instead, decided to use that money to invest in alternative energy science, or as Resident Bush likes to put it, they took money away from hard working people in the oil industry and gave it to the un-American terrorists developing new ways to burn the American flag. He would also like to know why we can’t send the $14 billion to Iraq.
A judge ruled this week that trying to jump off the Empire State Building is not depraved enough to be a crime. The case was brought when a “daredevil” was arrested for attempting the stunt last April, which leads me to wonder, exactly what can we arrest David Blaine for?
Outgoing Republican National Committee Chair, Ken Mehlman, warned that if the GOP doesn’t reach out to minorities and address voters’ concerns about ethics and the war that they would suffer further defeats. You see Ken, it’s that kind of logical thinking and reasoning that cost you your job in the first place. In the party of George W. Bush, there is no place for factual information or concern for the average American. Better luck next time Kenny.
In Local News
Despite the remainder of the snow melting away on Thursday leaving the roads with a normal coat of Seattle wetness, drivers were still acting like senior citizens on Valium driving at a brisk pace of 25 miles per hour and breaking every few yards just to be safe. This behavior left me feeling very pro-nuclear and wondering why the fuck people in the Northwest bother to drive at all.
Worthless Entertainment News
Donald Trump got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week, which makes perfect sense since he is known for such thespian qualities like saying “You’re Fired” on a reality show, and enhancing the public dialog by carrying on a feud with a humorous lesbian. How much do you think The Donald paid for that star?
Hugh Hefner and his girlfriend (one of the three), Holly Madison, are considering having a child next year. Hef, who is 81, says that Holly really wants a kid and he is willing to oblige. Okay, enough already. Look Hef, we know, you’re an old guy, and you’re getting laid by hot, 20-something ass. You’ve got a ton of that hot ass, and it’s all yours and they lay around naked all over your house, and you are a total stud who parties with hot chicks. Stop with the kid business already, because as much as you want everyone to know you’re getting laid, everyone is still grossed out by the thought of 81-year-old balls.
Quote of the Week
“This raises a set of very difficult medical and ethical questions.” – Thomas Murray who heads a bioethics think tank commenting on the U.S.’s first womb transplant.
This surgery is risky, and doesn’t ensure successful pregnancies, in fact, the rate of failure and complication is far greater than the rate of success, but the positive thing is that instead of putting time and energy into curing breast cancer, heart disease, or other health issues that effect women, the world is focusing on making sure women can have babies, because what’s the use of having your health if you can’t be pregnant at some point. What year are we living in for G-d’s sake!?!
Beauty pageants seem to be doomed these days as another beauty queen, Miss New Jersey Ashley Harder, stepped down this week, because it was discovered she was pregnant with her live-in boyfriend’s baby. This comes in the wake of the racy internet photos that cost Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees her crown, and Miss USA Tara Conner her reputation after being caught drinking and cavorting in New York City bars. All of this beauty pageant mishegas makes one wonder, why the hell do we still have beauty pageants in this day and age? Aren’t these broads really just a rhinestone headdress away from a stint on one of those Girl Gone Wild videos?
We can now officially tell anyone who denies global warming to go fuck themselves as snow appeared in Malibu this week. There is speculation that President Bush plans to refute the idea of global warming in his next State of the Union address, and this idea might be received by some people, if they weren’t freezing their asses off in their Bermuda shorts. With snow hitting areas like Arizona, Southern California, and heat waves running through the East Coast, while severe weather wipes out 50 people in the Midwest, global warming not only exists, it’s kicking our ass! Kyoto Treaty Now!
MySpace is set to release software that will allow parents to view details of their child’s profile causing some activists to call into question whether parents should be allowed to invade their child’s privacy. So here’s the deal, as a parent, my rules are simple: you live in my house, eat my food, I pay your bills, provide the computer, and when you want privacy rights, you can move out and take responsibility for your own expenses or move in with those so-called activists, end of story.
The Democrats made good on their promise to get something done in their first 100 hours in power, including rescinding $14 billion in tax substitutes to oil companies. The Dems, instead, decided to use that money to invest in alternative energy science, or as Resident Bush likes to put it, they took money away from hard working people in the oil industry and gave it to the un-American terrorists developing new ways to burn the American flag. He would also like to know why we can’t send the $14 billion to Iraq.
A judge ruled this week that trying to jump off the Empire State Building is not depraved enough to be a crime. The case was brought when a “daredevil” was arrested for attempting the stunt last April, which leads me to wonder, exactly what can we arrest David Blaine for?
Outgoing Republican National Committee Chair, Ken Mehlman, warned that if the GOP doesn’t reach out to minorities and address voters’ concerns about ethics and the war that they would suffer further defeats. You see Ken, it’s that kind of logical thinking and reasoning that cost you your job in the first place. In the party of George W. Bush, there is no place for factual information or concern for the average American. Better luck next time Kenny.
In Local News
Despite the remainder of the snow melting away on Thursday leaving the roads with a normal coat of Seattle wetness, drivers were still acting like senior citizens on Valium driving at a brisk pace of 25 miles per hour and breaking every few yards just to be safe. This behavior left me feeling very pro-nuclear and wondering why the fuck people in the Northwest bother to drive at all.
Worthless Entertainment News
Donald Trump got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week, which makes perfect sense since he is known for such thespian qualities like saying “You’re Fired” on a reality show, and enhancing the public dialog by carrying on a feud with a humorous lesbian. How much do you think The Donald paid for that star?
Hugh Hefner and his girlfriend (one of the three), Holly Madison, are considering having a child next year. Hef, who is 81, says that Holly really wants a kid and he is willing to oblige. Okay, enough already. Look Hef, we know, you’re an old guy, and you’re getting laid by hot, 20-something ass. You’ve got a ton of that hot ass, and it’s all yours and they lay around naked all over your house, and you are a total stud who parties with hot chicks. Stop with the kid business already, because as much as you want everyone to know you’re getting laid, everyone is still grossed out by the thought of 81-year-old balls.
Quote of the Week
“This raises a set of very difficult medical and ethical questions.” – Thomas Murray who heads a bioethics think tank commenting on the U.S.’s first womb transplant.
This surgery is risky, and doesn’t ensure successful pregnancies, in fact, the rate of failure and complication is far greater than the rate of success, but the positive thing is that instead of putting time and energy into curing breast cancer, heart disease, or other health issues that effect women, the world is focusing on making sure women can have babies, because what’s the use of having your health if you can’t be pregnant at some point. What year are we living in for G-d’s sake!?!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
It's the Little Things That Are So Annoying
I get annoyed by something on a daily basis, and not by big things, like the fact that my husband calls me every hour on my cell phone or that my daughter has to fight me on everything I tell her. Instead I get steamed by the little things that, if they would only disappear, would make my life much more tolerable.
Kiwi Hair – You want to have a nice, refreshing piece of fruit, so you pick out a kiwi with the perfect amount of firmness/right amount of squishiness. You place it on your counter, and the moment you pick it up, it looks like the business end of your razor after a week-long camping trip. The worst part is that those little hairs never seem to wipe away easy. Nope, there you are 15 minutes later trying to get the last of the kiwi hairs off your counter. That’s a whole 15 minutes of your life you will never get back thanks to kiwi hair.
Messages on my Maxi Pads – So I’m in the bathroom taking care of business during that time of the month. I look down as I’m changing my pad only to see a little message printed in pastel green on the paper covering the adhesive part that says (and I’m not kidding), “Have a Happy Period.” What the fuck! I realize that we are now living in some kind of P.C., touchy-feely, nothing’s taboo, ‘girlfriends rule’ world, but why the hell would anyone in their right mind wish a woman a “happy period.” Some guy must have come up with this, because if a woman marketing exec approached her friends with this idea, they would have slapped her.
Periods are nothing to be happy about. For a week leading up to it, I am bloated so bad that my normally perfect fitting pants cut off circulation to the upper half of my body; no position I sit or lay in is comfortable, I’m so hungry I could eat the furniture, and I want to kill every living thing in site. Relief does come along with Aunt Flow, but it’s messy and gross, and absolutely nothing to be happy about. A note to the Marketing Department at Always: pads are a necessary evil, so just skip the happy period messages, and put them in a convenient location at the grocery store.
Dry Winter Skin – I’ve made an important scientific discovery! The reason why it rains so much in Seattle is because this area sucks all of the moisture from the skin of its inhabitants and drops it from the sky. Everyone in my house is itchy, even the dog. This time of year is brutal. I Carmex the hell out of my lips every night before bed, and it doesn’t help. By mid-morning they look as cracked and brittle as Carmen Electra’s makeup after a 72 hour party binger. No amount of lotion can help my family’s dry skin, and feeling scaly does nothing for the libido. I was always under the belief that those who dwelled by the water had radiant skin, but now I realize that the radiance I saw was just mounds of lavender and sea breeze scented skin cream glistening in those famous Northwest sunbreaks.
Emo Music – Last night I was hard at work designing the invitation for my upcoming gala, and I decided to turn on the television and find some music to keep me company. Since MTV hasn’t played music in about 10 years, I turned to VH-1. All I can say is, “The Horror! The Horror!” I’m not some sort of hardcore punk snob that can’t appreciate emo, I’ve been known to sing along to a Dashboard Confessional song or two, but this latest crop of emo boy bands has got to go.
The Feeling, Panic! At The Disco, Taking Back Sunday, the list seems to go on forever, and none of it has a happy ending. Not only do they all sound the same, they all look the same, too, it’s so weird. The guys in these bands are all skinny dudes with this choppy croppy black hair, wearing black eyeliner, sporting lame ass tattoos that you know they are going to have removed in about five years, and they are all filmed looking like they are about to cry.
I didn’t mind the whole metrosexual craze when it was more of a pop music thing, but when so-called “punk” musicians start sounding like whining pussies, then I have to take a stand. Listen guys, if you want to make music people might actually take seriously, stop shaving your balls, wearing unisex perfume, and caring about who designed your shoes, and get yourself back to reality with some Minor Threat, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, The Misfits, and other real punk bands that you don’t need to have a happy period to listen to.
Kiwi Hair – You want to have a nice, refreshing piece of fruit, so you pick out a kiwi with the perfect amount of firmness/right amount of squishiness. You place it on your counter, and the moment you pick it up, it looks like the business end of your razor after a week-long camping trip. The worst part is that those little hairs never seem to wipe away easy. Nope, there you are 15 minutes later trying to get the last of the kiwi hairs off your counter. That’s a whole 15 minutes of your life you will never get back thanks to kiwi hair.
Messages on my Maxi Pads – So I’m in the bathroom taking care of business during that time of the month. I look down as I’m changing my pad only to see a little message printed in pastel green on the paper covering the adhesive part that says (and I’m not kidding), “Have a Happy Period.” What the fuck! I realize that we are now living in some kind of P.C., touchy-feely, nothing’s taboo, ‘girlfriends rule’ world, but why the hell would anyone in their right mind wish a woman a “happy period.” Some guy must have come up with this, because if a woman marketing exec approached her friends with this idea, they would have slapped her.
Periods are nothing to be happy about. For a week leading up to it, I am bloated so bad that my normally perfect fitting pants cut off circulation to the upper half of my body; no position I sit or lay in is comfortable, I’m so hungry I could eat the furniture, and I want to kill every living thing in site. Relief does come along with Aunt Flow, but it’s messy and gross, and absolutely nothing to be happy about. A note to the Marketing Department at Always: pads are a necessary evil, so just skip the happy period messages, and put them in a convenient location at the grocery store.
Dry Winter Skin – I’ve made an important scientific discovery! The reason why it rains so much in Seattle is because this area sucks all of the moisture from the skin of its inhabitants and drops it from the sky. Everyone in my house is itchy, even the dog. This time of year is brutal. I Carmex the hell out of my lips every night before bed, and it doesn’t help. By mid-morning they look as cracked and brittle as Carmen Electra’s makeup after a 72 hour party binger. No amount of lotion can help my family’s dry skin, and feeling scaly does nothing for the libido. I was always under the belief that those who dwelled by the water had radiant skin, but now I realize that the radiance I saw was just mounds of lavender and sea breeze scented skin cream glistening in those famous Northwest sunbreaks.
Emo Music – Last night I was hard at work designing the invitation for my upcoming gala, and I decided to turn on the television and find some music to keep me company. Since MTV hasn’t played music in about 10 years, I turned to VH-1. All I can say is, “The Horror! The Horror!” I’m not some sort of hardcore punk snob that can’t appreciate emo, I’ve been known to sing along to a Dashboard Confessional song or two, but this latest crop of emo boy bands has got to go.
The Feeling, Panic! At The Disco, Taking Back Sunday, the list seems to go on forever, and none of it has a happy ending. Not only do they all sound the same, they all look the same, too, it’s so weird. The guys in these bands are all skinny dudes with this choppy croppy black hair, wearing black eyeliner, sporting lame ass tattoos that you know they are going to have removed in about five years, and they are all filmed looking like they are about to cry.
I didn’t mind the whole metrosexual craze when it was more of a pop music thing, but when so-called “punk” musicians start sounding like whining pussies, then I have to take a stand. Listen guys, if you want to make music people might actually take seriously, stop shaving your balls, wearing unisex perfume, and caring about who designed your shoes, and get yourself back to reality with some Minor Threat, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, The Misfits, and other real punk bands that you don’t need to have a happy period to listen to.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Weekly Recap 1/7-14: iPhone Hype & Beaconing Beckham
Headline News Recap
Aside from a speech that most political strategists would label as a complete act of idiocy, Resident Bush was on his moron high-horse this week giving the green light to oil drilling in Bristol Bay, Alaska. Bristol Bay happens to be known for its striking beauty as well as home to endangered whales and the largest run of sockeye salmon in the world. According to environmental groups, scientists, and anyone with a brain, the extraction of oil and natural gas will wreak havoc on Bristol Bay’s ecosystem, and endanger vital food supplies, but hey, at least some big oil barons will finally get to own their Las Vegas dream penthouse.
ABC News reporter Amanda Congdon was tasered at a consumer electronics show this week at a booth where people could voluntarily be tasered to see what it feels like. Okay, now that Amanda’s been tasered, can we do those bastards who did that biased 9/11 movie blaming the Clinton Administration for the Towers attack?
In an effort to not look like a bunch of greedy schmucks, the House introduced a bill that would raise the minimum wage from $5.15 per hour to $7.25 per hour over a two-year time period. Basically, by the time the minimum wage increase comes to fruition, there will be another ten-year fight to increase it to something people can actually live on, but never fear, those who represent us will still end up with a sweet six-figure income and benefits for life.
Apple, this week, pretended to stifle hype over its new iPhone. Apple G-d, Steve Jobs says that the iPhone, like its musical counterpart, the iPod, will have us re-thinking the way we use cell phones. In other words, everyone be on alert, because there is a new technology gadget ready to hit the market that our kids will be able to operate better than we will, and it will be far more complicated than the piece of shit we have right now. It will also cost more, and most likely, get worse reception.
The U.S. Embassy in Greece was bombed this week making me think that someone better fund Nia Vardalos’ next film project, and they’d better do it soon.
Rex Farrance, the Senior Editor of PC World magazine was murdered in his San Francisco home on Tuesday night by four masked, armed men. I’m no regular viewer of CSI, but if those men were carrying iPhones, I’d seriously consider questioning Steve Jobs.
The Senate, this week, passed a bill canceling pensions for Congressmen convicted of serious ethics violations such as bribery and conspiracy. How about attaching a term limits clause for those benefits, as well as a performance evaluation. If you do a shitty job, then I don’t have to pay your lifetime healthcare benefit. How ‘bout that!
In Local News
This week’s Recap was delayed due to a severe snowstorm that hit the Seattle area leaving the author trapped in the house for two days with her crazy ass toddler. Due to said entrapment, she was mentally unable to do anything accept wonder why she decided to have kids in the first place. Her life used to be so peaceful, her house used to be so clean, she never used to spend a half hour making pancakes for a demanding kid only to have the kid completely reject the meal once it was on the plate. Why, G-d, why! Where’s that home tube-tying kit when you need it!
Worthless Entertainment News
Every U.S. tabloid magazine staff was on cloud nine this week when it was announced that British football/soccer superstar David Beckham signed with the L.A. Galaxy for five years. Beckham and his Spice Girl wife will be hitting our shores just in time for the mainstream media to ignore all of the positive changes the Democrats are attempting to make, and instead report important things like what color drapes Posh will choose for her mansion’s sitting room.
Madonna weighed in on the “no undies” trend this week saying that she just doesn’t get it. Now you know that Hollywood has become some kind of wretched, skanky cesspool when Madonna frowns on it.
Paula Abdul was caught drinking and interviewing on Seattle’s Q13 Morning News show this week. Hey, cut Paula a break. You’d be drunk at 8:00 AM too if you had to work with that asshole Simon Cowell, listen to all of those pathetic contestants caterwauling miserably, and had to be perky about it. In fact, next time she comes through, I’ll be the first one to pass poor Paula a Long Island Iced Tea, because she needs it.
Quote of the Week
“I want to contribute to the world of ideas.” – Former Senator Rick Santorum on his new job as the Director of the American’s Enemies Program for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a right-wing Washington D.C. think tank.
If by new ideas, he means branding gays with pink triangles and quashing their rights, while at the same time relegating women to second class citizens, and on top of that, killing foreigners, enforcing extremist Christian law, and making anyone with a creative thought that isn’t, what he considers, moral, illegal and punishable by prison, then I guess Santorum is your idea man.
Aside from a speech that most political strategists would label as a complete act of idiocy, Resident Bush was on his moron high-horse this week giving the green light to oil drilling in Bristol Bay, Alaska. Bristol Bay happens to be known for its striking beauty as well as home to endangered whales and the largest run of sockeye salmon in the world. According to environmental groups, scientists, and anyone with a brain, the extraction of oil and natural gas will wreak havoc on Bristol Bay’s ecosystem, and endanger vital food supplies, but hey, at least some big oil barons will finally get to own their Las Vegas dream penthouse.
ABC News reporter Amanda Congdon was tasered at a consumer electronics show this week at a booth where people could voluntarily be tasered to see what it feels like. Okay, now that Amanda’s been tasered, can we do those bastards who did that biased 9/11 movie blaming the Clinton Administration for the Towers attack?
In an effort to not look like a bunch of greedy schmucks, the House introduced a bill that would raise the minimum wage from $5.15 per hour to $7.25 per hour over a two-year time period. Basically, by the time the minimum wage increase comes to fruition, there will be another ten-year fight to increase it to something people can actually live on, but never fear, those who represent us will still end up with a sweet six-figure income and benefits for life.
Apple, this week, pretended to stifle hype over its new iPhone. Apple G-d, Steve Jobs says that the iPhone, like its musical counterpart, the iPod, will have us re-thinking the way we use cell phones. In other words, everyone be on alert, because there is a new technology gadget ready to hit the market that our kids will be able to operate better than we will, and it will be far more complicated than the piece of shit we have right now. It will also cost more, and most likely, get worse reception.
The U.S. Embassy in Greece was bombed this week making me think that someone better fund Nia Vardalos’ next film project, and they’d better do it soon.
Rex Farrance, the Senior Editor of PC World magazine was murdered in his San Francisco home on Tuesday night by four masked, armed men. I’m no regular viewer of CSI, but if those men were carrying iPhones, I’d seriously consider questioning Steve Jobs.
The Senate, this week, passed a bill canceling pensions for Congressmen convicted of serious ethics violations such as bribery and conspiracy. How about attaching a term limits clause for those benefits, as well as a performance evaluation. If you do a shitty job, then I don’t have to pay your lifetime healthcare benefit. How ‘bout that!
In Local News
This week’s Recap was delayed due to a severe snowstorm that hit the Seattle area leaving the author trapped in the house for two days with her crazy ass toddler. Due to said entrapment, she was mentally unable to do anything accept wonder why she decided to have kids in the first place. Her life used to be so peaceful, her house used to be so clean, she never used to spend a half hour making pancakes for a demanding kid only to have the kid completely reject the meal once it was on the plate. Why, G-d, why! Where’s that home tube-tying kit when you need it!
Worthless Entertainment News
Every U.S. tabloid magazine staff was on cloud nine this week when it was announced that British football/soccer superstar David Beckham signed with the L.A. Galaxy for five years. Beckham and his Spice Girl wife will be hitting our shores just in time for the mainstream media to ignore all of the positive changes the Democrats are attempting to make, and instead report important things like what color drapes Posh will choose for her mansion’s sitting room.
Madonna weighed in on the “no undies” trend this week saying that she just doesn’t get it. Now you know that Hollywood has become some kind of wretched, skanky cesspool when Madonna frowns on it.
Paula Abdul was caught drinking and interviewing on Seattle’s Q13 Morning News show this week. Hey, cut Paula a break. You’d be drunk at 8:00 AM too if you had to work with that asshole Simon Cowell, listen to all of those pathetic contestants caterwauling miserably, and had to be perky about it. In fact, next time she comes through, I’ll be the first one to pass poor Paula a Long Island Iced Tea, because she needs it.
Quote of the Week
“I want to contribute to the world of ideas.” – Former Senator Rick Santorum on his new job as the Director of the American’s Enemies Program for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a right-wing Washington D.C. think tank.
If by new ideas, he means branding gays with pink triangles and quashing their rights, while at the same time relegating women to second class citizens, and on top of that, killing foreigners, enforcing extremist Christian law, and making anyone with a creative thought that isn’t, what he considers, moral, illegal and punishable by prison, then I guess Santorum is your idea man.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Dumb As a Box of Rocks
He just doesn’t fucking get it, does he! Just two months after an election that would have brought about anarchy in a less civilized country, and our Resident-in-Thief has stuck to his “stay the course” strategy by coming up with a plan to send 20,000+ more troops to Iraq and give them $1.6 billion of our tax dollars to spend on social programs. This coming from a guy who championed cutting benefits to grandparents in our country (the one he happens to be president of) who are struggling to raise grandchildren.
I never trusted this Iraq thing from the beginning, and no, I’m not one of those people who are saying that now, because the war is unpopular. When Bush & Company stole the election in 2000, my first response was that Saddam Hussein better find himself a villa in the middle of nowhere, because it was only a matter of time before Sonny Boy would seek to beat Daddy’s legacy.
Here we are, four years later, fighting this so-called War on Terror, and giving our fundamentalist enemies in the Middle East more propaganda fodder than they could have ever wished for. This war has been a strategic, financial, moral and philosophical disaster, but our genius at the top keeps hoping that pissing in the river will make it better. Even his loyal, neocon dittoheads are nearly at their wits end trying to stretch those dusty talking points to defend their man.
You think he would have gotten the message when everyone figured out there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but no, he had to stay the course. You think he would have gotten the message when allied nations began pulling troops out like a fat kid reaching into a jar of Skittles, but no, he had to stay the course. Finally, you think he would have gotten the message when the entire country voted to turn power over to the opposing party based on the failure of this war, but no, he is still staying the course.
Herein lays the question: is our President a complete fucking moron, or does he just not give a rat’s ass about what the American people think? If he’s a wailing idiot his behavior has a small chance of being forgiven…someday…in the distant future…long after we’re dead. However, if he just doesn’t give a damn about what the American people, and other branches of government, and the top military generals, and most of the other countries in the world, think, then he is guilty of treason.
He is a public official whose duty it is to serve the will of the people, and the people have made it clear that they are not in favor of dumping any more money and lives into this worthless cause. Anderson Cooper pointed out that the amount of money spent on the Iraq War could have funded 700 new elementary schools in every state (staff and all), or could give every American driver free gas for one year.
It makes me sick to look around at the sorry state of this country’s infrastructure, and realize that we didn’t have the money to help those folks in New Orleans, but we managed to give every Halliburton shareholder a record 2006.
Sadly, Resident Bush’s speech and asinine proposal wasn’t the only fuck up of the week. He greenlighted drilling for oil in Alaska despite long-standing protests from environmental groups, government officials, scientists, and other critics, both in and out of the Republican Party.
At this point I’m wondering if this whole Iraq War is really about spreading democracy, or like the Alaska oil drilling, was it just a great big scheme to make a few people very rich. Most Iraqis say that their lives are far worse now than they were under Saddam, and with the pending civil war, they aren’t very optimistic about the future. In the States, we are now left with debt that our great grandkids will struggle to pay off, and have become every terrorist’s favorite target.
From now on, no more “stay the course” or new plans, and I don’t want to hear another word about how we need to “win”. Nobody is going to win, except for those war profiteers. Bush (most likely under gunpoint) admitted he made mistakes, yet he still doesn’t feel the need to do anything different than before. As a parent, I see this all the time with my toddler, where she says “sorry” and doesn’t mean it, so to the American people I say; it’s time to start treating our President like the toddler that he is, and take away his power. If we can impeach Clinton for a blowjob, then we can surely impeach Bush for starting and continuing to fund an illegal war on taxpayer dollars.
I never trusted this Iraq thing from the beginning, and no, I’m not one of those people who are saying that now, because the war is unpopular. When Bush & Company stole the election in 2000, my first response was that Saddam Hussein better find himself a villa in the middle of nowhere, because it was only a matter of time before Sonny Boy would seek to beat Daddy’s legacy.
Here we are, four years later, fighting this so-called War on Terror, and giving our fundamentalist enemies in the Middle East more propaganda fodder than they could have ever wished for. This war has been a strategic, financial, moral and philosophical disaster, but our genius at the top keeps hoping that pissing in the river will make it better. Even his loyal, neocon dittoheads are nearly at their wits end trying to stretch those dusty talking points to defend their man.
You think he would have gotten the message when everyone figured out there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but no, he had to stay the course. You think he would have gotten the message when allied nations began pulling troops out like a fat kid reaching into a jar of Skittles, but no, he had to stay the course. Finally, you think he would have gotten the message when the entire country voted to turn power over to the opposing party based on the failure of this war, but no, he is still staying the course.
Herein lays the question: is our President a complete fucking moron, or does he just not give a rat’s ass about what the American people think? If he’s a wailing idiot his behavior has a small chance of being forgiven…someday…in the distant future…long after we’re dead. However, if he just doesn’t give a damn about what the American people, and other branches of government, and the top military generals, and most of the other countries in the world, think, then he is guilty of treason.
He is a public official whose duty it is to serve the will of the people, and the people have made it clear that they are not in favor of dumping any more money and lives into this worthless cause. Anderson Cooper pointed out that the amount of money spent on the Iraq War could have funded 700 new elementary schools in every state (staff and all), or could give every American driver free gas for one year.
It makes me sick to look around at the sorry state of this country’s infrastructure, and realize that we didn’t have the money to help those folks in New Orleans, but we managed to give every Halliburton shareholder a record 2006.
Sadly, Resident Bush’s speech and asinine proposal wasn’t the only fuck up of the week. He greenlighted drilling for oil in Alaska despite long-standing protests from environmental groups, government officials, scientists, and other critics, both in and out of the Republican Party.
At this point I’m wondering if this whole Iraq War is really about spreading democracy, or like the Alaska oil drilling, was it just a great big scheme to make a few people very rich. Most Iraqis say that their lives are far worse now than they were under Saddam, and with the pending civil war, they aren’t very optimistic about the future. In the States, we are now left with debt that our great grandkids will struggle to pay off, and have become every terrorist’s favorite target.
From now on, no more “stay the course” or new plans, and I don’t want to hear another word about how we need to “win”. Nobody is going to win, except for those war profiteers. Bush (most likely under gunpoint) admitted he made mistakes, yet he still doesn’t feel the need to do anything different than before. As a parent, I see this all the time with my toddler, where she says “sorry” and doesn’t mean it, so to the American people I say; it’s time to start treating our President like the toddler that he is, and take away his power. If we can impeach Clinton for a blowjob, then we can surely impeach Bush for starting and continuing to fund an illegal war on taxpayer dollars.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Weekly Recap 12/31-1/6: Crybaby Control Freaks & CNN Incompetence
Headline News Recap
The new Congress went into session this week with Democrats taking the helm for the first time in 12 years. In typical and predictable form, the Republicans turned into a bunch of crybaby pussies claiming that the Dems would go on several witch hunts, begin spending money like it was going out of style, and would completely cut the opposing party out of the political process. Basically, the Republicans were worried the Dems would act just like they have for the past 12 years. A word of warning to the paranoid GOP; time to get your jammies on, because you’re about to lie in the bed you made.
What a shock, Saddam Hussein’s execution video was splashed all over the internet this week. A government report claims that Iraqi forces have arrested one of the witnesses claiming that he took the video illegally with a camera phone. I might have believed our government for two seconds if I hadn’t seen two versions of the execution; one from the shitty camera phone, and another that was very crisp, clear, and taken from an entirely different angle. Nice try Bush & Co., but you so wanted this to come out.
Screw the war against Christmas! New York and California, along with Starbucks, have begun an all out war against trans-fat. The two states and gigantic coffee corporation have banned trans-fat from their restaurants and food products claiming that they want to help in the fight against obesity. Yeah right, they just don’t want to have to be stuck paying high medical premiums when everyone’s heart explodes from eating all those pumpkin muffins, deli sandwiches, and blooming onion pedals.
The first Muslim representative was sworn into Congress by placing his hand on a copy of the Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson. Conservatives were still up in arms claiming that Rep. Keith Ellison should have been sworn in on a copy of the Holy Bible. To those idiot critics I say, why not a copy of Bill Maher’s New Rules; it is a much better read and would be as meaningful to Rep. Ellison as a copy of the Holy Bible.
CNN got into a bit of hot water when they ran a story that confused Democratic Senator Barack Obama with Murdering Terrorist Osama bin Laden. The network apologized for the mix up, but has yet to apologize for calling themselves a legitimate news network. Freudian slip, my ass!
Renegade capitalism reared its ugly head this week as former Home Depot CEO, Robert Nardelli, got to bail out of his contract two years early with a $210 million golden parachute. This guy screwed his company big time cutting Home Depot’s customer service, while their main competitor Lowe’s profits went up by 181%, and he dances away with millions. Hey Speaker Pelosi, turn Barney Frank loose on this ASAP!
Microsoft God Bill Gates says robots will become part of our daily lives in the near future. Good, maybe I can get one that will actually know why half of my graphics software programs aren’t compatible with Windows 2000.
In Local News
After ten days of sunny Southern California, my family and I got to come back to the Puget Sound, where it is dark, rainy, and 45 degrees. Seattle’s a unique place, but the weather sucks end of story.
Compounding the bad weather blues was the rusted out shitbox of a car that belongs to my neighbor next door, and has been sitting out in front of my house for over six months. Apparently their loser son who is in his mid-20s can’t afford rent, but he has enough scratch for several “project” cars. I’m no psychic, but I just have a feeling that something bad might happen to one of his “projects” in the near future.
Worthless Entertainment News
Demi Moore made the news this week claiming that she and husband, Ashton Kutcher, who is 16 years her junior, are compatible, because Ashton is “really an old soul.” Look, Demi, if you want to bang the paperboy that’s fine with me, but please don’t bore us with justification. He’s young, he’s cute, he can go all night, he might not know what he’s doing, but hey, he’s got stamina. We get it, Honey.
Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell have begun waging a war of words with Rosie making fun of The Donald’s hair and Trump pointing out Rosie’s plus-sized figure. The question now is; could this be anymore of a non-story?
Brittney Spears announced on her website that fans should get ready, because she plans on making a big comeback this year. Sorry, Brit-Brit, but you can’t sing, you can barely dance, and other than your trailer trash tabloid personal life, you really don’t have much going for you, but if by comeback, you mean posing for Playboy, then I guess it’s your year.
Quote of the Week
“Actually, that would clean the streets out. It might not be bad.” – CNN Commentator Glenn Beck commenting on how a hurricane on the scale of Katrina hitting New York City might be a positive thing.
This guy is such a fucking blowhard moron it makes me want to cry. If I thought CNN had lost its credibility before, once I saw five minutes of Glenn Beck’s show, I knew the once honorable news channel had completely sold out. I guess the only real way Americans can get honest news is through the internet, because network news is filled with more jokes than most of the new sitcoms.
The new Congress went into session this week with Democrats taking the helm for the first time in 12 years. In typical and predictable form, the Republicans turned into a bunch of crybaby pussies claiming that the Dems would go on several witch hunts, begin spending money like it was going out of style, and would completely cut the opposing party out of the political process. Basically, the Republicans were worried the Dems would act just like they have for the past 12 years. A word of warning to the paranoid GOP; time to get your jammies on, because you’re about to lie in the bed you made.
What a shock, Saddam Hussein’s execution video was splashed all over the internet this week. A government report claims that Iraqi forces have arrested one of the witnesses claiming that he took the video illegally with a camera phone. I might have believed our government for two seconds if I hadn’t seen two versions of the execution; one from the shitty camera phone, and another that was very crisp, clear, and taken from an entirely different angle. Nice try Bush & Co., but you so wanted this to come out.
Screw the war against Christmas! New York and California, along with Starbucks, have begun an all out war against trans-fat. The two states and gigantic coffee corporation have banned trans-fat from their restaurants and food products claiming that they want to help in the fight against obesity. Yeah right, they just don’t want to have to be stuck paying high medical premiums when everyone’s heart explodes from eating all those pumpkin muffins, deli sandwiches, and blooming onion pedals.
The first Muslim representative was sworn into Congress by placing his hand on a copy of the Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson. Conservatives were still up in arms claiming that Rep. Keith Ellison should have been sworn in on a copy of the Holy Bible. To those idiot critics I say, why not a copy of Bill Maher’s New Rules; it is a much better read and would be as meaningful to Rep. Ellison as a copy of the Holy Bible.
CNN got into a bit of hot water when they ran a story that confused Democratic Senator Barack Obama with Murdering Terrorist Osama bin Laden. The network apologized for the mix up, but has yet to apologize for calling themselves a legitimate news network. Freudian slip, my ass!
Renegade capitalism reared its ugly head this week as former Home Depot CEO, Robert Nardelli, got to bail out of his contract two years early with a $210 million golden parachute. This guy screwed his company big time cutting Home Depot’s customer service, while their main competitor Lowe’s profits went up by 181%, and he dances away with millions. Hey Speaker Pelosi, turn Barney Frank loose on this ASAP!
Microsoft God Bill Gates says robots will become part of our daily lives in the near future. Good, maybe I can get one that will actually know why half of my graphics software programs aren’t compatible with Windows 2000.
In Local News
After ten days of sunny Southern California, my family and I got to come back to the Puget Sound, where it is dark, rainy, and 45 degrees. Seattle’s a unique place, but the weather sucks end of story.
Compounding the bad weather blues was the rusted out shitbox of a car that belongs to my neighbor next door, and has been sitting out in front of my house for over six months. Apparently their loser son who is in his mid-20s can’t afford rent, but he has enough scratch for several “project” cars. I’m no psychic, but I just have a feeling that something bad might happen to one of his “projects” in the near future.
Worthless Entertainment News
Demi Moore made the news this week claiming that she and husband, Ashton Kutcher, who is 16 years her junior, are compatible, because Ashton is “really an old soul.” Look, Demi, if you want to bang the paperboy that’s fine with me, but please don’t bore us with justification. He’s young, he’s cute, he can go all night, he might not know what he’s doing, but hey, he’s got stamina. We get it, Honey.
Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell have begun waging a war of words with Rosie making fun of The Donald’s hair and Trump pointing out Rosie’s plus-sized figure. The question now is; could this be anymore of a non-story?
Brittney Spears announced on her website that fans should get ready, because she plans on making a big comeback this year. Sorry, Brit-Brit, but you can’t sing, you can barely dance, and other than your trailer trash tabloid personal life, you really don’t have much going for you, but if by comeback, you mean posing for Playboy, then I guess it’s your year.
Quote of the Week
“Actually, that would clean the streets out. It might not be bad.” – CNN Commentator Glenn Beck commenting on how a hurricane on the scale of Katrina hitting New York City might be a positive thing.
This guy is such a fucking blowhard moron it makes me want to cry. If I thought CNN had lost its credibility before, once I saw five minutes of Glenn Beck’s show, I knew the once honorable news channel had completely sold out. I guess the only real way Americans can get honest news is through the internet, because network news is filled with more jokes than most of the new sitcoms.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Movin' On
For someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I tend to have the most interesting Christmas days of anyone I know. Last year, I was in Podunk, Tennessee trying in vain to avoid fried foods and not starve to death. This year I found myself in the passenger’s seat of a U-Haul making a swift getaway at 5:30 AM.
We went to Southern California for the last half of Hanukkah, which we do every year. We arrived on a Thursday night, had the family party on a Friday night, and on Saturday the family met at a pizza place where my brother-in-law announced to his parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and my husband and I that after six years of a torturous marriage, he was finally leaving his wife. The moment the words came out of his mouth, I finally knew the definition of shock and awe, because we never thought he would actually do it.
Jeff’s brother married the most selfish woman one could never hope to meet. She is temperamental, lazy, bi-polar, and has a severe shopping addiction spending thousands of dollars on designer label clothing, while not giving a damn about the fact that someone else is going to have to pay the bill. From the day they were married, she was the family shit-disturber (and not in a good way). She took advantage of various family members, worked at alienating others, and managed to piss everyone off at least once (which is significant given the size of Jeff’s family). My husband had her pegged as a bad egg from the first time he met her, and once she figured out that he didn’t like her, she did her best to trash Jeff and his brother’s relationship. Basically, she had it coming.
Now most reasonable people would be able to speak their peace, pack their clothes, and leave without issue, but given this woman’s history of erratic spurts of violence and her untreated bi-polar condition, Jeff’s brother wasn’t taking anything for granted. He first attempted to enlist Jeff’s help, but due to Jeff’s “ferret on crack” personality, his aversion to listening, and his tendency to interrupt, I stepped in to coordinate. Since this is what I do for a living, and I can work well under extreme pressure and deadlines, I was a natural fit.
On Christmas Eve, we rented a U-Haul, bought some empty boxes, and connected with a few of Jeff’s brother’s friends and a very happy uncle. Jeff and I would stay at a hotel on Christmas night, and when his brother’s wife left to take her mother to the airport at around 4:15 AM, we would pull up with the U-Haul and get him moved.
The only really, really awkward hurdle came on Christmas Day when we all had to go to a party at their house. There we were eating brunch and wearing poker faces feeling super weird about the whole experience. I found myself helping in the kitchen while casing the joint at the same time. Lest you think I’m one cold-hearted bitch, the last few days leading up to my wedding, I had everything under control, and my biggest worry was wondering what kind of shit she would try to pull.
We proceeded with the plan, arriving at the hotel with the U-Haul, and not getting much sleep. At 4:00 AM, we headed out to a grocery store parking lot were the entire moving party was waiting for the call. Finally, Jeff sent his uncle and the rest of the guys over to his brother’s street in stakeout style to wait for the wife to leave. She left late, but we sprung into action clearing his home office, a few pieces of furniture he inherited from his grandmother, some DVDs, and his clothing. What a workout!
In just slightly over an hour, we loaded a 10’ truck with 25 boxes of stuff, and headed out to grab some eggs before putting all the stuff in storage. The first few phone messages were sweet. She wasn’t mad, and wanted to talk, but it took less than two hours before she made the Wicked Witch of the West look like a kindly school librarian.
After two hours loading the storage unit, we all went back to my mother-in-law’s house, took showers, got dressed, re-vamped our energy a little, and ended our Christmas Day/Day After Christmas adventure in the most Jewish way possible; taking several laps around the buffet at a Chinese restaurant. All I can do at this point is support my dear brother-in-law through what is sure to be a vicious divorce, and wonder what next Christmas will be like.
We went to Southern California for the last half of Hanukkah, which we do every year. We arrived on a Thursday night, had the family party on a Friday night, and on Saturday the family met at a pizza place where my brother-in-law announced to his parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and my husband and I that after six years of a torturous marriage, he was finally leaving his wife. The moment the words came out of his mouth, I finally knew the definition of shock and awe, because we never thought he would actually do it.
Jeff’s brother married the most selfish woman one could never hope to meet. She is temperamental, lazy, bi-polar, and has a severe shopping addiction spending thousands of dollars on designer label clothing, while not giving a damn about the fact that someone else is going to have to pay the bill. From the day they were married, she was the family shit-disturber (and not in a good way). She took advantage of various family members, worked at alienating others, and managed to piss everyone off at least once (which is significant given the size of Jeff’s family). My husband had her pegged as a bad egg from the first time he met her, and once she figured out that he didn’t like her, she did her best to trash Jeff and his brother’s relationship. Basically, she had it coming.
Now most reasonable people would be able to speak their peace, pack their clothes, and leave without issue, but given this woman’s history of erratic spurts of violence and her untreated bi-polar condition, Jeff’s brother wasn’t taking anything for granted. He first attempted to enlist Jeff’s help, but due to Jeff’s “ferret on crack” personality, his aversion to listening, and his tendency to interrupt, I stepped in to coordinate. Since this is what I do for a living, and I can work well under extreme pressure and deadlines, I was a natural fit.
On Christmas Eve, we rented a U-Haul, bought some empty boxes, and connected with a few of Jeff’s brother’s friends and a very happy uncle. Jeff and I would stay at a hotel on Christmas night, and when his brother’s wife left to take her mother to the airport at around 4:15 AM, we would pull up with the U-Haul and get him moved.
The only really, really awkward hurdle came on Christmas Day when we all had to go to a party at their house. There we were eating brunch and wearing poker faces feeling super weird about the whole experience. I found myself helping in the kitchen while casing the joint at the same time. Lest you think I’m one cold-hearted bitch, the last few days leading up to my wedding, I had everything under control, and my biggest worry was wondering what kind of shit she would try to pull.
We proceeded with the plan, arriving at the hotel with the U-Haul, and not getting much sleep. At 4:00 AM, we headed out to a grocery store parking lot were the entire moving party was waiting for the call. Finally, Jeff sent his uncle and the rest of the guys over to his brother’s street in stakeout style to wait for the wife to leave. She left late, but we sprung into action clearing his home office, a few pieces of furniture he inherited from his grandmother, some DVDs, and his clothing. What a workout!
In just slightly over an hour, we loaded a 10’ truck with 25 boxes of stuff, and headed out to grab some eggs before putting all the stuff in storage. The first few phone messages were sweet. She wasn’t mad, and wanted to talk, but it took less than two hours before she made the Wicked Witch of the West look like a kindly school librarian.
After two hours loading the storage unit, we all went back to my mother-in-law’s house, took showers, got dressed, re-vamped our energy a little, and ended our Christmas Day/Day After Christmas adventure in the most Jewish way possible; taking several laps around the buffet at a Chinese restaurant. All I can do at this point is support my dear brother-in-law through what is sure to be a vicious divorce, and wonder what next Christmas will be like.
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