Headline News Recap
Beauty pageants seem to be doomed these days as another beauty queen, Miss New Jersey Ashley Harder, stepped down this week, because it was discovered she was pregnant with her live-in boyfriend’s baby. This comes in the wake of the racy internet photos that cost Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees her crown, and Miss USA Tara Conner her reputation after being caught drinking and cavorting in New York City bars. All of this beauty pageant mishegas makes one wonder, why the hell do we still have beauty pageants in this day and age? Aren’t these broads really just a rhinestone headdress away from a stint on one of those Girl Gone Wild videos?
We can now officially tell anyone who denies global warming to go fuck themselves as snow appeared in Malibu this week. There is speculation that President Bush plans to refute the idea of global warming in his next State of the Union address, and this idea might be received by some people, if they weren’t freezing their asses off in their Bermuda shorts. With snow hitting areas like Arizona, Southern California, and heat waves running through the East Coast, while severe weather wipes out 50 people in the Midwest, global warming not only exists, it’s kicking our ass! Kyoto Treaty Now!
MySpace is set to release software that will allow parents to view details of their child’s profile causing some activists to call into question whether parents should be allowed to invade their child’s privacy. So here’s the deal, as a parent, my rules are simple: you live in my house, eat my food, I pay your bills, provide the computer, and when you want privacy rights, you can move out and take responsibility for your own expenses or move in with those so-called activists, end of story.
The Democrats made good on their promise to get something done in their first 100 hours in power, including rescinding $14 billion in tax substitutes to oil companies. The Dems, instead, decided to use that money to invest in alternative energy science, or as Resident Bush likes to put it, they took money away from hard working people in the oil industry and gave it to the un-American terrorists developing new ways to burn the American flag. He would also like to know why we can’t send the $14 billion to Iraq.
A judge ruled this week that trying to jump off the Empire State Building is not depraved enough to be a crime. The case was brought when a “daredevil” was arrested for attempting the stunt last April, which leads me to wonder, exactly what can we arrest David Blaine for?
Outgoing Republican National Committee Chair, Ken Mehlman, warned that if the GOP doesn’t reach out to minorities and address voters’ concerns about ethics and the war that they would suffer further defeats. You see Ken, it’s that kind of logical thinking and reasoning that cost you your job in the first place. In the party of George W. Bush, there is no place for factual information or concern for the average American. Better luck next time Kenny.
In Local News
Despite the remainder of the snow melting away on Thursday leaving the roads with a normal coat of Seattle wetness, drivers were still acting like senior citizens on Valium driving at a brisk pace of 25 miles per hour and breaking every few yards just to be safe. This behavior left me feeling very pro-nuclear and wondering why the fuck people in the Northwest bother to drive at all.
Worthless Entertainment News
Donald Trump got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week, which makes perfect sense since he is known for such thespian qualities like saying “You’re Fired” on a reality show, and enhancing the public dialog by carrying on a feud with a humorous lesbian. How much do you think The Donald paid for that star?
Hugh Hefner and his girlfriend (one of the three), Holly Madison, are considering having a child next year. Hef, who is 81, says that Holly really wants a kid and he is willing to oblige. Okay, enough already. Look Hef, we know, you’re an old guy, and you’re getting laid by hot, 20-something ass. You’ve got a ton of that hot ass, and it’s all yours and they lay around naked all over your house, and you are a total stud who parties with hot chicks. Stop with the kid business already, because as much as you want everyone to know you’re getting laid, everyone is still grossed out by the thought of 81-year-old balls.
Quote of the Week
“This raises a set of very difficult medical and ethical questions.” – Thomas Murray who heads a bioethics think tank commenting on the U.S.’s first womb transplant.
This surgery is risky, and doesn’t ensure successful pregnancies, in fact, the rate of failure and complication is far greater than the rate of success, but the positive thing is that instead of putting time and energy into curing breast cancer, heart disease, or other health issues that effect women, the world is focusing on making sure women can have babies, because what’s the use of having your health if you can’t be pregnant at some point. What year are we living in for G-d’s sake!?!
5 comments:
Donald Trump? Hollywood walk of fame? How can an old guy with a surname like a fart get a star??? oh yeah...he's rich.
Womb transplants?? Bloody hell. With a view? Must be a plus somewhere.
DP - You probably won't find it shocking that one of the first places to do a womb transplant was Saudi Arabia, where a woman is not much more than a healthy uterus in the first place.
The operation wasn't successful there, either, but they are still continuing to do the transplants.
How is having a baby with your live-boyfriend a step away from a stint on Girls Gone Wild?
Anon - Having a baby with your boyfriend doesn't qualify you for Girls Gone Wild, but the internet nudie pics and underage drinking would make you a runner up.
My point in posting about beauty pageants is to point out the mass hypocrisy that seems to be taking place in terms of these pageants. Here you have a contest with rules and restrictions for their contestants written from a 1950s mindset, yet organizers completely ignore the fact that it's the new milennium, and women are no longer socialite wives in training.
If you want to have a baby, pose nude, or take up drinking as a competitive sport, it's your life. Just don't pretend that you are a chaste debutante that lives by a moral credo that harkens back to an era which was particularly oppressive to women.
By pointing out these stories, I'm also taking a stab at the media, which seems to uphold the 1950s pageant standards as well, yet they foam at the mouth the moment the college-age women act like...well, college-age women.
I think beauty pageants, as a whole, should have gone the way of the neon pink leg warmer 20 years ago. A woman's talent and yearning for world peace should not be equal to how hot her ass looks in a swimsuit and high heels.
I understand your point. I just wanted to point out that it seems there are two very different things going on. One thing, although still completely out-dated and hypocritical, is to chastise someone for posing nude and acting like Bush's daughters, and another to condem a grown woman for having an baby outside of marriage--another very outdated institution in the eyes of many. Lumping together a story about women acting like teenagers and a story of a woman having a child seem slightly disturbing to me. I kind of thought it was kind of cool that she had her kid, it somehow shows that she didn't consider the stupid pagent the highpoint of her life's acheivements.
I would have thought she would have been forced to step down no matter what the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy, since I don't see a big market for apperances by Miss Pregnant New Jersey at the auto show. I just find it incredibly disturbing, much more than a Miss America winner being caught in the middle of acting like a sorority girl on speed, that conceiving a child out of wedlock is still an act that somehow points to some moral lacking in a woman.
Unfortunately I'm not as optimistic as you in the advances made by women since the 50's. It is true that for a large section of the female population there is a possibility of independence, but the fact that Donald Trump ran out to the debased candidate's "rescue"--maybe he is protecting a market for a future plastic bride-- seem to show that many woman, mistakenly or not, still have
the fantasy of becoming socialite torphy wives.
Post a Comment