Headline News Recap
Resident Bush’s Tuesday night State-of-the-Union address claims that amongst other things, our economy is strong, there have been millions of new jobs created, the No Child Left Behind Act has produced successful results, and that he wants to work with the Democratic leadership to give more Americans better access to healthcare coverage and strengthen Medicare and Social Security. Funny, it seemed like just yesterday in his State-of-the-Union address in 2003 he promised to build government-funded healthcare clinics in every community in the U.S. It’s amazing what you can say when you don’t have things like truth and honesty standing in your way.
Just as a side note: less than 48 hours after delivering his Tuesday address expressing his desire to work with Democrats, Bushy made a statement in front of his generals that he was the “decision maker” regarding the future of American involvement in Iraq. Perhaps someone should explain to the spoiled boy prince exactly what the words “working together” mean, and if you do, speak slowly, this is G.W. after all.
Republican Senators stood fast to their “compassionate conservative” credo by voting against a bill to raise the minimum wage unless it contained $8 billion in tax breaks for businesses. Well, at least those miserable bastards are honest about where their loyalties lie.
Rolling Stone magazine claimed this week that the Democrats would be hard pressed to find a presidential candidate better than Al Gore. This statement might have been worth taking seriously if it didn’t come from a publication that claims to be on the cutting edge of music, but regularly features Brittney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and other garbage pop stars/bands on its cover while ignoring the good artists in the underground.
Body images issues were big in international news this week as Great Britain said on Wednesday that they would not uphold the ban on waif-like models, because they didn’t want to hamper the creativity of designers. The British government claims that the onus falls on the fashion industry to police itself, because that policy has worked so well up until now. On the more sensible, polar opposite end of the argument, the Spanish government has ruled that store mannequins need to be fattened up to, at least, a size 10 in order to appear in shop windows. All I can say at this point is, “Viva la Espana!”
In keeping with their particular brand of journalistic integrity, Fox News blowhard, Neil Cavuto, hosted a gripping issues-oriented roundtable with a group of Hooters waitresses addressing such important topics like the recent beauty pageant scandals, the characteristics one needs to become a Hooters waitress, and why the world just seems to be so down on pretty women lately. Isn’t funny to see what happens when the official news network of the Bush Administration can’t even defend their boy, because no one’s buying their bullshit anymore and they don’t want to sacrifice ratings.
Porn stars are in a tussle about high definition television. Apparently, HDTV tends to reveal everything including skin irritations, stretch marks, and that random bullet wound scar that appears on one’s ass from having a life that led them to porn in the first place. Those who perform sex for money on film are now compensating through plastic surgery, extreme tanning, and better lighting, however, they do say that HDTV is an advantage, because it does make the experience of watching more real. If the porn industry has the desire to make the experience more real, instead of high-def, wouldn’t they be better served handing out lotion samples along with books on how to meet a real, living woman?
Germaphobes everywhere can breathe easier (if they are wearing their protective face masks). Scientists specializing in disease control have discovered that microwaving items such as the sponges, scrubbing pads, and towels used for cleaning, for two minutes will leave them 99% bacteria free. This process can now accompany lines of products such as anti-microbial pens, file folders, and trash cans with infrared sensors, in the fight against germs. Wouldn’t it just be easier to build up an immune system?
In Local News
A coffee stand in Tacoma is doing great business by having their baristas dress in barely there clothing. The gals say they make great tips and see nothing wrong with hocking their coochie for coffee. You know, when I was thrown to the ground and man-handled by two brutish police officers while being arrested for protesting all in an effort to give women greater freedom to determine their own destinies, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
A man in Washington State was arrested for domestic violence after he used a stun gun on his wife’s 79 year old grandmother. The two were having a dispute over how to discipline the family’s toddler when he got pissed and let Granny have it. Seattle is a progressive, intelligent area, then there’s the rest of Washington.
Worthless Entertainment News
Well, buy me a crystal ball and call me Madame Zelda, a couple of weeks ago I predicted that within the year, David and Victoria Beckham would have their own reality show. It didn’t even take a month, and the two are in negotiations with Fox to have cameras following them 24/7 as they settle into their new lives in L.A. The show promises to be modeled after The Osbournes, only the music will be far worse.
The Donald Trump/Rosie O’Donnell publicity feud has ended just in time for entertainment news sources to get back to reporting on more important things like the fact that Lindsay Lohan keeps her removed appendix in a jar in her freezer. That’s just fucking twisted.
Quote of the Week
“The blonde hair she has now makes her look skinny.” – a PR rep for famous sitcom twin, Mary Kate Olsen, commenting on the star’s skeletal appearance at the Golden Globe Awards.
Under this same logic, the rep would probably have us believe that the moon is, indeed, made of cheese and that O.J. never laid a finger on his ex-wife. Anna Nicole Smith’s hair was its blondest while she was filming her TV show, and believe me, her body didn’t look a thing like Mary Kate’s. The sad thing is that Mary Kate is a young lady with fame, tons of money, and possibly a bright future (if she doesn’t keep depleting her body of calcium and iron), and the only thing this woman is concerned about is keeping her weight under 100 lbs.
Between Britain’s refusal to ban anorexic models, baristas using their bare bodies to sell lattes, and Hollywood’s silent requirement that all female actors look like whippets, I’m seriously thinking that Spain might be a better destination than California.
1 comment:
If they don't edit Becks squeeky voice it'll be a hit comedy show. If you watch it n he has a deep bass voice you're bein' conned.
By the way Dirk Benedict and Jermaine Jackson came third and second on our Celebrity Big Brother. Winner was Shilpa Shetty of Bollywood fame(?). Says some'at about the UK today when the nice guys win and none of 'em are British. Half the country's wandering around humming the theme from the A team at the mo. Bizarre.
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